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Airline Humour (Shamelessly stolen from Facebook)

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by HoodieMcFoodie, May 29, 2013.

  1. HoodieMcFoodie

    HoodieMcFoodie Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Airline humour from Qantas

    After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

    The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

    Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

    Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what they're for.

    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    And the best one for last...

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget
     
  2. Axtklinge

    Axtklinge Tele-Meister

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    Those are really funny!!!

    (...)
    Lets just hope they're at least as good with the maintenance as they are with joking with it...
     
  3. kelnet

    kelnet Telefied Ad Free Member

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    When I first saw this years ago, it was supposedly the repair logs from some airforce base. It used to have stuff about propellers and target radar.
     
  4. kelnet

    kelnet Telefied Ad Free Member

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    P: Loud whine coming from under instrument panel.
    S: Gave hammer back to midget.
     
  5. KokoTele

    KokoTele Doctor of Teleocity Vendor Member

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    An oldie but a goody. The one about the #3 engine is the clue that this started in the piston days, and IFF the clue that it has made the rounds through the military. (Everyone else calls IFF a transponder. Everyone flying a plane without weaponry is assumed to be friendly :)
     
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