So I'm going to be a father...

bendingtens · January 2nd, 2008, 08:16 PM

I am excited and terrified... As my dad said, I've lived "long, heathy adolescence", where I've spent my money on guitars and music, living pretty much for myself. That's about to change. We're expecting a girl on May 21st.

I'm forty, and if I didn't have a kid now, I don't know when it would have happened.

I'm worried about giving up part of my old identity, as I move into a new one as "dad."

How has the experience been for those of you with children?

jmintzer · January 2nd, 2008, 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bendingtens

I am excited and terrified... As my dad said, I've lived "long, heathy adolescence", where I've spent my money on guitars and music, living pretty much for myself. That's about to change. We're expecting a girl on May 21st.

I'm forty, and if I didn't have a kid now, I don't know when it would have happened.

I'm worried about giving up part of my old identity, as I move into a new one as "dad."

How has the experience been for those of you with children?

Think Dickens... (er, I think it was Dickens) who wrote:

"It was the best of times, It was the worst of times..." (or something like that...)

Kids will make you swell with pride and they will break your heart. If you're a fan of roller-coasters, then you have a mild grasp about child-rearing. It's an emotional roller-coaster for the next 20-30 years.

I have 3 daughters, ages 22, 18 and 12. They drive me absolutely INSANE on a daily basis!

And I wouldn't have it any other way!

Congrats!

Jamie

Oster · January 2nd, 2008, 08:27 PM

I'm a new dad with a young son.

What has happened with me is my personal possessions - meaning guitars - are much less precious to me, I drive much more selectively than before and overall I feel like I'm becoming less selfish, less vain and less temperamental.

Babies need your full attention, love and patience at nearly all times. I'm in awe of both my parents who were immigrants with no family here and no friends. They gave me and my brothers everything we needed (most of which can't be measured or counted).

It's a wonderful thing, being a parent, and you're going to love it. If it changes you at all believe me it will be for the better.

geddins · January 2nd, 2008, 08:30 PM

congrats....bein a Dad is the very best job on the planet.....do it good.

buddywayne · January 2nd, 2008, 09:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by geddins

congrats....bein a Dad is the very best job on the planet.....do it good.

It is also a difficult, sometimes gutwrenching, task that will determine who
you really are. Trouble is, they grow up really fast. But grandkids are cool, too!!!!

Caffeine Patrol · January 2nd, 2008, 09:20 PM

We had our first child last August, about six weeks after my 43rd birthday. I know it's cliche, but our little girl is the best thing that's ever happened to me and I think my wife would agree. In my experience, a baby really puts things in perspective; you get a whole new idea of what's really important (hint: it's the baby!)
Outside of any parenting advice here's my one piece of wisdom: if you're a dedicated picker, practice now before the baby comes.
Another good piece of advice we received was (if you like to do such things) go to the movies a lot now.

studio1087 · January 2nd, 2008, 09:22 PM

Congratulations!

It's a good thing. My daughter is 11. She is learning to play acoustic guitar and she is singing in an honors choir in Madison in two weeks. It's a strange and splendid trip. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm trying to figure out how to keep her from dating musicians...maybe she could be a ninja nun. Might work!

Congratulations - you'll be fine!

John

GhostofJohnToad · January 2nd, 2008, 09:24 PM

Congratulations. I remember when my first was born. The drive home from the hospital was a very slow one. I was afraid to hit any bumps lest I wake the little guy. It was also very very weird that first night back home. Especially those first couple quiet hours before I realized I forgot to bring home the owner's manual.

But honestly it's a great thing and you'll adapt and find different ways to do things. Just make sure you take time for yourself now and again and doublely give some time to your significant. She'll be needing it too, er more so.

toadman · January 2nd, 2008, 09:49 PM

we had a boy almost 3 years ago(OMG 3years already)when my wife was 39 and i was 42 and we decided to squeeze another one in before the door closes! we're expecting a girl in may!
think of it this way.... if having a family was such a godawful experience then why are so many folks doing it??
and if you feel like you're not quite ready just remember this....you will be 100x the parent that someone like Brittney Spears is(was).
also be glad that you have a spouse to share her with. i have a few friends who are single moms and man-0-man, they NEVER sleep!

if you are like me, you are going to wonder why you didn't start sooner!! best of luck to the three of you!

garytelecastor · January 2nd, 2008, 09:56 PM

Bendingtens-One thing is certain, the first moment you hold your child in your arms, all of the self-centeredness will leave you. From that moment you live to care for the person you created. They become the focal point of your wants and want not's. So get your ya' ya''s out now.
The minute the cord is cut you are a KEPT man. It's great!!!!

