Alcohol: A life ruiner

[MickM]

When I was a young man, they used to have bars without bands, didn't serve food, unless you counted the fifty-three year old jar of hard boiled eggs sitting on the bar as food. They had a card room, and pool tables, both of which guaranteed that if you hung around long enough you would either see, or be in a fight before the night was finished. You should see how much blood can fly out of a guys head when struck with a cue ball, or cue stick. I don't think they have those kinds of establishments anymore, but they used to be just the ticket for an ambulance ride, a ride in a POLICE car, or if it was a really bad night, a trip to the morgue. ALL of these have occurred at one particular bar I used to frequent.

You are describing the last place that I drank and tended bar. Main difference being that the police were never called but for the occasional overly concerned outsider but if/when they arrived nobody would acknowledge their presence (questions were met with louder juke box volume) and they would just leave.
Instead of an ambulance, the perceived instigator would get dowsed with a half bucket of cold water to wake them and were given a ride to the local truck stop in the back of a pickup truck. This only happened to somebody after repeated warnings but some guys are born peacocks and they strut more with each drink.
That bar was demolished about 2 years ago and is being replaced with Towne Houses. Another chapter in a drinking life.

 

[Toto'sDad]

Lots of old traditions are falling, maybe for the best I don't know. I don't drink anymore, so I don't care one way or the other. Man, you had to be tough, or know how to keep your mouth shut in those places that's for sure. One guy at the place I was talking about beat up a little guy, the guy rounded up a little .25 auto, sneaked up on him as he was getting in his car and shot him in the mouth.

Someone drove him to the hospital where they treated him, when they x-rayed him to see where the bullet was, they found out he had brain cancer! He only lived a short while after that, left a wife and four small children behind. I don't know if you can blame the bar for any of that but is sure enough was involved.

 

[telemnemonics]

How goes your shot at living sober @PennyroyalFrog ?

Hope things are better but as I recall they often get worse first.
If so, take heart in the fact that it often works that way!

 

[PennyroyalFrog]

I’ve been sober since the day of my OP. Removing alcohol from my life has been great, but I also made a post a couple days ago about that I probably have diabetes. Alcohol abuse no doubt contributed, but I have other risk factors. I’m glad I quit the poison. Despite having almost all symptoms of diabetes, I’m in a better place mentally and physically than I was a month ago. My girlfriend and I went for a walk today, which was nice. I’m looking forward to getting on some medication (metformin likely, but we will see what the doctor suggests) to try to get my blood sugar under control. Thanks all.

 

[Chester P Squier]

I’ve been sober since the day of my OP. Removing alcohol from my life has been great, but I also made a post a couple days ago about that I probably have diabetes. Alcohol abuse no doubt contributed, but I have other risk factors. I’m glad I quit the poison. Despite having almost all symptoms of diabetes, I’m in a better place mentally and physically than I was a month ago. My girlfriend and I went for a walk today, which was nice. I’m looking forward to getting on some medication (metformin likely, but we will see what the doctor suggests) to try to get my blood sugar under control. Thanks all.

Thanks for posting, PennyroyalFrog!

 

[3fngrs]

You know your problem. You can't fix it without changing your friends. They have to be sober too.

No, they don't. I have to be sober. I haven't had a drink in a year and a half (after a little 37 year bender) and I still hang out and run around with the same people.

If I had to completely upend my life to quit drinking, it wouldn't be worth it. As it is, I'm still an obnoxious, idiotic loudmouth. I just remember the dumb things I do now.

I was no lightweight either. 6 or 10 straight shots of bourbon and a twelve pack was a common evening for me. Very seldom did a day go by without at least 8-10 beers.

Even so, I've been in bars numerous times since I quit and drank water or club soda while my buddies are slamming shots and beers. Doesn't bother me at all.

It's like not smoking. Sometimes I get the urge but it passes quickly.

 

[3fngrs]

I’ve been sober since the day of my OP. Removing alcohol from my life has been great, but I also made a post a couple days ago about that I probably have diabetes. Alcohol abuse no doubt contributed, but I have other risk factors. I’m glad I quit the poison. Despite having almost all symptoms of diabetes, I’m in a better place mentally and physically than I was a month ago. My girlfriend and I went for a walk today, which was nice. I’m looking forward to getting on some medication (metformin likely, but we will see what the doctor suggests) to try to get my blood sugar under control. Thanks all.

I just got my annual health screen at work and all of my numbers are way down from what they were. Everything was high normal and now it's all low normal. They said it's hard to believe that much change with no meds at all. I attribute 85% of that to not drinking.

Stay off the sauce and maybe your numbers will come around too. Good luck.

