2014 article: "Why I Hope To Die At 75"

[lammie200]

My mother is 89 and I doubt that she will make it through the year. I also have 2 brothers and 4 sisters. My mother has had plenty of time (15 years at least) to plan for this but she refused. My siblings and I are taking turns at her place for a week at a time. She isn’t mobile at all any more. She lives in a big house that is over furnished. My father in law did something similar by leaving with a house hoarded, i.e. he was a hoarder. If I have any choice for myself I will leave in dignity with no messes to clean up.

 

[telemnemonics]

I was always told to be careful what you wish for!

Folks hear that and laugh, then 10 or 30 years go by and they understand.

 

[telemnemonics]

My mother is 89 and I doubt that she will make it through the year. I also have 2 brothers and 4 sisters. My mother has had plenty of time (15 years at least) to plan for this but she refused. My siblings and I are taking turns at her place for a week at a time. She isn’t mobile at all any more. She lives in a big house that is over furnished. My father in law did something similar by leaving with a house hoarded, i.e. he was a hoarder. If I have any choice for myself I will leave in dignity with no messes to clean up.

I can certainly relate but there is this thing known as attrition.
I could spend my energy prepping my death bed house or just say screw what "they" face when I am gone and enjoy my spoils.
Or aim half way between those two targets.

I just put the house where I grew up, on the market.
(It was a hoarder house like your FIL, we filled many dumpsters while my Mother lived here AND after she died)
I planned to retire and spend my last years here, a beautiful spot by the sea.
But wealthy North East folks put a target on it and now I will instead sell and move probably for the last time, once again to a place I have never been.
I find moving is a death blow to attrition but attrition is like the fool born every minute.

Good luck with your old mom, you probably know in your head but it is not your fault if no matter how hard you try you cannot make her better or well or even really comfortable with what she must do next.

Hmmm, seems my head is in some disarray!
Sorry!
Surfing here, waves got big and just hangin' on to my board...

 

[lammie200]

Thanks. I don’t feel guilty at all but it isn’t about me. It’s about her. And years ago I wasn’t ready to let her go but now it is all about happens naturally and what she wants. That ain’t all good IMHO. But it is beyond my control.

 

[GBfun]

My family tradition check out time is about 75/76. I thought I'd beat that easily. I don't think so now.
I've played pool against tough 85 year olds with better eyesight than me. And I've played table tennis against guys older than 75 and they were hard to beat when I was above 1600 in rating. But I've lost a lot of friends too soon...a beautiful ex at 50, a sister at 60, pool player friends at 64 and 71, and half my poker buddies 59, 61, 61 and 64. I'd bet that 20% of the people I went to high school with are gone. I hit my peak in 2011 and it's been downhill ever since. I didn't die like my friends but I don't need that article to suggest the idea of not fighting too hard to continue with fancy medical treatments that add more risks and extend the suffering. Old age is not good for guys especially. We used to do so much beside sit in front of a screen of some type...sedentary to the max. I just read an article that showed the life expectancy for men is now 73, and women 79 ! Wow. They did pretty good being mostly sedentary compared to ME...that's for sure ! And I know someone whose mother died at 94 and the father at 96. The chances of that must be slim indeed...different genes but same lifestyle ? Anyway, life is turning out to be quite a crapshoot...more than I ever thought. My Dad, a doctor thought he was going to die at the same age as his father. He was wrong. Lived 10 years longer....though he paid the price with holes drilled into his head and life in a wheelchair for 5 years. Sound like a good price to pay ? Hmm. Never say never, but I'm betting I'll decline any major treatment to extend life as a sedentary, fragile creature like I am today. Especially if the pain becomes ridiculous. It's a personal choice we'll all have to make at some point. I hope it works out for us all ! But dang...we are ALL so different. Who knows what will really happen on this crazy, crazy ride ? Just got to enjoy each day as it comes...play some music, or listen. Works for me !

 

[raysachs]

I feel for all oncologists.

Two weeks ago I visited a 93 year old in hospice who was kind of my first and longest running father figure.

His eyes still sparkled with mischief and joy.

