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Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by RoyBGood, Nov 13, 2017.
When someone (out of exasperation) says "Well f--- me", I reply "No thanks, but thanks for first refusal."
When my co-worker wants a hand with something he'll call out, "Are you free?" I reply "I might be free but I'm not cheap."
I think this one’s pretty well known, but since I haven’t seen it yet...
I’d have never had the gonads but I actually heard a friend of mine use this and I was laughing so hard I about passed out from not being able to breathe.
When being really rudely turned down after asking a woman to dance, “So I guess a blow job is out of the question then”?
It’s be really evil to use it for a simple no thanks given all the crap women have put up with from us, but when you get one of those really nasty looks like she wouldn’t dance with you if her kid’s life depended on it, I guess it’s acceptable... It was crazy funny in context - her friends were cracking up too.
I am from Liverpool and have not heard that one.
A friend once said to me, did I tell you I have a new girlfriend ? Quick as a flash I said Great what's her guide dogs name.
"Sorry, but you're clearly confusing me with someone who gives a s**t...!"
"I heard your brother/sister is an only child"
Have you seen my house?
I stole that one from Paul Stanley
Hey, what's up?
A ducks a** when it's eating.
Does your mom regret drinking while she was pregnant with you?
Or just the plain old classic...Go F**k Yourself
Maybe. Maybe not.
go and piss up a rope
With some regularity I have people exclaim "oh God" or "Jesus" in my presence. to which I respond, "No I am not, but I get that alot."
Phil Hartman as Frank Sinatra: You don't scare me, I got chunks of guys like you in my stool.
Talk to my ar$e I got a headache. A friend says this sometimes.
Oh, don't let your mind wander, it's far too small to be out all by itself.
If somebody is unloading on me, I gesture to indicate that something appears to be hanging out of the jerk's nose. Takes the fire right out of them. If a tissue is handy, I offer it and watch the process. Then I say, "you got most of it!"
I was thinking of Walter correcting the dude for using the phrase chinamen. "That's just,like,...your opinion man."
One time I told my first ex-wife that "Opinions are like A-wholes, everyone has one" and she responded "Well I got rid of mine". - I thought that was a pretty good comeback.
Years later at a Christmas party and after a few glasses of wine, she tried to apologize for the circumstances leading to our divorce. But I stopped her and said "don't do that, look how well everything turned out for both of us".
I meant it but in retrospect, I think it was one of those good come-backs.