After the thread about moving a piano, my piano spoke to me today.

[String Tree]

I was vacuuming the floor, since somehow one of my wife's duties became mine. It's a good trade though, she does many things around the house. I shut the vacuum off and moved the bench to vacuum underneath where it sits, and under and around the piano. Just as finished moving the bench, and before I could restart the vacuum, the piano spoke up, and said, I'd have a word with you.

The piano began to speak, the following is what it relayed to me. I could clearly discern from your keystrokes the other day, that you were maligning pianos in general, and me in particular. Thou fool, for the past fifteen years since I've been sitting here neglected, unloved, and unused, if you had even a semblance of a brain, you could have learned to make music with me.

The time you've wasted on that stupid guitar forum, foozling, and fazzling with guitars and golf clubs, you could have formed a rewarding relationship with me. You could have known a world beyond your meager realm, but you chose to ignore me, and waste your time on useless pursuits. You are to be pitied in a way, but alas, you just don't have the brains of a goose in a pond. You are too old to even reason with, let alone learn to play me, so go on and do your chores like the servant of idiocy you are.

I knew not how to answer this volley from the piano, so I did the sensible thing, and resumed vacuuming. As I vacuumed, meandering to and fro, I thought of what the piano had to say. Alas, I can find no fault with any of it.

My Piano spoke to me like that. Once.
I sold it.
No regrets.

 

[Piggy Stu]

I have a valuable commodity that is a surefire hedge against inflation, it is produced by my pony, will remit when I receive the invoice.

Sounds more stable than cryptocurrency: I presume this is an 'All You Can Eat' buffet deal

 

[Chester P Squier]

Reminds me of a few years ago when one of my grandkids was attempting to pluck the strings of our piano by going in through an opening under the keyboard with some object. It disabled one of the notes, but the repair cost less than having it tuned, which it needed anyway. All was forgiven. I’m one to encourage musical experimentation anyway.

 

[Stringbanger]

My piano doesn’t talk to me, but it gives me the “stink” eye. However, winter is a mere three weeks away, and most of my activities have turned inside already.

I have not tickled the ivories since spring. The last time I played, I had just started trying to learn black key chords. I have that “Heart And Soul” progression nailed pretty well, which allows me to play quite a few 50s and 60s numbers.

I actually won this piano in a contest. It’s digital, and it plays well.

 

[Peegoo]

I believe the piano was waiting for the perfect moment to drive home its assertion, and it did so with acerbic aplomb, to wit: not only do you suck on the piano--you suck on the carpet as well.

 

[Toto'sDad]

Sounds more stable than cryptocurrency: I presume this is an 'All You Can Eat' buffet deal

I was going to offer to pay in cryptocurrency, but figured you'd rather have the other, and yes, you can eat 'til full!

 

[Toto'sDad]

I believe the piano was waiting for the perfect moment to drive home its assertion, and it did so with acerbic aplomb, to wit: not only do you suck on the piano--you suck on the carpet as well.

An astounding observation!

 

[Toto'sDad]

I think you're pianos haunted.....

Maybe I should call channel 29?

 

[Toto'sDad]

And yet, you came and posted all that instead of sitting down to play on the black-and-white keyboard. Clearly, the message was not taken in good faith.

Well, I was a little shaken up by my piano just blurting out at me that way.

 

[telleutelleme]

I think it wanted help getting up off the floor.

 

[getbent]

your life is simple. a piano is an immoveable object once played forever to occupy that space. my wife wants me to move the peloton...but she isn't sure where. this could take most of the day, I called in.

 

[Buckaroo65]

I read your post to my piano it says good on you. Then it said, see you heathen, that could have been you! If that thing keeps this up, I'm gonna put one of momma's winter quilts over it.

If you really want to shut that piano up, open the top and stuff momma’s winter quilt down inside of it. You don’t wanna play around when you’re trying to make a piano shut it’s trap.

