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Recently Released Another Song... Would Love Some Feedback!

Discussion in 'Twanger Central' started by RockNRollin_Nolan, Nov 20, 2018.

  1. RockNRollin_Nolan

    RockNRollin_Nolan Tele-Meister

    Age:
    19
    111
    Aug 30, 2017
    Chandler, AZ
    Hello everyone,

    I'm back with another song! It's been quite a while since I've posted one of my songs here, so let's see how this goes... :rolleyes:


    You can check it out HERE ON SPOTIFY or if you don't have Spotify you could also check it out on YouTube but it's not available everywhere on YouTube yet so I suggest trying Spotify first...


    So yeah, I'd love any feedback and constructive criticism you might have. I've been taking all your great advice from my other posts and I'd love to keep getting more input!


    Thanks in advance if you check it out and I you enjoy! :)
     
    Hop2it, decker and 24 track like this.
  2. chulaivet1966

    chulaivet1966 Tele-Holic

    944
    Nov 17, 2011
    California
    Top of the mornin'....

    Honestly, I very rarely give feedback to one's request for "constructive criticism" anymore for a few reasons.
    Besides....one may not like my polite candor and think...."who are you, your songs suck." :)

    So....after listening to it 2x I'd first ask is there a specific "constructive criticism" that you are looking for?...an aspect of the composition that you feel may needs to be re-addressed?
    In case I might chime in.

    Back to topic....
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2018
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  3. ASATKat

    ASATKat Tele-Holic

    Age:
    65
    528
    Nov 16, 2018
    next to the burn zone
    Nice, constructive crit? It sounds ripe for some vocals.

    I like the layering. Good job .
     
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  4. 24 track

    24 track Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

    Nov 6, 2014
    kamloops bc
    clean recording, kudos , nice layering , I could hear it being used as a sound track score, and I am particularily impressed that you did not make it sound like ,or mimic any other guitar player's tone , well played , I like it. ( I get really bored when the guitar sounds like every other guitar through a tube screamer)

    well played!
     
    RockNRollin_Nolan likes this.
  5. decker

    decker Tele-Meister

    486
    Jun 16, 2011
    spain
    Good early morning music sir; very nice.
     
  6. RockNRollin_Nolan

    RockNRollin_Nolan Tele-Meister

    Age:
    19
    111
    Aug 30, 2017
    Chandler, AZ
    Nothing too specific; just wondering if it sounds captivating enough or if it's just boring and in that case what I could maybe change to make people want to listen to it more.

    Thank you so much! Yeah I spent a quite bit of time trying to get that tone down so I'm glad it paid off.

    Glad you like it!
     
    24 track likes this.
  7. bgmacaw

    bgmacaw Tele-Afflicted

    Feb 11, 2006
    Near Athens GA USA
    That would be my take too. Very nice guitar tones though.
     
  8. chulaivet1966

    chulaivet1966 Tele-Holic

    944
    Nov 17, 2011
    California
    OK....I listened to it 2x again....here's my irrelevant take on it.

    No,,,.it's not 'boring'...I just think it needs further massaging.

    I think there are very appealing elements to this composition:
    Chord progression, axe work, instrumentation works for me.
    Keeping the current structure in mind it begs for some lyrics with a well chosen, non-chiche subject matter.

    What I don't find 'appealing' is the trap set.
    I don't know what trap sounds/patches you're using but kick/snare doesn't sound natural or compliment your other instrumentation.
    Trap patches sounds canned and stilted.
    The trap set should sound like an actual acoustic kit especially with respect to the genre.

    The intro (4 bars, depending on how you are counting tempo) actually detracts from all other instrumentation.
    Kick is too busy and the piano is unnecessary as a set up for the instrumentation....I don't think that (4) bar intro is necessary at all.

    I think this composition really has some appeal and potential.
    Nail down the song structure, some creative lyrics/vocals and where instruments should/should not play.
    I like all but the trap set used and think it's worth of any further effort that you decide is appropriate.

    Or....you can totally ignore my thoughts....I'm just a song writing bottom feeder. :)
    That my take.....candidly submitted.
     