 

[zippofan]

I wish you well and hope you are able to overcome it. Alcohol (over)use and addictions seem to be prevalent with us musical types, I've lost more than one band mate over alcohol or opioids. Our old band from the 80's-2000's are playing a gig next month in honor of our bass player, my best friend from high school, my best man (and I his), he died at 58 after 40 years of drinking too much. We tried to help him cut back back early on but then we lost touch and only saw each other occasionally, including a reunion gig we did for a benefit 8 years ago. Nothing had changed then, and I think we spoke 2-3 times until he was gone.

 

[Fretting out]

No, they don't. I have to be sober. I haven't had a drink in a year and a half (after a little 37 year bender) and I still hang out and run around with the same people.

If I had to completely upend my life to quit drinking, it wouldn't be worth it. As it is, I'm still an obnoxious, idiotic loudmouth. I just remember the dumb things I do now.

I was no lightweight either. 6 or 10 straight shots of bourbon and a twelve pack was a common evening for me. Very seldom did a day go by without at least 8-10 beers.

Even so, I've been in bars numerous times since I quit and drank water or club soda while my buddies are slamming shots and beers. Doesn't bother me at all.

It's like not smoking. Sometimes I get the urge but it passes quickly.

I agree to an extent

Especially with alcohol since it’s so prevalent

I’m not gonna purposely go into a bar but if I want to go somewhere to eat that happens to have a bar in it Im not bothered

I’m not bothered by people drinking around me either because it is everywhere, it’s their choice

I don’t really have friends but if I did and they wanted to drink that’s fine with me

It’s all personal preference and responsibility, something that has seemed to be lost these days

I wish the o.p luck in his endeavors

 

[Vibroluxer]

I am blessed in that I never hurt anybody while driving and that alcohol never seems to call my name. I remember when I was going to meetings that there were people that would walk 3 blocks out of their way to avoid a bar. Whatever it takes

 

[Synchro]

I’ll chime in with some very generic advice. No one will value you more than the value you set for yourself. With regard to alcohol problems, or other things that can afflict our lives, the starting point is in learning to see value in yourself.

As a non-controversial example; I value myself enough that I don’t drink sodas. It’s empty calories and contributes nothing positive to me, so I made the decision, many years ago, not to drink sodas. Alcohol can be addictive, and that can take some effort to overcome, but IMHO, the starting point it to look at the value you place on yourself, and on your well-being. You have to envision yourself as sober and in control of your life, and refuse to accept less than that, in the way of results.

This is but one way of looking at it, but it has helped me in many ways, throughout my life.

 

[telemnemonics]

No, they don't. I have to be sober. I haven't had a drink in a year and a half (after a little 37 year bender) and I still hang out and run around with the same people.

If I had to completely upend my life to quit drinking, it wouldn't be worth it. As it is, I'm still an obnoxious, idiotic loudmouth. I just remember the dumb things I do now.

I was no lightweight either. 6 or 10 straight shots of bourbon and a twelve pack was a common evening for me. Very seldom did a day go by without at least 8-10 beers.

Even so, I've been in bars numerous times since I quit and drank water or club soda while my buddies are slamming shots and beers. Doesn't bother me at all.

It's like not smoking. Sometimes I get the urge but it passes quickly.

Its great for you that you easily quit drinking while continuing to hang out in bars with your drunk drinking buddies, but many who have trouble quitting cannot quit your way.

Also, many folks assume number of beers and shots is a measure of how hard it is to quit.
Your story proves that assumption is false!

I did go to a bar once a week to play some live music in my first year clean & sober, but not hanging out with drinking buddies.
And i do agree that its not a requirement for all sober people to stay away from drinkers.
I think its dumb to say we cant stay sober around drinkers, but for those who cant seem to quit, it may be required for a while.

Sadly, if all alcoholics took your advice or tried it your way, and kept going to bars with their drinking buddies while trying to get sober, many would keep driving drunk and wreaking havoc until law enforcement or death stopped them.

 

[ndcaster]

I watched my best friend's neighbor die of cirrhosis. It was not pretty.

 

[3fngrs]

I watched my best friend's neighbor die of cirrhosis. It was not pretty.

I've watched lots of people die of lots of things. It's never pretty.

As Redd Foxx said, (and I paraphrase) "All of you who quit smoking, drinking, woman, and overeating are going to look pretty dumb when you're laying in the hospital, dieing from nothing!"

 

[telemnemonics]

I've watched lots of people die of lots of things. It's never pretty.

As Redd Foxx said, (and I paraphrase) "All of you who quit smoking, drinking, woman, and overeating are going to look pretty dumb when you're laying in the hospital, dieing from nothing!"

The number of times i should have died from stupid, years before i should have died from all manner of substance abuse, make me wonder why in hell Im still here and in constant pain!

