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Give me your best "dad joke"

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Steve Ouimette, Jul 11, 2018.

  1. RetroTeleRod

    RetroTeleRod Poster Extraordinaire

    Age:
    54
    Oct 24, 2012
    Oklahoma, USA
    My variation on this is when the grandkids say "I'm thirsty!" I reply with.
    "I'm Friday, see you Saturday, we'll have a Sundae."
     
  2. memorex

    memorex Friend of Leo's

    Age:
    68
    Jan 14, 2015
    Chicago
    What's black and white and read all over?
    A newspaper.

    What's black and white and black and white and black and white and red all over?
    A nun falling down the stairs.
     
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  3. JayFreddy

    JayFreddy Poster Extraordinaire

    Age:
    53
    Nov 6, 2006
    Dallas TX USA
    When I was a kid, my dad used to make me walk the plank.

    We were too poor to have a dog.

    (Arr!)
     
  4. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Telefied Ad Free Member

    When does a joke become a dad joke?
    When it's apparent.
     
  5. Sconnie

    Sconnie Tele-Afflicted

    Age:
    26
    May 1, 2017
    Denver, CO
    Why is a giraffe's neck so long?

    So it can reach its head.

    ... and all Dad jokes MUST be followed up by "I've got a million of 'em"
     
  6. Southpaw Tele

    Southpaw Tele Friend of Leo's

    Age:
    46
    Jun 30, 2008
    The Golden State
    I don't trust atoms; they make up everything.
     
  7. Preacher

    Preacher Friend of Leo's

    Apr 17, 2007
    Big D
    Hey Dad, do you have twenty dollars?

    My kids used to ask this and the answer was always no. So they made it into a joke that dad is always broke.

    I used to say, "Nope, I am flat busted" and run my hands down my chest but my wife explained that might be rude in some circles and made me stop.
     
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  8. bl28

    bl28 TDPRI Member

    Age:
    42
    76
    Jul 5, 2017
    San Diego, CA
    Did you hear about the three holes in the ground?

    Well, well, well...
     
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  9. bl28

    bl28 TDPRI Member

    Age:
    42
    76
    Jul 5, 2017
    San Diego, CA
    Where does the general keep his armies?

    In his sleevies.
     
  10. Manual Slim

    Manual Slim Tele-Holic

    897
    Mar 21, 2017
    Baltimore
    But it makes sense!
     
  11. rcole_sooner

    rcole_sooner Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

    Feb 12, 2010
    Norman, OK
    If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?









    Pilgrims.

    :p
     
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  12. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Telefied Ad Free Member

    True, but puns are the lowest form of humour and thus perfect for dad jokes.
     
  13. Otis Fine

    Otis Fine Tele-Holic Platinum Supporter

    524
    Jun 3, 2016
    Chicago, Illinois
    Germans make good beer, but their sausages are the wurst.
     
  14. Mpd2378

    Mpd2378 TDPRI Member

    Age:
    40
    15
    Sep 6, 2017
    Uk
    What did the roman soldier say when he was found guilty of killing and cannibalising his wife?



    He said...






    He was glad 'e ate 'er
     
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  15. RetroTeleRod

    RetroTeleRod Poster Extraordinaire

    Age:
    54
    Oct 24, 2012
    Oklahoma, USA
    Want to really embarrass the kids/grandkids?
    Any time at the drive through or restaurant the server says, "Sorry about your wait."
    Come back with, "Me too! But I've been trying to lose a few pounds."
     
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  16. Durtdog

    Durtdog Poster Extraordinaire

    May 19, 2004
    Tennessee
    Q: What's brown and sticky?



    A: A stick
     
  17. ndcaster

    ndcaster Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

    Nov 14, 2013
    Indiana
    @#($*(@#%

    Where did this scurrilous idea come from? I blame Dr. Johnson. A good pun, perfectly-timed, is an ornament to conversation and, like wine, gladdens the heart.

    SIR!
     
  18. CK Dexter Haven

    CK Dexter Haven Friend of Leo's

    Age:
    57
    Jun 7, 2017
    GCDB
    The Pool brothers were in the shop today, surprised to seem' as Cess is underground, and Whril is all washed up..
     
  19. CK Dexter Haven

    CK Dexter Haven Friend of Leo's

    Age:
    57
    Jun 7, 2017
    GCDB
    I have also heard this as "furniture" of course many of us in the GCDB still do not speak of such things..
     
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  20. Chuckster

    Chuckster Tele-Meister

    334
    Mar 30, 2017
    Boston/Cape Cod
    Why don't lobsters like to share?

    Because they're shellfish.
     
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