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Poor and hilarious or just plain hilarious customer service stories. Let's hear 'em.

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Chud, Jun 19, 2017.

  1. Chud

    Chud Poster Extraordinaire Platinum Supporter

    Dec 30, 2010
    New York City
    This thread is mainly about customer service stories you have where YOU provided poor but hilarious or just plain hilarious (at least in your own mind) service to a guest/customer. But in the spirit of inclusiveness, we will also entertain stories where you were the recipient of poor/hilarious service. Now that could mean that the service you received was hilarious, OR that your response to said service was hilarious.

    I'll start with a long one to get the ball rolling.

    Years ago I was waiting tables in a trendy and expensive midtown Manhattan restaurant that shall remain nameless. Generally the clientele was local upscale, particularly for lunch, but we also got a pretty heavily tourist and theater crowd in the evenings. One afternoon I was closing lunch (the last server on the floor, taking basically anything that came in until the dinner shift started), and two older ladies were seated at one of the better tables for two people.

    I came by and brought them menus, asking if they wanted anything to drink, etc... and they pretty much just shooed me away. So I go ahead and bring them water and then leave them alone for a little bit for them to catch up, always keeping an eye on them in case they looked like they needed me. Long story short I believe that one of them eventually asked for an iced tea, so I took that opportunity to ask if they wanted to hear about the specials. I was again shooed away, so I just brought them their iced tea and waited for "the look" or for them to open their menus, always in eye/earshot.

    Now late lunch can get a little busy and hectic with only one or two servers still on the floor, so a few more tables come in and I start to take care of them, but still making sure my ladies weren't wildly looking around the floor for me, or that they didn't start flagging down anyone they saw because "we haven't ever even seen our waiter!" :lol:

    At some point they do flag me down as I'm walking by with drinks for another table, and I promise to be right back. When I come back literally just a minute or two later, they get huffy that I haven't been taking care of them. So what do I do? :twisted:

    I stomp my feet like a 3 year old child and dramatically yell "WHY DON'T YOU LIKE ME?!" loud enough for the entire restaurant to hear, and then I turn around and wheel off before they can pull their jaws off the floor. :eek::D

    The two ladies were mortified and all of a sudden became the soft and sweet meemaws that they were. "Oh no no no! Oh, we're so sorry! We didn't mean..."

    I cut them off by saying something funny and let them know I was just kidding, and now here are the specials...:D

    We had a great time after that and I'm pretty sure one of them tried to hook me up with their granddaughter who was visiting from college. :cool:

  2. Chud

    Chud Poster Extraordinaire Platinum Supporter

    Dec 30, 2010
    New York City
    Ok, one more to push the ball over the cliff. Same restaurant, busy Saturday night, and one of the female servers is having problems with a couple of French guys giving her a hard time about how she pronounced a California wine called Clos du Val. Mind you, this is NYC and the server crowd tends to be actors, singers, etc..., and this girl happened to be an opera singer who sang in like five languages flawlessly.

    She comes up to the bar all frustrated and tells us about the exchange, and I'm like "Let me bring over and open the wine for you..." ;) She gets a little nervous and asks me what I am going to do, and just tell her to trail behind me and watch. :D

    For anyone who can't envision how it should be pronounced en francais, it should be "Kloe doo vahl", but I decided to put on my best Brooklynese for the occasion. I walk up to the table of two French guys, both of whom speak perfect English, I might add, and say "Hey...howya doin' there buddies? Now who wants t'taste the Kloss dee Val?" One of the guys sheepishly raised his hand so I pour him a nice taste and say "Now dat's the good stuff, huh? Enjoy your Kloss dee Val, guys."

    She wasn't getting tipped well anyway on that table, but they didn't correct her pronunciations anymore, and we got a good laugh out of it. :D
    soulman969 and DarkKnight37 like this.

