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Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Chick-N-Picker, Jul 11, 2018.
A married man can be right, or he can be happy but he can't be both.
If you want to be happy for a week, kill a pig
If you want to be happy for a year, get married
If you want to be happy for ever, make a garden
-ancient Chinese proverb
My favourite Rush song.
I believe we have some free will - a little bit like playing a game of cards only we are presented with a hugely random series of scenarios, daily, and we have to make (or not make) decisions. Sometimes it's A or B. Other times, our internal moral compass will come into play but there'll be occasions where we just go with what we think is right (or right for us).
I'd hate to believe that there's a god or gods up there making choices for us or pushing us one way or another.
What does "happy" even mean? Isn't it just a moment by moment thing? I'm unhappy that England lost. I'm unhappy that our renovations have hit a scheduling conflict. I'm happy with the new plumbing. I'm happy that we might be getting a new drummer in my band.
Are we talking about cheerfulness? Contentment? Positivity? I can be unhappy that we had a flood in our bathroom, but positive that it's not a big deal, cheerful during the cleanup, and content that it'll all work out.
I don't think being happy is a constant state of mind or attitude.
Some folks are born more happy than others.
I know people talk about being born to be wild, to love somebody, under a bad sign, on the bayou, in a small town, to boogie, but never heard anyone claiming to be born to be happy.
Elvis Costello, Judy Garland, Sinatra, and the Partridge Family once asked others to get happy so I'll assume it must be a state of mind.
They say money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty. I'm pretty happy anyway, but I'm reasonably certain I could be even more happy if I had an unlimited supply of money.
Now you've got me in a classic punk mood...
If this world was perfect, then being the 3rd Planet we would all be 'happy'.
But, cos this world is broken, its become a minor 3rd, so we can experience 'unhappy'
Its a planet sized minor scale we live on.
However, if you are mended internally, then most of the time you can live like its a major 3rd planet and be 'happy'.
(This is also the reason why dark orange isn't my favorite colour.)
Ok - Eddie.
People that have varying levels of depression can hardly be termed "happy". Does the medical and psychiatric community feel that this depression is simply a matter of the environment you grew up in? That you have a choice and choose to be depressed? I think this is as silly as saying one chooses to be gay.
Doug Stanhope : “You got a lot of baggage that was handed down to you by your parents ? Hand it back. It’s not yours - it’s theirs and you didn’t ask for it...”
See ? YOU did it.
An over reliance on continually blaming our upbringing/parents means that we are still children. Becoming an adult means you have the tiller in your hands. Look down - are your parents hands still on the tiller?
If yes, that means you’re still living at home or aren’t yet an adult.
Pass their s**t back and move forward.
I came from a long line of miserable people, they had once had a touch of wealth which was lost and so believed that the world was out to give them the shaft, and were always on guard, pinching pennies, and turning every positive into a negative; waiting for the shoe to drop. The sky was always falling every thing was a big deal/tragedy.
On the other hand they would when the chips were down, routinely fail to stand up for them selves, the mantra was walk away, take what you are given, suck it up, defer to your betters.
This lead to cycle of substance abuse, nasty marriages and odd ideas about money and day to day life, they were always waiting for their ship to come in; getting that 'good" job or moving to a "better" neighborhood would set everything right. The killer thing was if you asked most of them they would have said they were happy, they seemed to draw a perverse pleasure from the struggle, they engaged in on a daily basis, nothing brought more joy than "putting one over" on what was seen as a down pressing person or institution, who had done you wrong.
As this was the behavior that was modeled, it was how I believed the world worked, for everyone.. all the time, you go around w/ a chip on your shoulder you attract other like minded people, push others away and the cycle perpetuates .
I eventually had to move away from my family both literally and figuratively , in order to gain perspective, and develop coping mechanisms. I still deal w/ the results of poor decisions I made under the delusion of a universal misery, I have a partner from a similar back ground, we have made it work, but it was and is struggle and I would not go down that road today.
I have a checkered employment back ground, because you walk away when you are disrespected, ditto w/ education.
But things can be and are better, it takes the strength to make hard decisions, that can be difficult for many to find, but it's possible. On the other hand I have a friend who grew up in extremely modest circumstances, but with incredible family support, he still struggles w/ some things, but has a strong sense of self worth, solid relationships and is one of the "happiest"people I know, in that the rolls with the punches and enjoys day to day life. The role of family and friends looms large in how we view the world, and make our way in it.
"Happy" is only a word. How do you describe the feeling? Where do you feel it? In your body? In your head?
In my experience as a therapist, I've met people who describe the sensation of their emotions, and others who act on the idea rather than the feeling. Interpretation is everything.
Life's like poker. You can be dealt a good hand or a bad hand. You can draw from the deck. Life, ultimately, is about how you play your hand. And good luck never hurts.
Don't stop there! Do the bit about when to walk away and when to run!
Since most babies are born crying, I'd say you're born to be unhappy, but you choose to be happy in spite of reality.
Imagine a world where everyone is happy, a world where there are not problems, where nothing bad can ever happen, where there is no suffering. Are we even human in that world?
Will we still have lots of guitars, amps, and pedals to choose from?
Dude, I was describing Heaven. What do you think?
I'd say some people are born in or with conditions that present challenges, that others will never have to face. Some rise above these challenges, while other people born with many more opportunities will squander them away and blame the world for it.
So it is a bit of both. People are born into situations, but their actions in many cases will determine the outcome.