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2018
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  9. RockNRollin_Nolan

    RockNRollin_Nolan Tele-Meister

    Age:
    19
    111
    Aug 30, 2017
    Chandler, AZ
    Thanks for your input! You wrote some good stuff there...

    I'm surprised you feel it could use vocals. I'm not a vocalist and all my lyrics are trash, but I still can't really imagine any lyrics in it... I don't know, maybe it's because I composed it as an original. It is interesting to know you think that. I might give it some more thought!

    I guess I know what you mean about the trap sounds. They probably aren't the most inspired sounds. I don't really have a way to record acoustic drums so I pretty much resorted to programming them and acoustic drums sound bad when they're programmed... at least in my opinion.

    As far as the kick being busy, I'll have to blame that on me being a drummer. That part of me must've just wanted to be over complicated. :p I am curious, though, about when you say that the intro detracts from the song. How do you mean that?

    Anyway, thanks a bunch for the feedback. You gave me a bunch of cool stuff to think about and I appreciate it! :)
     
  10. chulaivet1966

    chulaivet1966 Tele-Holic

    944
    Nov 17, 2011
    California
    Chuckle....
    I'm a drummer too....please don't hold that against me.

    Vocals....you have a instrumental composition and the arrangement caters to it being a song too.
    I'm not saying it's necessary (I've never liked my voice either...similar to a dull chain saw) it's just that I hear it's potential.
    Purely subjective on my part.
    If one desires more outside interest much of the time vocals become necessary making the song more interesting and engaging to the listeners.
    Instrumentals can be 'boring' to many listeners (including myself) because most listeners aren't musicians so they aren't qualified to say much in the critical sense.

    The intro 'detracts' because it's sparseness doesn't add to or compliment the good instrumentation tracks you've selected when all of it comes in. (measure 5).
    If you just play it from bar (5) without the 16th note kicks it sounds very good to my ears....clean and deliberate song beginning.
    See what you think....you may disagree and that's cool.

    I didn't mean a literal trap set...just some different patch sounds from software via keyboard triggered or a drum module.
    If you can don't program them...play/record the drums patch in real time from a midi keyboard/drum module into your DAW program.
    That's how I did it on most of the songs on my music page.
    A time vampire on many of my efforts?....absolutely, but it can help reflect a human feel.
    If it were me....I would start by simplifying the kick/snare (IE: kick on 1&3 - snare on 2&4) and let other instrumentation prevail.

    Note that I'm not just trying to be critical to hear my own voice or discourage you from finishing it to your satisfaction.
    It's not any easy thing to take the responsibility for commenting on someone else's very personal song writing efforts.
    Ultimately, only you need to be pleased with the end result and comments/suggestions from old fossils like me are irrelevant. :)
    Although, you did ask and I responded....maybe to your dismay. :)

    Hope all this makes sense as I intended.....carry on.
     
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  11. RockNRollin_Nolan

    RockNRollin_Nolan Tele-Meister

    Age:
    19
    111
    Aug 30, 2017
    Chandler, AZ
    Oh no, don't get me wrong! I love all your ideas. It always helps to get somebody else's opinion on these things...


    Yep, I totally agree on the vocals part. I'm just not at the point where I think I can come up with anything good to release... yet! Someday...

    Not being able to record live drums is something I've been wanting to rectify for a while but I just haven't been able to for one reason or another. Hopefully that day will come sooner than later.

    Thanks for all the great info! This is all very constructive stuff and I really appreciate your time.
     
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  12. chulaivet1966

    chulaivet1966 Tele-Holic

    944
    Nov 17, 2011
    California
    Ha...we've all been there....if you've read the recent song writing thread regarding writing and finishing a song that one can confidently submit on a public forum is no easy task.
    I've agonized over every lyric of all my song writing drivel....my most personally critical aspect of what I'm writing about.

    Got some questions for you out of curiosity and reference:
    1) What DAW software do you use?
    2) What did you use for the drums on this one?
    3) Do you own a midi keyboard?
    4) Do you have any drum software or a drum module (IE: Roland MBD-1)?

