How do you bail on a band?

”How do you bail on a band?”

Give it some serious thought before you make hay

 

Hop on the bus, Gus.

 

NO, No, no! You guys are all wrong - you want them to think its their idea.

So do like I did, get super drunk before a big gig and then throw up on your own shoes, preferably right before the second set.

Or do like my X-pal Danny, and get so high that you cant play in time; in this case what until the record execs have come to see you and are in the audience.

 

Why can’t you you just tell them you can’t commit to so many gigs and you want to part on good terms? Presumably the other guys are adults, if they are retired.

 

one thing that will also be less bridge burning is to offer to be available as a sub, if they end up short-handed for a gig.

 

I was in a similar situation. A hobby. In fact it was a private jam where we were working on skills for the fun of it. The host was a guitar player and a second guitar player responded before I did. So I played bass. I wasn't very good at it, but I took it seriously. In fact NONE of use were very good at it. It was for working on skills in a no pressure environment. We did a couple of open mics and then the second guitar player (not the host) decided that he wanted to seek out gigs. 1. They were retired and had more time and 2. I wasn't comfortable enough in my bass playing to seeks gigs. 3. The original premise was not gigging. I bowed out and told them as much, but it was also a crushing blow to drive all the way across town for me. They tried out a replacement and the "band" folded shortly afterwards.... Guitar 2 formed his own project. It's not the end of the world and we all still talk.

 

I once knew a guy who said he needed to take a year and half off for hip surgery. Seemed to work pretty well for him.

 

As I stated earlier, I'm going thru the exact same thing, your story is almost identical to mine. They are all retired, lots of time on their hands, they want to make some cash. I have a job, I play as a hobby, I'm in the process of renovating my son's house in my spare time. I can't play more than one or two gigs/mth and I put that on the table when I started.

So here is the thing....you can't wait till the 13th to tell them if they have another gig in early May. It only gives them a few weeks to find a replacement and will actually put you in the doghouse with them. Tell them now and offer to play any gigs in May if they don't find a replacement. The guys in my band have been supposedly looking for my replacement since mid-February but they know that after April 21, I'm out. Either I'm REALLY, REALLY good or they are not looking in the right places. The new bass player is the treasurer of the local musician guild. I'm sure he can quickly find a guitar player in their directory.

They have told me that they would like to be able to call me from time to time if needed so therefore, I haven't burned any bridges. If they call me to play the first gig after I leave, then I will politely decline as I know they're just using me as a crutch.

So tell them now, DO NOT PROLONG IT!

 

I once left a band that I founded, which made me look like a bit of a douche... but anyway, I told them I was done after our last gig that was booked at the time. That way I could say I fulfilled my obligation.

 

I see that the intent here is good, but I personally think it is a bad idea because it's kind of like halfway breaking up with a girlfriend. Rip the Band-Aid off all the once.

 

Just say, "Hey, man. I slept with your wife last night."

 

If it was me, I'd give them a hard last day of April 13 and play that last gig. Then they can sink or swim from there.

They have the keyboard guy, and they have a month to get ready for May. You have two jobs and that house project. The only wiggle room is your leaving sooner, not later.

 

When I leave a band it is always amicable. Burning any bridges is not an option ...

I provide a hard date that will be my last.... usually a couple months down the road... more than enough time to work in someone new.
I agree to fulfill any dates up to that point, but I also offer to step aside if they find someone earlier.

 

Is that a problem? Either you want to leave or your don't, right?

 

Do everyone a favor and let them plan from right now. Why wouldn't you tell them right now?

 

Agree. What if they start booking more gigs before you plan to tell them?

 

When I quit my last band I had put about a year of my time into it. They not only understood but they took me out to our favorite sports bar and we all spent the evening talking trash and promising not to loose touch. . If after having donated, and I emphasize the word donated, three years of you life to them they decide to give you grief about it then you've learned that they aren't really worthy of your concern. Just pick up your guit, tell em you quit and you don't give a ...........

 

To the OP:

You seem like you really dislike conflict. That's perfectly ok, but if your description of the band and its leader are accurate it sounds like there will be conflict either way.

In which case, you're simply procrastinating under the guise of trying to be nice about it.

The facts are:

1) They don't NEED you (according to you) since you're competing for space with another guitarist (and the keyboard player is filling out the rest).
2) They will (according to what you've said) be angry and bitter about you leaving...period. Doesn't matter if it's today or 6 months from now.

There's others that have come up but those two are the most glaring.

I think you're probably being a bit too nice for your own good. Trying to be tactful is completely understood and appreciated, but not to the point where you're making yourself unhappy.

Put in notice. Today.

If you get told that your services are no longer needed going forward, great... more sleep and time to dedicate to your other endeavors will begin immediately. If they agree you should stay through the end of next month, great... more spending money for your home renovation.