BritishBluesBoy · January 2nd, 2008, 10:05 PM

Congratulations Bro'

That's great news!!

Edit:
I just noticed you are in NYC... Why don't you join me and Johhny Crash to celebrate...

See the NYC Get together thread...

http://www.tdpri.com/forum/bad-dog-c...-together.html

HOBBSTER01 · January 2nd, 2008, 10:49 PM

I too know the feelings you are experiencing right now.My wife and I adopted our first child 10 months ago at birth.
he is amazing to say the least.I just turned 45 and my wife 36.
This will definitely teach multitasking.
As I am typing this I am sittin here with my tele across my lap working on some Mark Knoffler stuff and all the while listening to him yell da da da da da on the baby monitor.
Just take one day at a time and it will come naturally.It did for me anyway.It's the best thing I've ever done.Wish I had done it 20 years ago.
Again congrats.

BellyBoy · January 2nd, 2008, 10:58 PM

Congrats! Man I have two daughters and love my daddys girls....

heres some rules for the boys when they start dating your daughter..

Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter
"Copyright 1998 W. Bruce Cameron http://www.wbrucecameron.com/"

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

Dave Hopping · January 2nd, 2008, 11:24 PM

If you're a parent,you don't need a life.

ibobunot · January 2nd, 2008, 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BellyBoy

Congrats! Man I have two daughters and love my daddys girls....

heres some rules for the boys when they start dating your daughter..

There are no defenses that can't be breached if you have good inside intelligence.....

Scotland · January 2nd, 2008, 11:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dave Hopping

If you're a parent,you don't need a life.

Congratulations to both you and your partner. don't worry, life has a way of letting you know that your "old" life has gone but your "new" life will be exciting and fulfilling...if you let it.

bobthecanadian · January 2nd, 2008, 11:49 PM

Congratulations,

I became a dad two years ago, at the age of 39. I hear ya! It has changed my life, but I still think I am an overgrown adolescent.

Good luck and keep us up to speed how things are going.

Bob

Gibson · January 2nd, 2008, 11:56 PM

I'm not a parent yet, so have no words of wisdom to offer, but congratulations!

Geoff738 · January 3rd, 2008, 12:21 AM

Congrats!

Your daughter is due on my birthday, if she arrives on time. Way to go, cusp baby!

My dude is 2 and I'm 43, so I can relate to the late to the party thing. In a lot of ways I think that's a good thing. Because raising a child is difficult. I think a bit of maturity is not a bad thing here. Rewarding? Yes. But difficult too. Well, in your words, exciting and terrifying. Both. Yes and yes!!

Things change. Your relationship will change. It has to - there's less time. A lot less time. For anything external to work, sleep (ha ha), eating and feeding, and doting on the new gal in your life. (oh, and laundry. Unbelievable amounts of laundry from someone so small.) Especially for the first few months. Life doesn't stop, but the focus changes. You might suddenly notice that you haven't watched tv for a few weeks. you didn't miss it - you didn't have time. (Actually, the first few months before the kid is really mobile is easier for travel, restaurants and the like than the few months following). So go out and have a meal, bring the kid - hopefully she'll sleep through most of it. When she's crawling she won't!

The first few weeks are exhausting beyond words. Well, they were for us - some parents I've talked to breezed through it. You never know. For us, it was all encompassing, total- I don't know what else to say. Sleep deprivation to the nth degree. But, you get through it - and, your experience may well be totally different from ours.

But then, gradually, your daughter will sleep more regularly, you'll get into the groove as parents, and you'll start to etch out a little time. Both as individual mom and dads, and together as a couple. honestly, in the first year, it will be hard to do that - but you and your wife will need to. Time management - and the sharing of child-rearing duties to allow yourselves some time to pursue your own endeavors, will be paramount. Just don't expect a lot of time. Also finding time together as a couple (ie - good babysitters are important) is also key.

