Hard To Even Type This

[DickensCPA]

I became a part of the P&W team about 2 1/2 years ago under a doofus. After a year of that my younger brother, who was also the Youth Pastor, took over as leader. We enjoyed it and it was very powerful. He moved on to another Church and I recruited an existing backup singer to help me. I play guitar, but can't sing. I let her be over the vocals and I would handle the musicians. We would be 50/50 so to speak and pick songs together. She let everyone know she was gunning for full control and it showed.

Well from the first second it was obvious she can't sing. So musically illiterate she couldn't come in on time with songs and a bear to deal with. We always sang her songs and ANY I brought to the table I got, "I can't sing that one, we'll sing this one." I spent HOURS each week transposing songs into different keys and she couldn't sing in any of them.

Decided to bite my lip and wait it out until something was done. Well, my wife had our second child 12/21/09. We were inducing and knew it so I took that 12/20 and 12/27 Sunday off and knew 1/3 was a first Sunday/Youth Sunday so I'd have 3 Sundays in a row to help my wife. The Youth do P&W the first Sunday of each month, PLUS she had already asked that the 12/20 service could be Christmas songs done accapella. It was a rough pregnancy and we had some moments after delivery so my wife needed me and that's my job. Took time off from work too. We have a 7 yr old and I took care of everything and let her recoop.

I got tons of emails, calls and visits during that 3 week hiatus on when was I coming back, the word thrown around most often was "trainwreck." Told everyone within earshot, even the Pastor, 1/10 I'd be back.

I call her on 1/4 and tell her we need to get together and pick songs and set up a practice. She told me she didn't know my intentions, had a talk with Pastor and I had been permanently replaced. Happens to be her buddy and she was pushing to get him up there as an additional guitarist from the get go. Every existing singer we had was blamed for her woes and subsequently asked to step down. She paraded everyone in the congregation up there over a 3 month period for one Sunday apiece.

She told me she might let me sub every now and again if I, and she emphasized, made a COMMITMENT to it. I was there EVERY Sunday doing it for 2 1/2 years, she was a backup for 8 months. Is she that caniving, didn't I just get the royal screw?! Since the first Sunday is Youth, I in essence took two weeks off and let everyone know audibly and thru email my intentions the second week of November.

[bassplyr53]

What she did was very UnChristian like in nature.I know it probably hurt,but remember none of us are perfect.THE LORD will deal with her in HIS time,and HIS way,not yours.Pray for direction,HE will lead the way.LORD BLESS!!
Tom (an imperfect Christian) By the way,Howdy to Tennessee,my oldest son lives in Portland!!!!!!

[Tonemonkey]

Don't be bitter; she's insecure and uses control to feel better about herself.
Tell the Pastor that you've been replaced. That the singer wants complete control and that you don't wish to become involved in a power struggle or sacrifice your well-being for bitterness.

Enjoy the love of your family and church; opportunity will knock....for sure.

[DickensCPA]

Originally Posted by bassplyr53

What she did was very UnChristian like in nature.I know it probably hurt,but remember none of us are perfect.THE LORD will deal with her in HIS time,and HIS way,not yours.Pray for direction,HE will lead the way.LORD BLESS!!
Tom (an imperfect Christian) By the way,Howdy to Tennessee,my oldest son lives in Portland!!!!!!

I live in Lebanon about 20 miles East of Nashville and I drive thru Portland every day. My office is in Franklin, KY.

You're right on how I should handle this and I know. It did hurt though and I can't sit here and lie and act like it didn't. She and I went to school together from 7th grade thru High School, we didn't see each other for about 20 years until she started coming to our Church. I thought she changed, I guess not.

[sonserve]

Let the dust settle. This deal is not over. I feel for you. I told the team Sun. at practice it has been two years this month I have been on the P&W team and it has been one of the most rewarding expeiences in my life. I will pray for you brother.
People!

