Lovely, Things Blew Up At Church

[tombm3]

Ok, not exactly the same but issues are brewing. I've been playing guitar in our P&W group for like the past 5 years. No problems, kids come and go from school and what not.

Well last week a group of four were "practicing" after service. Again, not a big deal and I guess I didn't see anything obvious or unusual. Ok, flash forward to today. I had the day off and decided that if anyone was at the church I'd stop by and drop off my amp and guitar. I figured it would make it easier for Sunday morning.

While I was setting things up the minister mentioned that I did know that we (typical praise band group) weren't playing this Sunday. I was floored. Nothing was said to me before this time. I received the email bulletin like always and nothing appeared different or changed. He actually went into his office and made a call and came back and said, yup, you don't have to play this Sunday. As it turns out, I'll only need to play every other Sunday for the rest of the Summer. Uhmm, excuse me? I don't NEED to play every other Sunday. I WANT to play every Sunday like we have been doing.

So, I try to play it cool and continue to set up my amp and leave it there. Obviously I took my guitar home with me. When I get home, I have an email from the group leader. Very matter of fact and not personable. (Exact words, names changed to protect the innocent)

"We will only be responsible for music on communion Sundays for the
next few weeks - John organized another group to give us a
little break. They will be starting this week. Sandy told me
earlier this week, and I hadn't gotten to you all yet (Sorry Tom!)."

Yeah, and if I hadn't gone in today I would really be upset bringing my gear on Sunday. Nobody asked for a break. Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions but obviously someone knew about the change. I believe I am taking this too much to heart because this is my only gig. (non-paying btw) I don't have a band or get out with a bunch of others. Now someone is taking away half of the playing enjoyment I have had over the past few years.

Sorry to vent here guys and gals. I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve. I'm sure my pastor could read me like a book. We shall see how things work out on Sunday. I'll have to remember to bite my lip.

Any thoughts or advice?

[62Caster]

Originally Posted by tombm3

Ok, not exactly the same but issues are brewing. I've been playing guitar in our P&W group for like the past 5 years. No problems, kids come and go from school and what not.

Well last week a group of four were "practicing" after service. Again, not a big deal and I guess I didn't see anything obvious or unusual. Ok, flash forward to today. I had the day off and decided that if anyone was at the church I'd stop by and drop off my amp and guitar. I figured it would make it easier for Sunday morning.

While I was setting things up the minister mentioned that I did know that we (typical praise band group) weren't playing this Sunday. I was floored. Nothing was said to me before this time. I received the email bulletin like always and nothing appeared different or changed. He actually went into his office and made a call and came back and said, yup, you don't have to play this Sunday. As it turns out, I'll only need to play every other Sunday for the rest of the Summer. Uhmm, excuse me? I don't NEED to play every other Sunday. I WANT to play every Sunday like we have been doing.

So, I try to play it cool and continue to set up my amp and leave it there. Obviously I took my guitar home with me. When I get home, I have an email from the group leader. Very matter of fact and not personable. (Exact words, names changed to protect the innocent)

"We will only be responsible for music on communion Sundays for the
next few weeks - John organized another group to give us a
little break. They will be starting this week. Sandy told me
earlier this week, and I hadn't gotten to you all yet (Sorry Tom!)."

Yeah, and if I hadn't gone in today I would really be upset bringing my gear on Sunday. Nobody asked for a break. Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions but obviously someone knew about the change. I believe I am taking this too much to heart because this is my only gig. (non-paying btw) I don't have a band or get out with a bunch of others. Now someone is taking away half of the playing enjoyment I have had over the past few years.

Sorry to vent here guys and gals. I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve. I'm sure my pastor could read me like a book. We shall see how things work out on Sunday. I'll have to remember to bite my lip.

Any thoughts or advice?

I had sort of a similar situation except it happened after we got a new worship leader. I got the EXACT sentence you did "Um nope, you don't need to play this week, only every third week". I hate the use of NEED like you said. They make it seem like it's such a hardship on our part to play every Sunday. Long story short I got pretty fed up with it and stopped playing in the band, and guess what happened? The new leader was basically trying to weave through people to organize ONE super band to play every Sunday, completely oppisite from what he said only a couple months earlier. You either need to 1. Accept it and be happy you get to play at all 2. Speak up and confront the right people 3. Try to find another place to play (probably a complete last resort though)

[telechaser]

I'm praying that in my lifetime, there'll be a place where a stage is setup, any Christian musician can rack up and simply play, sing or both, 24x6 (Sunday is for church of course). Any music style. No politics, no nonsense, not even religion. Just simply praise & worship to the God most high.

[mattyj]

Originally Posted by telechaser

I'm praying that in my lifetime, there'll be a place where a stage is setup, any Christian musician can rack up and simply play, sing or both, 24x6 (Sunday is for church of course). Any music style. No politics, no nonsense, not even religion. Just simply praise & worship to the God most high.

well maybe not this lifetime, but next...

[Parma_TeleMon]

Talk about resurrected threads!

I'm one of those folks who would like to play pretty much every week also. Our situation is one where we rotate multiple teams through our multiple locations (we call 'em satellites). I also think it's cool when we can multiply our ministry and have multiple teams and give others the opportunity (and blessing) to serve the way we do.

