Current Corpspeak

Discussion in 'Bad Dog Cafe' started by blowtorch, Apr 8, 2019.

  1. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    It's all such bullcrap and such emperor's new clothes (Emperor being the company or the management or whoever the idiots are that are forcing all of this on everyone)
     
  2. raito

    raito Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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    "Our users are our testers." (actual quote from management)

    I once had to sit in a meeting where a crashing bug I found was being discussed. Absolutely reproducible -- click on this thing at this point and boom! The person responsible said it really didn't need to be fixed, and implied heavily that I was an idiot for finding it ('no one who knows what they're doing would do that'). An hour-long argument for a 5-minute fix.

    Our deadlines weren't really arbitrary as they were tied to trade shows. But they weren't realistic given the specs. We'd get lambasted over it, but the groups that produced flawed products that embarrassed the entire company in front of the entire industry would get a pass.

    Now I work on stuff incomprehensible to 90% of my former co-workers.

    You can't lampoon this stuff when it actually is that way. Then it's a documentary.
     
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  3. Chud

    Chud Poster Extraordinaire

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    I've been watching this thread for a bit now, writing a little bit, deleting it, following a bit more, considering a response, then reconsidering it, then going to bed...:lol::lol::lol:

    I've finally decided to jump into the fray with my opinions on agile, not as an agile practitioner myself, but as a psychologist who has led client organizations through agile transformations.

    Agile, at its heart, is individuals and interactions over processes and tools. It's collaboration and responding to change, not contracts and sticking to a plan for the sake of sticking to the plan. There's no one pure/true/right agile approach that's better than another, and organizations that lock themselves into rituals/ceremonies/processes/tools that worked for one organization, or because that's the way SAFe or LeSS says to do it, are missing that first core value completely.

    In my humble opinion, agile is a way of approaching work that CAN work outside of software development, but it's not a cure all/fix all/do all/be all way of doing things for every organization or for every group in an organization.

    Feel free to commence with the Bob jokes. :D:D

    maxresdefault-6.jpg
     
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  4. raito

    raito Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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    You're already the enemy. :p

    Of course it isn't about contracts and plans. It's about having no plans or direction at all. It's not about individuals, either.

    You see agile from the outside. My view is from the inside where the managers have implemented it to keep from having to do any planning work at all. Every iteration they just want the next easiest thing so that they can show progress. Never mind that half the stuff can't be implemented in a single iteration. Never mind that doing the easiest thing always takes you off course from what your product ought to be. Just keep kicking that can full of the hard stuff down the road. And when the project fails, blame the guys doing the work.

    In my world, agile has no core values other than to prevent figuring out what the eventual outcome is going to be.

    Maybe it's intended to be something other than what it actually is. That doesn't matter at all to guys like me who have to live with what it's become.

    The only way to be successful in a design-oriented project is to have the right people doing the right things. No methodology can guarantee that.
     
  5. brookdalebill

    brookdalebill Tele Axpert Ad Free Member

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    It might as well be Swahili.
    I’m SO grateful my silly little path did not lead me there.
    I’m the dern broke hippie guitar player I always wanted to be.
     
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  6. bgmacaw

    bgmacaw Tele-Afflicted

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    I've got eight bosses Bob (well actually 3, my manager, the agile product owner and the agile project manager).
     
  7. trapdoor2

    trapdoor2 Tele-Holic Gold Supporter

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    I have never been so glad as to get away from all that TQM/six-sigma/Kanban/SPC/ISO 9000 BS. I jumped that ship back in 1999 and haven't looked back.

    Back in the 80s, I worked for a NASA subcontractor machine shop. The owner was Mr. A-type manager, his way or the highway. Company was very successful, we did some really fun stuff (I built SRB nose cones, driving thousands of flush rivets, etc.). Of course, success means you get bought out. No problem, the owner became the CEO and we drove along nicely. By the time I made it up into management, the accountants were ruling the roost and we were forced to take TQM training. I actually had to sit in a training session with the CEO and play TQM games, brainstorming sessions, etc. It was very sad to see the old guy watching his company being picked apart by the TQM vultures. He was forced out and the place drowned in middle managers. Closed the doors in about a year.

    I jumped to an Electronics contract builder and within 4yrs, they did exactly the same thing. TQM'd to death. For the past 20 yrs, I haven't had to produce a single chart or graph...or attend anything but the occasional brown bag meeting. Halleluiah!
     
  8. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    In a nutshell, the process of organization/delegation/planning/scheduling overwhelms the process of the actual work that goes into producing the goods and/or services.
     
  9. String Tree

    String Tree Doctor of Teleocity

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    It is all about smoke and mirrors to manipulate others thus, gain control.

    Back to work everybody.
     
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  10. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Telefied Ad Free Member

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    the "organization/delegation/planning/scheduling" you describe is what managers think of as "actual work" :rolleyes:
     
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  11. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Of course. that's what most managers do, spin wheels- their own, and those of the employees they "manage"
     
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  12. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Telefied Ad Free Member

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    The best manager I ever had was famous for taking a nap at his desk every day, after lunch. If you have time for a nap, things are going smoothly :)
     
  13. bgmacaw

    bgmacaw Tele-Afflicted

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    I had a boss at a major telecom company who was always very busy, busy running his house flipping side business. Yes, things ran very smoothly until he took an early retirement package and we got a "real" manager.
     
  14. uriah1

    uriah1 Doctor of Teleocity Ad Free Member

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    Wait, I am still confabbing on whether I was right-sized, re-organized due to a low KPI
     
  15. Chud

    Chud Poster Extraordinaire

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    :lol::lol::lol: I'm accustomed to that perception at this point.

    Bad management and bad practices happen agnostic of methodology. An organization that performed poorly before agile is going to continue to perform poorly after agile unless they fix the actual problem of why they are performing poorly.

    See, The Bob's. Aren't project managers supposed to not exist in agile? :lol:
     
  16. BigDaddyLH

    BigDaddyLH Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Uh-oh. Wish me luck, guys!

    sistphus.jpeg
     
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  17. raito

    raito Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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    I'll just bet. :p


    No argument from me there. But since agile means no planning, only the guys doing the work get blamed. At least under old methodologies, sometimes the non-planners or bad planners would take some of the flack.


    Around here, it's Daves. We never get to say 'Dave's not here', because one of them will be.

    As for project managers, we finally got a couple good ones after at least a decade of bad ones. Part of the problem was that half the project managers wanted to be engineers, but there were no engineer openings. So they'd hire on as a project manager, then leave a few years later when they still weren't engineers. The first good one only worked for us because her husband relocated here. She, somehwat mistakenly, cared about doing the job right, and so was very effective at it. Their part was to deal with the interactions with external entities.
     
  18. Chud

    Chud Poster Extraordinaire

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    Agile doesn't mean no planning, it just means different planning. Well, I guess in your organization it does mean no apparent planning...:lol::lol::lol:

    I subscribe to the 6 P's of the Marine Corps, one of the original agile organizations:

    Proper
    Planning
    Prevents
    Piss
    Poor
    Performance
     
  19. raito

    raito Poster Extraordinaire Silver Supporter

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    No 'apparent' about it. Because you can only plan work for the next iteration, no planning is done for anything after that. It would be a waste of effort, you see. :rolleyes:
     
  20. blowtorch

    blowtorch Telefied Ad Free Member

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    Piss-poor is one word
     
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