alone time in a marriage

[David C]

I went to Las Vegas once to visit her for a weekend while she was there for over a week for a trade show. I was in school at the time and could only afford a few days. It was my first and quite possibly my last trip to Vegas!

This summer we are taking a family trip to Italy(!) which is where my wife will be for an international trade show a week prior before myself and stepson join her for 10 days. It should be a fun time. While this will be her third time in Italy, it will both mine and stepson's first time.

Sounds like a great trip. Be sure to plan some extra days! What part of Italy?

 

[Toto'sDad]

Well welcome home Sally! Mmmm just give me a little hug and a smooch! Uh, are you wearing Mennen aftershave? That's not your usual perfume, is it?

 

[Jakedog]

My wife has a very demanding and stressful job. I have an often wild and crazy job.

Her work all happens during the day, mine happens mostly all at night. Hers is crazy work hours during the week, mine is mostly crazy work hours during the weekends, but a lot of weeknights as well. I’m lucky to have 1-2 nights a week to stay home.

I haven’t toured or really been on the road much at all since 2017. I don’t really see her a whole lot more than I did then. Neither one of us is a big fan of our setup, but it works in some ways.

We’d much rather spend all of our time together, every day and night. We’ve never wanted to be apart at all. When we do get to go on vacation, we get along FAR better spending 24 hours a day together doing what we want than we ever do at home with both of us working all the time.

We’ll be married 25 years this September. We both say all the time that we wish all we ever had to do was hang out together. We’re happier doing that than we ever are apart.

I think of all the times she’s had to travel for work, even out of the country, and all the touring and road work I’ve done, even out of the country. Every time it’s ever happened we’ve both expressed that while the trips were definitely fun, and had some amazing moments, it would have been 100% better if we’d done them together. Everything is more fun when we gang up on it.

YMMV, of course, and no two relationships work the same way. There is no set formula and everyone has to find their own dynamic. But that woman is my absolute best pal ever. I only do anything without her because I don’t realistically have a choice.

 

[IrishBread69]

I'm not married but I've had several long term relationships and while it might be puculiar to me, I have a philosophy that I reckon holds true across the board. The most important time in a relationship isn't the time you're together, it's the time you're apart.

It makes you miss and long for them. It gives you space and time to think. It lets you grow and enjoy your own interests without worrying if somebody else is having a good time.

There are people who spend every second together and I think that's great, but I would run out of things to talk about and I really recharge from alone time.

 

[P Thought]

This topic is interesting, but it's ten-foot polar for me. Mrs. Thought is a very private person, and she'd be mortified if she thought I'd discussed our personal affairs with anyone but her. I didn't always understand that, but I understand it now.

 

[getbent]

This topic is interesting, but it's ten-foot polar for me. Mrs. Thought is a very private person, and she'd be mortified if she thought I'd discussed our personal affairs with anyone but her. I didn't always understand that, but I understand it now.

as you wish sir.

 

[Mjark]

My wife meets up with her high school girlfriends every few years and they spend about 5 days somewhere around the country.

I don’t do anything like that but I’ve gone as far as Houston to jam with people from the old FDP. Nashville too and Atlanta as well. Also Nashville for NAMM when it was still big.

We usually vacation with friends
and/or our kids.

She was away all last week. Her uncle died. She and her brothers all flew home because he never married or had kids. (That they know of). It was very quiet here.

 

[Stanford Guitar]

Some great marital advice here:




You see it all around you
Good lovin' gone bad
And usually it's too late when you, realize what you had
And my mind goes back to a girl I left some years ago (Who told me)
Just hold on loosely
But don't let go
If you cling to tightly
You're gonna lose control
Your baby needs someone to believe in
And a whole lot of space to breathe in
It's so damn easy, when your feelings are such
To overprotect her, to love her too much
And my mind goes back to a girl I left some years ago (Who told me)
Just hold on loosely
But don't let go
If you cling too tight babe
You're gonna loose control
Your baby needs someone to believe in
And a whole lot of space to breathe in
Don't let her slip away
Sentimental fool
Don't let your heart get in her way
Yeah, yeah, yeah
You see it all around you
Good lovin' gone bad
And usually it's too late when you, realize what you had
Just hold on loosely
But don't let go
If you cling to tightly
You're gonna lose control
Your baby needs someone to believe in
And a whole lot of space to breathe in
Just hold on loosely
But don't let go
If you cling too tight babe
You're gonna lose it
You're gonna, lose control
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Just hold on loosely
But don't let go
If you cling too tight babe
You're gonna loose control
Hold on loosely
But don't let go
If you cling too tight babe,
You're gonna loose control
Yeah, yeah, yeah

 

[teleman1]

I never thought I would post a non guitar/music related post on this forum but, here I go.

I have been married for 3 1/2 years but my wife and I have been together now for almost 11. In that time she has traveled often for work while I have never been anywhere by myself outside of playing local gigs. It never occurred to me that should be something to do, take a personal trip by myself. All the vacations we have taken since we have been together have been either as a couple or with her stepson but have never taken our own solo trips. Granted, work trips are different than non-work trips but you are still going away by yourself for a few days. My neighbors who have been married for over 30 years mentioned it last night as a way for me to recharge my batteries. Not to go into that much detail here but in a few words, my marriage has been under a lot of tension lately, mostly due to my wife's work (it's a pretty high-stress job at times) and other things. So now I am thinking a solo weekend trip might be a good idea.
For all you other married people in this forum, is this something you do or have done? Or do you travel with your significant other all the time when it's not work-related?

I am not reading all the other responses. In general,( and it probably isn't the way they are wired but more societal,)Women get jealous of things like that.They want that time with their spouse. Most times I vacation with my wife. But I like to do things with my sister and hang out, she lives 400 miles away. So once a year I go for a couple of weeks. Likewise, my Wife has gone to visit a relative of hers .

 

[goonie]

I work Mon-Fri 8-6, my wife does shifts - evenings, overnights and weekends. It's been that way for 25 years. That gives us both some solo time and I think it's good for the relationship.

 

[teletail]

I realised 25+ years into my 30 year marrisge that you can be lonely in a marrige. I was yet we travelled, had careers, but well....

The loneliest times in my life were in a bad marriage. Way worse than the loneliness you sometimes have when you’re single.