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Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by BobbyZ, Apr 29, 2021.
It was kind of a joke but thanks for the insult. Peace brutha
I think that life experience and maturity are the factors that matter with an age gap relationship. IMO the age difference doesn't matter to people who have have experienced life's ups and downs, know how to deal with them, and have gotten themselves mostly figured out.
I've posted this before, so forgive me if it's tedious...
About 22 years ago I had moved from development editing into the Internet side of operations at Macmillan USA publishing. I was the Technical Services Manager for several e-commerce Web sites from medium-sized to informit.com with a user base of 360,000 members. My now-wife was the Director of Product Development at frommers.com in NYC and was sent to Indianapolis, IN every 3 weeks to supervise site development. She'd spent her adult life in Manhattan, NY and landing in suburban Indianapolis was like landing on another planet.
She showed up in my office (an offacle, or cubeface) and we instantly bonded as friends, like we'd known each other forever. We were absolute partners in our work efforts and hipping her on how to exist in a Midwestern city. Somehow we were each tuned into the other's thoughts and emotions, knowing what was going on without conversing about it. She helped me through a difficult divorce and was happy for me when I connected with someone else. We were friends and wanted the best for each other.
As friends, we stayed platonically so over the years, e-mailing and calling periodically. Separated by hundreds of miles, we still were tuned into each other's thoughts and emotions and one of us would call the other when a problem was sensed. Her grief over her uncle's death woke me out of a deep sleep and I knew that something was dreadfully wrong with her.
She was one of the few non-family invited to my wedding and it was the first time I'd seen her in years. My late wife knew and liked her and there was no issue over my having a long-term friend who happened to be a woman. Before my late wife left this life she wrote me a letter that included the directive to find love. My friend and I realized that we had everything that love consists of and have been loves and best friends for the last 8+ years. For the first two we had a long-distance phone relationship watching old movies with wine together over the phone, visiting occasionally. I moved from Indianapolis, IN to Buffalo, NY to live together 6+ years ago and we've been married for the last 4+
Even when life is tedious and difficult, our days are warm, supportive, and fun. We're different in some ways, but don't argue and don't have conflict. We just work things out, as we want the best for each other. Words really fail me in describing how good this relationship is. It's the best thing I've ever experienced.
She's 54 and I'm 66. So, she's 12 years younger than me and I'm 12 years older than her. That's, uh... a 24 year difference. That's shocking to some folks, so I take the average 12 + 12 = 24/2 = 12 years. People react better to that.
she talks....i just listen....=a relationship secret.=regardless of any age differences there may be!
Agreed. One of my older brothers is 62 and was dating a 28 year old. My first question was WTF is wrong with her??? He's no catch.
And... Perhaps he's looking for someone with less life experience who won't challenge him.
Well of course I meant a couple that everyone assumes is Dad and daughter, or Mom and son.
I actually dated a 40yo who did Yoga etc for a bit when I was 45, and she looked great but she wanted the lights out for stuff, because stuff.
My wife is 15 years younger than me, which is not good in youth but seems about right when older.
As far as men's assumptions about "what women want from men", there seems to be a lot of strong feelings and mythology there.
I agree that while men may appear to display a high incidence of wanting supermodel looks in their mate, that's maybe as much myth as every day reality.
Women I'd say are less willing to live with a man they only like the body of, than men who seem to be willing to marry a display item/ toy.
But women do indeed want to like what they see in their man!
We may be confused about what that looks like though.
Take the range of appearances a given man can have depending on diet and exercise, and I'm pretty certain that us men assume the ripped body builder look is hotter than the normally muscular with a little paunch look.
Truth there is that aside from maybe teen girls to early 20s women, women pretty universally do not like the ripped body builder look.
Might also be valid to consider that attracting a life partner with ripped muscles is as bad and idea as attracting a life partner with $$$.
Funny though that men think big muscles are attractive to women, kind of tragic and runs parallel to the ideal of the tall skinny woman as what all men want. Girls grow up thinking tall and skinny is the only woman look that's attractive to men, while many if not the majority of men like any number of other shapes & sizes.
