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Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Suicideking, Feb 26, 2011.
Thanks for the encouragement gentlemen. That makes one more day in the books.
I tried the religious approach for a while out of desperation, and in a short period of time my GF broke her back, my father died, my sponsor relapsed and died, and a dear friend hung herself on what was supposed to be my one year anniversary, which i skipped out on. To top it off the docs gave me a bottle of pills for my GFs pain so she wouldn't swallow them all. What a joke! I was so mad at whatever it was I was supposed to be praying to and getting help from that I decided on Chaos Theory as my higher power.
Something about the universe constantly being in chaotic flux, dying and being reborn.
So music is a power far greater than ourselves!
Spiritual principles are also powers greater than ourselves.
Like honesty and responsibility are spiritual principles that keep me out of jail.
Some groups and programs and individuals are hell bent on religious conversion.
Not my cup o' tea, but still in recovery.
They say some are sicker than others, and for that I needed the steps.
And music, had to play music to live and flourish.
Also good people to hang around, people I can trust.
I think it's different for each person. I haven't even had a craving in over a decade, but I made such huge lifestyle changes when I quit that I essentially "recreated" myself in a manner that allowed me to forget all about my former self. I walked away from one life and started a completely new one.
That always gets me,because a lot of these people are lying through their teeth.
They are getting drunk and hungover 2-3 times a week,getting high every day,
maybe a little snort or some shrooms,yet they aren't addicted.
They have no consequences and when they do it's just life.
The best thing about this is it's about me,not them, and I feel so much better for it
My sobriety date is only 11-11-15, but I'm not looking back!
This thread is full of people who have travelled the same road you're on now, and we're all proof that it CAN be done.
This is exactly what I wanted to do for myself.I got tired of the way I was being treated.
Funny you notice it a lot more when you sober up.So I would let people hurt me and I'd go home and hurt myself.
I feel better,and there aren't a whole lot of people in my circle,it's like starting over.
I have looked back on occasion, but only as a reminder that what lies ahead is much better than where I've already been.
My old sponsor always said it's ok to visit the past, just don't take a tent and a sleeping bag.
I've been drunk only one time in my entire life, during the winter break of my senior year in high school. I was drinking whiskey with my younger brother, and stupidly drank enough to poison myself. After a short stay in the hospital, and a few days in bed, I recovered. To this day, the smell of liquor makes me nauseous, and even a slight buzz makes me feel uncomfortable.
The place where I come from, the Big Reservation in the Four Corners area, has long had a problem with alcohol. Funny that a place where no alcohol can legally be sold is full of drunks. On the first of the month everyone gets their checks, and then caravans of cars and pickups head to Gallup or Farmington, and lines form up at the grocery and liquor stores.
My brother became an alcoholic at a young age. Alcohol ruined his life, which, during the few moments he was sober, was successful and productive. Whenever he would clean up his act, he would prosper. He would get a car, good clothes, a good job, and do well. And just when he was doing as well he could, he would have a drink, and before you knew it, everything would be lost.
He eventually drank himself to death, owning nothing but the clothes on his back.
In my youth I was surrounded by drunks, pot heads, and addicts, but for some reason I never succumbed to drink or drugs. My family was often bad off, living in motels, and in the bad parts of town. I was the guy that who always shook his head when a joint was passed his way, or simply passed it on. I was not interested, and there was always a small voice or fear which made me hold back.
Instead of drinking, or getting high with my friends, I traveled and wandered. My grandfather's brother was a well-known folk musician who did much the same, though in those days I was unaware of our relationship.
In my youth I had two addictions, seeing what was on the other side of the horizon, and the companionship of young ladies. I still travel, but have settled down and married. The only young ladies in my life now are my wife and daughter.
This thread is good for two reasons, to help those who are clean and sober to remain so, and hopefully to warn away those who might get in over their heads. Better to walk the straight and narrow than fall off and risk not finding your way back.
There are folks that smoke cigarettes only on weekends, or only on vacation, or only when they have a cup of coffee. This isn't a lie. It's the way they live.
