I debated whether to put this in the Band Wagon forum, but didn't because of the generality of this topic. Starting with the band I am in. We are doing pretty well, in terms of learning songs and keeping them interesting. I really enjoy play with these guys. The drummer, however, has a weird quirk that keeps popping up. Tonight, I mentioned that a local coffee shop is interested in having us play a set some night. It is a small place, and definitely not a place to rock out. I asked if the others guys would be interested, and the drummer says that we would have to play quietly. OK, duh. Should we tell them we are interested? The answer was yes. A couple of months ago, I told them that one particular gig we were interested in playing was going to be in a converted church. The other guy said, it's pretty reverberant in there. Outside of the band context, I had met with a prospect student for our program where I teach, and emailed the area head about how much I liked his music and would like to see him admitted. The other guy replied, "I just wonder who would teach him?" (This is because we generally have a grad student teach undergrad comp lessons. Well, the one thing I have learned in life, if everybody has a problem but me, then I am really the one with the problem. I like a more direct yes/no answer, then mull over who will teach, how we will have to be softly, etc. To my mind, these are side issues. If we decide we want to play the gig, then we talk about how we will have to manage to turn it down. For me, anything can be turned down and played quietly to fit the venue. What is to discuss? If a hall is reverberant, does this mean we shouldn't play in it? The only option is not to play the gig. I'm not expressing this well, as part of my problem is that, in the band, one of the guys does this all the time. He is decision-averse. "Nah, I don't think we should do it, as we would have to play to softly, it wouldn't be worth it." The kicker, though, is that all of these guys actually do want to do the thing, even though they raise concerns. Why raise the concern if you are not going to act on it? I like decisiveness and not wasting time mulling over things that have an obvious solution. It's kind of like b****ing for b****ing's sake, with no real purpose other than to vent. Surely things like this come up all the time with bands and in the workplace. I remember a few years ago, we got into some weird mood in our area meetings where two guys would just b**ch and moan, without being able to make a decision. It's like if there is a potential problem, discussion and decision-making cannot advance. Some guys that I work with seem to use these decisions as a venue to air old, dirty laundry, about how someone in an unrelated developed experienced a bad thing in the past. What seems to be important is not in making the decision, but just sort of wallowing in the bad things that have happened in the past, and, therefore, might well happen again. I just want to know, do you want to play the gig, and figure out how to handle any difficulty that arises, or do you just want to sit there and point out the different bad actions that have happened in the past? Why did we waste the last few minutes griping about something that we will eventually manage to sort out after accepting the offer of a gig? I'm happy to be the leader and steer us to a decision. Why do I keep thinking about the film. Withnail and I (hope I spelled it right). Talk about an exercise in futility. Sorry to be the spoilsport of the party, but I just want to move forward. Anyone else with me on this?