Joke!

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by boneyguy, Apr 12, 2019.

  1. boneyguy

    boneyguy Doctor of Teleocity

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    I guess this is an old one but I heard it for the first time tonight.....thought it was funny enough to share.


    Bass player and drummer are fighting in the parking lot of the bar they're playing at.

    The bouncer goes out and breaks them up and says "What the heck is going on here?!"

    The bass player says "I'm the bass player and he's the drummer in the band playing here tonight."

    The bouncer says "Okay fine....so what the he11 are you guys fighting about?!"

    The bass player says "Well the drummer just told me he de-tuned one of my bass strings..."

    The bouncer says "Okay fine... so why are you fighting?"

    The bass player says "He won't tell me which one it was!"
     
  2. tery

    tery Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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    . . . so the drummer was beating on the bass player ?
     
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  3. dogmeat

    dogmeat Tele-Holic

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    on a trip down the Amazon, the group is in canoes with a guide. all good the first day. the second day they hear drums far off in the distance. as the day progresses, the drums slowly get louder. all through the night they continue and next day, travel down the river is always accompanied by drum beats in the background, but they are getting louder and more vigorous. near the end of the day the durms are beatinf very loud and fast, then suddenly stop and the guide says "oh crap" and pulls the boats ashore. everyone panics and yells out "what does that mean, whats going on?". the guide says.... now its time for the bass solo
     
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  4. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Poster Extraordinaire

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    Why are bass players last to make it to the rehearsal space.

    They can’t find the key and don’t know where to come in.
     
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  5. Bluetelecaster

    Bluetelecaster Tele-Meister

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    At least the banjo player wasn't involved! Ha.
     
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  6. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Poster Extraordinaire

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    What is the difference between an onion and a banjo?

    No one cries when you cut up a banjo!
     
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  7. EddieLocrian

    EddieLocrian Tele-Afflicted

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    lol
     
  8. Bluetelecaster

    Bluetelecaster Tele-Meister

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    Oh that's just wrong.FUNNY,but w
    roooong
     
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  9. nojazzhere

    nojazzhere Poster Extraordinaire

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    So....don't keep us in suspense! Which string was it?
    (inspired by a previous thread ;))
     
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  10. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

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    A guy who owns a liquor store keeps a parrot on a stand right by the door. The bird is smart and greets the owners customers with a cheery hello, then calls them by name. All except for a woman who comes in almost everyday. The bird always squawks and says, YOU"RE UGLY! The woman finally has enough of this and tells the owner if you don't do something about that bird, I'm taking my business elsewhere. So when the lady leaves the owner beats the hell out of the Parrot and tells him if you call that lady ugly again, I'm putting your sorry a$$ in the oven and eating you for dinner.

    The owner calls the lady and tells him what he did. So, the next day the lady stops off at the liquor store, and looks right at the bird as she walks in and says, well what have you got to say for yourself? The bird looks back at her and says, YOU KNOW!
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2019 at 3:36 PM
  11. Treadplatedual

    Treadplatedual Tele-Meister

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    How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    No one noticed.

    How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    None, they have machines for that now.
     
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  12. jimilee

    jimilee Tele-Holic Silver Supporter

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    How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb? 5, one to do it and 4 to say, “I can do that”


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
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  13. SecretSquirrel

    SecretSquirrel Friend of Leo's Ad Free Member

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    How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?

    One: he holds the bulb to the socket while the world revolves around him.
     
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  14. getbent

    getbent Telefied Ad Free Member

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    A couple goes to see a marriage counselor. They say their marriage is on the rocks because they never speak to each other. The counselor tries to get them to talk, but they just sit there with their arms folded and their mouths closed. He tries playing games. He tries tricking them. Nothing he can do can get them to talk to each other. Finally, he pulls out an electric bass and starts playing a solo. Instantly, the couple turns to each other and starts conversing for the
    first time in months.
    ’How on earth did you know that would work?’ they ask.
    ’Simple’ he says, ‘Everyone always talks during the bass solo.’
     
  15. richiek65

    richiek65 Tele-Afflicted

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    How many bass players?

    One, five, one, five, one, five....
     
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  16. getbent

    getbent Telefied Ad Free Member

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    A bass player was hiking in the mountains, and he came upon a shepherd who was tending a large herd of sheep that were grazing in the alpine meadow. The bass player took a fancy to the sheep, and asked the shepherd: "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?"
    The shepherd thought this was an odd request, but thought that there was little chance that the man would guess the exact number of sheep, so he said "Sure." The bass player guessed "You have 287 sheep," to the shepherd's astonishment, since this was exactly how many sheep he had. The bass player got all excited and asked "Can I pick out my sheep now?" and the shepherd grudgingly gave his permission. The bass player selected his sheep, bent over, and swung the sheep over his shoulders, to carry home with him.
    The shepherd then asked "If I guess what your occupation is, can I have my sheep back?" The bass player was a bit surprised by this, but figured that it was unlikely that the shepherd would be able to guess his occupation, and went along with the deal. The shepherd then guessed "You're a bass player, aren't you?" The bass player was very surprised and asked, "How did you know?"
    The shepherd responded, "Put the dog down and we'll talk about it."
     
  17. getbent

    getbent Telefied Ad Free Member

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    A man gives his son an electric bass for his 15th birthday, along with a coupon for four bass lessons. When the son returns from his first lesson, the father asks, ‘So, what did you learn?’
    ’Well, I learned the first five notes on the E string.’


    Next week, after the second lesson, the father again asks about the progress, and the son replies, ‘this time I learned the first five notes on the A string.’


    One week later, the son comes home far later than expected, smelling of cigarettes and beer. So the father asks, ‘hey, what happened in today's lesson?’


    ’Dad, I'm sorry but I couldn't make it to my lesson. I had a gig!
     
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  18. getbent

    getbent Telefied Ad Free Member

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    I recently was told I needed surgery on my hand, and I asked the doctor if after surgery I would be able to play the bass . "I'm operating on your hand, not giving you a lobotomy!"
     
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  19. Shuster

    Shuster Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    A guy wanted to play bass in a band. The band told him, "Okay, but you will have to have 1/3 of your brain removed." So the guy went into surgery. When he woke up, the doctor said, "I'm terribly sorry, but we made a mistake and accidentally removed 3/4's of your brain!" The guy said, "Uh, that's okay. Got some sticks?"
     
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  20. Classicrock

    Classicrock TDPRI Member

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    What's a fretless bass good for?................................About 20 yards if you grip it with both hands and get a good swing.
     
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