Alcoholism

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Phrygian77, Sep 11, 2019.

  1. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Telefied Ad Free Member

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    You sound like me. That, plus I'm not a joiner of groups. Well, I had to stop drinking because I'm taking medication for depression and anxiety (Zoloft). You shouldn't drink if you're depressed, anyway, although I have to admit the right amount of alcohol tempers anxiety. One thing about AA that doesn't fit into my world view is the whole higher power thing. I will never believe that. I do understand there is a secular version of AA in some places.
     
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  2. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Does anyone else find it odd that you tune into a country station at 7:00am and they're singing about getting drunk? What other genre does that?
     
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  3. muchxs

    muchxs Doctor of Teleocity

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    You sound like me. That, plus I'm not a joiner of groups. Did my time battling depression. It only took me about 40 years to figure out alcohol is like riding a bell shaped curve. Or is it the first half of an inverse bell shaped curve?

    I was surprised to find that my friend David had worked as a drug and alcohol counselor for a while. Funny thing about some Higher Power is said Higher Power arranges us on parallel paths. We discover we're on parallel paths when our stars align.

    So to speak.

    I had gotten into a go- round with a grumpy drunk the previous evening. I was tryin' to figure out why booze makes some people "happy" while it makes other angry.

    David replied, simply,

    "They're all grumpy drunks."

    It's not so much about joining some alternative Church as admitting we need help. It's a sticking point for many of us. Point is to get help to address the justification, denial and avoidance.

    "I'm not one of those people."

    "I can't do this because..."


    I used to be part of the NYC punk scene. It's a cozy little home for someone who is angry, negative and depressed. I'd walk around with my angry negative head on backwards so to speak. Some of us embrace demons, draw pentagrams, wear black all the time etc. when our heads are in that space. Booze and dope seems to promote angry negative behaviors.

    I'm not saying my head is on straight all the time but it's on straight enough. I see that angry negative (excrement) for what it is, angry negative (excrement).

    To put it simply I had enough darkness.
     
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2019
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  4. lammie200

    lammie200 Tele-Afflicted

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    Listen to your body. It doesn't want poison in it. You will feel better without it, but it will take at least a year to discover that.
     
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  5. Mike Eskimo

    Mike Eskimo Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    If you’re a huge alkie you cant just stop.

    Seems like the OP knows this.

    That killed Amy Winehouse and almost killed my sister.

    Good luck man
     
  6. Phrygian77

    Phrygian77 Tele-Afflicted

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    Well, they denied my request for inpatient therapy, so I'm sitting here at the computer, drunk and depressed at 10:49am, wondering what in the hell intensive outpatient therapy is and how do I get it. F*** you Capital Health Plan, thanks a lot.
     
  7. Bones

    Bones Telefied Ad Free Member

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  8. jrblue

    jrblue Tele-Afflicted

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    Lots of intense alcoholism in my family. What I saw in them scared the living hell out of me so I'm super-reserved with alcohol. It can ruin everything and everyone around you. My only advice, other than respecting yourself enough to let it go, is this: find outpatient support, and not just AA. Most AA members are not really alcoholics, just abusers, and while the program works for them, which is great, it works only for about 12%, max, or alcoholics. You need to be scared, serious, and committed, and that means having a doctor or psychiatrist who will ride the hell out of you and keep you honest. Those 28 day programs are not enough to handle alcoholism. They are just what the insurance companies have decided is a reasonable payout, and they get away with it, partly because AA supports this approach. Again, the success rate is about 12%. This post is not meant to be negative; quite the reverse. You have taken the great, hard first step. Just don't let up -- ever. God bless you and take care of you while you care for yourself. Congratulations on your progress.
     
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  9. imwjl

    imwjl Poster Extraordinaire

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    I didn't go into details but fun sports, playing with gear, and fitness helps my taking better turns on the roads we follow in life. I got many of the same best and worst genes and ways my dad had and I've outlived him.

    Now after years of being a leader in trail building and in a club, people have shared very personal stories about what our mostly fun and silly posse of riders and building in parks has done. Quite a few have been about alcoholism. Some have been about chronic mental health issues. PSTD. Some have been about weight loss. One woman shared what started when her husband died at a young age. One woman in tears said we saved her kid's life but all we do is ride bikes, dig dirt, move rocks and welcome anyone interested.

    There are groups like us all over. Don't think it means you can avoid qualified and professional help but I'm very much convinced the bicycle is a machine with special capabilities when it comes to fixing personal, social and economic issues.