I hope this isn't sounding too negative - i don't mean it to, because it really is a great thing you're doing. But I don't want to sugarcoat it either - the first few months will likely be intense. But, we also know some folks that had way easier babies than our dude. Peoples experiences (and expectations) vary wildly.

Today, me and the dude played guitar for about half an hour. I fingered the chords and he took the pick and strummed. That guitar is loud he said. Well, he's almost two and a half now. It's taken most of that time for him to get to the point where he isn't frightened of the sound of the guitar, likes it, but now also understands that if he picks the strings he has some input into the sound it produces. Ok, I didn't play a whole lot for the last couple years, but I'm going to have a big influence on somebody who might be our next generation of musician. That's a pretty cool role to play.

So, you asked about giving up part of your identity. - Nah, you'll still be you. You will have less time - I mean way less time for the idle pursuits of your youth. But you've been there, done that. Time for new challenges, and to focus on what's important. And like most parents, you quickly find that's your daughter. And you'll find ways to put a little bit of your personality into your daughter's way of thinking. Maybe even subliminally. Often subliminally. just by being you.

You see, after she enters your world, your identity actually expanded rather than contracted.

Cheers,
Geoff

garytelecastor · January 3rd, 2008, 02:19 AM

jcayer · January 3rd, 2008, 03:04 AM

Congratulation to both of you !!!

My kids are 18 and 23 now.

I always said that I learned to know and love, even more, my parents by raising my kids. You will realize all the small gestures that your parents were doing to make your life easier as a kid (and older).

Don't worry, when you'll hold her in your arms, minutes after she is born, you will see how you are vulnerable but this very moment, you will make a commitment to her. To love and protect.

An old lady once told me : "Don't worry, do your best and f%?k the rest..." This resumes pretty well the job you'll have to do

Will you assist at the childbirth? I shure hope for you !
Assisting at your own child birth is by far the greatest show you'll ever see. You think you love your wife/girlfriend now, wait after this...

Anyway, I'm very happy for you, and don't forget the cigars

Oh! One last advice: Don't ask the doctor where is the instruction manual

6942 · January 3rd, 2008, 05:47 AM

Congrats!!

I have three children: 28, 25, & 17.
All three TOTALLY different from each other!
I learned the hard way...NEVER...make assumptions with kids.
You have to give them rules & guidelines...but be prepared to be FLEXIBLE (but NOT a chump for them).
Don't PUSH music on them.
My youngest (17) is a VERY talented guitarist....the other two couldn't hold a tune with both hands!?
It's a lot of work raising kids.....but with a GREAT UPSIDE!!!
Good luck!!!

Steve

RevMike · January 3rd, 2008, 10:31 AM

My wife and I are expecting number 4 in about 3 weeks, and I turn 40 in about 5 weeks..Yikes! Seriously, nothing like being a parent. Its the most fun and fulfilling thing you can do. And don't worry about the 40 factor. Just try to lead a healthy lifestyle. 40 is the 25!

January 2nd, 2008, 08:16 PM	#1 (permalink)
bendingtens Tele-Meister Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: New York City Posts: 150	So I'm going to be a father... I am excited and terrified... As my dad said, I've lived "long, heathy adolescence", where I've spent my money on guitars and music, living pretty much for myself. That's about to change. We're expecting a girl on May 21st. I'm forty, and if I didn't have a kid now, I don't know when it would have happened. I'm worried about giving up part of my old identity, as I move into a new one as "dad." How has the experience been for those of you with children?

January 2nd, 2008, 08:27 PM	#3 (permalink)
Oster Friend of Leo's Join Date: May 2003 Location: Melonville, Ontario Age: 38 Posts: 2,471	I'm a new dad with a young son. What has happened with me is my personal possessions - meaning guitars - are much less precious to me, I drive much more selectively than before and overall I feel like I'm becoming less selfish, less vain and less temperamental. Babies need your full attention, love and patience at nearly all times. I'm in awe of both my parents who were immigrants with no family here and no friends. They gave me and my brothers everything we needed (most of which can't be measured or counted). It's a wonderful thing, being a parent, and you're going to love it. If it changes you at all believe me it will be for the better. __________________ "The secret of success is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake those, you've got it made." - Groucho Marx

