Alcohol: A life ruiner

Kandinskyesque

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We stop playing with GI Joe toys when we grow older because we see that as kids' stuff.
Please nooo!!!
I'm nearly a decade clean and sober.
To paraphrase William Wallace, they may take my drink and drugs but they'll never take my GI Joe (Action Man in the UK).
(See also filling up condoms with water and throwing them out the window)

What else is a man supposed to play with in the bath?
 

Vibroluxer

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Incredible post. Damn, I feel your pain.

Wish I could impart some wisdom to you, but I am not a drinker or a drug user. Drank a beer here and there and did a drug here and there when I was a kid in high school. But then when I grew to be a man...it was time to put away childish things. I just don't understand why others don't do that. We stop playing with GI Joe toys when we grow older because we see that as kids' stuff. Why not view booze and drugs for what they are -- kids' stuff -- and stop playing with booze and alcohol when you become a man?

Come on, man. Step up, be a man. Put away childish things. Hope for the best for you.

I just recently found out a beautiful young girl I knew died, most likely a suicide. She was an addict, in and out of jail. Prostitution to feed her addictions. A bright, kind, amazingly beautiful young woman...all gone because of drugs and alcohol. So, so sad.
Its not a matter of being a man. In fact I grew up with John Wayne movies where a man could always handle his liquor and adults always had "one more for the road."

You obviously dont understand the slow progression of substance abuse. And thats good for you but since you don't understand, your advice isnt very helpful.
 

Matt Sarad

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My Uncle John was found in a field dead as a door nail. Be drove off the road and was thrown out. His car continued down hill to be hit by a train. Since the car was empty,the searchers found him lying along the hillside. He looked peacefully asleep. When he was lifted up, they discover his skull was caved in.
DUI death for the small town Dr.
My Mom was a 2 drink dipsomaniac. I used to.pick her up off the floor and put her to bed.
I wrestled the gun from her one night.
Alcohol couldn't stop her emotional pain.
My brother downed 12 Screwdrivers and almost made it home before they caught him.
Pleading no contest, his drinking days were over.
 
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Willie Johnson

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OP, maybe call your county public health department--they might be able to connect you to treatment services that are covered by your insurance or are available at no or low cost. Good luck.
 

Oxidao

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I've had the least amount of drink over the past few weeks (three days of drinking maybe?)
Well done PennyroyalFrog, you are on the right way.

The fact that it didn't work last time, doesn't mean it won't work the next, and you learn something every new attempt.
Don't forget what you learned each time, IME the best you can learn is knowing yourself. What helps you, and what doesn't.

I've been many times in different therapies, and none of them are miraculous, but I took advantage on most of them.
The same therapy could not work once, but next time it could help you, because you are a different person through time.

You have no choice, you have to keep trying, and every time, you are closer to quit that sh_t.

You will need to renounce MANY things now to make it work, but most of them will be back to you.

Ánimo!!
 

studio

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Yeah we even have a gun recoil thread in case a bear invade your home
Well yeah, because its never just one bear.

Or, it's never just one beer.
Or one of anything.

As a certified domestic violence counselor, I can tell you straight that there is no difference between violence to yourself and violent behavior towards other people.

The OP realizing that his behavior has damaged relationships in his life.
He has abused not only alcohol but the friendship trust of others.

While most people wake up from the destructive nature of too much drink in their 30s or 40s, this person has begun at that age. It's no wonder he has alienated his friends.

Abuse is abuse. Period.
Don't matter if you hurt others or yourself. The outcome stays the same.

Not everyone takes to AA.
Not everyone wants help or
even knows there's a problem!

Statistics show that 90% of domestic violence including homicides have an element of drug or alcohol abuse attached to it. Plus, it's safe to say the victim is usually the alcoholic and its when the sober one in the relationship can't take it any longer, they physically lash out in fits of rage.

Just some food for thought for those who think their drinking doesn't hurt anyone. That's a lie.
 

lil scotty

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Rooting for you. Maybe, AA is not for you? There are other options. For some reason these other options; more to the point, the people that got sober without AA, are very prevalent, currently, in my periphery.
 

old wrench

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It's a terrible disease - but it's too often looked at as a moral failure

Although, thankfully, there is a trend now to be more open minded about addiction.

