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Asher Guitars WD Music Products Amplified Parts Mod Kits DIY Nordstarnd Pickups
Asher Guitars WD Music Products Amplified Parts Mod Kits DIY Nordstarnd Pickups

Just got the bad news.

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by WetBandit, Mar 13, 2018.

  1. WetBandit

    WetBandit Friend of Leo's

    Oct 11, 2016
    I just got the bad news that one of my dearest friends passed away last Wednesday at the ripe old age of 90.

    The problem is nobody at all bothered to tell me!

    I knew he had been in the hospital for a few days, and his wife had been keeping us updated, well he passed late last Wednesday night, and everyone else knew by Thursday morning.... except I'm just now finding out 5 days later!

    I thought no news was good news... boy I was wrong.

    I'm not sure what hurts worse, losing a friend forever, or knowing your other friends don't give a damn to tell you.

    I feel like it's time to just become a hermit or deaf-mute.
    strat54 and Flat6Driver like this.
  2. TimothyC

    TimothyC Tele-Afflicted

    May 12, 2016
    I'm sure there's alot of planning along with dealing with the grief, it sucks when people slip through the cracks in the wake of a death, but it happens. I've had to deal alot with this in my life, I hope leaving you out wasn't intentional but it's not easy picking up all the pieces when someone dies. I'm sorry for your loss, try to not be too offended and be thankful you had such a friend to miss. I hope you find some comfort.
    Piggy Stu, strat54 and WetBandit like this.
  3. WetBandit

    WetBandit Friend of Leo's

    Oct 11, 2016


    But the problem is that I work with and am around everyone that knew literally every single day!

    But no one said peep, I guess they were waiting for me to ask!
  4. boris bubbanov

    boris bubbanov Telefied Ad Free Member

    Sorry, to hear about your friend.

    No question, really stinks to be the only one who doesn't get told, when someone who is ill, from the old crowd passes away. But remember, when the guy is struggling and you suspect any day could be the day, that's one thing. Try going away from New Orleans for 2 1/2 weeks and coming back and nobody says a word, and you find out through a stranger 2 months later that Joe has died. I think the Old New Orleans Guard must have some gripes about me (they know I think the ship is sinking) because this same pattern has happened at least 3 times. You go to call Dr. so and so, and the number is disconnected. You try some things, end up having to cold call someone and ask if the Doctor is OK. No, he died suddenly in January; younger than me. True friendship seems to be limited in New Orleans only to those who drink the cool aid.
    WetBandit likes this.
  5. unixfish

    unixfish Poster Extraordinaire

    Apr 20, 2013
    Northeast Ohio, USA
    A true optimist will believe that your friends thought you already knew and were displaying a brave face for them.

    A true pessimist will believe that your friends kept this from you intentionally to be spiteful.

    The truth lies in the middle - but it's hard to know where.

    I wish you peace in the hope you find some good news in this tragedy. Cherish the memory of your friend - as he did with you. (Not sure if that comes across right.)
    MLaVache and WetBandit like this.
  6. WetBandit

    WetBandit Friend of Leo's

    Oct 11, 2016

    I just can't believe everyone knew but me. I mean I have been here every day since it happened, I have talked with these people!

    And as soon as I saw somone today of whom I knew would know any updated information, when I asked "So, how is he?" I get looked at like I'm from outer space!!

    Then the realization hit her that no one had told me, to which she immediately apologized.

    This is probably troubling me more than it should.
  7. Frank'n'censed

    Frank'n'censed Doctor of Teleocity

    Mar 27, 2011
    Parts Unknown
    90’s a good doubt it hurts, but people deal with loss in different ways...move on if you can
    william tele and WetBandit like this.
  8. Chud

    Chud Poster Extraordinaire

    Dec 30, 2010
    New York City
    Very sorry to hear about your friend’s passing. It sucks to be out of the loop like that, but do your best not to dwell on it too much. The family had a lot going on, and things slip at times like that.

    Hell, if I make it to 90 I hope I’m still relevant enough to someone for them to get peeved if they find out second hand like that.

