A cowboy walks into a saloon, . . .

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Charlie Bernstein, Jul 16, 2019.

  1. Ricky D.

    Ricky D. Doctor of Teleocity

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    A skeleton walks into a bar, bartender asks, "what will you have?" Skeleton says, " Gimme beer and a mop."
     
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  2. nojazzhere

    nojazzhere Poster Extraordinaire

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    I originally heard that one about fifty years ago. (seriously) I was told the punchline was, "....and my luck I got a hard-of-hearing genie and a 12" pianist!!!!" ;)
     
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  3. Mansonienne

    Mansonienne Tele-Holic

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    Probably already told on here but it's a good one

    A woman walked into a bar and ordered a double entendre. So the bartender gave her one.
     
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  4. PCollen

    PCollen Friend of Leo's

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    Cute. My first impression was that the cowboy would take the bet to make the horse laugh...
     
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  5. basher

    basher Tele-Afflicted

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    [​IMG]
     
  6. chezdeluxe

    chezdeluxe Poster Extraordinaire

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    A guy walked into a bar but was informed that the bar had dress standards and he needed to wear a necktie to obtain service.

    He went out to his car but couldn’t find a tie but he did find some jumper leads. He tied them around his neck went back to the bar and asked the barman “Will this do?”

    “Ok” said the barman “But don’t go starting anything....”
     
  7. kelnet

    kelnet Telefied Ad Free Member

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    So a man walks into a bar, and sits down. He starts a conversation with an old guy next to him. The old guy has obviously had a few. He says to the man:

    "You see that dock out there? Built it myself, hand crafted each piece, and it's the best dock in town! But do they call me "McGregor the dock builder"? No! And you see that bridge over there? I built that, took me two months, through rain, sleet and scoarching weather, but do they call me "McGregor the bridge builder"? No! And you see that pier over there, I built that, best pier in the county! But do they call me "McGregor the pier builder"? No!"

    The old guy looks around, and makes sure that nobody is listening, and leans to the man, and he says:

    "but you shag one sheep..."
     
  8. getbent

    getbent Telefied Ad Free Member

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    "Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, 'I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.' The waitress replies, I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?'"
     
  9. getbent

    getbent Telefied Ad Free Member

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    "A man is on his first visit to Boston, and he wants to try some of that delicious New England seafood that he'd long heard about. So he gets into a cab, and asks the driver, 'Can you take me to where I can get scrod?' The driver replies, 'I've heard that question a thousand time, but never in the pluperfect subjunctive.'"
     
  10. getbent

    getbent Telefied Ad Free Member

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    "Rene Descartes walks into a bar and proceeds to order many drink. The bartender says to him a while later, seeing he is completely inebriated, 'I think you've had enough.' Descartes slurs, 'I think not!' Then he disappears."
     
  11. getbent

    getbent Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Q: "Why do engineers confuse Halloween and Christmas?" A: "Because Oct. 31 = Dec. 25"
     
  12. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Poster Extraordinaire

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    Ohhh very nice.

    I am stealing that one.
     
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  13. MattyK-USA

    MattyK-USA Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

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    An engineering classic. Another one:

    There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those that understand binary, and those that don't.
     
  14. unixfish

    unixfish Poster Extraordinaire

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    That is one of my favorites.

    I'll add:

    I was going to tell a UDP joke, but you might not get it.

    A programmer is going to the grocery store. His wife tells him "Get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen." He returned with 12 loaves of bread.
     
  15. Lake Placid Blue

    Lake Placid Blue Poster Extraordinaire

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    A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says “hey, it’s Julia Roberts!”
     
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  16. TheGoodTexan

    TheGoodTexan Moderator Staff Member Ad Free Member

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    A naked blonde walks into a bar, carrying a poodle under one arm and a 6 foot salami under the other. The Bardtender says, “So, I don't suppose you'd be needing a drink?” The blonde says
     
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  17. Utah Joe

    Utah Joe Tele-Meister

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    It's business as usual for a bartender, and one day as he is cleaning his bar when an unusual customer walks in. The man is dressed in an expensive suit, has a beautiful supermodel hanging off each arm, and has a limo parked outside. Furthermore, the man has an orange for a head.

    The customer sits down at the bar and orders everyone a drink. He pays for it from a roll of hundreds and manages to get the attention of every woman in the joint, despite having an orange for a head.

    The bartender is not a man to pry, but he feels compelled to ask about this man's life.

    "Excuse me," says the bartender, "I can't help but notice that you're obviously fabulously wealthy and irresistable to women, but you have an orange for a head. How did that happen?"

    So the man told his story.

    "A while back, when I was penniless, I was walking along the beach and saw an old lamp, half buried in the sand. I picked it up and gave it a clean, and POOF! out popped a genie. The genie explained that he had been trapped in that lamp for two hundred years, and that he was so grateful to me for freeing him that he would give me three wishes.

    "For my first wish I asked for an unlimited fortune. The genie said 'It is done!' and from then on, whenever I needed money, it was there.

    "For my second wish I asked for the attention of all the most beautiful women in the world. The genie said it was done, and since then I have been able to get any woman I wanted.

    "For my third wish -- and, this is the bit where I kinda effed-up -- I asked for an orange for a head."
     
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  18. idjster

    idjster VERY grateful member Silver Supporter

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    A fellow came into a bar and ordered a martini. Before drinking it, he removed the olive and carefully put it into a glass jar. Then he ordered another martini and did the same thing. After an hour, when he was full of martinis and the jar was full of olives, he staggered out.

    "Well," said a customer, "I never saw anything as peculiar as that!"

    "What's so peculiar about it?" the bartender said. "His wife sent him out for a jar of olives."
     
  19. RLee77

    RLee77 Friend of Leo's

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    The NSA walks into a bar. “Hey, I’ve got a great new joke for you!” the bartender says. The NSA smiles. “Heard it.”
     
  20. getbent

    getbent Telefied Ad Free Member

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    function GoToStore() {
    var bread = 1 if(eggs) {
    bread += 12 }
    return bread }

    formatting may be everything, but this will have to do
     
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