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How many of you are Hypochondriacs?

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Toto'sDad, Aug 11, 2017.

  1. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

    Jun 21, 2011
    Bakersfield
    I've been a hypochondriac since I was nine years old. I had hoofed it down to some folks house who had a tv and watched a medical show about a guy who had to have a cancer removed. Having never seen anything like that, I was of course stricken by the time I got home and in bed. If anyone would have been around I would have said goodbye. Of course I survived, but barely.

    As the years passed, I had about every malady known to man at one time or another. I never let any of my hypochondria keep me from working or enjoying life, but I pretty much had something all of the time. Unlike most hypochondriacs I suffered my sickness in silence, but I was just about a goner for years.

    I had foretold my own passing at 56 years of age because most of the men in my family died by that age. When I didn't die, I realized I was truly a functioning hypochondriac. Since I had already passed the target age to die, I thought man, I'm getting tired of always having some rare disease, and just stopped. Now and then I get a touch of it, but in a few days it's forgotten. Hypochondria the disease that kills, well maybe not kills but worries you to death.
     
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  2. william tele

    william tele Doctor of Teleocity

    Nov 7, 2009
    Kansas City, MO
    I probably am. I'm going in for my weekly check up tomorrow. I'll have him check me...
     
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  3. Old Tele man

    Old Tele man Tele-Afflicted

    May 10, 2017
    Tucson, AZ
    Which? HYPO-...HIPPO-...or...HYPER- chondriacs? (wink,wink)
     
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  4. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

    Jun 21, 2011
    Bakersfield
    The genuine Real McCoy:

    hy·po·chon·dri·ac
    ˌhīpəˈkändrēˌak/
    noun
    noun: hypochondriac; plural noun: hypochondriacs
    1. 1.
      a person who is abnormally anxious about their health.
      synonyms: valetudinarian, neurotic More
      "a hypochondriac who depends on her pills"
      valetudinarian, hypochondriacal, malingering, health-obsessed;
      neurotic, paranoid, phobic
      "her hypochondriac husband"
     

    Attached Files:


  5. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

    Jun 21, 2011
    Bakersfield
    When I had my hip replaced it was a validation of the long held fear that I had a bad hip. I gotta say "See I told you I was so sick!" Same thing when I had my hernia repair, I was relieved that my ailment was real. (so many weren't) Geeemenee, it's hard enough being a hypochondriac without having to actually be sick!
     

  6. Blue Bill

    Blue Bill Friend of Leo's Ad Free + Supporter

    Feb 15, 2014
    Maine

  7. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

    Jun 21, 2011
    Bakersfield

  8. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

    Jun 21, 2011
    Bakersfield

  9. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

    Jun 21, 2011
    Bakersfield

  10. Toto'sDad

    Toto'sDad Telefied Ad Free Member

    Jun 21, 2011
    Bakersfield
    I once discovered a very small tumor on my belly, I knew it was really bad 'cause it was on the outside of my tee shirt, then I discovered it was a Cheerio left over from breakfast.
     

  11. Old Tele man

    Old Tele man Tele-Afflicted

    May 10, 2017
    Tucson, AZ
    In Homer Simpson's case it was a doughnut, not a Cheerio (wink,wink)!
     
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2017
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  12. Milspec

    Milspec Tele-Afflicted

    Feb 15, 2016
    Nebraska
    Allow me to help you out then.

    Although the symptoms are very real, medical studies have estimated that between 85-90% of all illnesses are indeed psychosomatic in nature. So, when you feel ill, realize that you are only 10-15% likely to actually be sick.

    I told people for decades that I know the cure for the common cold. On the first day that you feel yourself coming down with a cold (lethargic, headache, sinus congestion, etc.) eat as much devil's food cake as you can handle along with as much orange juice that you can stand that evening and go to bed early. In the morning, drink a large glass of water and you are cured.

