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How does one just... Quit?

Discussion in 'Band Wagon' started by haggardfan1, Dec 27, 2016.

  1. Endless Mike

    Endless Mike Friend of Leo's

    Nov 2, 2016
    Arlington, Texas
    This happened to me once, some years back. After about five years, the desire came back. With a burning desire. I foolishly sold five G&L's, two Zion's, a Duncan Convertible, a stereo rack set up with a Duncan power amp, two high end pre amps, two multi-effects units, Rocktron switching system, multiple pedals (including some that now go for absurd prices) a 65 Tremolux, and a Holdsworth Harness for loading it down into the rack set up. Someone tried to warn me, and I wouldn't listen. I sold it all, every bit of it, and it REALLY HURT when the desire to play again came on.

    Things change, nothing is permanent, especially how you feel now. If you want to beg off playing, go ahead, but leave your gear with someone you trust until this passes, AND IT WILL.
     

  2. Tonetele

    Tonetele Friend of Leo's

    Jun 2, 2009
    South Australia
    It could be as ebb soul describes.

    I have just been through a near 4 year divorce settlement and only played when drinking.

    I used to make good patscasters and lots of other styles of guitars - gave that up.

    Now I'm recovering, albeit slowly, from a 30 year marriage and all I want to do is play.
    No building, no band as yet, used to be in one, just play the instrument I love that gives us comfort, frustration-you name it.

    If you do not want to play live-fine- it's a free society. Take it Easy.
     

  3. ebb soul

    ebb soul Poster Extraordinaire

    Age:
    57
    Jun 7, 2016
    Smyrna georgia
    The fact you wonder how to quit speaks volumes.
    It would be easy to quit , if you wanted to.
    You don't really.
    Something else needs to be addressed.
     
    Mr. Lumbergh likes this.

  4. Space Pickle

    Space Pickle Tele-Meister

    386
    Jan 23, 2010
    OUTER SPACE
    Blaze of glory! Burn every bridge!
     
    haggardfan1 likes this.

  5. PCollen

    PCollen Tele-Afflicted

    May 7, 2010
    Man of the World
    I re-read your OP and feel my initial comments were not really related to the points you were making. I'd sa, as others have , to take a break but hang on to your gear for the time being. If, after a while, you think you might want to just play for your own enjoyment at home then you can sell off a little gear at a time to the point you feel comfortable with what remains.
     
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2016
    moosie and RoyBGood like this.

  6. tery

    tery Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

    Sep 21, 2012
    Tennessee
    Just tell people that you are taking a sabbatical to develop new material .... leave the doors open .
     

  7. Snowind

    Snowind TDPRI Member

    73
    Jun 4, 2015
    Shenandoah
    I'd look at it this way if I were in your position. If you're not currently having fun with playing guitar then it's time to take a break. You can always get started into it again. If you need to sell some gear to help pay medical bills then that's ok too. New gear will be available down the road and as you said, you don't plan on selling all your stuff anyways. Time spent with your kids when they're young is not replaceable so enjoy that while you can.

    As for the band... just be honest and if they can't understand and be compassionate about your situation then that's their problem.
     

  8. RoscoeElegante

    RoscoeElegante Tele-Afflicted

    Feb 19, 2015
    TooFarFromCanada
    haggardfan1, I say this with all respect: It sounds like you're suffering from the very common problem of post-surgical/debilitation depression. I went through a minor version of it myself, when I had major neck surgery a few years ago. It kept me from playing sports, running, even swimming, for nearly two years. I'm still working my way back to full functionality. For the first year or so after the surgery, I felt so useless and cheated by all the things I couldn't do anymore that I began to lose interest in what I could do. My doc picked up on it, advised me to see a therapy group that helps people with medical-related depression, and talked me into trying a low dose of sertraline (Zoloft). "Your stress-coping circuits are just burnt out and need some help," he said. Boy, did I fight him on that. Seemed like cowardly surrender to me. But boy, did it work. Within two weeks, I felt like a gray weight had been lifted off me. The world had color and I had interests again. No side effects, either.

    This is just one person's experience, but I think it's very common. When we're prevented, physically, from doing something crucial to us emotionally, that burden can sink our spirits. There's truly all kinds of help available for this type of struggle. And it would be shame to give up something you love just when you so need what it has given you.

    I hope this wasn't preachy or formulaic. I sincerely sympathize. Please talk with your doc or pastor, or both, or closest friend, about the steps you can take to regain music's mercies. I wish you the best.
     
    darkwaters and Downsman like this.

  9. T Prior

    T Prior Poster Extraordinaire

    Mar 17, 2003
    Charlotte NC
    there is nothing wrong with just telling it like it is, you need a break, a very long break.

    I took off about 8 years , played no gigs thru most of the 90's but still played at home.

    I had relocated my family, had a new job, was on the road around the region ( work) and there really was no time for gigs, no desire either. I was still jamming now and then though.

    BUT, enter year 2000 , all of a sudden , back in , still am. Found the balance . Having fun.

