Alcoholism

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Phrygian77, Sep 11, 2019.

  1. harlycarly

    harlycarly Tele-Afflicted

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    "My deal with AA was that I couldn't relate to most of those people. I hadn't lost my job, been arrested, lost my loved ones, etc. I just couldn't put down the drink, physically."

    I'll just say that maybe you didn't go to the right meetings. They're like guitars and amps: when you get the ones that work for you you'll do the best.
     
  2. Phrygian77

    Phrygian77 Tele-Afflicted

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    I'm definitely aware of that. I been on and off of them over the last 18 month. I don't plan on being on them any longer than I have to. Also, as I said before, I'm on Campral, which should help me avoid temptation also.
     
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  3. ping-ping-clicka

    ping-ping-clicka Tele-Meister

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    thank you for your honesty. I admitted that drinking and drugs were distroying me. I tried to fix myself by myself, that didn't work.
    I went to A.A. and the people their helped me learn how not to take next line/drink. People that had taken sobriety to the next level helped me just because I asked for help.
    It has worked for me for 37 years.
    being clean and sober has transformed my life.
    good luck.
     
  4. brandonh

    brandonh Tele-Meister

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    Hope you’re doing good today/right now. You don’t know me from Adam, but I’m rooting for ya. Much respect. Hang in there, man.
     
  5. daveinohio

    daveinohio TDPRI Member

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    At least you’re trying. One week after my wife spent 3 days in the hospital for acute pancreatitis I am finding beers again.

    I am sick of babysitting.
    [​IMG]


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
  6. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    I hit the like button in sympathy for your post not because I like the post. One of the things that helped me stay off the booze when my son died was the fact that I saw my uncle die from despair when he lost both of his sons in a car accident. He always drank, and drank hard, but when his sons died, that's all he did for the rest of his life. While he still had money, he was a general contractor at the time of their passing, he had them interred side beside, and because you still can in Alabama he had a huge monument erected at their gravesite. He would go out there and lay on their graves and drink until he passed out, then start all over again in the morning. Booze didn't kill him though, poor judgement did. He hooked up with some really bad people, and one morning they were gone, and he was found beaten to death.

    Losing my son was among the hardest things I've ever faced, and had to deal with, maybe THE hardest. I knew if I ever took one drink after being off the booze for about seventeen years when he died I'd die an alcoholic. I made it through though, and now I'm still missing my son, but I'm doing it with all of my faculties such as they are.

    Booze offers much promise to those who drink. It never, ever delivers though. When you're drunk, you're better looking, more humorous, and an all around good guy. The Alcohol cures all your woes, then you sober up, and you're the same ugly, ill tempered bastard you always were. The only thing that helps is another drink. I am thankful every day of my life that I'm off that Mary Go Round for good. (one day at a time)
     
  7. GuitarKid

    GuitarKid Tele-Holic

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    I wish you the best of luck. My father is a long time alcoholic. It's sad to see him that way. No judging; I just wish he was in a better situation, for his own good.
     
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  8. LKB3rd

    LKB3rd Friend of Leo's

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    This is great news and your comments seem upbeat and positive.
    Just keep going one step at a time, patient and persistent!
     
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  9. kingofdogs1950

    kingofdogs1950 Tele-Holic

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    Back in the day (80s) I was hitting the bottle pretty hard. I was trying to quit on my own. My doctor took one look at me and told me, "King (My real name....), go for a Tall Boy immediately." I was shocked that a doctor would recommend that I get a drink asap but in retrospect, it was the right advice for the time. He later got me into a program, but that's another story.
    I won't add my stores but they parallel some that others have related.
    As for quitting, I had success with cognitive behavioral therapy. I don't know what is around now as I last went to a meeting that featured cognitive behavioral therapy over twenty years ago. Back then there were two groups, Rational Recovery and Smart Recovery, that used this approach. I learned the ABCs approach and went forward from there w/out meetings. Twenty five or so years clean and sober.
    My very best wishes to any who still struggle with addiction.

