Give me your best "dad joke"

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Steve Ouimette, Jul 11, 2018.

  1. geoff_in_nc

    geoff_in_nc Friend of Leo's

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    My daughter and I try to continually one-up each other with Dad jokes... It's our "thing".

    Which country's capital is the fastest growing? Ireland, because every day it's Dublin.

    What did baby corn say to mama corn? Where's pop corn?

    Why won't seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they'd be bagels.
     
  2. Utah Joe

    Utah Joe TDPRI Member

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    Why do Eskimos wash their clothes in Tide?

    Because it’s too cold out tide.
     
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  3. Gretschman

    Gretschman TDPRI Member

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    What's brown and stinky and sounds like a bell?

    Dung!
     
  4. hekawi

    hekawi Poster Extraordinaire

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    When is a door not a door?

    When it's ajar.


    What vegetable has to be kept in a cage

    Zucchini (get it...zoo-cchini)
     
  5. paparoof

    paparoof Tele-Holic

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    I gave away all my dead batteries.


    Free of charge!
     
  6. paparoof

    paparoof Tele-Holic

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    What's the difference between a Zippo and an elephant?


    One is very very heavy, and the other one's just a little lighter!
     
  7. Mr Scallywag

    Mr Scallywag Tele-Holic

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    Sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
     
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  8. O- Fender

    O- Fender Tele-Afflicted

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    You've heard of Murphy's Law?
    If anything can go wrong, it will.
    What about Cole's Law?
    It's sliced cabbage.
     
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  9. robotguitar

    robotguitar Tele-Holic

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    My dad doesn't believe in seatbelts. He prefers to be thrown clear.
     
  10. YALCaster

    YALCaster Tele-Meister

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    What’s the difference between a nasty bus stop and a lobster with big breasts?

    Ones a crusty bus station, and the others a busty crustacean
     
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  11. acrylicsuperman

    acrylicsuperman Tele-Afflicted

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    I once met a woman with 12 nipples.

    Sounds crazy, dozen tit?

    Eh? Eh?

    I'll show myself out...

    EDIT: oh, wait, I know another one!

    The only thing worse than lobsters on your piano is crabs on your organ.

    Now I'll show myself out....
     
  12. Lake Placid Blue

    Lake Placid Blue Poster Extraordinaire

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    The only thing nicer than roses on a piano is Tulips on an organ.
     
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  13. JayFreddy

    JayFreddy Poster Extraordinaire

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    Dirty old man jokes and dad jokes are different things.
     
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  14. Bluey

    Bluey Tele-Meister

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    Three friends got married to women from three parts of the world.

    The first married a Greek girl. He ask that she make sure that each day the dishes were done, house cleaned, hot meals on the table & look after the garden.
    The second day he came home to see everything he asked had been done and went on to have three beautiful daughters.

    The second married a Thai girl and asked that she make sure each day the dishes were done, house cleaned, hot meals on the table & look after the garden.
    The second day he came home to see everything he asked had been done and went on to have two strong healthy sons and two beautiful daughters.

    The third married a Aussie girl. He asked that she make sure each day the dishes were done, house cleaned, hot meals on the table and look after the garden.
    The second day he didn't see anything, the third day he didn't see anything either, by the fourth day some of the swelling had gone down just enough that he could make himself a toasted sandwich and load the dishwasher. Nuff Said.
     
  15. HoodieMcFoodie

    HoodieMcFoodie Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    I once ordered a Chocolate Thursday at Maccas while my daughter was on shift. I told 'em I couldn't wait until Sundae.
     
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  16. HoodieMcFoodie

    HoodieMcFoodie Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    I once cautioned my daughter not to walk near a particular tree. "Why?" she asked. I replied, "I dunno, it just looks kinda shady."
     
  17. Henfield Tele

    Henfield Tele Tele-Holic

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    OPERATOR... What's your user name sir? MAN... My user name is Mickey Donald Minnie Pluto Goofy Daffy Speedy-Gonzales Road-runner London OPERATOR... Wow, why do you have a username like that? MAN... Why? You's idiots told me it had to be 6 characters long and include a capital!
     
  18. Henfield Tele

    Henfield Tele Tele-Holic

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    I called the RSPCA today and said, “I’ve just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs.” “That’s terrible,” she replied. “Are they moving?” “I’m not sure, to be honest,” I said, “But that would explain the suitcase.”
     
  19. Larry F

    Larry F Doctor of Teleocity Vendor Member

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    "Doctor, doctor. My oboe player just swallowed his reed. What do I do?"

    "Use muted trumpet."
     
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  20. ojaverde

    ojaverde Tele-Holic

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    Whats black and white and red all over?

    A Zebra with a sunburn.


    What else is black and white and red all over?





    a penguin in a blender.
     
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