  3. RoscoeElegante

    RoscoeElegante Friend of Leo's

    Feb 19, 2015
    At a restaurant in Toronto's most densely Italian neighborhood, scarfing up a great lunch. Realize that a little old lady, in black, is standing behind me, shaking her head in disapproval. Speaking about six words of Italian, I ask her if I can help her, and she says, "Lascia che ti aiuti." Turns out, I was misusing the bread by not using it as an ally of my fork. She shows me how to eat properly, supervises my bread PLUS fork skills for a while, pats me on the back approvingly, and brings me, gratis, a second lunch to make sure my skills are solidly emplaced. On my bloated, sleepy, happy, way out, her English-speaking son tells me, "Yeah, I could see that one coming--she zeroes in on people with blue eyes. She thinks they're all 'Tedeschi che non capiscono il pane.'"

  4. Snook

    Snook Tele-Meister

    Sep 17, 2015
    One of the guys I worked with had a customer hand him a paper sack full of broken glass (it started out as a vacuum tube)... guy says "Do you have one like this?" Norm walks over to the shelf, grabs a tube and about half way back to the customer he puts it on the floor and stomps on it.... then hands the customer the box full of broken glass! The boss thought it was funny, but said "Next time, you're paying for the tube".

  5. Chud

    Chud Poster Extraordinaire Platinum Supporter

    Dec 30, 2010
    New York City
    I had to google that one! :lol::lol:

    That is :eek::lol:

  6. 1293

    1293 Poster Extraordinaire

    May 18, 2006
    I was the night/weekend manager of a grocery store in highschool. Customers would sometimes complain that an item was cheaper elsewhere. The next nearest supermarket was 20 miles away. I would reply "go buy it there". Aghast, they would demand I get the manager. "I am the manager".

  7. paparoof

    paparoof Tele-Holic

    Dec 22, 2013
    During my teenage years I worked in the drive thru at McDonald's. I once had a customer order a Whopper.

    I told her it would take about 30 minutes for me to drive to Burger King and get it for her.
    RetroTeleRod, TigerG, Kebmel and 2 others like this.

  8. Bill

    Bill Poster Extraordinaire Ad Free Member

    Mar 16, 2003
    This is absolutely true, I keep a running list of British customer service encounters.

    Dinner out...

    Waitress: Here’s the dessert menu, I’ll give you all a few minutes to look it over.

    Five minutes later...

    Waitress: Have you decided on your desserts?

    My friend: Yes, I’ll have the...

    Waitress: We don’t have any of the desserts, except for ice cream.

    My wife (looking over the list of ten flavors): Ummmm, OK, in that case I'll have a scoop of chocolate ice cream.

    Waitress: We don’t have that.

    Me: How about vanilla?

    Waitress: We don’t have that. We don’t have any of the flavors. Except mint and raspberry.

    My wife: I’ll have mint.

    My friend: I’ll have raspberry.

    Waitress: You can’t have raspberry. It’s melted.
    RetroTeleRod, Henry and Kebmel like this.

  9. suave eddie

    suave eddie Tele-Holic

    Feb 28, 2009
    Great White North

    Wasn't this a Monty Python skit?

  10. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

    Jun 21, 2011
    I don't know if it's humorous or not, but I was pretty darned impressed by the gal that took our lunch order yesterday when my kids took me out to celebrate Father's Day. Okay, she was awfully good lookin' but that's not what impressed me (maybe a little) but she took our order from a full table of people WITHOUT WRITING IT DOWN! When she came back with our stuff, I told her she oughta be on television. I had observed her taking everyone's order at the other tables and not once did she write anything down. She immediately went into a little routine dancing around and making wisecracks, and just cracked me up. I'm telling you, ya just don't see that everyday.

  11. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Telefied Ad Free Member

    Of course!

    filtersweep and soulman969 like this.

  12. 1293

    1293 Poster Extraordinaire

    May 18, 2006

    Okay. I was ready to call BS.