January 2nd, 2008, 08:30 PM	#4 (permalink)
geddins Tele-Afflicted Join Date: May 2005 Location: Texas Age: 45 Posts: 1,462	congrats....bein a Dad is the very best job on the planet.....do it good. __________________ www.myspace.com/gregeddins

January 2nd, 2008, 09:22 PM	#7 (permalink)
studio1087 Friend of Leo's Join Date: May 2003 Location: Near Milwaukee Age: 44 Posts: 3,276 33 Photos	Congratulations! It's a good thing. My daughter is 11. She is learning to play acoustic guitar and she is singing in an honors choir in Madison in two weeks. It's a strange and splendid trip. I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm trying to figure out how to keep her from dating musicians...maybe she could be a ninja nun. Might work! Congratulations - you'll be fine! John __________________ JLG Carry On

January 2nd, 2008, 09:49 PM	#9 (permalink)
toadman Tele-Holic Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: andoverandoverandover,ct Age: 45 Posts: 865	we had a boy almost 3 years ago(OMG 3years already)when my wife was 39 and i was 42 and we decided to squeeze another one in before the door closes! we're expecting a girl in may! think of it this way.... if having a family was such a godawful experience then why are so many folks doing it?? and if you feel like you're not quite ready just remember this....you will be 100x the parent that someone like Brittney Spears is(was). also be glad that you have a spouse to share her with. i have a few friends who are single moms and man-0-man, they NEVER sleep! if you are like me, you are going to wonder why you didn't start sooner!! best of luck to the three of you! __________________ toadman the plank spanker www.slugnickel.com www.zydecohogs.com "The ultimate result of protecting man from folly is to fill the world with fools" Herbert Spencer

January 2nd, 2008, 09:20 PM	#6 (permalink)
Caffeine Patrol Tele-Meister Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 272	We had our first child last August, about six weeks after my 43rd birthday. I know it's cliche, but our little girl is the best thing that's ever happened to me and I think my wife would agree. In my experience, a baby really puts things in perspective; you get a whole new idea of what's really important (hint: it's the baby!) Outside of any parenting advice here's my one piece of wisdom: if you're a dedicated picker, practice now before the baby comes. Another good piece of advice we received was (if you like to do such things) go to the movies a lot now.

January 2nd, 2008, 09:24 PM	#8 (permalink)
GhostofJohnToad Tele-Holic Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Toledo, Ohio Age: 34 Posts: 676 7 Photos	Congratulations. I remember when my first was born. The drive home from the hospital was a very slow one. I was afraid to hit any bumps lest I wake the little guy. It was also very very weird that first night back home. Especially those first couple quiet hours before I realized I forgot to bring home the owner's manual. But honestly it's a great thing and you'll adapt and find different ways to do things. Just make sure you take time for yourself now and again and doublely give some time to your significant. She'll be needing it too, er more so.

January 2nd, 2008, 09:56 PM	#10 (permalink)
garytelecastor Friend of Leo's Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Minnesota Posts: 3,084 18 Photos	Bendingtens-One thing is certain, the first moment you hold your child in your arms, all of the self-centeredness will leave you. From that moment you live to care for the person you created. They become the focal point of your wants and want not's. So get your ya' ya''s out now. The minute the cord is cut you are a KEPT man. It's great!!!! __________________ éí 'aaníígÓÓ 'áhoot'é Redd Volkaert is a Jedi Knight at one with the Force!!!

January 2nd, 2008, 10:05 PM	#11 (permalink)
BritishBluesBoy Friend of Leo's Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Brooklyn, NY Age: 40 Posts: 4,065 62 Photos	Congratulations Bro' That's great news!! Edit: I just noticed you are in NYC... Why don't you join me and Johhny Crash to celebrate... See the NYC Get together thread... http://www.tdpri.com/forum/bad-dog-c...-together.html __________________ BBB.