Do not take living advice from managers of death!

This resonates. My Dad was saying he was ready to die and that he didn’t have much quality of life left for several years before he died. I don’t remember when exactly. - it didn’t happen all at once, but over a period of years. He SAID it, but I’d see how he’d react when we brought our kids to visit and he clearly got so much joy and happiness when we came around that I honestly didn’t believe him. And the way his body kept on going through some pretty rough illnesses - he’d decline any strong interventions beyond antibiotics and he just kept living.

But at some point when he was about 87, he started losing that sparkle - he loved his kids and grandkids but you could see when bringing our kids around just exhausted him more rather than giving him more energy. He’d lived through a few pretty tough bouts with pneumonia despite not getting treated for it. But just a few months after he turned 88, he got it again, refused treatment again, and when I sat with him and he told me he was ready to go, I really believed him - it was coming from a guy who was just obviously worn out, done, just clearly ready. I told him I hadn’t really believed him when he’d talked like that before but I did then - he kind of smiled and squeezed my hand. And died a couple days later. I guess my siblings and I were lucky with both my folks - when it was time they both knew it and it was clear to us kids as well. And both of them went out content and largely on their terms.

I guess that’s all I hope for. I’m not quite 64, but I’m physically quite reduced from a few health problems I’ve had. I don’t do any real athletics anymore - I just walk a lot. But I’ve never been more passionate or gotten more joy out of life. We have a two year old granddaughter who’s the apple of our eyes - we may have another one coming soon. And even if I can’t do a lot of stuff I used to do anymore, between loving (and LIKING!) my wife as much as ever, playing music, and spending time with our family, I’ve never enjoyed life any more than I do now. I’ve enjoyed it DIFFERENTLY, I’ve been able to do a lot more stuff I’ve enjoyed, but in a way it takes less to make me happy now, and so I’m deeply grateful and very happy. If I died tomorrow, I’d go out with no regrets, but I want to be around to see my grandkids graduate college (if they choose to go), to know them as they grow into adulthood, etc. I’m sure at some point, I won’t feel that way anymore and it’ll be time to check out, but I hope that’s many years away…

-Ray

 

[That Cal Webway]

I well know Dr. E. and his ideas thru the past 10-15 yrs:

Hubris and arrogance wrapped in playing god.
.

 

[P Thought]

(in his article, he indicates he's not going to kill himself or live unnecessarily dangerously when he hits the 75ish mark... but he also won't actively try to extend his life with vaccines, cancer treatment, etc. He would seek palliative care, but not curative care)

I didn't read the article, probably won't, but my own stance is a lot like this. Comfort care, I believe it's called. I'm about to leave my sixties behind. I will not feel shorted when my time comes, and if I should become demented and forget my own interests, I hope my loved ones remember that I want no heroic attempts to "save" me.

 

[Festofish]

How does he know it’s worse than death if he’s never died?

 

[tele12]

View attachment 1090758
My wife has instructions that if I ever get to the point where I need assistance using the latrine, she is to leave a loaded pistol out on the breakfast table with a post-it attached that reads "DO THE RIGHT THING."
Following that, she has instructions to wait for the big bang and then go get a mop and bucket ...

Most people can have many happy productive years after age 75.

Moving and exercising is the key.

 

[P Thought]

Vacillating, as I'm prone to do from one side to the other.

brothanothamotha!

 

[teletail]

Just wrong on so many levels. I had an uncle who worked, Bb choice, until he was 90. My mother, at 90, lives alone, drives, manages her life just fine. Whenever someone states an absolute, I know they are wrong.

As far as science not stopping aging, true, they have not invented a magic pill so we can sit in our fat asses and eat and drink whatever and however much we want, but they have discovered that diet and exercise will significantly slow the aging process for MOST, if not all of us. But that takes effort and discipline, both in short supply.

[/Angry old man]

 

[burntfrijoles]

I heard a recent interview with him and his views haven’t changed much. He said he still would not get routine screenings like a colonoscopy, or receive treatment for cancer. He would do routine care like take blood pressure medicines etc.

