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Give me your best "dad joke"

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by Steve Ouimette, Jul 11, 2018.

  1. Steve Ouimette

    Steve Ouimette Tele-Holic

    Aug 17, 2012
    Scottsdale, AZ
    I've often accused of telling dad jokes, even though I'm not a dad (unless you count our 5 cats). But that style of humor, among many others, has always been one I enjoyed.

    Let me start us off.

    "I've got a hole in my sock. Darn it!". :lol::lol::lol:

    What say you?
    RetroTeleRod and nojazzhere like this.

  2. Deeve

    Deeve Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

    Dec 7, 2009
    Whenever the cashier asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag, he replies: "no; just leave it in the carton"


  3. Deeve

    Deeve Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

    Dec 7, 2009
    Q: How many apples grow on a tree?
    A: All of 'em.


  4. Fearnot

    Fearnot Friend of Leo's

    Jan 17, 2010
    Decatur, GA
    Did ya hear about the guy who lost his whole left side in an accident?

    It's okay, he's all right now!

  5. Manual Slim

    Manual Slim Tele-Holic

    Mar 21, 2017
    A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"

    The doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're two tents."

  6. Sollipsist

    Sollipsist Tele-Holic

    Aug 25, 2016
    According to the kids that I work with, all my jokes are Dad jokes. Which is funny in itself, because others have told me that my sense of humor is unusually dark and surreal.

    This is in the context of a work environment in which the arrival of each Dachshund inspires my co-workers to riff on wieners. Every single time.

    Heh heh. Riff on wieners.

  7. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

    May 2, 2003

  8. Informal

    Informal Tele-Holic

    Jan 16, 2013
    Ok... not really in line with the criteria (I think)
    But it is something my Dad technically it's a "Dad joke"

    It may be familiar to some as I posted it here a few years ago....

    My Uncle (Dads brother) lost his first wife years ago....
    My Aunt Louise, was a beautiful sweet southern belle.

    Years later, he remarried a gold digging woman from California, who was 14 years younger than him, but obviously she spent way to much time sun bathing, and looked 20 years older.

    As we were driving away after meeting her for the first time, my Dad says (cool as a cucumber)

    "Well, your Uncle Dick went from a Georgia a California raisin."

  9. elihu

    elihu Poster Extraordinaire

    Dec 24, 2009
    Q: What did the drummer name his twin baby daughters?

    A: Anna


    Anna 1, Anna 2...

  10. fasteddie42

    fasteddie42 Tele-Meister

    Dec 10, 2016
    Tip of the Mitt
    Whenever someone responds "not too bad" to a greeting, I follow with "ah, just bad enough?".

    "I don't trust stairs, they're always up to something"
    RetroTeleRod and nojazzhere like this.

  11. TheGoodTexan

    TheGoodTexan Doctor of Teleocity

    Apr 28, 2003
    Nashville, TN
    "Every time I hear that phone its ringing."

  12. Paul Jenkin

    Paul Jenkin Tele-Afflicted Silver Supporter

    Aug 17, 2017
    Essex, UK
    "Isn't it weird? Wrong numbers are never engaged".
    TheGoodTexan likes this.

  13. Despres

    Despres Tele-Holic

    Aug 14, 2012
    Northeast again
    Whenever my kid says "I'm Hungry" (or tired, bored, thirsty, sleepy etc)

    "Hi Hungry, I'm Dad... Nice to meet you!"

  14. bullfrogblues

    bullfrogblues Friend of Leo's

    Jun 5, 2011
    Southeast Florida
    Why does a chicken coup only have 2 doors?

    if it had four doors it would be a sedan.
    rz350, Bruxist, Kreepy and 7 others like this.

  15. nojazzhere

    nojazzhere Friend of Leo's

    Feb 3, 2017
    Foat Wuth, Texas
    (Best told to pre-schoolers)...."Why is six afraid of seven?......'cause seven eight (ate) nine!."
    Fiesta Red and RetroTeleRod like this.

  16. Utah Joe

    Utah Joe TDPRI Member

    Jun 2, 2015
    Salt Lake City, UT
    Did you hear about the two peanuts who went for a walk in a bad neighborhood?

    One was a salted.

  17. memorex

    memorex Friend of Leo's

    Jan 14, 2015
    Waitress: How would you like your eggs cooked?

    Customer: Sure, that'll be fine.

  18. Mike Eskimo

    Mike Eskimo Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

    Nov 9, 2008
    Classic dad joke has two criteria : it isn’t funny and makes no sense.

    You know how to catch a polar bear don’t you ?

    You make a hole in the ice and line it with peas.

    When a polar bear comes up to take a pea , you kick him in the ice hole.

  19. ndcaster

    ndcaster Poster Extraordinaire

    Nov 14, 2013
    My dad cracks himself up with this:

    "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We are now traveling at thirty-two knots and two straight pieces."

    He's been telling us this joke for 25 years.
    RetroTeleRod likes this.

  20. ndcaster

    ndcaster Poster Extraordinaire

    Nov 14, 2013

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