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Old February 5th, 2011, 11:35 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Plans for a Time Machine

I once read how a Furniture Historian created a fake Colonial chair that fooled the Experts and ended up in a Boston Museum. Some of his techniques could be used to create a "Proper" Relic. The others are mine.
A small greenhouse made of Poly over frames must be built.The body and neck are placed inside and raw tobacco fumes are pumped in from a wood stove. The UV rays will age the wood and the smoke creates a patina.
So that the wood does not get too hot cooling is essential, basically recirculating the smoke.
A silicone "Arm" mounted to an oscillating motor driven cam rides over the mounted body to induce natural wear. Canvas shirt sleeve over the dummy arm speeds up the process, with the machine set to a random pattern of flailing the sides and top. This could run during the day while you are at work.
A silicone hand set up properly could do likewise for the wear patterns between frets, think CNC programmed accuracy.
So while neck and body are in the tent getting UV, smoked and "played" up to eight hours a day the metal parts must be attended to.
The chair Forger set his in the ocean with small chains rapped in strategic places, where the wave action beat it (I believe his name was Wallace Nutting). Salt water and hot sand would certainly get the metal parts "Right" in short order.
During assembly various chemical stains using creosote and wax applied with an artistic touch would complete the illusion.
I'm just crazy enough to try this, first I have to decide on the color and style to start with, perhaps Daphne blue and maple?

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Old February 5th, 2011, 11:52 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man...
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Old February 6th, 2011, 12:02 AM   #3 (permalink)
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No problem... except where are you gonna get chemically correct lacquer, since much of the chemistry used 50 years ago is banned, and/or no longer eve made today.... not to mention the glue...or the steel for the parts, or the Chroming done like they did back then.... or the plastic for the ..... gettin' the idea??

Just wonderin'... I could use some...

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Old February 7th, 2011, 07:00 PM   #4 (permalink)
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You missed a key word, "Illusion". I want a Relic but not from the usual means. Tinted lacquer always looks tinted, UV and smoke damaged finish would look much more natural.
The wear patterns of a robotic arm properly set up and programmed would have to beat the belt sander treatment. Current relic metal parts either look cooked well done or too rare to me.
I'm not trying to fool Experts by any means.
But the Road Worn Series did show a Market for Relic Guitars.
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Old February 7th, 2011, 07:32 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I like this idea... just think, if you get the "finger-wear" and the "arm-flailing" robots programmed correctly, you have a new bandmate! Nice little benefit on the side...

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Old February 7th, 2011, 08:28 PM   #6 (permalink)
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I thought you were going to build one of these:
some of my best stuff is jibber-jabber
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Old February 7th, 2011, 08:36 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I thought you were going to build one of these:
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Old February 7th, 2011, 08:52 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Get a barrel, put a bunch of chains, nuts bolts in it. Put a body in there, close her up and roll it around a bit.
My bro knew of a guitar builder in Amherst MA. That did this to relic. He said it worked quite well. I would imagine so. Your method sounds good, but seems costly. Green houses and robots etc. And cigarettes aren't cheap either.

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