I don’t know about a hard “line in the sand” like 75 but, at the point where my quality of life is impacted I would say the hell with it too.
I‘ve told my daughter that I’m not certain that I would do chemotherapy .

I’ve got an appointment with an estate lawyer to revise my living will, DPOA, Trust. I want it to be clear under what circumstances that I don’t want anything more than palliative care, etc.

More and more countries are adopting “assisted dying” laws with provisions to ensure it is medically/psychologically valid.

 

[Trenchant63]

In that case, I think you need to get out more!

Lol. Oh I get out quite a bit thx.

 

[telleutelleme]

At 75, I am working, still writing my book, and enjoying each day in some manner. I asked my PCP to keep me walking up and down the stairs until I am 80.

I guess the author needed material to write an article. He may have pointed out some generalities, but I disagree about medicine & death. I've outlived both my parents and one brother. I am also trying to keep pace with my 86 year old brother. Food is generally better, people have largely stopped smoking, exercise more and top some degree lowered stress. All positive things to extend life.

 

[Musekatcher]

Term life insurance is available to 75 years of age, 10 year policy. And life insurance companies employ the smartest mathematicians, and have developed the greatest certainty of all business sectors, and basically get it right in terms of outcome. That tells me there aren't a lot of folks buying insurance in their 70's, looking to die and collect in the near term. They either died prior, or feel pretty good, and plan on feeling good a long time.

I think the author and many of us are making the universal human mistake, of projecting a single negative life experience, onto the other 6+ billion, and incorrectly forming a false trend. If we could actually poll all the 70 somethings, we'd get the same response that insurance companies are getting.

 

[Colo Springs E]

I heard a recent interview with him and his views haven’t changed much. He said he still would not get routine screenings like a colonoscopy, or receive treatment for cancer. He would do routine care like take blood pressure medicines etc.

More and more countries are adopting “assisted dying” laws with provisions to ensure it is medically/psychologically valid.

Not sure if he stated in that interview, but he has voiced opposition to euthanasia and physician-assisted dying.

 

[Cosmic Cowboy]

That is a slippery, anti-human slope. The Immanuels are crooked slimebags, butt-puppets of the 'New World Order' and should be shunned and ridiculed.

The atlantic, likewise is basically a think-tank of a deathcult. Not fit for lining the bottom of a bird cage.

 

[ReverendRevolver]

The problem with looking at both sides of an issue is that it gives you eyestrain, and makes your head hurt.

No exclusive to this topic, but this totally justifies being on a t shirt.

"No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun -- for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your old age. Relax -- This won't hurt."

HST

I'm pretty sure someone close to Thompson said that HST would feel real trapped if he didn't know there was a way out...

 

[imwjl]

For be, being alive includes control over that decision, and I'm glad I have it, to some extent.

We are in Wississippi and not Canada. We had a family member not survive cancer in late 2021 and in clearing out her home a year ago found an obviously suicide cocktail/bottle of pills. My wife and I considered it and thought we would feel the same if in the same state of being.

When my wife had a horrible run with cancer and medical mistake we had school age kids and it was really clear those circumstances had her push and fight to live.

My mother is 89 and I doubt that she will make it through the year. I also have 2 brothers and 4 sisters. My mother has had plenty of time (15 years at least) to plan for this but she refused. My siblings and I are taking turns at her place for a week at a time. She isn’t mobile at all any more. She lives in a big house that is over furnished. My father in law did something similar by leaving with a house hoarded, i.e. he was a hoarder. If I have any choice for myself I will leave in dignity with no messes to clean up.

The past few years have had us deal with complete opposites. My mother who did hospice work for 20 years had her whole life fit in very small moving truck when she sold her home. They were not hoarders but still, for my in-laws we filled two dumpsters and then a a bigger truck than my mother needed.

The more I think about the topic, the more I'm reminded to have our revocable trust and pour over will get updated. For the living and who is left, that makes however and when so much easier. Unless someone has few assets it also makes the whole process less expensive.

People who loath rules, courts and paperwork should be especially aware of a trust and will difference, and importance of having durable power of attorney and other details addressed ahead of time.