A bummer jam.

Flat6Driver

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Placed an ad to set up an acoustic thing. Maybe a duo or something. Got a response from a guy that invited me over to his place. After a few weeks of back and forth it happened last night.

The more experienced will say that you can sort it out in 5 minutes (some say 30 second) if something is going to work (or at least you could play with that person). I never really believed, but I might now. I was on the shallow end of the being prepared pool (though it was supposed to be low key) and really felt it. (Often it's the other way). But I also felt quickly that the vision I had for what I wanted to do was not going to work with this person. The host was gracious, but I think we mutually knew it wasn't going to work but never outright said it. This wasn't my first time playing with new people since C'19, but another in a long string of disappointments.
 

ale.istotle

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Placed an ad to set up an acoustic thing. Maybe a duo or something. Got a response from a guy that invited me over to his place. After a few weeks of back and forth it happened last night.

The more experienced will say that you can sort it out in 5 minutes (some say 30 second) if something is going to work (or at least you could play with that person). I never really believed, but I might now. I was on the shallow end of the being prepared pool (though it was supposed to be low key) and really felt it. (Often it's the other way). But I also felt quickly that the vision I had for what I wanted to do was not going to work with this person. The host was gracious, but I think we mutually knew it wasn't going to work but never outright said it. This wasn't my first time playing with new people since C'19, but another in a long string of disappointments.
You gave it a try. Take what you learned and try it again when you are ready. If it worked out the first time you'd have just been damn lucky.
 

mexicanyella

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If you have a musical vision and want to collaborate to achieve it, keep trying! Taking a shot and missing is discouraging, probably even more than usual after how things have gone for the past few years...but don’t let that shake your confidence in what you want to do musically.

There are probably going to be way more “bad fits” than “good fits” out there. No way around that; just have to keep looking.

You didn’t specify what it was that made it seem like a bad fit, which seems like taking the high road to me, but the fact that you didn’t makes me think you have a pretty good idea what made this an incompatible pairing. You don’t sound confused about why it felt wrong. So look at that as a plus! If there were red flag issues in the guy or his vibe, you have another thing to watch out for to help in future screening. If you felt unprepared in some way, you know what to work on before next time.

Don’t let the discouragement overshadow your desire to make music with others! It’s so easy for things to get in the way and lose the drive (ask me how I know). Don’t lose the drive. Keep plugging!
 

Flat6Driver

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You didn’t specify what it was that made it seem like a bad fit, which seems like taking the high road to me, but the fact that you didn’t makes me think you have a pretty good idea what made this an incompatible pairing. You don’t sound confused about why it felt wrong. So look at that as a plus! If there were red flag issues in the guy or his vibe, you have another thing to watch out for to help in future screening. If you felt unprepared in some way, you know what to work on before next time.


I got the results I should have expected from myself for the level of effort I put in. That said, I don't know if my game was additionally off from being in a new room/environment.

I was looking for more of an equal match in skills and vision. Many years ago, I was recruited to play "second guitar" with a couple of guys that comprised the rhythm section. I had not met the guitar player before. When he arrived, he had a Marshall amp and some multi-effects pedal. His tone was a chorusy, swirl of notes. He was very competent but his style didn't leave a lot of space for anything else - he was used to playing single guitar. In that case, I was superfluous. This was sort of the acoustic version of that.
 

nojazzhere

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Placed an ad to set up an acoustic thing. Maybe a duo or something. Got a response from a guy that invited me over to his place. After a few weeks of back and forth it happened last night.

The more experienced will say that you can sort it out in 5 minutes (some say 30 second) if something is going to work (or at least you could play with that person). I never really believed, but I might now. I was on the shallow end of the being prepared pool (though it was supposed to be low key) and really felt it. (Often it's the other way). But I also felt quickly that the vision I had for what I wanted to do was not going to work with this person. The host was gracious, but I think we mutually knew it wasn't going to work but never outright said it. This wasn't my first time playing with new people since C'19, but another in a long string of disappointments.
I've never had much luck finding other musicians by placing an ad in Craigslist or newspaper.....it seems the people who respond are either flaky, or just not at the same "level" I am. I've been looking for someone to get together with for a duo/trio acoustic effort for 6-8 months, with no positive results. I think I'm going to try going to a relatively new coffeeshop/eatery near me, that has an open mic night on Wednesdays, and see if anyone seems like a good fit, or if someone approaches me about joining up. At the very least, I might find out if the solo guitar/voice stuff I've been working on gets any good responses.
As to "......sort it out in 5 minutes.....", that doesn't always work for me. Yes, you can see immediately many won't work, but it's only over time that you can tell if someone is going to be reliable, come to rehearsal prepared, or will want to hijack the project for their own material. I don't believe real flakes recognize themselves as such......but they operate on their own agendas, like a narcissist.
Good luck......;)
 

ce24

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In the beginning i just play the 3 cord 1,4,5 stuff to see if we connect... Then talk about stuff if that works.
 

