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What are your favourite 'comeback' lines?

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by RoyBGood, Nov 13, 2017.

  1. Chud

    Chud Poster Extraordinaire Platinum Supporter

    Dec 30, 2010
    New York City
    "If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you..."

    or

    "If I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you..."

    Then of course

    "That's what she said..."

    or

    "Only on Tuesdays..."
     

  2. Frodebro

    Frodebro Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

    Age:
    47
    Aug 17, 2012
    Seattle
    One of my high school teachers once told a student "If I want any crap out of you I'll squeeze your head." It was poetic.
     

  3. chezdeluxe

    chezdeluxe Poster Extraordinaire Gold Supporter

    Age:
    67
    Dec 29, 2007
    Brisbane Australia
    "When you go to work your village loses its idiot".
     
    Stringbanger and Felino like this.

  4. LutherBurger

    LutherBurger Friend of Leo's

    Oct 29, 2013
    NYC
    After being threatened with physical harm:

    "I've crawled over guys like you to get to a good fight."
     

  5. Old Tele man

    Old Tele man Tele-Afflicted

    May 10, 2017
    Tucson, AZ
    "None of the above..." always seems to fit/work...usually, sometimes, maybe.
     

  6. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Poster Extraordinaire

    Aug 6, 2014
    UK
    I was schooled in delivering every comeback line in Secret Of Monkey Island perfectly.
     
    Bruxist likes this.

  7. boredguy6060

    boredguy6060 Friend of Leo's

    Mar 28, 2012
    Sou Cal
    Yeah! Yo momma wears combat boots!

    A line from Bull Durham.
    Robbins:
    Naw man, if I hit you with my 100mph fastball I could kill ya!
    Costner:
    Oh yeah? Well I heard you couldn’t hit water if you fell out of a f##king boat.


    Your girlfriend is so ugly you take her with you everywhere you go so you don’t have to kiss her goodbye.
     
    orangeblossom likes this.

  8. william tele

    william tele Doctor of Teleocity

    Nov 7, 2009
    Kansas City, MO
    My standard comeback for someone hurling an insult at me was so horribly vile it can't be stated here...

    Now it's just: "Yeah, you're probably right"...
     
    jackinjax likes this.

  9. Felino

    Felino Tele-Meister

    348
    Apr 28, 2016
    Belgrade
    Dude, one of us is stupid, and it ain't me.
     

  10. Felino

    Felino Tele-Meister

    348
    Apr 28, 2016
    Belgrade
    Do you wanna settle it right here, right now? No? Then, shut the f*ck up!
     

  11. beyer160

    beyer160 Tele-Holic

    978
    Aug 11, 2010
    On Location
    Whenever some genius yells for "Freebird," give 'em the single finger salute and say "there ya go... for free!"
     
    jackinjax likes this.

  12. Frodebro

    Frodebro Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

    Age:
    47
    Aug 17, 2012
    Seattle
    Okay, but how about when you're dealing with people other than your wife? :)
     
    dkmw, Felino and william tele like this.

  13. adjason

    adjason Friend of Leo's

    Jan 9, 2010
    virginia
    I usually say : "Your input has been noted and will be forwarded through the proper channels" or "thanks for the criticism , it will help me to improve!"
     
    krowbot, Felino and richiek65 like this.

  14. richiek65

    richiek65 Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

    I'm afraid of no man, and very few women, but you're not one of them.
     
    Felino likes this.

  15. unixfish

    unixfish Poster Extraordinaire Ad Free + Supporter

    Apr 20, 2013
    Northeast Ohio, USA
    Are you really that stupid, or do you just act that way to impress the ladies?

    Is that your phone ringing? Is Mensa calling to fast track your application?

    That Mexican guy, Señor Management, is busy again today.
     
    Felino likes this.

  16. chiefline

    chiefline Tele-Holic

    744
    Mar 18, 2014
    new jersey
    Every once in a while we run into someone we just shouldn’t have f***ed with. I’m that guy
     
    LutherBurger likes this.

  17. dlew919

    dlew919 Poster Extraordinaire

    Aug 6, 2012
    Sydney
    It came up in the practical joke thread.

    George costanza eating prawns.

    Opponent: hey costanza, the ocean called and they want their shrimp back.

    George ‘the jerk store rang and they’re all out of you.

    Opponent ‘doesn’t matter. You’re their biggest selling item.’

    Those who’ve seen the episode in question will know the context and how great it is.
     

  18. dr_tom

    dr_tom Tele-Meister

    289
    Sep 21, 2013
    Ontario
    "That's what she said!"
     

  19. Steve Ouimette

    Steve Ouimette Tele-Holic

    578
    Aug 17, 2012
    Scottsdale, AZ
    I took mine from "This Boy's Life". Robert DeNiro line.

    "Want in one hand, sh*t in the other, see which one gets full first".
     
    william tele likes this.

  20. mexicanyella

    mexicanyella Tele-Holic

    512
    Jan 26, 2012
    Troy, MO
    I used to have a boss who responded to most complaints with "Your what hurts?"
     
    LutherBurger and beyer160 like this.

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