The pandemic sure didn't help things either -but on the other hand, it forced people in recovery to be more creative to find ways to stay in a sober environment

Every one of us that have been "bit" have a little different story about how it happened - but we all ended up in the same boat - it's an equal opportunity destroyer ;)

Sometimes (most times, unfortunately) those 30 day stays aren't the answer - or maybe I should say that they do work for 30 days, but the 31st day you are out in the real world.

Addiction is a bad-ass disease - addicts have to find some sort of "big medicine" to counter it

I had to finally do whatever it took - I was an addict and I needed some help and I had to be willing to do whatever the situation required

It's really sort of funny, because I can't recall how many times I quit forever - but sooner or later I started back up again - hell, there were times I "quit forever" two days in a row :)

The funny part is that the last time I had a drink, I just decided that I wasn't going to drink that day, and I was able to do that - the next day I did the same thing, and I made it for another day

I'm still doing that, consciously or unconsciously, 16+ years worth of bite-sized days later

For a lot of folks alcohol is just fine - a source of relaxation and enjoyment

But for others of us - it just doesn't work like that ;)

Whether we are or aren't an addict is something we really don't have any control over - I really wish more folks could understand this

There is no shame in being a straight and sober addict

.
 
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ChicknPickn

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Not sure whether anyone has mentioned this yet. If so, it's worth mentioning again.

When you've suffered enough, you might be ready to make a change. Almost will not be good enough. No one can tell you when you're done. But you'll know.

If you're ready to make a change, you might listen to people who already have what you want. Look for those people. If it's not AA, maybe it's a church. Maybe it's the SMART program. But whatever you choose, you had better throw yourself into it as if it's the last lifeboat. It may be.

But there is no reason to go it alone. Even when it "works," what you have is a person who isn't drinking, but still behaves like a drunk. There's nothing quite like having someone who will call you on your BS when you start making excuses again. He'll probably tell you, I'll be at your side all the way through if that's what you want. If that's not what you want, don't waste my time.

Anyway, that's what I was told.
 

Moonraker5

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Its not a matter of being a man. In fact I grew up with John Wayne movies where a man could always handle his liquor and adults always had "one more for the road."

You obviously dont understand the slow progression of substance abuse. And thats good for you but since you don't understand, your advice isnt very helpful.

But don't you think it does help to possess and implement intestinal fortitude?
 

Toto'sDad

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Not sure whether anyone has mentioned this yet. If so, it's worth mentioning again.

When you've suffered enough, you might be ready to make a change. Almost will not be good enough. No one can tell you when you're done. But you'll know.

If you're ready to make a change, you might listen to people who already have what you want. Look for those people. If it's not AA, maybe it's a church. Maybe it's the SMART program. But whatever you choose, you had better throw yourself into it as if it's the last lifeboat. It may be.

But there is no reason to go it alone. Even when it "works," what you have is a person who isn't drinking, but still behaves like a drunk. There's nothing quite like having someone who will call you on your BS when you start making excuses again. He'll probably tell you, I'll be at your side all the way through if that's what you want. If that's not what you want, don't waste my time.

Anyway, that's what I was told.
I was told the boldened part by an Alcoholics Anonymous guy after I had been off the booze TEN years! I laughed and told him, the highway patrol and my wife don't care if I'm a dry drunk, they just appreciate that fact that I AIN'T DRUNK. Going on twenty-five years of being a dry drunk. I went to one of those "meetings" everyone there had a cigarette and a cup of coffee in their hands. I quit smoking before I quit alcohol, using the same process, I did it cold turkey. Haven't smoked since 1987.
 

Toto'sDad

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Just like music, everyone's experiences differ according to how they are wired....or strung.

I learned at 17 in the Marines that I should never drink, because I get violent when drunk. It is strange, because I am a very non-violent person, but when drunk I am looking for a fight. So, I never drank again outside of a rare social rum and coke, but I leave it at one.