Flat6Driver

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I've never had much luck finding other musicians by placing an ad in Craigslist or newspaper.....it seems the people who respond are either flaky, or just not at the same "level" I am. I've been looking for someone to get together with for a duo/trio acoustic effort for 6-8 months, with no positive results. I think I'm going to try going to a relatively new coffeeshop/eatery near me, that has an open mic night on Wednesdays, and see if anyone seems like a good fit, or if someone approaches me about joining up. At the very least, I might find out if the solo guitar/voice stuff I've been working on gets any good responses.
As to "......sort it out in 5 minutes.....", that doesn't always work for me. Yes, you can see immediately many won't work, but it's only over time that you can tell if someone is going to be reliable, come to rehearsal prepared, or will want to hijack the project for their own material. I don't believe real flakes recognize themselves as such......but they operate on their own agendas, like a narcissist.
Good luck......;)
I placed an ad because my flake filter is pretty tuned to the kind of responses I get and who might be worth talking with. I have generally stayed out of the public music scene for the past 2 years. I suspended my Facebook account as well because I didn't want to know all my "friends" opinions on everything.


I'll keep at it and something will hit.
 

HootOwlDude

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Sorry man! I say you give it another try though before writing it off. You never know, the next time could be a totally different vibe!
 

Fretting out

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I’d state explicitly in the ad what my vision is and that I want to steer the ship

Get it out in the open to start

I think that’s why I haven’t tried playing with too many folks because I have a specific vision of what fits
 

Mjark

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It seemed like you’re saying there was a significant mismatch in ability. Maybe consider taking some lessons so you’re able to feel comfortable and play at a reasonable level of competence.
 

green_henry

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I've found it very helpful to ask the other participant(s) what 5 songs they would like to cover. You get a really good sense of whether you're simpatico as far as taste goes. If not, move on. Unfortunately, that's just the first hurdle. Availability, dedication, chops, etc. are a little harder to screen in advance.
 

Flat6Driver

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It seemed like you’re saying there was a significant mismatch in ability. Maybe consider taking some lessons so you’re able to feel comfortable and play at a reasonable level of competence.

Let's put the pens away and not quite draw that conclusion. Two guys hammering away on the same piece playing rhythm isn't all that enjoyable, so where I errored was listening and on the fly trying to find something that would complement what else was going on. Had I just played through at what I knew or how I'd prepared it, I would have felt OK with what I brought. That said, I deliberately was looking for a situation where two folks could focus on more of an arrangement than a campfire jam.

I've found it very helpful to ask the other participant(s) what 5 songs they would like to cover. You get a really good sense of whether you're simpatico as far as taste goes. If not, move on. Unfortunately, that's just the first hurdle. Availability, dedication, chops, etc. are a little harder to screen in advance.

Taste was easy. No issues there, but like everything bolting something together and reconciling the differences between versions (and more importantly the give/take of that) is where it gets complicated.
 
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Fretting out

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Let's put the pens away and not quite draw that conclusion. Two guys hammering away on the same piece playing rhythm isn't all that enjoyable, so where I errored was listening and on the fly trying to find something that would complement what else was going on. Had I just played through at what I knew or how I'd prepared it, I would have felt OK with what I brought. That said, I deliberately was looking for a situation where two folks could focus on more of an arrangement than a campfire jam.
Woe how did I end up being quoted but the words are from @Mjark ?
 

nojazzhere

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I’d state explicitly in the ad what my vision is and that I want to steer the ship

Get it out in the open to start

I think that’s why I haven’t tried playing with too many folks because I have a specific vision of what fits
Unfortunately, on quite a few occasions I HAVE been pretty explicit in an ad about what I'm looking for, but people don't always seem to understand basic English. Sometimes it's apparent at the first response.....other times, it may take a meeting or two to come to light.
One humorous, and absolutely true example, was an ad I placed once....seeking a bass player. I had listed some of my experience, stated very clearly that I needed someone with somewhat comparable experience, and tried to convey the level of player I sought. One response I got was from a young guy who said he'd started guitar lessons a couple of months earlier, but he'd always wanted to learn to play bass......
So much for being explicit and specific in the ad. :):):)
 




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