After the thread about moving a piano, my piano spoke to me today.

Toto'sDad

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I was vacuuming the floor, since somehow one of my wife's duties became mine. It's a good trade though, she does many things around the house. I shut the vacuum off and moved the bench to vacuum underneath where it sits, and under and around the piano. Just as finished moving the bench, and before I could restart the vacuum, the piano spoke up, and said, I'd have a word with you.

The piano began to speak, the following is what it relayed to me. I could clearly discern from your keystrokes the other day, that you were maligning pianos in general, and me in particular. Thou fool, for the past fifteen years since I've been sitting here neglected, unloved, and unused, if you had even a semblance of a brain, you could have learned to make music with me.

The time you've wasted on that stupid guitar forum, foozling, and fazzling with guitars and golf clubs, you could have formed a rewarding relationship with me. You could have known a world beyond your meager realm, but you chose to ignore me, and waste your time on useless pursuits. You are to be pitied in a way, but alas, you just don't have the brains of a goose in a pond. You are too old to even reason with, let alone learn to play me, so go on and do your chores like the servant of idiocy you are.

I knew not how to answer this volley from the piano, so I did the sensible thing, and resumed vacuuming. As I vacuumed, meandering to and fro, I thought of what the piano had to say. Alas, I can find no fault with any of it.
 

Piggy Stu

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I was vacuuming the floor, since somehow one of my wife's duties became mine. It's a good trade though, she does many things around the house. I shut the vacuum off and moved the bench to vacuum underneath where it sits, and under and around the piano. Just as finished moving the bench, and before I could restart the vacuum, the piano spoke up, and said, I'd have a word with you.

The piano began to speak, the following is what it relayed to me. I could clearly discern from your keystrokes the other day, that you were maligning pianos in general, and me in particular. Thou fool, for the past fifteen years since I've been sitting here neglected, unloved, and unused, if you had even a semblance of a brain, you could have learned to make music with me.

The time you've wasted on that stupid guitar forum, foozling, and fazzling with guitars and golf clubs, you could have formed a rewarding relationship with me. You could have known a world beyond your meager realm, but you chose to ignore me, and waste your time on useless pursuits. You are to be pitied in a way, but alas, you just don't have the brains of a goose in a pond. You are too old to even reason with, let alone learn to play me, so go on and do your chores like the servant of idiocy you are.

I knew not how to answer this volley from the piano, so I did the sensible thing, and resumed vacuuming. As I vacuumed, meandering to and fro, I thought of what the piano had to say. Alas, I can find no fault with any of it.
Is this a parody of Edgar Allen Poe stuff that we never read in England? Explain the joke to the class?
 

bebopbrain

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Just started lessons; the piano is a harsh mistress. There is this thing called Hanon. Then we worked on a Bach invention, sheet music from Mose Allison (my pick), and a selection from Easy Classics To Moderns.

A little overwhelming, as it should be.
 

Toto'sDad

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One of my purchases yesterday at Costco was after eating a sample of delicious beef jerky, I bought a whole bag of it. After being scolded so by the piano, I opened the bag, and as a good consumer does, gobbled down a handful of beef jerky, and I feel much better now.
 

Toto'sDad

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Just started lessons; the piano is a harsh mistress. There is this thing called Hanon. Then we worked on a Bach invention, sheet music from Mose Allison (my pick), and a selection from Easy Classics To Moderns.

A little overwhelming, as it should be.

I read your post to my piano it says good on you. Then it said, see you heathen, that could have been you! If that thing keeps this up, I'm gonna put one of momma's winter quilts over it.
 

bgmacaw

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Here's a piano story for you...

Right after I got out of the Marines I was living in an old farmhouse that my Grandfather owned. There was an old, fancy, upright piano there which had belonged to a church that had closed. The previous owner of the house had acquired the piano and left it there when they moved out. I was bored one day and started playing the piano, trying to remember songs that I had learned when I took years of piano as a kid. Suddenly, a 5 foot rat snake came crawling out from under it, apparently disturbed by my playing. That gave me quite a jolt.

Moral of the story, I guess, is that a large snake can't hide in a digital keyboard.
 

jedediahd

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Here's a piano story for you...

Right after I got out of the Marines I was living in an old farmhouse that my Grandfather owned. There was an old, fancy, upright piano there which had belonged to a church that had closed. The previous owner of the house had acquired the piano and left it there when they moved out. I was bored one day and started playing the piano, trying to remember songs that I had learned when I took years of piano as a kid. Suddenly, a 5 foot rat snake came crawling out from under it, apparently disturbed by my playing. That gave me quite a jolt.

Moral of the story, I guess, is that a large snake can't hide in a digital keyboard.
I used that thinking process when I got my first mandolin. Mandolincafe forum offered the advice that bigger spiders could crawl out of oval soundholes than f holes. Solid.

You could really get some voices from a digital keyboard . . .
 

billy logan

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piano's not that hard to get started on. Put your r.h. thumb on middle C. Middle finger on the E located two white keys to the right. Pinkie on the G two more white keys up. C Major. Play that over and over in any rhythm you like.

Move that entire 3-digit claw-hand two white keys to the left. Play A minor.

Go back and forth between C Major and A minor. You are playing "Shake" by the Isley Brothers. You are halfway to playing all the doo-wop songs. Just ask Andras Schiff how to play D minor and G Major.

Don't have a cow.

Or stay on C Major, but Let your little finger go absolutely crazy and play the black key immediately to the right*. You are halfway now to playing "Because, Because I-I Love You" by the Dave Clark 5.

Did I say move your thumb or your middle finger? No. Don't move them. Can you NOT move them? I bet you are able not to move them. Leave them playing the same keys all the way.

Now Let that restless pinkie go to the black key's immediate white key neighbor to the right**.

Then the pinkie goes to the black key neighbor*** of the new white key.

Did you succeed in not changing the position of your thumb and middle finger? xlnt

Have a cow if you want; I'm not the boss of you.

*C augmented5
**C6 or call it A Minor if it pleases you. Call it "little village" if that's more gratifying to you, Chess brothers.
*** C7

Because, Because I Love That The USA Has Advanced. That's the lyrics, right?
 
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Wheelhouse

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And yet, you came and posted all that instead of sitting down to play on the black-and-white keyboard. Clearly, the message was not taken in good faith. ;)
 

rghill

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My mom had a grand piano. The only thing that it ever spoke to me was "I am going to destroy your back when it comes time to move me".

I have participated in moving that thing at least three times and with each move we got a little better at it. My dad mentioned that the people they gave the piano to is wanting to move it again. I think I will be conveniently out of town when that happens.
 




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