 

[JJLC]

I purchased my first beer when I was 13; I know, that's a bit early.
I still remember what brand beer it was, how much it cost, and where I purchased it.
I'm 61 now and I still enjoy alcohol but like everything else in life moderation is the key to 95% plus of pretty much everything.
Never had a DUI, never got into a drunken brawl, and never lost any friend I ever had because of alcohol.
I'm sure luck has played into some of that but after 48 years of consuming alcohol I believe my track record is pretty consistent and stable.
Do I need to drink alcohol? Nope
Do I enjoy alcohol? Yep
Now, where is that pizza and beer I ordered?

 

[Vibroluxer]

The number of times i should have fied from stupid, years before i should have died from all manner of substance abuse, make me wonder why in hell Im still here and in constant pain!

You are not alone on that!

 

[Tone Quest]

An alcoholic ruined my second marriage. That person is now my ex wife.

 

[aging_rocker]

I've watched lots of people die of lots of things. It's never pretty...

Me too.

And watched helplessly while people completely ruined their lives, and the lives of those close to them. Some of those were people I really cared a lot about too.

 

[Solaris moon]

Heck, all I needed was for things to get bad enough that I was willing to attend those darn church-basement meetings to learn how the other people stopped feeling so bad.

Edit - I've looked at my post again and fear it sounds too "breezy" - no - the sh#t had to get real bad/sad/mad, before I was in the mood for a change. I would be glad to say more specifically via PM if it would be useful.

Peace - Deeve

Church basement? You and I must have been in the same church - do you live in my town? And the **** didn't have to "get real" to be bad. I knew what the problem for me was. I am done with the church basements!

There might of course be several posts about addictions. I simply chimed in on this particular one as it showed up in the new post section.

My point was to try to point (!) out that I (as a therapist) do not think posting something like this will turn out to be the solution to the problem, as I believe problems of all sorts are best solved within the real life environment, ie people, familiy, friends, professionals.

I understand of course that posting something like this on a friendly forum may be the beginning of the process, and that has a value on its own.

Disclaimer: English is not my native language, and I apologise for any misuse of terminology.

Our good friend didn't post this thread for a consultation or to be judged. He did however post this for others who may need the nudge of someone who cares to start the ball rolling. If you don't think anyone else out there knows what you're going through it's hard to find someone who can relate and be the inspiration to get the help that you need. Also it makes you resent yourself and it forces you to think about your addiction as a way of coping. This is why Marijuana has become so popular - you can get it easily and now that all the potheads have decided to force their drug habits on us all by legalizing it so that they don't have to feel like what they're doing is wrong only makes it worse!!


Here's my experience with drugs. I too was an alcoholic and soon gravitated to cigarettes. A few years later I was smoking dope with friends from work at parties. We thought we were being cool but in all reality we were being fools! I didn't really date seriously and never married or have kids. I didn't want to be the bad influence that I was to anyone else. I surely didn't want to be a bad influence to others as well. I knew I was doing the wrong thing with my cousins, friends, neighbours, and anyone else who would do dope with me. I was on the path to destruction. I drank and I don't know how many times I drove home. I only did it once during broad day light. The sad thing is that I was driving my MOTHERS car! I'll never tell her although she hasn't had that car in over twenty years. I am ashamed of myself for doing these things.

I almost died of blood alcohol poisoning so many damned times that it's a miracle I'm still here. I wouldn't be able to have that kind of habit now at my age. But when I was young and strong and could take on the world I was HELL BENT on destroying my health. But after I don't know how many failed relationships and job changes and lost friends and all the usual drama that comes with drinking most of my problem was me. It wasn't drugs or alcohol. It never is - that's what most people don't realize. It's not drugs that you have a problem with - - - it's yourself!

Drugs are the way that people deal with life, themselves, their job, their spouse or mate or whatever. People don't do drugs to have fun - they do them to escape reality! I quit over 20 years ago. I'll be celebrating 22 years this next month of drug free living. I went to the narcotics anonymous meetings at the churches but by that time I was already over them. I didn't want to do drugs but I had no place to live so I went to the ARC (Adult Rehabilitation Center) in my town that is owned by the Salvation Army. I stayed there until I went to live with my mother.

Sadly I have lost friends that were murdered over dope. One was accused by a madman of trying to rob him and the other one was a pizza delivery driver. Two scumbags called the store where he worked and had a pizza delivered to an abandoned house. When he arrived they shot him and left him for dead. He would've lived if they had gotten help for him before he bled to death! Of course they were black and he was white. The cops originally thought it was racially motivated. (The police caught them through their cell phone number on the store's call history) Now his little girl has to grow up with out her father. All because these assholes wanted to get high!! This is truly the sin and shame of America, Canada, and Holland! I can't believe that they want to legalize something that has been nothing but a bad habit and long standing problem. How absurd is that?! With the likes of Hollywood and magazines and music and trashy people that support and endorse this makes the notion of it even more offensive! I can't believe that the U.S. Government would even entertain the idea of legalizing pot. What's next - crack, meth, heroin, fentanyl? People need a hobby - not a habit and not excuses to have one.