    I just found out today that a Marine Corps buddy died several days ago, finally succumbing to his demons of alcohol and drugs that had been chasing him for decades. I don’t think any of us had seen him in person in years, but it still sucks to find out the way we did, even when we knew it was likely a matter of time.
    WetBandit likes this.
  9. william tele

    william tele Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

    Nov 7, 2009
    Kansas City, MO
    If I make 90 I'm not telling anyone...
    drf64, boris bubbanov and Chud like this.
  10. Jupiter

    Jupiter Telefied Silver Supporter

    Jun 22, 2010
    Osaka, Japan
    It is definitely troubling you more than it should.
    RodeoTex likes this.
  11. Allen Peterson

    Allen Peterson Tele-Meister

    Sep 15, 2016
    Katy, Texas
    That's too bad. You know he would have told you he was gone, if he could have.
    src9000 likes this.
  12. Nickadermis

    Nickadermis Friend of Leo's

    Dec 18, 2016
    Camden Point, MO
    I am wishing you some inner peace! Often times, slights like this are completely unintentional.
  13. 24 track

    24 track Doctor of Teleocity Silver Supporter

    Nov 6, 2014
    kamloops bc
    I'm sorry it's never easy , but it stings more when you dont have the oportunity to greive in your own way, dont hold it against them , they were probably in shock mode and all things important get forgotten at that time .
  14. kelnet

    kelnet Telefied Ad Free Member

    Apr 17, 2008
    Port Moody, BC
    If folks knew that he was one of your dearest friends, they might have assumed that you knew before anyone else at work.
    Piggy Stu, boredguy6060 and RodeoTex like this.
  15. Obsessed

    Obsessed Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

    Nov 21, 2012
    Sorry to hear about your friend. Don't take the issue of not getting informed in a timely fashion personally. I'm sure it was unintentional. That really is a bummer and I'm sure you feel frustrated, but nothing can change that now, so make the best of it and mourn in your own way as best as you can. These times are tough on family and friends ... and you. Take care of yourself.
    WetBandit likes this.
  16. RodeoTex

    RodeoTex Poster Extraordinaire

    Sep 14, 2005
    Nueces Strip
    What kelnet said.
    Two possibilities going on here:
    1) Probably everyone knew and assumed you did too, only didn't want to talk about it.
    2) There may be some more distant friends of his that blame you for not telling them.

    Death effects people differently and often not even in a way they realize.
    Please go easy. Please have good memories. Please hold his other friends close, because he did.
    Jupiter, boris bubbanov and awasson like this.
  17. awasson

    awasson Friend of Leo's Gold Supporter

    Nov 18, 2010
    Well, my guess is that nobody knew quite how to break the news to you or they were very busy with what happens after someone dies.

    My dad died February 7th at the age of 84. I’ve told only a fraction of my friends who knew him. We’re planning a celebration of life for him in April, we’re winding down his estate (that’s what the courts and government call it), we had to arrange for his cremation, burial, calls to his lawyer and so on. There’s a lot involved when someone passes. My brother reminded me this weekend that at some point we have to grieve but at the moment there’s too much left to do.

    Don't take it personally. When someone passes, all sorts of things go on and it’s hard to come to terms with the finality of it. Its been my experience that it’s hard to tell any of my dads friends too.
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2018
  18. Milspec

    Milspec Friend of Leo's

    Feb 15, 2016
    I understand how that hurts. I was at work when I found out that my Grandfather passed. Every member of the extended family was at the hospital with him, but nobody called to tell me. The excuse was that they knew I was already in bed (shift work) and had to giet up for work in a couple of hours. A piss-poor answer and I was very upset, but they also knew that I would never be able to get there in time (I live several hours away) and they felt that it would be better to wait and tell me after work.

    I was upset about that one for months, but in the end, they were right in that I would never have reached the hospital in time to see him and it might have been unsafe since I would have had very little sleep. I guess my point is that I doubt they would do anything intentionally to hurt you. That tells me that they probably thought you already knew and wanted to avoid broaching the topic out of fear of upsetting you.

    Still sorry hear you received bad news and in such a manner. Breath in, breath out, and move on.
    PacificChris and WetBandit like this.
  19. Alexpapasitoguapo

    Alexpapasitoguapo TDPRI Member

    Mar 9, 2018
    I thought this was a telecaster forum
  20. WetBandit

    WetBandit Friend of Leo's

    Oct 11, 2016

    You thought right young man...just so happens you have stumbled into the Bad dog cafe and in here we talk about nearly everything

    And sometimes, even telecasters

    Today it is dead friends, who you no longer get to see, hear, or speak to ever again.
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