 

[Piggy Stu]

I was going to offer to pay in cryptocurrency, but figured you'd rather have the other, and yes, you can eat 'til full!

Can someone please give me credit for using the word stable about a pony and currency in 1 sentence. Oscar Wilde would be raising his hat at such devastating wit

 

[HaWE]

Makes me think of Tom Waits "The piano has been drinking"

 

[Skydog1010]

Middle "C" I know, still looking for E#!
I seems to me, they forgot a black key.

I growl at it when I walk by, the piano I mean.. All that mahogany to keep dusted and clean - more strings to tune, all worse than a drawer of sterling to polish by the light of the moon.

Time with Kirby I relish 'cause the front wheel drive assures the rugs will turn loose of their bugs and they too will join me in glee when I bump the mammoth legs of the 88 toothed monster that haunts me even past noon.


I thought truck drivers were a couple pints short of a full bucket, guess I was wrong.

Keep up the fine oratory TD, you'll make an Einstein of us all, for now I have to run, gotta go pee. Hehe!

 

[Toto'sDad]

your life is simple. a piano is an immoveable object once played forever to occupy that space. my wife wants me to move the peloton...but she isn't sure where. this could take most of the day, I called in.

 

[Toto'sDad]

Middle "C" I know, still looking for E#!
I seems to me, they forgot a black key.

I growl at it when I walk by, the piano I mean.. All that mahogany to keep dusted and clean - more strings to tune, all worse than a drawer of sterling to polish by the light of the moon.

Time with Kirby I relish 'cause the front wheel drive assures the rugs will turn loose of their bugs and they too will join me in glee when I bump the mammoth legs of the 88 toothed monster that haunts me even past noon.


I thought truck drivers were a couple pints short of a full bucket, guess I was wrong.

Keep up the fine oratory TD, you'll make an Einstein of us all, for now I have to run, gotta go pee. Hehe!

Things have changed a lot since I drove a truck. When I started driving the dispatcher gave me a large Pepsi in a bottle. I asked him, what's this for? He said, drive as long as you can without stopping for a drink, when you are about to pass out from thirst, drink the whole bottle of Pepsi! Then, when you need to pee, hold it as long as you can, pee in the bottle and throw it out the window. By then you ought to be in Oklahoma City!

 

[Skydog1010]

Things have changed a lot since I drove a truck. When I started driving the dispatcher gave a large Pepsi in a bottle. I asked him, what's this for? He said, drive as long as you can without stopping for a drink, when you are about to pass out from thirst, drink the whole bottle of Pepsi! Then, when you need to pee, hold it as long as you can, pee in the bottle and throw it out the window. By then you ought to be in Oklahoma City!

I'm an old man
The bad dog cafe is always a delight
But my old bladder continues to put me in flight.

They say I was born there
But I'd rather be in Spain
' cause the music, I kinda like
But can't get there, cause mama told me
I can't borrow the plane tonight.

That was my windshield you splattered
With your hydraulic dump
It's only my head with the lump
From the pole I bumped
That really mattered

Jim Morrison would be proud
Or did I set sail in a ship of fools?

Ok this has to stop. Gonna go buy a steak and tater.

 

[Toto'sDad]

I'm an old man
The bad dog cafe is always a delight
But my old bladder continues to put me in flight.

They say I was born there
But I'd rather be in Spain
' cause the music, I kinda like
But can't get there, cause mama told me
I can't borrow the plane tonight.

That was my windshield you splattered
With your hydraulic dump
It's only my head with the lump
From the pole I bumped
That really mattered

Jim Morrison would be proud
Or did I set sail in a ship of fools?

Ok this has to stop. Gonna go buy a steak and tater.

I'm thinking you've done and got the hongrys so bad, you're startin' to babble, time to eat!

 

[ClashCityTele]

My guitars often talk to me.
They say "We're lonely, we need some new friends".


So I bought them a piano!