Hell even assuming women want this and men want that is as dumb as assuming guitar players want Tele into Twin or LP into Marshall.
We humans are all individuals, with different tastes and preferences.
In the end of course, a life partner needs to connect mind and soul, even more than body.
Sometimes that looks a bit odd, other times looks socially acceptable.
Depend too much on one of the three connections; mind body and soul, good chance hardships that come up will strain to the breaking point.
Time is a major component there too.
Body can sustain happiness for a while at first, then mind gets more important, and in the end I'd put my money on soul as most important to lasting love.
Sorry! Was love even a part of this topic?!?!
I'm watching a friend of mine do this at the moment, she's 40 he's 60, they've been together ~4 years or so off and on. It sorta seems like it works? The biggest problem in their relationship I think is booze, but thats another story.
My wife and I are 6 years apart, I'm 36, she's 30. But we're also in on the same page with our life and our goals so it only really plays into anything when we're talking pop culture references.
Well, it works better for rich guys,. otherwise it's 100% subjective and depends on the couple.
I did this, I was around 25 or 26 I think, she was 30. But she had a 10 year old kid, so she never really got to have a 20's, and was trying to have her 20's now, right when I was getting out of mine, and I wasn't comfortable with the way she'd drink and party and then wake up in the morning and leave my place to take her kid to the bus stop. It was just weird. Anyway, she's married and happy now and so am I and thats how that cookie crumbled.
I am 11 years older than Mrs. SS and we have been together 22 years and married for 20 of that. This the second marriage for both of us.
Maybe that's a common interest that brings them together.
Of course, I don't know those people so I'm possibly posting nonsense.
Ha! More or less. He has confided in me a few times that she's chosen being out drinking with people over seeing him a few times more than he'd like. But, he's also been known to drink a little more than he should. I'm not here to judge though, just my observations, and comparing these things to my previous relationship which largely fell apart because of my preoccupation with booze.
There is a 21-year age difference between my girlfriend of six plus years and myself. In fact, I am a little older than her mother.
I was pretty self-conscious, and a little wary, at first but the age gap has never seemed to bother her at all. We've had issues, to be sure--but the age difference isn't really one of them. She is an old soul, wise beyond 36 years old...smart, hardworking, good-humored and resourceful. I must admit I never expected her to stay with me this long, but there's no accounting for taste. And the longer we're together, and the more of life's ups and downs we face together, the more I love and appreciate her. She is truly my best friend as well, an added bonus.
She has proven to be the best thing that ever happened to me. Ever.
I don't normally post pictures of my family. However, since typing this has got me all emotional now...here's one of us getting ready to go to a nice dinner last December 18th. Sixth anniversary of our first date.
All I have to say on this matter is that, after a divorce, I, at 44, dated a really cute 20 year old for almost a year.
The break-up was not problematic and we parted as friends.
And yes, the sex was great.
I'll go away now...
I am acquainted with, I can't say I really know an old guy out at one of the golf courses I frequent. I've been seeing him around since back in the late 80s early 90s. When I first got acquainted with him, he'd just married a young woman, I don't mean younger, I mean like not much more than a teenager. I don't know what they had going on, but she'd follow him around on the golf course wearing outfits like you'd expect a teeny bopper to be wearing.
Whenever I happened to think of him, I figured that relationship was long gone, faded into the past, and him probably dead. Then I happened to run into him out at the golf course a while back. I don't think he plays anymore, just hits some pitch shots, and practices putting, because I don't ever see him out on the course. I cautiously asked him how his "young" wife was doing? He replied, oh she's doing fine, but she ain't all that young anymore! I found his answer amusing to say the least. What ever he's got going on must be working, because I was still a young and virile man when I first met him. Now I'm and old fossil and he looks pretty much like he did when I first met him and his cutie!
That's one way to look at it. Another is, when, for example, you're in your late 40s, most women your age are either happily married, have major baggage (exes, divorce, STDs, issues) or have completely let themselves go. I do see a lot of attractive women my age...many with attractive personalities as well...but they are invariably married or otherwise taken.
