Make up a lie about the poster above you!

[telleutelleme]

Road King is all for universal peace. In fact he wants a piece of the entire universe dedicated to his philosophy of Harmonious Twang. He intends to launch Teles (none of his of course) to the Moon and beyond as the ethereal slab/monliths of 2001 fame. He can't wait to see what the monkies do when they get close to a Tele.

<no lie> Sorry I slept last night, is the Manatee fad done now?)<no lie\>

[Ash Telecaster]

TUTM dreams of Manatees blissfully swimming around his head. 800 lb mammals grunting, swishing, excrimenting, and making little bubbles. Lots and lots and lots of little bubbles, and floaters. Like a fetid, rank, uncomfortably warm, whirlpool bath.

But when he's awake he's a not so successful inventor. He has spent the last 20 years of his life designing a superior Telecaster bridge. The Telecaster suspension bridge. He plans on calling it the Mackinac TUTM bridge.

He'll be famous. They will probably host a parade in his honour. Erect a statue that pidgeons can dump on for centuries in honor of his achievement. He may even get a life time supply of Telecaster parts. But it's really not about him. He did it for humanity. Why do these damn Manatees keep swimming around his head?


<no lie> You had to ask! </no lie>

[jim_pridx]

Githead with his swimming partner, Bubba:



<no lie> TUTM shouts "arrrgggghhhhhh!!!" </no lie>

[telleutelleme]

JP finally found out who has been texting him all those strange messages. He had thought it was TGFM or PC doing jibberjabber.



Strange thing is he was beginning to understand the messages.

[jim_pridx]

TUTM is learning a new language himself:



Only, he didn't get TGFM quite right.....LOL.....but he's learning quickly.

[telleutelleme]

JP has begun texting out the following SPAM letters to unsuspecting TDPRI members:


Dear Sir (or Madam),
Request for Urgent Business Relationship Relating to Newly Discovered Telecasters

I am the group managing director of the Nigeria National Telecaster Corporation (NNTC) and a member of the ad hoc committee set up by the federal government of Nigeria to review contracts awarded by the past musical administration between 1985-1993. The members of the committee are interested in the dispersal of past goods imported into the country by the Nigeria National Telecaster Corporation (NNTC) foreign accounts.

Our request is anchored on our strong desire to establish a lasting business relationship with you and your company. We hence solicit your partnership to enable us to transfer into your hands a vast amount of discarded Telecasters. You have been recommended to us in confidence and we were assured of your ability and reliability to maintain maximum confidentiality relating to the origin of these Telecasters.

The Telecasters are presently stored in the Nigeria National Telecaster Corporation (NNTC) vaults in Lagos, Nigeria. This is as result of grossly over purchased Telecaster’s during the late 1980’s by the Nigerian National Rock Foundation headed by the Honorable Umdabi Esaal Iammoggl. Mr. Iammoggl's estate, is represented by Jiyammi & OndobroPenny, attorney’s at Law in New York, who are providing oversight on our transactions.

I have therefore been mandated as a matter of trust by the members of the NNTC disposal committee to look for a foreign partner into whose possession we could transfer the sum of 435 units (Four Hundred and Thirty Five Telecasters in NOS condition) only. Hence I am writing you this letter; which you are asked to sell with the following split in revenues.
(1) 65% for us (the committee members) and
(2) 25% for account owner (you)
(3) 10% to be used in settling taxation and all local and foreign expenses that will be incurred in the course of this transaction. This to be paid directly to the firm of Jiyammpridx and OndobroPenny.

It is from the 65% that we wish to commence the exportation business to disperse the remaining Fender Telecasters and Stratacasters in our possession (sorry no Gibsons).

Please note that this transaction is 100% safe and guaranteed since the law under which our committee was set up has empowered us to disburse all the units found in the vaults and dating from 1985 till now. We shall commence the transfer of the units immediately we receive the following information by telefax:
(1) your company's name and full address
(2) your banker's name, address, telephone and fax numbers
(3) the account number and name of beneficiary.

The above information are to enable us put up letters of claim and job description to the respective ministries for the issuance of the mandatory Telecaster release approval/recommendations. This way, your company will become recognized and accepted as the beneficiary of the contract entitlements before the final delivery to your designated shipper.
We are looking forward to doing this business with you and solicit your absolute confidentiality in this transaction. Please acknowledge the receipt of this letter using the above telefax numbers for more details regarding the transaction.

Yours faithfully, Nuntudu "JP" Manatee (acting on behalf of the late Umdabi Esaal Anmoggl)

N.B. This letter is being sent by ordinary texting for confidentiality purposes.

[PennyCentury]

TUTM had a TELEX machine installed in his den, just so he could receive the next Nigerian money scam. His TELEX account is MANATEEUSA

[chezdeluxe]

PC wishes she had a den.All she has is a corner of the laundry where she has an ancient ticker-tape machine installed.