    King of Dogs (1950)
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2019
  10. intensely calm

    intensely calm Tele-Meister

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    Seems like everyone is touched by alcohol in some way. It's either themselves, a family member, a close friend... It just seems to be everywhere.
    Sometimes it's there and we don't realize it until it becomes a problem.
    That was my story. I was married to a functional/dysfunctional drinker.
    Everything was lost, her job, our finances, the house, nearly lost our son. She still doesn't see alcohol is at the root of everything that went south.

    Hang in there, either for yourself of for those around you.
    Good luck to you!
     
  11. telemnemonics

    telemnemonics Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    Hey this is great great news!
    Not that the first step is the completed transition, but you sound like you're on the right track and doing a lot better.
    (I missed this coming back up, been working in the garage building and setting up a new workbench where the project car I just sold used to live)

    Cool that you worked the system a bit to get admitted when they could not legally turn you away, and good to get rid of all the bottles, sort of a symbolic purge.

    If the IOP is expensive and the Campral is good for 40% sober, hopefully AA can help with the other 60% for free!
    There's something called the 20-20 club where you arrive 20 minutes early and stay 20 minutes late to help whoever sets up and cleans up the meeting. I prefer more of a 30-30 but the idea is that you might get to talk with some of the less whiny more proactive members.

    Sorry to say "whiny", it's just a thing that we hear in meetings when the most miserable tell it like it is.

    The frequent tales of drinking and misery tend to be told by those still struggling, so finding those who are a little more sane and happy takes some effort. They can help, and in fact they need to help because H.O.W. it works is basically the experienced members help us when we arrive in rough shape, then as we get better we help the next arrivals.
    Setting up chairs or making coffee is cool too, IDK why but somehow doing for others is freeing from the self obsessed state of wanting a drink or a drug.

    Anyhow, I and we are glad to hear you're doing better!
    Hafta read through the replies and see how the discussion is going...
     
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  12. telemnemonics

    telemnemonics Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    Haha the pics of empty bottles posted are funny, sorta, as long as we don't go back to the former ways...

    I can't post pics here of my old pile of evidence but I got them free at a harm reduction place in NYC and carried a card making it legal to have them. Returned almost 100 after getting out of my first 28 day program, convinced I was all set.

    Relapsed though, over and over for almost another year after treatment.
    I was only half willing.

    Oddly, it seems that the easier it is to manage using/ drinking, the harder it is to stop, then as it gets worse and worse, stopping actually gets easier, because as we lose more, we tend to become more willing to make a long list of changes instead of a short list.
    Choosing that "this is the time, I've hit my bottom" is all about what we are willing to do, not about how much we want to feel better.
     
  13. telemnemonics

    telemnemonics Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    43D38640-D151-4002-A461-10325CC66EC8.jpeg Picked up a couple of nice bottles this week!
    Ebay auction under $20 shipped and they sound great.
    One addiction I struggle with...
     
  14. Phrygian77

    Phrygian77 Tele-Afflicted

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    I went to the mens meeting tonight. It was good. I meet a few people there I really like, people I never met in the first meeting I went to many months ago. I especially liked the guy running the meeting. Most importantly, I have a list of contacts now. I'll be going back again this week.

    I carried the white beginners chip with me that got at that first meeting, from a time when I had sobriety in my grasp, but I failed to continue with the social support and help of AA.

    I also have an appointment with the MCAP councilor that gave me the advice about going to the ER to get into the detox program. He just called me out of the blue to check on me, when I hadn't seen him in months. I owe him a lot for his help. I'll be seeing him on a weekly basis.
     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2019
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  15. telemnemonics

    telemnemonics Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    All that sounds great! You're laying a foundation in sobriety that will keep you grounded when life rocks it, and tries to shake you off, back into the drink.
    We hear don't drink/ don't use "no matter what".
    IME the no-matter-what's sometimes come fast and hard and I've at times wondered how in hell I didn't pick up through what seemed like a cruel joke played on me by fate.

    As much as stuff like the suicide of a close friend, sudden death of my Father, and my GF falling off a roof (where I got her the job roofing) and breaking her back in a period of a couple of months; stuff that used to set me off was say: Christmas, the first warm day of Spring, noticing that I'm contented for no good reason. All made picking up seem like a great idea!
    Surprising stuff...

    Hang in there and keep us posted.
    Amp wiring pics are cool too!
     