The choice of words ("you don't have to...") suggest that not everyone who serves does so out of love and joy, rather some do it out of obligation. For the latter, church is just one more thing they have to do, another day of work. I feel badly for that bunch, as there's no payoff for them. If I play and do well, and God breathes on it, there's payoff there; if I serve as sound tech and things go flawlessly and sound good (and God breathes on this, too), there's great satisfaction as payoff.

My wife says that everyone who serves has to work, but the worship team gets to eat ice cream! I reply that's true, but we have to milk the cow, separate out the cream, collect eggs from the chickens, raise and refine the sugar, find vanilla beans, etc. before we can eat the ice cream. For church musicians, we do what we do because we love to do it and it's part of our daily worship. Unfortunately, those who serve from any other motivation will probably never understand that and will instead see it as "work", thereby thinking they're doing something nice for us and giving us a break.

[Parma_TeleMon]

Originally Posted by telechaser

I'm praying that in my lifetime, there'll be a place where a stage is setup, any Christian musician can rack up and simply play, sing or both, 24x6 (Sunday is for church of course). Any music style. No politics, no nonsense, not even religion. Just simply praise & worship to the God most high.

Yeah. Then again, we can just grab an acoustic and find a park bench somewhere and let loose!

[eedwards]

Please take no offence, but here is what I have learned:

I have been playing at my church for a little over 4 years now and our current music director joined us 3 years ago. When he came in, he had us play for a few weeks, then started changing things. After a few months, he had us write applications to play and had auditions for everyone. My assumption was that my simple playing (mostly chords; no lead) was not up to scratch and therefore I was one of the people he was weeding out. I enjoy playing and appreciate the opportunity to do so, but I completely understand that I am at a far lower skill level than almost every other musician I know. That isn't false modesty - that is an objective analysis. At least I enjoy playing.

A applied like everyone else and then I talked to the director and made it clear that if I was not needed or even wanted, I was perfectly willing to step aside. I was absolutely shocked when he bent over backwards to tell me that I was in no way being pushed out. In fact, he has encouraged me to stretch as a player more and I now play electric all the time. There were other musicians that were being weeded out, but it was done in a way that let them decide to not jump through the hoops. We now have several strong bands that rotate playing time. In a church of our size, there are more than 5 people who would like to be in a Praise band, so we all get to.

The point of this is to say a couple of things to you:

1. It isn't about you.
2. Even when it is about you, it isn't about you.

You don't own your slot on the team. You are privileged to play and the reasons you do play or you don't may have nothing whatsoever to do with your talent, willingness to serve or your desire to serve. Even if the band director is trying to boot you out because he is crazy, doesn't mean it isn't the right thing. You may be NEEDED somewhere else on those Sundays, hence, you really do not NEED to play. God works in wierd ways.

I am not noble and it hurts my ego when things don't go my way. I understand wanting to get playing time in. But I hope you are considering this as more than a personal affront to you. There may be other people who have not been allowed to play and they are getting their chance. Or you may be getting a chance to serve in some other way. Seek and you will find.

[Parma_TeleMon]

Amen, bro'! I couldn't figure out why I was struggling with some of the things I struggle with until I figured out I had an attitude problem - for whatever reason I felt like they owed it to me to let me play. Uh, yeah, had to repent of that. Much better now. Better relationship with our leadership as well.

[drewsblues]

Originally Posted by goldtopper

A new leader starts next week and the Pastor's wife (who is a wonderful woman) said not to worry, several of these people will be leaving because they only come to sing anyway and that things will change.

I'm not a church-going man, but it seems to me that, if these folks wanted to get together and perform weekly, there are other avenues to do so. I always thought the point of going to church was to worship God. To put the glory of God above the glory of self. Seems to me that this group has its priorities mixed up.

Originally Posted by goldtopper

At this point, anything we'd be involved in would feel patronizing and that we'd be "thrown a bone"; due to our small congregation, we are sure gossip has spread.

No disrespect to you or your wife, but that sounds like pride talking. There will be gossip (what close-knit community doesn't have gossip?), but I think if you stick with it and keep an open heart, things will work out. If you mean well and act accordingly, things will work themselves out.

Originally Posted by goldtopper

So what do we do? Our kids love the Church and our daughter is midway through Confirmation.

We both feel it is so important to set a good example for our kids and everyone else's. We also love to glorify God through music and think it is our calling to serve Him in that manner. We don't feel "complete" if we can't spread His word through P & W.

Help!

One word: grace. Be gracious. You can't force your way into any close-knit community, and you can't expect to be wholly accepted in a few years. Do what you can to support the community, be consistent, be kind, and time will work for you.

I'd stick with it. Remember why you are going in the first place. Think of poor old Job. Take some advice from his actions. That's one of the best lessons you can pass on to your kids: to have perseverance, patience, and faith.

I'm just a rotten old self-centered sinner, and if my grandmother were alive, she'd probably point out the hypocrisy of some of what I say (I could never be accused of the vice that is practicing what one preaches. ). But she was with her church for more than 50 years -- through a dozen or so ministers; lineup changes; church remodels; marriages; births; deaths of good friends; divorce, even... Being involved in all of that was important to her. But that's not why she went. She went to convene with God and worship Him.

