Always wanted to write a song to my son.

HootOwlDude

Tele-Meister
Joined
Dec 11, 2013
Posts
277
Age
49
Location
Wilmington, NC
I always have wanted to write a song for my kids, sort of a dreamy “this is is what you oughtta know” deal. Well, wrote this last week, and, like nearly most writing endeavors, it came out a little different than intended. It turned into an “old curmudgeon party hound imparting advice to a younger rambler” song. Been done before, yes, but eff it, thought I’d share anyhoo. I recorded it using my looper linearly, like a regular recorder, and just layered parts. Because of this archaic approach, flaws do manage to survive, but I am glad I got it down. Feel free to peruse my other songs and instrumentals while you’re on SoundCloud. Advice and critique are certainly welcome! Lyrics are posted on SoundCloud and also below this link to the song. Thanks ahead of time for listening!


KNOCKING THESE BONES AROUND

You see the white in my beard and wonder if I’m wise
I see thirst for thought and knowledge deep down in your eyes.

But there ain’t a lot of nothing in in nothing I’ve learned,
‘less yer lookin’ for advice on gettin’ cheated, kicked, and spurned.

And I can’t rightly tell ya ‘bout turning away from sin.
You see, even my hard lessons are still hardly sinking in.

You think ya know your every self through and through and through,
then you standing there a-asking “What the hell’d I just do?”

So I ain’t gonna bore you with where all I been.
I got up from bed this morning, and soon I’m going back again.

But it ain’t so bad knocking these bones around
this swirly pearl racing through space.
It’s my only chance, so I don’t get down,
though I still dream about her face.

If only one lesson I could give you, boy,
guess it’s hold on to your dollars and become self-employed.

I ain’t never had a pocket without the bottom torn free.
Yeah, this world has seen my money a whole lot more’n me.

So if you want good advice, just let out down the road.
Pester a fat possum, poke a horny toad.

Leave me to my cheer, wontcha leave me to my wine.
Leave yourself a chance to better use your time.

The thing about life, young gun, is no one’s keeping score.
There’s one to let you in and one more to throw you the out the door.

But it ain’t so bad knocking these bones around.
Complaining is a weak man’s choice.
The sun’s as high as the world is round,
and I still dream about her voice.

There’s nothing left for you ‘cept to leave me alone—
and I ain’t just by myself, my son, I’m alone to the bone.

I’m done within and played all out, and all that’s left is me.
So much for my wisdom. You can have it all for free.

Just write yer mama once in a while, and don’t crap where ya eat.
And when you’re tired, boy, go on and put on up your feet.

See, people have been people for a very long time.
Each one has an angle, and each one has some time.

If I could make sense of it, boy, you would hardly know.
Not that it’d matter much, each of us will go.

But it ain’t so bad knocking these bones around.
You can only do but so much.
Out of all the roads, and all the towns,
what I still dream of is her touch.

No, it ain’t so bad knocking these bones around
this swirly pearl racing through space.
It’s my only chance, so I don’t get down,
though I still dream about her face.
 
Last edited:

chulaivet1966

Friend of Leo's
Joined
Nov 17, 2011
Posts
2,179
Location
The Heartland.....Kansas
Howdy Hoot....

I gave it a spin.
I'm sure your son and family will appreciate this effort.

My only comment at this time?....for the casual listener it may be perceived as quite verbose and it's over 7 minutes.
Have you considered adding a shorter version to more easily keep the attention of the casual listener throughout the song?
Just a thought.

Good luck with your music endeavors.

Carry on...
 
Last edited:

drewg

Tele-Afflicted
Joined
Feb 8, 2020
Posts
1,069
Location
West of the mountains...
I always have wanted to write a song for my kids, sort of a dreamy “this is is what you oughtta know” deal. Well, wrote this last week, and, like nearly most writing endeavors, it came out a little different than intended. It turned into an “old curmudgeon party hound imparting advice to a younger rambler” song. Been done before, yes, but eff it, thought I’d share anyhoo. I recorded it using my looper linearly, like a regular recorder, and just layered parts. Because of this archaic approach, flaws do manage to survive, but I am glad I got it down. Feel free to peruse my other songs and instrumentals while you’re on SoundCloud. Advice and critique are certainly welcome! Lyrics are posted on SoundCloud and also below this link to the song. Thanks ahead of time for listening!


KNOCKING THESE BONES AROUND

You see the white in my beard and wonder if I’m wise
I see thirst for thought and knowledge deep down in your eyes.