    Don't get rid of your guitars, amps sure, but not guitars.

    RELAX !
     

  10. Pineears

    Pineears Tele-Holic

    539
    Jun 25, 2016
    Texas
    Quit and sell it. The fun of buying stuff later is priceless.
     

  11. PastorJay

    PastorJay Tele-Holic

    763
    Apr 12, 2014
    California
    Wow. that sounds really tough.

    Your health issues would certainly justify quitting or taking an extended break if that's what you want to do.

    The question is what you want to do.

    You've got a lot of options and there are lots of ways you could slice the onion.

    Unless you need the money, you could quit playing for some period of time. Until your health is better and you feel like it, whenever that is (but don't sell all your stuff; I've always regretted it when I gave up equipment).

    You could quit singing for a while. Until your mouth is better and you feel like it. But keep playing.

    You could phase out whatever you're least motivated to do--and keep phasing out until you feel good about what you're still doing (I haven't played in clubs for years, although I still hit a jam session once in a while; every once in a while the church band gets to the point where they don't need me--and then I pretty quickly get an itch to play more).

    You could slog through it until you feel like playing again.

    And lots of variations on those options.

    The question is what you want to do. Given what's going on with your health, your band mates would certainly understand if you walk away for a while.

    I'd agree with those who suggested finding somebody to talk to about this. Your pastor, worship leader, therapist, bartender...

    Find somebody to help you work through it.

    And good luck.

    grace and peace,
    Pastor Jay
     
    Pineears likes this.

  12. Pineears

    Pineears Tele-Holic

    539
    Jun 25, 2016
    Texas
    The material items don't matter that much. Quitting is not permanent. After some time to heal, you might be inspired to a different end.
     

  13. BobbyB

    BobbyB Tele-Holic

    Keep your favorite stuff! I get it. If you have health problems everything else takes second place, but music is in your heart and spirit. You will want to go back to it one day. Several times in my life my music was interrupted...a spinal cord injury and two strokes...each time I fought through the health issues and got back to playing. After my stroke I taped a slide on my finger because my fingers wouldnt work. 7 years later my fingers are working again. Not as good as new but enough to play pretty darn good.
    I dont believe I could ever stop. Dont give up brother.
     

  14. 8barlouie

    8barlouie Friend of Leo's Silver Supporter

    Age:
    58
    May 9, 2015
    Seekonk, MA
    I've been down just like you. Everytime I get feeling blue about my life or my music, I think about this guy who played at our local church once. Go ahead, take a break. We all need to chill out now and then. But don't give up and go sell all your gear because you're just over due for a break through, that's all.
     

  15. haggardfan1

    haggardfan1 Friend of Leo's

    Mar 17, 2014
    down every road

  16. String Tree

    String Tree Doctor of Teleocity

    Dec 8, 2010
    Up North
    It is all about having a place to go.

    Right now, your Health is sapping the Music out of you.
    That is NORMAL. If you did anything else, it would sap that from you as well.

    My Two-Cents-worth: Concentrate on getting better.
    Do the things that help your Health.
    Once you FEEL better, the rest will come right back around.

    ~ST
     

  17. haggardfan1

    haggardfan1 Friend of Leo's

    Mar 17, 2014
    down every road
    Well, we didn't get a new year's Eve gig, but had a party amongst ourselves at our practice place. Bass players parents' home.

    I was going to announce my resignation, but the girlfriend talked me out of it on the way there.

    In Tonight Show with Johnny Carson terms, more to come.......
     

  18. 4 Cat Slim

    4 Cat Slim Friend of Leo's

    Oct 17, 2012
    Nelson City TX
    This is kind of funny in a sad way or sad in a funny way, haggardfan1, but previously, I had suggested that since you also had the opportunity to spend time with grandkids, that the opportunity was sort of priceless in itself.
    Well, I don't have grandkids, but over the past holidays, I didn't get as much as a phone call from any of my three nieces or one nephew, despite trying to be there for them as they grew up. It hurts to admit it, but they are all at that age where they don't want to have very much to do with older relatives anymore, so much for that. Continued best wishes to you... And don't sell off your musical instruments just yet!
     

  19. haggardfan1

    haggardfan1 Friend of Leo's

    Mar 17, 2014
    down every road
    Maybe I misrepresented the situation. I'm seeing a younger lady with school age kids; twelve year old girl, and ten year old twins, boy and girl.

    Just wanted to clarify that. Soccer on Saturday mornings, back and forth to sleepovers, etc etc.

    Reference an old thread, Ever Dated a Co-worker successfully, or something like that. ;)

    So far, so good I guess, come to think of it. Except for the band issue.
     

  20. haggardfan1

    haggardfan1 Friend of Leo's

    Mar 17, 2014
    down every road
    Well it's done, at least half of it. My country band got a gig for April 7, and I resigned. For good.

    The church thing might be a bit more difficult, and I might stick it out, but...one down. On we go. More to life than playing guitar.
     
    T Prior likes this.

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