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  16. Phrygian77

    Phrygian77 Tele-Afflicted

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    Pain, stress, and loss have certianly been triggers for me. The first time 18 months ago, after ending up in the hospital with DTs, I was sober for 3 days until I got the news that a good young friend died from a fentanyl overdose while visiting his home in Boston. Another time it was a dental procedure that left me in some of the worst pain I've ever experienced. It was Thanksgiving week and the dentist left for vacation. I couldn't get any pain meds, so I bought a 150 proof bottle and drank it in a little less than two days. I couldn't even eat Thanksgiving dinner the pain was so bad.

    We have a cat that we love dearly and I'm afraid he'll been checking out in the near future. My parents are getting older. It's just a matter of time before something happens, and alcohol can't be an option.
     
  17. telemnemonics

    telemnemonics Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    Yeah death of pets can be rough.
    Pain and stress are rough too, I'm always in pain and am generally a high strung person with a genuinely stressful life.

    My wife is a regular user of alcohol and Ativan.
    From '08 to '11 we took care of my Mother through several cancers and dementia.
    At first my Mother was happy to have us in the state and living in a separated part of her house, but as the dementia worsened she believed I was the cause of her misery.
    She had been giving me a Fathers day card each year because she recognized that she had become the dependent and I was taking care of her.
    But gradually paranoia and anger was her daily mood, and I was the bad cop.

    During this time my wife went from "social drinker" to three bottles of wine a night, puking and passing out, with me having to carry her to the bed and clean up the mess.
    I had a rough time as a street level junkie but this time in recovery was far more painful than any of my using problems.

    Only because of my step work that gave me the ability to see how my thoughts and feelings were not in control, and often not even reality based, was I able to get through that time without even wanting a drink or a drug.

    Meetings also helped, and I found numerous members who were going through the same stuff.

    But the transformative power of actually writing and practicing the 12 steps was primarily what got me through it.

    My wife is heavily into pets and usually has several, but now only one, a chinchilla that has her own room to live and play in.
    Not a lot of years in those little buggers, so death is coming.
    Booze and a downer scrip plus death is a lousy cocktail.

    I know from experience that I never have to use again.
    Nothing can make me or any of us use.

    My wife though, has no program and has lived a life where a chemical was the solution.

    After we eliminate the chemical solutions, we need to develop new solutions.
    Part of the new solutions is getting really deep into what caused us to solve our thinking and feeling problems with chemicals for so long and with such negative results.

    We often hear those who have not gone through the step writing process or did so half heartedly share that it is scary.

    But working the steps with a sponsor who was guided through the steps by a sponsor and had guided sponsees through the steps, is actually a great experience and not really scary, not as scary as trying to imagine how scary it must be. It's the not doing is scary, not so much the doing.

    I'd compare it to establishing a schematic in order to end up with the sound we want.
    Otherwise we randomly act on impulse using the same circuit that led us astray for years or decades, expecting different results.
    Good step work is a lot like CBT, except the guide has actually been through the process, where the CBT therapist more often only read and listened to lectures about it.

    CBT is also like establishing a schematic, or maybe like finding what's broken in the circuit.
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2019
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  18. Phrygian77

    Phrygian77 Tele-Afflicted

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    The cool thing is that I've had absolutely no desire to drink, zero, whatsoever. It really hasn't crossed my mind at all. Maybe it's the Campral, or just because I feel so good... or both. I stopped off at a gas station yesterday on my way home from work, a place where I would normally buy cigarettes and a tallboy for the ride home. I got my cigarettes and a bottle of water.
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2019
  19. JuneauMike

    JuneauMike Friend of Leo's

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    Please don't give up. If you get your wife back someday you will be thankful that you found the energy and the determination to just stick it out one more day. And one more day after that. She's sick.
     
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  20. Mike Eskimo

    Mike Eskimo Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    Friend of mine went to daily meetings for the first part of the first year of his sobriety.

    He just celebrated 20 so it worked for him.

    He would also proactively go before and during the holidays and when processing bad news and setbacks.

    Whatever it took.

    He said it was like cold sores (funny enough, we both recoil in horror at cold sores - because we’ve never had them) but - like people who get them can feel them coming ?

    He said he can tell when the need or want is coming and he’ll get to a meeting and it will pass.

    Still hits at least one a week after 20 yrs clean...
     
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