But there ain’t a lot of nothing in in nothing I’ve learned,
‘less yer lookin’ for advice on gettin’ cheated, kicked, and spurned.

And I can’t rightly tell ya ‘bout turning away from sin.
You see, even my hard lessons are still hardly sinking in.

You think ya know your every self through and through and through,
then you standing there a-asking “What the hell’d I just do?”

So I ain’t gonna bore you with where all I been.
I got up from bed this morning, and soon I’m going back again.

But it ain’t so bad knocking these bones around
this swirly pearl racing through space.
It’s my only chance, so I don’t get down,
though I still dream about her face.

If only one lesson I could give you, boy,
guess it’s hold on to your dollars and become self-employed.

I ain’t never had a pocket without the bottom torn free.
Yeah, this world has seen my money a whole lot more’n me.

So if you want good advice, just let out down the road.
Pester a fat possum, poke a horny toad.

Leave me to my cheer, wontcha leave me to my wine.
Leave yourself a chance to better use your time.

The thing about life, young gun, is no one’s keeping score.
There’s one to let you in and one more to throw you the out the door.

But it ain’t so bad knocking these bones around.
Complaining is a weak man’s choice.
The sun’s as high as the world is round,
and I still dream about her voice.

There’s nothing left for you ‘cept to leave me alone—
and I ain’t just by myself, my son, I’m alone to the bone.

I’m done within and played all out, and all that’s left is me.
So much for my wisdom. You can have it all for free.

Just write yer mama once in a while, and don’t crap where ya eat.
And when you’re tired, boy, go on and put on up your feet.

See, people have been people for a very long time.
Each one has an angle, and each one has some time.

If I could make sense of it, boy, you would hardly know.
Not that it’d matter much, each of us will go.

But it ain’t so bad knocking these bones around.
You can only do but so much.
Out of all the roads, and all the towns,
what I still dream of is her touch.

No, it ain’t so bad knocking these bones around
this swirly pearl racing through space.
It’s my only chance, so I don’t get down,
though I still dream about her face.
I like it! A lot of good lines and I like the overall sound. I agree with most of the comments. You might be able to take a few verses and make a shorter version, though don't ask me which because there are a lot of good lines in there, and I do like long songs. I thought the first time I heard the chorus it was a nice change of pace. You might consider adding a new, musical bridge somewhere in the middle to give it an even bigger shift, that could return nicely to rest.

Thanks for sharing, HootOwlDude!
 

chulaivet1966

Friend of Leo's
Joined
Nov 17, 2011
Posts
2,179
Location
The Heartland.....Kansas
You might consider adding a new, musical bridge somewhere in the middle to give it an even bigger shift, that could return nicely to rest.

Thanks for sharing, HootOwlDude!
I agree....I think it needs one too.
I decided not to mention that for fear of coming off too critical.
It's a good song but needs a massage to my ears....in all my subjectivity. :)

Have a great day....
 
Last edited:

HootOwlDude

Tele-Meister
Joined
Dec 11, 2013
Posts
277
Age
49
Location
Wilmington, NC
Howdy Hoot....

I gave it a spin.
I'm sure your son and family will appreciate this effort.

My only comment at this time?....for the casual listener it may be perceived as quite verbose and it's over 7 minutes.
Have you considered adding a shorter version to more easily keep the attention of the casual listener throughout the song?
Just a thought.

Good luck with your music endeavors.

Carry on...
Thanks a lot for listening. I agree about the length. I might try it again and see if I can lose of a couple verses in each part between the choruses. That’s drop probably a minute. I do tend to be long-winded. Really appreciate your feedback!
 
Last edited:

HootOwlDude

Tele-Meister
Joined
Dec 11, 2013
Posts
277
Age
49
Location
Wilmington, NC
I agree....I think it needs one too.
I decided not to mention that for fear of coming off too critical.
It's a good song but needs a massage to my ears....in all my subjectivity. :)

Have a great day....
I actually intended to have a bridge, but scrapped it because it was so long. I might try to shorten it as others have suggested an see if I can give it a break section. I really appreciate the feedback!
 

HootOwlDude

Tele-Meister
Joined
Dec 11, 2013
Posts
277
Age
49
Location
Wilmington, NC
I like it! A lot of good lines and I like the overall sound. I agree with most of the comments. You might be able to take a few verses and make a shorter version, though don't ask me which because there are a lot of good lines in there, and I do like long songs. I thought the first time I heard the chorus it was a nice change of pace. You might consider adding a new, musical bridge somewhere in the middle to give it an even bigger shift, that could return nicely to rest.