[DickensCPA]

Originally Posted by Tonemonkey

Don't be bitter; she's insecure and uses control to feel better about herself.
Tell the Pastor that you've been replaced. That the singer wants complete control and that you don't wish to become involved in a power struggle or sacrifice your well-being for bitterness.

Enjoy the love of your family and church; opportunity will knock....for sure.

Apparently the Pastor OK'd the whole deal, which really hurt even more. She's a plotter. When my brother was doing P&W, we were a tight deal and the music was a highpoint in the service. None of us knew until he stepped down for a full time ministry position that she was already plotting against him. Our Pastor and my Mom went to school together from 1st grade thru 12th. Him and my Dad served beside each other as Rangers in Viet Nam. I'm not a tattle-tale nor do I run around putting little things in people's ear. I keep my mouth shut and let things play out. Sometimes that's my downfall, I get screwed.

[DickensCPA]

Originally Posted by sonserve

Let the dust settle. This deal is not over. I feel for you. I told the team Sun. at practice it has been two years this month I have been on the P&W team and it has been one of the most rewarding expeiences in my life. I will pray for you brother.
People!

My Mom's exact words to me after this went down was, "Let this settle, your time there is not up."

[Donnie55]

As she worked herself in , she will too work herself out. All in good time brother. Let the lord do his work.

[bassplyr53]

Brother that isn't a downfall,that is the Heart of CHRIST.
Tom

[Faraldi]

Man this is such a prime example of someone who is playing/performing for her own glory and not His. Problem is that this happens a lot.

It was said before. He already has a plan for her and for you.

It's difficult but pray for her and also for the pastor. While you do that, we pray for you.

God bless.

PS: check out my signature passage. Pretty appropriate.

[DickensCPA]

You guys aren't going to believe this, well you might, but I just hung up the phone from the Pastor. He called out of the blue. He told me the things she told me were absolutely incorrect and he's very upset that I was told that. He said he would have lost respect for me if I did not take care of my wife and kids during that deal.

He wants this settled immediately and he wants him, me and her in his office Wednesday evening and see what she says with me sitting there. He does not want me to not play guitar up there and he wants me over the musical part and musicians.

[Faraldi]

Well, there you go.

:)

[dr. love]

A good development, just stay calm and honest during the meeting and it should go well for you. It sounds like the pastor is getting manipulated too and he knows it.

[mrmorrison]

I hope she gets laryngitis for a month and is promptly replaced. I also hope you get your slot back soon, because you deserve it.

[still_fiddlin]

Boy, tough story. Just shows how flawed we all are. I really feel for you - I can imagine how I'd react - probably have gone ballistic, who knows, so good for you keeping your head... But, it sounds like it's going to get resolved. Pity (pray for) your pastor. He's obviously got a mess to work through. If you can, pray for the singer. Ya never know...

[TxTeleMan]

Originally Posted by DickensCPA

You guys aren't going to believe this, well you might, but I just hung up the phone from the Pastor. He called out of the blue. He told me the things she told me were absolutely incorrect and he's very upset that I was told that. He said he would have lost respect for me if I did not take care of my wife and kids during that deal.

He wants this settled immediately and he wants him, me and her in his office Wednesday evening and see what she says with me sitting there. He does not want me to not play guitar up there and he wants me over the musical part and musicians.

Cool.

What didn't make sense was that the Pastor OK'd it... which seemed out of place, being that you had already told him you were coming back. It's good that he called you and set up a meeting.

Be prepared and be wise, and have your answers ready.

[Faraldi]

Interesting article...
http://www.raptureready.com/featured/graham/g105.html

[sonserve]

Please keep us posted.

[DickensCPA]

Originally Posted by sonserve

Please keep us posted.

I will do. Fighting that urge to blow up at the metting, but I won't do that.

[lsdtele]

Hope everything goes well for ya man. I notice you live in lebanon. I dont live too far down the road from ya. God Bless