Then if you want to add in someone who doesn't have children from another relationship, tattoos and other body scarification (a few piercings are fine) and who shares your values and, in the case of some of us, a Christian faith...it gets REALLY hard to find someone. Most of the good, solid, pretty Christian women from decent families and with decent values marry off by their mid to late 20s...early 30s at the outside. So you either have to go young, find a reasonably undamaged divorcee, do some MAJOR settling or fly solo.
A lot of women like older men...not all of them have daddy issues. Some just like the maturity and stability. Many of the men their age are still playing video games in their parents' basement or have no direction in life, are still figuring things out/finding themselves, etc.. I don't judge...I was a late bloomer too.
For the record, my ideal dating age range would be early to late 30s, provided the woman, like me, takes care of herself and tries to stay healthy and fit. I'm in pretty good shape for my age and am frequently mistaken for being in my 30s...sometimes even late 20s. Part of it is boyish looks...part of it is just taking good care of myself and staying in shape.
What's funny is, I'm so much younger looking that women my age tell me they would feel like a cougar dating me and women much younger often find me attractive and flirt with me/pick me up, but then get weirded out by my age when it finally comes up. "Oh wow...you look so much younger! Are you a creeper?" "Uhh, you asked ME out, dear, remember?" "Well, whatever, I like older guys." Uh oh...haha.
I look around at what's out there and much of the time I don't like much of what I see...like the guy in the Bachelor video earlier. I've gotten far more selective about women as I've gotten older. When I do find one I like, she's usually off the market. Sometimes I like them and they don't like me. Sometimes the opposite. I've had some very attractive women over the years clearly crushing on me and I just didn't feel it back or just felt something holding me back. They later ended up happily married to someone else, so I figure that was God telling me, "Son, this one's not for you."
I'm not an insecure person. I've dated some stunningly beautiful women over the years...many 10-20 years younger than me, a few my own age and a couple that were older. So I know I have the pull...or can. But weirdly, women liked me better when I was kind of a womanizer/player....now that I've reformed my life and am a better man...they seem to not even see me. Thankfully, I don't require the affirmation from them I did when I was younger.
I used to have much lower standards and got into some very toxic relationships over the years with several narcissists. You can lose years of your life in a mess like that...and get off track with your passions and purpose. I've had periods where I was a womanizer (often as a backlash to the repression and frustration of such relationships) and periods where I was, ashamed to admit, a bit of a simp. I don't simp anymore...so I date a lot less. Haha. It's weird, several of my LTRs were with women who were attracted to me being my own man, having my own unique identity/attitude/confidence and not a simp or a follower, but then tried to tear down those things with controlling behaviors or just tried to change me. I think of the Proverb: "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." If I resisted, we fought. If I gave in...Simp City...and eventually they lost respect for me. Or I would simply get weary of fighting all the time. Either way, Splitsville.
Things are so crazy now with men, women, the culture and difficulties around meeting and dating. Sometimes I feel like I'll never find someone. Which, honestly, I'm pretty okay with to a large degree. I could be content as I am for the rest of my life. Of course, what's impossible with man is possible with the God. So there's that.
One of the things I love about these relationship threads (age gap or not) is that despite all odds and obstacles, despite the "rules girls" and the red-pilled guys, despite feminism and MGTOW, despite people being broken and damaged by their past relationships; people are still meeting, falling in love and having happy, healthy, balanced and supportive (not to mention long-lasting) relationships out there. And that's encouraging. So thank you all for sharing.
So are they still together or what?
No problem with self esteem I see.
If she's adult 21 or over and she consents and enjoys the relationship, then who the hell has any reason to say it's wrong?
Personally I always think to myself, "I want someone just like her who's over 40."
Finding someone of any age who I can talk with for several hours and be silent with for several hours and she isn't clawing her way out the door is a minor miracle. But the odds are better if she's over 40. I think the older ones understand better how fleeting and precious a connection like that can be. Too bad we don't take better care of our bodies after 30. My hormones haven't slowed down.
And why does this topic always revolve around older men with younger women? If an older woman snares a guy 20 or 30 years younger she's a "cougar" but if a guy gets a younger girl he's a creep. Double standards suck, too.