Thanks for sharing, HootOwlDude!
Thanks for listening. I appreciate your kind words. I agree it could use a change up in there. If I do another version I will post it. Thanks so much!
 
Last edited:

chulaivet1966

Friend of Leo's
Joined
Nov 17, 2011
Posts
2,179
Location
The Heartland.....Kansas
Thanks a lot for listening. A agree about the length. I might try it again and see if I gain hack of a couple verses in each part between the choruses. That’s drop probably a minute. I do tend to be long-winded. Really appreciate your feedback!
Howdy Hoot....you're welcome.
Ha....being 'long winded' is creative license and I can get that way too.
If we're song writing primarily for personal enjoyment then it doesn't matter that other people like it or not.

For me....I prefer to sculpt a song that will maintain the listeners interest until the song ends.
TBH....I rarely stick with the 3:00 default and most of my stuff approaches the 4:00+. :)
Keeping the listeners attention is also an imperative in my writing/arranging process.

I'd suggest culling it down using the best bullet points in 3 or 4 verses and adding a bridge (with or without a vocal) would also be good idea.
I also think some EQ balancing would help also....that's a not a crit....ultimately, arriving at a final mix is based on your preference.

But....what do I know....I have no fan base. :)

Have a great day....
 

HootOwlDude

Tele-Meister
Joined
Dec 11, 2013
Posts
277
Age
49
Location
Wilmington, NC
Love it.

I'd leave it alone, and if its length bothered me I'd try to write a shorter song next time.

Whatever they might think about it now, your kids will treasure your song someday.
This is most likely what’ll happen. I am already working on another song actually. This one still might get revisited, though, in some regard. I appreciate your listening and appreciate your supportive words!
 
Last edited:

studio

Poster Extraordinaire
Joined
May 27, 2013
Posts
8,484
Location
California
KNOCKING THESE BONES AROUND

You see the white in my beard and wonder if I’m wise
I see thirst for thought and knowledge deep down in your eyes.

But there ain’t a lot of nothing in in nothing I’ve learned,
‘less yer lookin’ for advice on gettin’ cheated, kicked, and spurned.

And I can’t rightly tell ya ‘bout turning away from sin.
You see, even my hard lessons are still hardly sinking in.

You think ya know your every self through and through and through,
then you standing there a-asking “What the hell’d I just do?”



But it ain’t so bad knocking these bones around
this swirly pearl racing through space.
It’s my only chance, so I don’t get down,
though I still dream about her face.


I ain’t never had a pocket without the bottom torn free.
Yeah, this world has seen my money a whole lot more’n me.


Leave me to my cheer, wontcha leave me to my wine.
Leave yourself a chance to better use your time.

The thing about life, young gun, is no one’s keeping score.
There’s one to let you in and one more to throw you the out the door.

But it ain’t so bad knocking these bones around.
Complaining is a weak man’s choice.
The sun’s as high as the world is round,
and I still dream about her voice.



I’m done within and played all out, and all that’s left is me.
So much for my wisdom. You can have it all for free.



See, people have been people for a very long time.
Each one has an angle, and each one has some time.



But it ain’t so bad knocking these bones around.
You can only do but so much.
Out of all the roads, and all the towns,
what I still dream of is her touch.

No, it ain’t so bad knocking these bones around
this swirly pearl racing through space.
It’s my only chance, so I don’t get down,
though I still dream about her face.
Please don't hate me, but I took liberty to shorten up on those lyrics.
You have some fantastic lines in there and you definitely make your point even with fewer words. Thanks.
 

Killing Floor

Poster Extraordinaire
Silver Supporter
Joined
Feb 3, 2021
Posts
8,952
Location
Austin, TX
I had that dream again last night,
the one where I could fly.
But I am just a man
and I will never fly.
I am too weak
to break this earthly tether.
But I am tall,
in your eyes I am strong.
And I will lift you high.
And together we will share
that wonderful dream,
the one where we both can fly.
 
Last edited:

4pickupguy

Doctor of Teleocity
Joined
May 12, 2013
Posts
12,464
Location
Fort Worth, Texas
Love it. I tried writing one about missing my son and could never bring myself (emotionally gut wrenching) to finish it. Its good you recognize the value (and urgency) of saying the important things in our music.
 




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