A lot going on at once, guess times like this make you more humble.

Twofingerlou

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Jan 10, 2021
Posts
840
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Midwest
Been awol quite a while, not posting this and asking for sympathy but more so to be happy for what you’ve got while you do I guess.

Posted earlier this summer regarding my 87 year old grandma. It’s been a roller coaster of ups and downs since but she’s still kicking ass and taking names. When she hasn’t been in the hospital somebody has to be with her 24/7. My uncle retired a year ago or so so he’s pulled the all week duty. My mom stays with her all weekend. Later this summer my uncle had some health issues and needed some stents and things like that so I jumped in, took some days off or ditched work and pulled some extra weight for getting granny to doc appointments ect when needed. Her mobility has declined so it’s not just as easy as saying walk to the car and hop in!!

The guy that was basically my father figure, the big strong guy that taught me so much is in his late 60’s now and had started to realize he can’t do what he used to in the physical department anymore. I think that kinda put a dent in his ego but he’s taken that part in strides.

Few weeks ago my aunt (same uncles wife) wasn’t feeling well and he eventually took her to the ER. She was told she has cancer, she started chemo this week. That was the last thing we all wanted to hear or needed right now. I never thought I’d see mr tough guy breakdown but it almost happened.

My mom is just beyond herself right now and I’ve been there for the meltdowns. I’ve managed to contain myself around others but inside I’m kinda eating away. We’re not religious people for what it’s worth. Times like this make me question even more.

Life’s a ride, life isn’t always fair I guess. Point of this post? Needed to vent I guess, be happy for what you got when you do.
 

Recce

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Trigg County, Kentucky
Sometimes life is harder than others. What you are saying is you love those folks and they are hurting. That makes you hurt also. Nothing wrong with that it’s human. Just hang in there and things will work out. Some maybe not how you want but you will survive. Life always moves forward.
 

archetype

Fiend of Leo's
Joined
Jun 4, 2005
Posts
8,623
Location
Western NY
Find people to talk to. Seriously. Just do it, even if you've lived a life of stubborn independence.

Live in the moment. Figure out how to do it. You can. What do I need to do right now? Do that. What do I need to do right now? Do that. Don't let thoughts of the future intrude, but shut them out. The future doesn't exist, yet, and when it shows up you'll meet it with your lifetime of mental and emotional skills.

Let loose. Cry and rage in your living room. Show up here any time you want. We're your peers and many of us have been through what you're facing. None of us got a how to deal with aging manual, but many of us have experience to share.

We'll help you stay cool and listen when you can't stay cool.
 

Milspec

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Joined
Feb 15, 2016
Posts
8,319
Location
Nebraska
Keep venting, we are listening and sometimes that is what we need the most.

I have gone through terrible years like that (most have or will have) and you quickly learn that nobody can handle it by themselves. Nobody is tough enough, you have to lean on others to get through it. In the end, that is why we have friends and family, to support each other during tough times so embrace that.
 

Nightclub Dwight

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Joined
Aug 12, 2016
Posts
2,966
Location
Pittsburgh
Life is like a big wheel. Sometimes you're on top, sometimes you're on the bottom. Eventually the wheel will spin you to the top, but it might take a while. It might feel like its taking forever, but you'll get there.

Sorry to hear its all going bad at once. Hang in there. It gets better.

It sounds like you are stepping up and doing what you have to do for your family. Good for you. Some day you'll look back and be proud that you were there for the people you love, just like they have been there for you while you were growing up.
 

SuprHtr

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Joined
Feb 1, 2019
Posts
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Age
66
Location
Rocket City
You have my sympathy. We all face stuff from time to time but you’re getting an extra helping right now. Are you able to get enough sleep? Don’t let anxiety keep you awake at night or you’ll be no good to anyone. Take care of yourself as well as others.
 

Blue Bill

Doctor of Teleocity
Ad Free Member
Joined
Feb 15, 2014
Posts
10,268
Location
Maine
Wow, Twofinger, that's a lot to deal with. I'm sending prayers and best wishes for grace and comfort to tou and your family. I wish I could do more. Keep us posted, it will help to share your burdens.
 

