A sonnet thread for TDPRI....

Bendyha

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A sonnet thread for TDPRI
To post our works for all to see and read
If new to you then why not have a try
To draft within the frame a rhyme must heed
As it is but a simple rhythmic song
Often with a iambic pentameter
Like Shakespeare tended to base his upon
Other styles would make the thread completer
There are a lot of other valid forms
Each with their own defining metric line
But if you want to break with all the norms
Then go ahead it also could be fine
Just know that critic be more than welcome
As pleasing all with one's efforts, seldom


Just for fun, I like to try my hand at trying to write in a more set style, not that I am particularly good at it, or that I even know much about it - I'm just keen to give it a try.
Over the years I have had a shot at scoring a few sonnets along the Shakespearian style, because I have enjoyed reading his, but knowing I could never come near to matching them.

I would be keen to read other people's attempts, and get introduced to a few other metric lines I've not tried.
I know we have English teachers among our ranks, who have experience in advising others with their clumsy attempts....but are you willing to post your own?

Anyway, apart from the one above that I have now just hastily composed for the purpose of introducing this thread, here is one I baked before...


I Want You To Know.

To find words to praise you, I must admit
I have a lack of imagination
For the phrases I write seem so unfit
And not adequate for your laudation
I am not what you'd call a great poet
Sadly my talent is not great enough
I don't have to tell you that ‚ you know it
That's why all of my attempts are so rough
I wish I could express what I want to
But somehow it always comes out all wrong
I know what it is I want to tell you
I'd need to talk with you a whole night-long
I want you to know, all I write for you
Comes straight from my heart, it's completely true



I have a few others that I will probably post later....but first, let's have a few of yours.
 
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Bendyha

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No other contenders yet....then I will add a few more mediocre offerings.

Both with a related theme of love yearning.

So Much To Say

Surrounded by ears I watch what I say
Constantly suppressing my emotions
I live with a knotted tongue every day
Holding back the truth of my devotions.
It's not always an easy thing to do
And I can't just make the knots go away
So that at last when I'm alone with you
It's hard to express what I want to say.
Sometimes it hurts, is there worse yet to come
Will I one day find it awkward to write?
As the scars add up, the senses grow numb
Will the words then fail me, try as I might
So much to say, but it's hard to define
Put feelings in words and phrases that rhyme.


Tell Me Your Desires

Every time I walk the dog you're with me
At night I lie in bed and you are there
I'm torn from blissful turns of fantasy
When I reach out to stroke your auburn hair.
Memories of flavours where my lips stroke
I can hear, see and smell you if I try
Just illusions, no more substance than smoke
Dreams lack lustre, are cool and usually dry.
When shall we meet ? You're always so busy
I patiently wait, hoping for the time
When your sweet scent again drives me dizzy
Warm wet happy hours ‚ soaked in sweat and slime.
Tell me your desires to learn I must know
Let me be the slave to your libido.


I know they are not great, but am not sure if I should bother trying to rewrite the weakness out of them.
I am always of two minds whether to embrace punctuation, or attempt to write in a way to avoid it.
 

Dukex

Tele-Afflicted
Joined
Nov 8, 2012
Posts
1,434
Location
SoCal
FENDER BENDER

I found a slab of wood and carved some curves
Along its outer edges soft and smooth
A tingling started dancing with my nerves
My body began swaying with a groove

A long, thin board I shaped into a neck
An intonated ruler note-to-note
I fixed it on the slab, thought what the heck
It looked just like a paddle for a boat

First one then two transducers made it sing
And cry like angels blessed forever after
A friend, creative, came upon a name
And thus inspired I called it Telecaster

My name is Leo, I’m a magic man
My name is Leo, catch me if you can
 




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