    I actually got this from an old country doctor who claimed that it would elevate the ph of your blood by spiking with dense cocoa and orange juice in large quantities. That ph shift kills off the virus in its infancy before it can take hold. It does sound far-fetched, but that is one of the reasons they used to tell patients to eat chocolate with their medication as it prolonged the effects as well as making the medicine taste better.

    What I can tell you is that I have never had a cold in 30 years and I keep running into people around me that tell me that it worked for them as well. The odds that these results are due to the prescription of chocolate and OJ is pretty low, but since you were likely feeling ill due to psychosomatic stress in the first place, the odds of success are very high.

    For me, feeling ill just means that I am fatigued and my body is trying to force me to slow down since I am too damn dumb to recognize the need. So, I give in and throttle down which seems to work most of the time. Extra sleep, more water, and massive calories all seem to turn it around.

    The cure is in your head....just need to listen.
     
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  13. Nightclub Dwight

    Nightclub Dwight Tele-Meister

    256
    Aug 12, 2016
    Pittsburgh
    Not exactly the same, but along those lines....

    I was a hard bastard as a little kid. One day I accidentally stabbed myself in the arm with a pencil I had just sharpened and the point broke off under my skin. I assumed that I had just days to live, and would die a horrible death from lead poisoning. I willingly kept my mouth shut about it because I assumed it would be worse going to the doctor. I chose death over the doctor as a 7 year old.

    The next year it happened again! It was the 1970's, and my mother used to use a chocolate cherry flavored lip gloss. I took it out of her purse and was applying it to my lips perhaps a little more vigorously than the product designers had intended. The tube had a half inch plastic ball that rolled the product onto your lips, but in my overenthusiastic application the damn ball dislodged and went down my throat. Again, I figured I would die, but that seemed better than a trip to the ER.

    I suffered both these incidents silently myself, fearing that if I told anyone it would result in a trip to the doctor. Its not like I ever had a problem with doctors as a kid, I just imagined that these two incidents would require more invasive attention than I was willing to accept.

    Then there was the time that I heard an ambulance siren coming into my neighborhood while I had an overdue library book, but that's a story for another thread.
     
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  14. jaybones

    jaybones Tele-Afflicted

    My 80 year old mother (whom I live with as a caretaker), who is a retired RN accuses me of being one.

    Usually my complaints end up being real, and not always as dire as I think they're going to be.

    I do have a few real conditions, Barret's esophagus, IBS, bi polar, alcoholism/addiction.
     

  15. Guitarteach

    Guitarteach Poster Extraordinaire

    Aug 6, 2014
    UK
    Comedian Spike Milligan's Epitaph might be fitting...

    'I told you I was ill'
     
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  16. Mr. Lumbergh

    Mr. Lumbergh Poster Extraordinaire

    Jun 13, 2013
    Initech, Inc.
    I can't say it any better than this. NSFW:
     
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2017
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  17. chezdeluxe

    chezdeluxe Poster Extraordinaire

    Age:
    67
    Dec 29, 2007
    Brisbane Australia
    I do know this thread is sick......And needs to die.... But you crave the attention don't you?

    I also do think you could seek professional medical help.
     

  18. radiocaster

    radiocaster Friend of Leo's

    Aug 18, 2015
    europe
    I've known annoying people who made me sick: not only headaches, but my nose would start running, sore throat, the works. I didn't catch anything they had personally, or at least not in the same manner.
     

  19. brookdalebill

    brookdalebill Telefied Ad Free Member

    Age:
    60
    Nov 15, 2009
    Austin, Tx
    I'm the opposite.
    I deny there's anything wrong until I end up in the ER.
    I'm doctor-phobic.
    I figure why give someone a bunch of money to have them tell you how messed up you are?
     
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2017

  20. musicalmartin

    musicalmartin Poster Extraordinaire

    Age:
    69
    Aug 8, 2007
    Norfolk UK
    I dont know .I am too frightened to open a dictionary to find out what it means as it may contains germs and tiny little killer bugs .
     

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