Knows3Chords

Tele-Afflicted
Joined
Sep 2, 2022
Posts
1,204
Location
Michigan
If I may, I would like to recommend a book. It's called Being Mortal, Medicine and What Matters at the End by Atal Gawanda. My siblings and I were tasked with being caregivers for both our parents as they got older and dealt with illness. My Mom passed in 2008, and my Father just passes this last May at 94. The last few years of his life my father lived with me and my wife. Caring for loved ones as they age and their health declines is one the most noble and soul testing things a person will do in their whole lives. I wish you all the strength in the world as you do your good work, but I also suggest taking care of yourself. Mind and body, when you can. If you find you have the time, maybe this book will help. Best of luck.
 
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Endless Mike

Friend of Leo's
Joined
Nov 2, 2016
Posts
3,560
Location
Arlington, Texas
Been awol quite a while, not posting this and asking for sympathy but more so to be happy for what you’ve got while you do I guess.

Posted earlier this summer regarding my 87 year old grandma. It’s been a roller coaster of ups and downs since but she’s still kicking ass and taking names. When she hasn’t been in the hospital somebody has to be with her 24/7. My uncle retired a year ago or so so he’s pulled the all week duty. My mom stays with her all weekend. Later this summer my uncle had some health issues and needed some stents and things like that so I jumped in, took some days off or ditched work and pulled some extra weight for getting granny to doc appointments ect when needed. Her mobility has declined so it’s not just as easy as saying walk to the car and hop in!!

The guy that was basically my father figure, the big strong guy that taught me so much is in his late 60’s now and had started to realize he can’t do what he used to in the physical department anymore. I think that kinda put a dent in his ego but he’s taken that part in strides.

Few weeks ago my aunt (same uncles wife) wasn’t feeling well and he eventually took her to the ER. She was told she has cancer, she started chemo this week. That was the last thing we all wanted to hear or needed right now. I never thought I’d see mr tough guy breakdown but it almost happened.

My mom is just beyond herself right now and I’ve been there for the meltdowns. I’ve managed to contain myself around others but inside I’m kinda eating away. We’re not religious people for what it’s worth. Times like this make me question even more.

Life’s a ride, life isn’t always fair I guess. Point of this post? Needed to vent I guess, be happy for what you got when you do.
I won't get into all the details, but in my case, my wife is lucky to have survived cancer, although the radiation will take months to recover from, and the anti estrogen drugs are out because they totally destroy her quality of life (gotta' love Big Pharma!) as that's all playing out in a three month period, we find our plumbing has deteriorated to the point of everything needing to be replaced. It took eight people coming out to give estimates to go from 68,548.52 for the job, to a guy who comes highly recommended by many people who can do it for 21,000.00. We don't have that lying about, so we've got to figure that part out, and we don't have any other choice but to do so.

While this has been going on, numerous brush fires have been popping up, and there's rarely any time to do things that I enjoy just for a respite.

You refer to it as humility, which I think may be synonymous with how I'm understanding all these circumstances, which is trust the Grand Scheme and let go, or be dashed across the rocks by my determination to manage things. So I get out of the management business. Maintaining a firm grip on things only makes one crazy.

"Laughed at by Time, tricked by circumstances. Plus ca change, plus c’est la meme chose, the more that things change, the more they stay the same."
 

Tommy Biggs

Friend of Leo's
Joined
Jun 17, 2010
Posts
3,257
Location
Northern NJ
Hard times.
Stay tough, take care of yourself and be gentle with everyone you can.
This won’t help, but:
“When you’re going through hell, keep going “
Winston Churchill
 

howardlo

Tele-Afflicted
Joined
Feb 16, 2011
Posts
1,829
Location
Hobart, IN
I know where you are coming from. My mom passed away last July at 97. She was first in assisted care, then nursing home and finally hospice.

In September, shortly after going down to Florida and taking care of her home sale and the sale of her car, I was diagnosed with cancer of the vocal chords. Had surgery for the biopsy and just completed seven weeks of chemo and radiation treatments (last Friday). Chemo on Mondays and radiation Monday through Friday.

Luckily I was not too far from a top notch facility, The University of Chicago Hospital. I feel fortunate to have had that great a place close enough. I am in NW Indiana and it was just under an hour each way.

I am doing pretty well now but won’t know if they got it all until early January when they can do the PET scan and CAT scans.

Things seem to happen all at once.

I will keep your family in my prayers.
 




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