I can't do that. I can not have another cigarette because I've proven in the past that my craving for nicotine is more powerful than my willpower so I make an intellectual decision to never have another one.
People that are able to enjoy alcohol and recreational substances without becoming addicted are out there. Just because they can do this doesn't make them liers.
I'm all for whatever helps someone learn to stay away from things that take control of their lives and they can call it whatever they want, disease, demons, allergy, but to look at others who partake and say "You are lying!" "You are an addict!" seems like a very unrealistic and unfair viewpoint.
Yes,it was a very skewed point of view.I'm in the restaurant business.I know many deniers.
And I didn't really acknowledge properly the fact that deniers DO exist. You are correct in that...thanks.
Sometimes, the more you fight something the more power you give it. That's why so many people fail on diets, because all they are thinking about is food. I tried to diet for many years and kept putting the weight back on. At one point I just said to myself I'm giving up bear claws and coffee for breakfast, and ice cream. I lost 15 lbs and kept it off. I didn't think about it, it was just something I had decided not to have any more.
I started drinking at 19, and was a heavy drinker (about a half pint of whiskey a night and more on weekends). I don't think I was an alcoholic because I always made it to class and work. I wasn't abusive or angry when I drank. I never had an accident. It didn't keep me from graduating college or getting ahead at work. In some ways it was mandatory to get ahead at work (think Madmen). When I was 44 my son had a substance abuse problem. I brought him to an AA meeting, enrolled him in an after school counseling program, and I quit drinking for 5 years, while he continued to live at home. I didn't think about it, it was just done to show him if I could do it he could too. It worked. When he graduated and left home I went back to moderate drinking. I no longer drank to get polluted, just to mellow out. I kept track of what I drank in a notebook, it was about 4 oz of whiskey a night in a large highball before I went to bed. If I was out at a party or occasion I would have two drinks and stop. Almost 20 years later, last year I had some major health and heart issues. I gave up caffeine (I was a big coffee drinker) and alcohol. I didn't have any withdrawal symptoms. I've had 3 stiff drinks (doubles) in the past year, once when I was really upset, and twice when I was up all night and couldn't sleep. I don't think about liquor or coffee. It's just something I can't have any more. I sometimes feel like I could use a drink, but I just don't. I dismiss the idea and it passes.
been sober and drug free for 3 years now after a long spell in rehab and still finding It hard .tried the 12 steps but it was not for me. tried the AA but no I found that the same.I found It difficult to get my head round this higher power thing. I found attending meetings helped , For getting thro rehab I treated myself to a 1970s les paul deluxe and a 2000 am std tele and I'm loving them... still cant go to parties or pubs but who no someday lucky for me I have a good girl to keep me on the straight and narrow.all the best oldfish.
One is too many and all of them aren't enough.
That simple sentence has helped me a lot. It's all or nothing for me. No more nicotine, booze, dope or pain pills.
(What a great medical system we have.)
This thread is beautiful.
As is this online community.
I myself am not an addict.
Though I sure tried like hell to become one.
Thank goodness none of it stuck for too long. The lifestyle I lived, the lifestyle I watched kill off friends and family...that led me to a career in substance abuse counseling. Nowadays I work with primarily heroin addicts on a daily basis.
Thanks for continuing to inspire.
It can be done!
I'm always available to talk, even to you faceless strangers, anytime, if'n someone needs an ear or some help processing through something.
My clean date is 10/10/2013.
I've stayed clean one day at a time and with the help of the fellowship of other recovering addicts who I surround myself with.
I was the worst kind of addict, inches from death and still begging for more.
When I was ready, I did what I was told by others who had survived the same demons that torture me. Where I was at the time, it was literally life or death, so I became willing to put my ego and skepticism aside. I became honest, open minded and willing.
You can change your life with the right motivation.
I am many, years away from taking anything mind altering or mind numbing. I could have lost everything and my family. Good on anyone who is getting better and healthier. Congratulations to all who are on the hard road to freedom from addictions.