Every day I feel fortunate that I learned that at a very young age rather than 35 years later. I also wake up from surgery swinging...I guess I am just not a nice guy with the brain turned off. Must have a few caveman genes left in my DNA.
When I was a young man, they used to have bars without bands, didn't serve food, unless you counted the fifty-three year old jar of hard boiled eggs sitting on the bar as food. They had a card room, and pool tables, both of which guaranteed that if you hung around long enough you would either see, or be in a fight before the night was finished. You should see how much blood can fly out of a guys head when struck with a cue ball, or cue stick. I don't think they have those kinds of establishments anymore, but they used to be just the ticket for an ambulance ride, a ride in a POLICE car, or if it was a really bad night, a trip to the morgue. ALL of these have occurred at one particular bar I used to frequent.
 

ChicknPickn

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I was told the boldened part by an Alcoholics Anonymous guy after I had been off the booze TEN years! I laughed and told him, the highway patrol and my wife don't care if I'm a dry drunk, they just appreciate that fact that I AIN'T DRUNK. Going on twenty-five years of being a dry drunk. I went to one of those "meetings" everyone there had a cigarette and a cup of coffee in their hands. I quit smoking before I quit alcohol, using the same process, I did it cold turkey. Haven't smoked since 1987.
Any way that you escape from addiction isn't just good, it's a miracle. As they say, there's a wrench for every nut. No one was more surprised than I was when I found my answer. I was told that AA has no monopoly on the sobriety business. I'm sure that is true.
 

Kandinskyesque

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When I was a young man, they used to have bars without bands, didn't serve food, unless you counted the fifty-three year old jar of hard boiled eggs sitting on the bar as food. They had a card room, and pool tables, both of which guaranteed that if you hung around long enough you would either see, or be in a fight before the night was finished. You should see how much blood can fly out of a guys head when struck with a cue ball, or cue stick. I don't think they have those kinds of establishments anymore, but they used to be just the ticket for an ambulance ride, a ride in a POLICE car, or if it was a really bad night, a trip to the morgue. ALL of these have occurred at one particular bar I used to frequent.
There's still plenty of those bars here in the land where some men wear tartan skirts and no underwear.
I had my first drink in one of them and my last drink some 30 years later, as well a a few in between.
Fortunately they're becoming rarer.
 

985plowboy

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I quit cold turkey 11 years ago.
It was really hard for a couple years.
I basically had to relearn how to live my life.
I had to find Different activities and friends because everything in my life either revolved around or at least had a drinking aspect.
Fortunately, I had the support of my wife and a few select friends.

I can’t imagine going back to the way I was.

You can do it.
I swear it’s worth it.
 

telemnemonics

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Of course we’re just a bunch a guys telling our stories here, but in these discussions I think the fact gets missed that we who are sober, are not only not all the same in our solutions, but even bigger than that we are not all the same in the problems we overcame.

A medical differentiation is that if we can achieve sobriety on our own, by going to church, by seeing a therapist for a while, or by a stint in rehab, we are not medically alcoholics or addicts.

Lots of us had too much fun and found it hard to give up the fun.
Or got a couple of OUIs and a judge sent us to AA despite our not being actual alcoholics.
Many many hard drinkers hit 30 or 40, or get fired or an OUI and just stop drinking.
Those are maybe problem drinkers.

An alcoholic is a medical term for someone who cannot just stop when their liver is swollen to three times normal and their esophagus rips open every few months. We don’t all have the same liver symptoms but we all have the same basic inability to quit on our own or with a little help.

If you can stop with some concerted effort, your method means nothing to an actual alcoholic/ addict.
The medically diseased person who is one of those terms (alcoholic or addict) for the same disease?
Nobody who stopped on their own or with a little doctor or therapist or church help, needs to be branded alcoholic.
Be happy your drinking problem was not a disease, and be proud to have stopped. But you don’t need to be an alcoholic, just because you chose to live sober.

Of course it’s interesting to have these discussions, but alcoholics and addicts die horribly, sometimes taking strangers and loved ones with us.
 
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