    My mother owned a bakery when I was in my early teens. I ran the front end and would add up orders in my head. If anyone ever called me on it, they were shamed.
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2017

  13. Chud

    Chud Poster Extraordinaire Platinum Supporter

    Dec 30, 2010
    New York City
    One of my partying buds from the old days I worked with at the same restaurant as above used to be able to do the same thing with large parties. I've done it with parties as large as 8 or 10 no problem, but I've witnessed him perform that feat - drinks, sides, special orders and all - with as many as 20 people without a hiccup. It's a neat party trick and sometimes gets you a few points extra on the tip - as long as everything goes smoothly and the kitchen doesn't crack you up. Lol
    Toto'sDad likes this.

  14. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

    Jun 21, 2011
    I don't think many things are amazing at this point in life, but that woman right there was amazing. You gotta remember it was Fathers Day and joint was pretty much packed. Amazing, I tells ya, amazing. I take my hat off to your pal, that's quite a trick.
    Chud likes this.

  15. Chud

    Chud Poster Extraordinaire Platinum Supporter

    Dec 30, 2010
    New York City
    Before the hoidy toidy restaurant in midtown, I bartended in a theme restaurant down the street that shall also remain I was one of those bottle flipping, trick shot pouring, 151 on fire across the bar kind of bartenders back then. I could toss 4 empty beer bottles end over end off the bar behind my back with my right hand and catch them all with my left, not breaking one. I also had a habit of grabbing and flipping the new wine bottles when I grabbed them from underneath a cabinet that was at the back of the bar, facing he patrons at the bar. USUALLY we didn't keep any open bottles down there...usually. Can you guess where I'm going with this?

    So there's this attractive, slightly cougarish woman sitting at the bar in a white dress with a white fur stole hung around her shoulders. I need a fresh bottle of red to replenish her glass, so I grab one from underneath the cabinet and give it a flip on the way out...would've been fine if not for the damned new day bartender who put an open bottle of red in the cabinet.

    It was like she'd been hit with a machine gun or maybe just a bunch of purple paint balls all over her $5000 fur stole.

  16. Harry Styron

    Harry Styron Tele-Holic

    Aug 2, 2011
    Branson, Mo
    I grew up where we had one phone line for the family business and the household with six kids, so we all had to take messages for deliveries.

    I answered the phone and asked "Who is calling?"

    I heard, "Hallo, Kook. "

    I asked again and got the same answer and again. Exasperated, as only a teenager can be, I barked, "I don't care who you are or what you're up to, but don't call here again!" I hung up.

    A few days later my dad remarked that Jim Cook had called him and remarked that someone had been very rude to his Korean wife, whose name was Helen.
    RetroTeleRod likes this.

  17. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

    Jun 21, 2011
    Did she sue your tip jar? :lol:

  18. Chud

    Chud Poster Extraordinaire Platinum Supporter

    Dec 30, 2010
    New York City
    Well, she certainly didn't contribute much to it. Lol.
    Toto'sDad likes this.

  19. mad dog

    mad dog Friend of Leo's

    Jun 27, 2005
    Montclair, NJ
    One of my more shameful service moments was long ago in NYC. Driving a taxi. Guy hails me at rush hour, outside the Pierre hotel. In a great hurry to get to his train at Penn Station. Hands me his bags, so I turn the car off, open the trunk, and throw in his bags. Along with the car keys.

    Three hours later ... the guy long ago gave up, dejected. Reregistered at the hotel, asked that I get his bags back ASAP. Tried every trick to get the trunk open, including punching the lock out, no go. Finally, with the help of two strong, willing maniacs, we pried and bent one wing of the trunk up and I was able to get his bags out.

    Best part was bringing the cab back to the garage. They saw the trunk. "What the ?????" Told 'em I stopped for dinner, came back and look what those junkies did trying to break in!

  20. Chud

    Chud Poster Extraordinaire Platinum Supporter

    Dec 30, 2010
    New York City
    Ha! Awesome! :lol::lol:
    mad dog likes this.

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