    Back to topic....
     
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  13. RockNRollin_Nolan

    RockNRollin_Nolan Tele-Meister

    Age:
    19
    111
    Aug 30, 2017
    Chandler, AZ
    Yep, I guess very rarely are we completely satisfied with a song... That's what we're all chasing after, I guess.

    Here are the answers to your questions:
    1) I use Logic Pro X as my DAW.
    2) I just used a Logic preset and played them on my keyboard.
    3) I do own a midi keyboard. It can't do much though.
    4) I do not have any drum software.
     
  14. 24 track

    24 track Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

    Nov 6, 2014
    kamloops bc
    some really great feed back here, it shows where people are most comfortable in their hearing of music and approaches to writting
    I'm with RockNRollin Nolan on this one, No vocals instead I see the piece as an audio track visual back drop, this is well done and for only being 19 you knocked out of the park in my opinion!,
    I'ld like to hear more when you get them done


    All comments are great
     
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  15. chulaivet1966

    chulaivet1966 Tele-Holic

    944
    Nov 17, 2011
    California
    Ok...that's helps me understand what tools you have.

    If Logic Pro only provides one drum kit sound/patches then my suggestions are out of bounds.
    If Logic does provide a different drum kit sound/patches I'd try them.
    Drums just sound too synthetic and lack a bit of human feel to me for the this very appealing composition.
    (EDIT: but, I'm likely overthinking it and what I state as a 'synthetic' sounding trap kit may be what it generally used for the style and I'm out of my bounds on that comment.)

    For drums & bass I use my keyboard controller and record my tracks in real time with a Roland MBD-1 Bass/Drums module.

    I did listen to a couple of your other songs and it seems they are in the instrumental movie theme on instrumental concept genre ("visual backdrop") vs. songs with vocals.
    I don't want to belabor my initial comments so I'll let others provide more thoughts.
    You have a good one here and as 24 track re-iterates vocals are not necessary but the structure does allow one to make that association.

    Thanks for response.....carry on.
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2018
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  16. rich815

    rich815 Friend of Leo's

    Age:
    55
    Aug 22, 2016
    San Francisco Bay Area
    Overall not bad but needs some more build up, more complex changes and unique structure. It’s tight and recorded well but sorta simple. Reminds me of background music to a commercial.
     
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  17. RockNRollin_Nolan

    RockNRollin_Nolan Tele-Meister

    Age:
    19
    111
    Aug 30, 2017
    Chandler, AZ
    Thanks! Yeah, this song was in my head always intended to be an instrumental song so it's weird when I hear people say they can hear lyrics to it, but it intrigues me.

    I've got some more stuff coming out soon so let's see how that goes. :rolleyes:

    Yeah, everything I've released so far is instrumental. I've experimented a bit with vocals and stuff but, as I said, it's no where near being good enough to release. I would say instrumental concept would maybe be a good way to describe my music, yeah. I'm inspired by people like Steve Reich who come up with some pretty cool instrumental ideas... In fact I have a song I might release soon that was inspired by the minimalist genre.

    I've always liked instrumentals, but I definitely understand that they can be boring. From a creative standpoint, I like how making instrumental music helps me with learning the guitar and how to improvise better etc. That's just me though and I can see myself definitely making music with vocals at some point.

    Logic does have many presets for acoustic and electric drums. I need to experiment more with some of them. o_O

    Fair enough. Yeah, I'm still working on being able to make my music more catchy and captivating. I'm getting better at it, but I still have a way to go...

    Thanks for the input!
     
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  18. chulaivet1966

    chulaivet1966 Tele-Holic

    944
    Nov 17, 2011
    California
    Yes....no need to feel alone.

    Regarding the above comment....do note there is no ending destination....there is only a long personally rewarding journey.
    Don't have unrealistic expectations from the outside world of listeners and always maintain the skin of a snow tire when you post your efforts for public scrutiny.

    I'm 71....so that clues you somewhat of my perspectives and experiences.

    Best on your future composition efforts....do carry on.
    (Pontification is now terminated)
     
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