Current Corpspeak

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by blowtorch, Apr 8, 2019.

  1. Mechanic

    Mechanic Tele-Afflicted

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    57FD8C4E-9C5F-47FE-8D16-369438237CDB.jpeg I’m so glad I’m retired and facing death by liver transplant or the lack there of.
     
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  2. SASouth

    SASouth Tele-Meister

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    Lol. I just retired two weeks ago an I’m already experiencing this.
     
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  3. DaveTone

    DaveTone Tele-Meister

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    Coming from the dated Waterfall methodology, I fully embrace Agile - sprints and all. It has worked out far better than the Drunken Sailor approach. It is highly dependent on the client's ability to visualize a project in motion otherwise, Agile will never work.
     
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  4. 4pickupguy

    4pickupguy Poster Extraordinaire

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    Yep, but there us nothing new about those methods. They existed even in TQM after world war II. Its the removal of common sense and the addition of a third tier of management that dooms it all. Methods don’t make good decisions, Wise leaders, skilled technicians, experienced managers. We use Agile in our day to day lives and have for about 23 years. We have to constantly “prune it” to keep it from becoming stupid and unworkable.

    One thing I haven’t seen touched on yet is AI. Management jobs will be the first to give way to AI and we will pine for the days where we can listen to somebody answer a question with “So,...blah blah blah, ~right~...”

    This is all about to be behind us... “Whats the status on the Indonesian project?”.. “So,... 1011010001011010100101...~right~”
     
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2019
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  5. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    So, I've noticed this phenom for years, but it's become so very much more prevalent as of late, to my observation
     
  6. DaveTone

    DaveTone Tele-Meister

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    "Reach out to <insert faceless automaton name here> ..." It just bugs me. Why not just say call or contact? Gerf. Gerf I say.

    That and the usages of both "caveat" and any variant of "synergy". The former is used to try and look analytic when in the timeline of things, should have been addressed in a much earlier iteration of the project. The latter is either a harbinger of Doom or the result of company fallout in some form. In any case - unless you are set free as the result of a "restructuring" (not a fan of this one either) - it comes down to the fact you will have to perform someone else's previous duty(ies) on top of what you already own.

    Then you have the Corporate Stepfords, who feign basic understanding of what is being discussed as they mindlessly bob and shake their heads to whatever signal the person they report to is displaying. These are the proverbial empty suits; the seat fillers. All destined for corporate stardom.

    Retch, double retch and NIF!

    Sorry. i ramble at times.
     
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2019
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  7. unixfish

    unixfish Poster Extraordinaire

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    You mean like, oh, I dunno, requirements?

    We get all the time "We need a dashboard to show us devices." OK, what do you want to see? "No idea. Build one, and we will tell you what to change. We will know it when we see it."

    Ugh. Mutually assured failure. But it is supported by upper management - who are every bit as vague - so it must be right. Just keep building and updating until they have what they want. Nice.
     
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  8. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    If you build it...they are dumb
     
  9. DaveTone

    DaveTone Tele-Meister

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    Yeah the ever moving target/rabbit hole of FML - hence the "Sailor" portion of the title in my post above.
     
  10. DaveTone

    DaveTone Tele-Meister

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    At times, the ancient language and arts of the Swahili would be better. At least you could cull out the "weak blood" annually.
     
  11. 4pickupguy

    4pickupguy Poster Extraordinaire

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    OMG!! We just had an influx of “potted plants” to help “share the load” of our overworked senior staff. They literally get paid to remind us of action items we are supposed to accomplish and report on our progress. They don’t actually help to DO any of the work, they are merely there to make sure we burn white hot all the time. They tend to work 40 hours a week to our 60/70 hours. Before the Monday meeting a couple of weeks ago got under way I made sure to ask about the March Madness games and all the “potted plants” launched into all the TV they watched over the weekend. Who won, plays, bad calls etc,. After I reported on what I had to do on Sunday while they bobbed their collective heads, the CEO said “So,... you didn’t get to catch any of the games then...?”

    But, its not the buzzwords and corpspeak that irritates me the most. Its when a manager or aircraft lead or engineer says “My project” as if they are anything more than a team member working on the company project together with everyone else. They tend to act like THEY got the project done in spite of everyone else.
     
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2019
  12. Guitarzan

    Guitarzan Poster Extraordinaire

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    I was surprised at the number of results on amazon for products centered around "Bull**** Bingo" and corporate jargon.
     
  13. TC6969

    TC6969 Friend of Leo's

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    I found out a long time ago that doing the work wasn't going to get you anywhere.

    Getting in front of the higher ups, waving your arms and acting like you were doing the work was the path to success.
     
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  14. RLee77

    RLee77 Friend of Leo's

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    :lol::lol:

    Sadly, there is more truth to this than one would ever think.
     
  15. ClashCityTele

    ClashCityTele Tele-Meister

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    Oh yes. I pronounce it 'Ageelay' just to confuse people. We have to attend meetings to follow our Department's Story. Gave up on Sprints. All just Corporate Bollock-Speak.
     
  16. abrianb

    abrianb Tele-Meister

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    When I saw the word Corpspeak I thought we were talking OohRah. I gotta hit the head. Bends and Mother...ers begin. Aye Aye Sir.
     
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  17. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Telefied Ad Free Member

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  18. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    I see this at my company, also.

    I think maybe a blanket party is in order :)
     
  19. Wallo Tweed

    Wallo Tweed Friend of Leo's

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    Every day is Saturday!
     
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  20. archetype

    archetype Fiend of Leo's Silver Supporter

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    The Telecaster isn't dated just because it was designed before the Stratocaster. It's a different guitar with unique characteristics. Waterfall isn't dated just because it was used before agile. It's a different methodology with unique characteristics.

    Part of the skill of project management is matching the methodology to the project without approaching any methodology like it's an absolute or a religion. Waterfall is best for some things and agile is best for other things. I've managed multi-phased, multi-year projects with waterfall to keep certain aspects under control, but implementaion worked best with agile sprints within the waterfall project.
     
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