    Good luck to everyone.
     
  10. muchxs

    muchxs Doctor of Teleocity

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    If you're in town, walk to your local bookstore if the internet hasn't killed it yet. Get yourself a copy of

    Augusten Burroughs, "Dry".


    You might find it more entertaining than

    "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions"

    Get that one, too.

    Clearly you're ready for Step One. Don't back away from that.


    You know you're in a bad space. Reach out. Go to a meeting tonight. They're free!


    Your immediate problem is withdrawal. Like I said, we have actual counseling and rehabilitation professionals among us. That might not seem to be helpful when they're 2000 miles away. Bear in mind our Telecaster twangin' counselor buddies can refer you to local resources in your area.
     
  11. Phrygian77

    Phrygian77 Tele-Afflicted

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    Building amps, working on cars (or trucks), or riding a bicycle, they help keep you focused on something.


    I can't believe a year and a half of taking their drugs, that I've also gotten addicted to, going to AA and a councilor, and they want me to do more outpatient crap.
     
  12. muchxs

    muchxs Doctor of Teleocity

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    Tell ya a story 'cuz I tell stories. I'll make it anonymous 'cuz they call it,

    "Alcoholics Anonymous."

    I spent the better part of two weeks loading the contents of a three or four bedroom farmhouse into the biggest U-Haul you can get. It was just under its gross vehicle weight. Any heavier and I would have needed a Commercial Driver's License.

    They say,

    "Friends will help you move. True friends will help you move a body."

    They also say,

    "You'll find out who your friends are."

    Moving will do that.

    There must have been a dozen free range roasting chickens in the (chest type) freezer. Any of my friends who showed up got a roasting chicken. Couple friends showed up a couple times. They got two chickens.

    Got it loaded. Then I drove.

    Went to an "open" AA meeting when I got there. It was simply what was on the agenda that evening. Even in an "open" meeting, there were a few people who didn't want to speak with a stranger (me) present.

    Without exception, everyone at the meeting followed us back. It must have been after 10:00 p.m. when we all gathered around the U-Haul.

    Took me and a few friends better than a week to load that truck. Took us 20 minutes to unload it.

    Takeaway:

    "You'll find out who your friends are."
     
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  13. RhinestoneStrat

    RhinestoneStrat TDPRI Member

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    I know exactly how you feel. Back in 2017 of September I was admitted to the hospital for a week suffering from severe withdrawals from alcohol. I was averaging a 40 oz. of over-proof rum a day. I couldn't sleep for 4 days in the hospital. I had the shakes and they pumped me with Valium & vitamins. I had a hard time walking and it was a living nightmare.

    Back in the summer of 2015 I saw entities in my house due to severe withdrawals. It was real & scary. I hope you keep on the path my friend...or the Tallahassee trail.:)
     
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  14. Mjark

    Mjark Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

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    I'm not reading through all this but you should be in a facility where you can be medicated and observed and learn about sobriety. I quite drinking 32 years ago. It's the best thing I've ever done. If you don't you're looking at a grim early death.
     
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  15. Mike Eskimo

    Mike Eskimo Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    And btw, the “secret” part of the secret society is quickly eroding.

    Which is a great thing.

    I think there was a reason for the anonymity along time ago. That reason largely does not exist anymore.
     
  16. telemnemonics

    telemnemonics Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    Yeah looking at your experience right here right now, kinda makes those who spend time writing about the myth and hokum of AA look like fools.

    AA and 12 step recovery is hard and occupied by a whole lotta sick people.
    Those rooms bear witness to all manner of crazies spewing their collected psychic garbage from years of self destruction, and in many cases prior years of abuse at the hands of parents or other authority figures.
    So the idea that going to meetings will get us clean and/ or sober is like the idea that going to guitar shops will make us great musicians.
    Guitar shops and 12 step meetings are full of blubbering idiots.
    But among that larger group can be found some gems.
    And even more importantly, in guitar shops there is music theory in some books, like in 12 step programs there are usually some books for sale within which can be found solutions. All the kids bashing guitars in collective cacophony are not music theory, just as meeting attendees are not 12 step program.

    But the bigger problem is that alcoholism AKA addiction is just a terrible disease and the whole of Western Medicine has tried and failed for a hundred years to find a cure or even a successful treatment.

    It's horrifying that your local med techs refused to admit you for detox when not drinking is going to kill you and continued drinking is also going to kill you.