She gets the latest stock quotations at PENNY19THCENTURY

[JackStraw]

chez saves all of Penny's used ticker tape so he can use it for his parade. chez's idea of a hot stock begins with a bouillon cube.

[JackStraw]

Originally Posted by telleutelleme

Road King is all for universal peace. In fact he wants a piece of the entire universe dedicated to his philosophy of Harmonious Twang. He intends to launch Teles (none of his of course) to the Moon and beyond as the ethereal slab/monliths of 2001 fame. He can't wait to see what the monkies do when they get close to a Tele.

<no lie> Sorry I slept last night, is the Manatee fad done now?)<no lie\>

<no lie> No. I'm going to continue posting about Manatees until I'm banned. <no lie>

[tgfmike]

When JS called the Palm West Beach Hotel and Grill to make reservations, he specifically asked if they had manatees. The hotel clerk assured JS that the PWBHAG was a 4-star hotel and had absolutely all the manatees. You can imagine JS's disappointment on arrival when he asked about seeing the manatees and was shown this:

[jim_pridx]

Mike's cell phone wallpaper:



Cute little fella, isn't he?

[PennyCentury]

TGFMike is in mourning, his pet sloth Sparky ran away and Mike was unable to catch him. He has dispatched a team of hunting tortoises and expects success by half-past September.

Next up: Lies in the style of a Mickey Spillane novel, and a Barbara Cartland romance.

EDIT: I'm not changing any more lies due to simulposting errors.

[JackStraw]

As a child, tgfm had a Manatee nanny named Loreal. She would tell him wonderful stories of the murky shallows. As tgfm grew older, he was more interested in the savage stories told by the family chauffer who happened to be a Leopard Shark named Willy.

[tgfmike]

It was hot, the way it gets in the Gulf Stream in July. Since sunup, JS had been stretched out in the faded canvas deck chair, enjoying the strange sensation that the intense solar radiation was baking out all the aches and pains he had ever had.

He could sense jp and PC looking at him.

JS rose slowly to his full 6-foot 2 and with a twitch of his head indicated that jp and PC should follow him down to the manatee outlook for breakfast.

PC had brought her Barbara Cartland romance. jp had not.

<no lie>I don't think I can do this. Both of those writers take 30 pages just to set the scene.</no lie>

[chezdeluxe]

The manatees were unusually rowdy that night.

Maybe it was the excitement of their first shore leave in six months;maybe it was the multiplication of enthusiasm that comes when a group of kindred spirits enjoy a few drinks.

Whatever it was Mike knew that tonight was not the night to approach Lorelei.

[telleutelleme]

While vacationing in lagos, Chzdlx was struck by the local artwork and carvings. While working his way through the local market he caught a glimpse of a satin scarf, languidly draped on the back of a Manatee being dragged down the alley. In utter disgust he left Lagos vowing never to return.

<no lie> I'm with TGFM on this one, How about Bitter Pierce?<no lie\>

[redstringuitar]

Those vows were broken 90 seconds later when he was chased back into town by a tutm-piloted Hilux full of keyboard and headset toting Nigerian scammer's, the weight of their manatee-like bodies caused the Toyota's suspension to bottom out over every bump in the poorly-maintained, heavily used road surface.
Perhaps he should approach Lorelei...not like Mike though...from the front this time, take her a bottle of Lambrini...always worked on the gals back in Houston...Houston, we don't have a problem, nosiree we don't!

[tgfmike]

rsg talking to his brother bluestringviola -

'What?' rsg could not let this pass. 'What do you mean, you were a wonderful shot as a child? You've never shot in your life.'

'I have. red, you were talking about Julia shooting Miss Mapleton. It wasn't Julia - it was I. She had made me stay in and do my rivers of Europe over again, so I shot her. I was a splendid shot in those days.'

'I bet you weren't as good as me,' said rsg, piqued. 'I used to shoot rats.'

'So used I to shoot rats.'

'How many rats did you ever shoot?'

'Oh, red, red! Never mind about the rats.'

'No,' said rsg, called to order. 'No, dash it. Never mind about the rats. Tell me about this Haversham business.'

'Well, when I got to the pantry, it was empty, and I saw Haversham outside by the laurel bush, reading in a deck chair -'

'How far away?'

'I don't know. What does it matter? About six feet, I suppose.'

'Six feet? Ha!'

'And I shot him. I couldn't resist it. It was like some horrible obsession. There was a sort of hideous picture in my mind of how he would jump. So I shot him.'

[chezdeluxe]

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

Manatees were plentiful but their price had hit a 20 year low. Mike knew what he had to do.

"Sell Miss Havisham's wedding cake" he told his broker and then begged the innkeeper "More Please;may I have some more". He was ever so 'umble.