Playing Weddings/Funerals- A Rant

[goldtopper]

A friend's son (24 yr old) asked me 4 months ago to play solo mandolin at his wedding. We went over things- just music really, he just wanted one song for the procession. I keep the date open. It's a 3pm wedding on a Thursday, so I take a half day at work. I get the program via email: it's now 7 songs throughout the service- surprise! I work on a few more songs.
I play the wedding, music went great, everyone happy.
I got a "thank you"....he stiffed me!
Now I've done many, many weddings, funerals, etc, and within our church community, payment is never discussed- it's a given. Much like paying the Pastor.
I was considering giving them my services as a gift, but thought, no, I'll buy them a gift. Woulda been nice to have the option.
Have you guys ever had this happen? I never thought the day would come when I have to spell out a contract for payment at a wedding!
I remember when I got married at age 23, I paid everyone who needed paying.
The worst thing is, this kid prides himself on being frugal. I don't mind frugality when used in the context of smart shopping, but being frugal at other's expense is a weasel move!

[CAAD8N8]

I have only played in one wedding and didn't get paid, except for the Bible he gave me as a gift for being in the wedding. However, only played one song, not seven on short notice like you. I was OK not getting paid, but in your situation, I woul be a little upset/disappointed. Seven surprise songs on short notice deserves more than a thank you.

[guitarzan13]

I ALWAYS discuss money up front..... Unless I plan on doing it for free

[Sandia Man]

Some people will take advantage of you for having a sense of decency. It is tacky to discuss money upfront with a friend of the family in this situation, I think the friend asking for your services is supposed to offer something in return

Of course if someone who is proud of being frugal is going to stiff anyone, it will be the musician

The larger lesson should go to your son -- be careful getting into any financial or reciprocal arrangements with this friend of his

[christhee68]

Tell him you'll play at his funeral too but you want to get paid up front.

I work for a wedding planner, and I get paid to do weddings.

My brother played a wedding for a friend for free, and got a thank you note in the mail with $100 in it.

The best way for your frugal friend to have handled this would have been for him to say "How much do you usually charge for weddings?"

That would have given you the chance to say "I usually charge x but for you I'll do if for (free or reduced rate)." Too late for that now.

He should have sent a little green with the thank you note.

[Stackabones]

You must discuss payment and having a contract is essential for these kinds of gigs. Always secure a deposit, which is non-refundable should they cancel (more common at weddings due to cold feet, etc).

[chezdeluxe]

Were you a guest at the wedding reception afterwards ? If I was a guest I wouldn't mind too much as I would be happy to help in the service and celebration.

If I was just there at the church to provide the music and took a half day off work to do it then my account for services rendered would be in the mail to the Groom post haste.

[74 Deluxe]

A given? That's like "assume"ing something, and if the kid ain't in the business, you can't expect him to know. If you didn't discuss money you can't complain. Don't let it eat you up or hurt your friendship with the kids parent. Chalk it up to experience and don't let your unspoken expectations get the better of you again.

[roscoestring]

I've played at 5 or 6 weddings and have only been paid once. I made $100 that time for playing for about an hour (alone). I had written a song for the couple also. No charge for that.

I have played many more funerals. I have been paid at about half of those that I played. Usually the funeral director will pay the performers and add that to the funeral bill.

Crazy, but funerals are much more pleasurable to play than weddings.

[goldtopper]

Live and learn, thanks folks.

[BigDaddyLH]

Originally Posted by roscoestring

Crazy, but funerals are much more pleasurable to play than weddings.

Tougher to pickup up chubby bridesmaids there, though.

[BuckyB]

I hafta agree. If there was no contract and no discussion about money, it should be no surprise when there is none. I've sung and/or played at a handful of wedding ceremonies for friends and never expected nor recieved payment. Now the reception on the other hand is always a paid gig, but again don't assume anything. Always put it in writing, even with a friend. Remember that while we as musicians may do hundreds of these over the years, your buddy will likely only do this once. He doesn't have the benefit of years of experience. Bottom line: get it in writing.

[AJBaker]

That sucks. Music is work, and deserves to be paid accordingly.

Say though, you don't think your friend might by some remote chance be reading this forum and wondering why you're talking about him behind his back instead to him directly? Unlikely, I'll admit, but this kind of thing can sneak up and bite you in the rear someday.
If it's really bothering you, better to talk to him than us.

In general though: Talking money, especially with a friend, is uncomfortable before an event, but almost impossible afterwards. I've done gigs for friends where it was a given that I'd get paid, but we didn't talk about how much. In the end I earned about a quarter of what I'd usually get. I said thank you, and I knew I'd be invited back, at which point we could rediscuss.
Moral of the story: talk about money up front and get the formalities over with and enjoy the rest.