    One thing I learned in fairly early recovery is that there are things we need to tell the admitting docs that force them to admit us, and other things we might say that legally allow them to send us home.
    Can't speak for every local 12 step member but there are plenty of us who know how to get one of us admitted.

    A simple detail is that going to an ER and telling them that "I am going to kill myself" pretty much requires they admit you.
    A rehab is different, they do not offer emergency care.
    And in an ER they will ask you questions to try to get you to admit you're not really ready to blow your brains out.
    Sounds extreme, might require telling a lie, yet what are the better options?
    Doing this might be more effective if a "friend" drags you to the ER to make it a little clearer that you mean business with offing yourself, where those on that final mission don't usually ask for help.
    Before hitting the local ER you or a helpful friend/ associate might research what local hospitals have psych wards.
    The crazy house may seem like a scary place, but that is where the docs are more specifically trained in chemical dependency treatment.
    Once again we will feel like we don't belong in a place like that.
    But navigating the poorly charted seas of medical/ insurance/ recovery treatment/ 12 step is a journey that commonly kills the traveler.

    I'm really sorry your med professionals denied you inpatient!
    Good heavens what the hell is up with that?
    Having passed that hurdle, there are further steps you can take toward better health and life.
    12 step meetings are full of people on that path, but like the music store, most are still trying to learn and not yet qualified to teach.
    Gotta find a good teacher among the students!

    I hope you find the next vehicle through this struggle, whatever it may be!
     
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  17. telemnemonics

    telemnemonics Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    A core part of the anonymity thing is that none of us as individual members represents the 12 step program we found recovery in.
    This idea helps us avoid old timers becoming superior leaders or representatives, though some assign themselves superiority regardless.
    In the old days I think there was a ballplayer who went on the news as an AA success story, acted as spokesperson, then went back to the drinking.
    The flip side is that in recovery we need to avoid thinking we are superior beings in the face of so many who struggle while we succeed.
    Humility is a funny thing, the dictionary sees it as having a low opinion of ones self, but in recovery it's about seeing ourselves as no better and no worse that anyone else.

    Many recovery principles make it hard to tell those who are struggling what they should do.

    Instead we are supposed to stick with this is what I did to find recovery.

    Sadly, many who are literally dying to hear solutions cannot recognize the stories of those who "didn't drink, went to meetings, and asked for help"; as a perfectly good solution. All different though, being told by individuals whose paths were not identical.

    I remember at about 7 months I was going to bed, clean and sober, and it suddenly dawned on me:
    Those phrases I had brushed off as too stupid and simple: "don't use no matter what/ don't drink go to meetings and ask for help"; actually worked. That day I had not though about drinking or drugging all day long.
     
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  18. Keefsdad

    Keefsdad Tele-Holic

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    I was in and out of AA for 20 years. When I finally stopped, I was alone, hadn't been to a meeting for a while, and i've hardly been to any since. It's possible that some of the things I was told there helped me, I really don't know. I do know it's not the only way, and i don't beleive anyone is hopeless. I certainly thought i was at times.
     
  19. Phrygian77

    Phrygian77 Tele-Afflicted

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    I hear you. Listening to these people talk in AA, I just couldn't understand it. I'm thinking, "How did I get so lucky, or was it just because I wasn't stupid?" Perhaps both. I did my best to not put myself in venerable situations. You don't drive around with a headlight out or an expired tag for one. You try NOT to drive period. You try not to show up at work drunk, reeking of alcohol, although that was starting to happen for me, to the point where I finally had to tell my boss I needed treatment, and signed up for FMLA to help protect me.

    The last time I was at the ER, the psych doctor asked me if I had thoughts of suicide. I should have said, "yes!". Instead, I was preoccupied with trying to get out of there, because they wouldn't even let me out to have a cigarette. Nope. I tried to sneak out, and an officer stopped me at the door because I looked confused (and obviously looked like a patient). I casually asked him which door was the exit, and he saw the band on my wrist, and the IV in my arm, and he said, "They won't let you out with that." I sighed, and said, "I guess I'm busted. I was just trying to sneak out for a smoke." He said, "They'll give you a nicotine patch." "I requested one hours ago," I replied. "I'll make sure they get you one," he said, "I know what it's like." They did, finally, as I was just about to be released a few hours later.
     
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  20. 985plowboy

    985plowboy Tele-Afflicted

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    Good luck my friend.
    It can be done and you can do it.
    It is going to suck but it gets better.

    I'm 8+ years sober myself.
     
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