Like I said: I'd stick with it.

I'm sorry your wife was so upset. It was an upsetting situation, to be sure! But emotions are high right now. Give it some time. I think it's written somewhere special; something along the lines of "this too, shall pass?"

Peace to you and your family...

[drewsblues]

Wow. I just realized that this thread started over 6 months ago! Way to read the post date, Drew!

I hope everything is working out.

[Brian Krashpad]

Since this thread's been resurrected (no pun intended), I'll throw my 2 cents in.

Most of us who've played in church for any appreciable length of time have gone through similar things with various "church ladies" and busybodies. At my prior church, a lot of that was obviated by having 2 separate services, so the "devil's music" camp could go to a trad organ-only service.

Unfortunately other things came to a head when we had a pastor transfer out and a brief power vacuum that brought out the worst in a number of people. We stuck it out for several months until it became clear that it was turning into a downward spiral and staying would not be a good thing

We "floated" for more than a year and went to several different churches. At one really big one they asked for musician volunteers at one service so I went to see the praise band director, but it turned out they didn't really in fact need people. It was just a standing request for volunteers. They gave me like an entire CD's worth of stuff, with sheet music, to learn before even seeing whether I could play, etc. So I decided that place would probably not be a good place for me to play, way too structured for my skill level and abilities. They were really looking for sight-reader types and I would probably only slow them down.

It turned out that a really big church just wasn't a good match for us anyhow, so we ended up at the sister-church of the one we'd been going to (same denomination, also medium-sized), just a little further away. Several of the members of our old church made the same move. I let the praise band director there know that I was available for anything he needed me for, but didn't push it at all. I'd already been not playing for over a year, and was slowly coming to realize that however much I enjoyed playing, being at the right church was what was important. I got asked to play at one special service in about 6 months. I was fine with that.

As it so happened, we recently got a new praise band leader. He divided everyone up into 4 "praise teams," who would play 1 Sunday a month. I was fine with that too, though I told him if any of the teams were ever short-handed I'd be happy to sit in on guitar or bass with other teams.

When summer hit, the director was having problems getting people to show up to play, so he told me I could just play every Sunday or any Sunday. So for the past month I've been playing most every Sunday. We may go back to strict teams playing once a month in the Fall, which will be fine also. It's taken a couple years, but I'm getting closer to letting the "me" aspect of it go, and that's a good thing.

[Detman101]

Wait, so during the summer you can play as much as you want because no one shows up, but when the fall hits and everyone is done with their summer flings you have to go back to the regular schedule!??!

I would say that you should be allowed to play whenever you want because of your devotion during the summer when everyone was off having fun doing God-knows what and not coming to practice!!

Argh, this is the same insanity that is driving me up the wall in my church. They cancel choir rehearsal every week due to summer events (going away parties for people and events at other churches) but when the fall and winter come I KNOW that there will be a fuss for people to come out to choir rehearsal!

I can't stand hypocritical crap like that...
If you're not going to do something, don't do it at all.


Urgh...
Dm

[Parma_TeleMon]

<sigh> It would be so much easier to have a perfect church if we didn't have to keep letting people in!!

[Brian Krashpad]

Originally Posted by Detman101

Wait, so during the summer you can play as much as you want because no one shows up, but when the fall hits and everyone is done with their summer flings you have to go back to the regular schedule!??!

I would say that you should be allowed to play whenever you want because of your devotion during the summer when everyone was off having fun doing God-knows what and not coming to practice!!

While that makes perfect sense, you have to let that kind of stuff go. I'm getting better at it. As musicians (especially guys like me that have fronted rock bands) we're used to "getting our due" and all that. But two observations: 1) With church the whole point is different. If I focus on what I should be getting from band instead of what I should be giving to band, I've got it backwards. 2) It's an imperfect world man, being in church doesn't change that. In some cases it only intensifies it. If any of it is intentional just forgive and move on. Doing anything else just gets in the way of what you need to be doing and where your head and heart should be.

I'm not saying it's easy. I love playing and have to constantly remind myself to check my ego, which is all too healthy.

Originally Posted by Detman101

Argh, this is the same insanity that is driving me up the wall in my church. They cancel choir rehearsal every week due to summer events (going away parties for people and events at other churches) but when the fall and winter come I KNOW that there will be a fuss for people to come out to choir rehearsal!

I can't stand hypocritical crap like that...
If you're not going to do something, don't do it at all.

Urgh...
Dm

Take a deep breath, count to ten, say a prayer, and try to move on.



Blessings-- and PEACE!

[Brian Krashpad]

Originally Posted by Parma_TeleMon

<sigh> It would be so much easier to have a perfect church if we didn't have to keep letting people in!!

Haha, true dat!

[jeremyb]

Wow some seriously un-christian behaviour going on!

[Parma_TeleMon]

Originally Posted by Brian Krashpad

I'm not saying it's easy. I love playing and have to constantly remind myself to check my ego, which is all too healthy.

True dat, my brother!