January 2nd, 2008, 10:49 PM	#12 (permalink)
HOBBSTER01 Tele-Meister Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: North GA. Posts: 242	Congratulations I too know the feelings you are experiencing right now.My wife and I adopted our first child 10 months ago at birth. he is amazing to say the least.I just turned 45 and my wife 36. This will definitely teach multitasking. As I am typing this I am sittin here with my tele across my lap working on some Mark Knoffler stuff and all the while listening to him yell da da da da da on the baby monitor. Just take one day at a time and it will come naturally.It did for me anyway.It's the best thing I've ever done.Wish I had done it 20 years ago. Again congrats. __________________ The Hobbster

January 2nd, 2008, 10:58 PM	#13 (permalink)
BellyBoy Tele-Meister Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Chula Vista, Ca Age: 48 Posts: 476	Congrats! Man I have two daughters and love my daddys girls.... heres some rules for the boys when they start dating your daughter.. Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter "Copyright 1998 W. Bruce Cameron http://www.wbrucecameron.com/" Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early." Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. __________________ http://www.johnnymannion.com http://www.myspace.com/johnnymannionband

January 2nd, 2008, 11:24 PM	#14 (permalink)
Dave Hopping Tele-Meister Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Aurora,Colorado Posts: 495	If you're a parent,you don't need a life.

January 2nd, 2008, 11:49 PM	#17 (permalink)
bobthecanadian Tele-Afflicted Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Taipei, Taiwan Age: 41 Posts: 1,497	Congratulations, I became a dad two years ago, at the age of 39. I hear ya! It has changed my life, but I still think I am an overgrown adolescent. Good luck and keep us up to speed how things are going. Bob __________________ It don't mean a thang if it ain't got that TWANG!!!

January 2nd, 2008, 11:56 PM	#18 (permalink)
Gibson Tele-Meister Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Hong Kong Posts: 401	I'm not a parent yet, so have no words of wisdom to offer, but congratulations!

January 3rd, 2008, 12:21 AM	#19 (permalink)
Geoff738 Tele-Meister Join Date: May 2007 Location: Toronto Age: 44 Posts: 249	Congrats! Your daughter is due on my birthday, if she arrives on time. Way to go, cusp baby! My dude is 2 and I'm 43, so I can relate to the late to the party thing. In a lot of ways I think that's a good thing. Because raising a child is difficult. I think a bit of maturity is not a bad thing here. Rewarding? Yes. But difficult too. Well, in your words, exciting and terrifying. Both. Yes and yes!! Things change. Your relationship will change. It has to - there's less time. A lot less time. For anything external to work, sleep (ha ha), eating and feeding, and doting on the new gal in your life. (oh, and laundry. Unbelievable amounts of laundry from someone so small.) Especially for the first few months. Life doesn't stop, but the focus changes. You might suddenly notice that you haven't watched tv for a few weeks. you didn't miss it - you didn't have time. (Actually, the first few months before the kid is really mobile is easier for travel, restaurants and the like than the few months following). So go out and have a meal, bring the kid - hopefully she'll sleep through most of it. When she's crawling she won't! The first few weeks are exhausting beyond words. Well, they were for us - some parents I've talked to breezed through it. You never know. For us, it was all encompassing, total- I don't know what else to say. Sleep deprivation to the nth degree. But, you get through it - and, your experience may well be totally different from ours. But then, gradually, your daughter will sleep more regularly, you'll get into the groove as parents, and you'll start to etch out a little time. Both as individual mom and dads, and together as a couple. honestly, in the first year, it will be hard to do that - but you and your wife will need to. Time management - and the sharing of child-rearing duties to allow yourselves some time to pursue your own endeavors, will be paramount. Just don't expect a lot of time. Also finding time together as a couple (ie - good babysitters are important) is also key. I hope this isn't sounding too negative - i don't mean it to, because it really is a great thing you're doing. But I don't want to sugarcoat it either - the first few months will likely be intense. But, we also know some folks that had way easier babies than our dude. Peoples experiences (and expectations) vary wildly. Today, me and the dude played guitar for about half an hour. I fingered the chords and he took the pick and strummed. That guitar is loud he said. Well, he's almost two and a half now. It's taken most of that time for him to get to the point where he isn't frightened of the sound of the guitar, likes it, but now also understands that if he picks the strings he has some input into the sound it produces. Ok, I didn't play a whole lot for the last couple years, but I'm going to have a big influence on somebody who might be our next generation of musician. That's a pretty cool role to play. So, you asked about giving up part of your identity. - Nah, you'll still be you. You will have less time - I mean way less time for the idle pursuits of your youth. But you've been there, done that. Time for new challenges, and to focus on what's important. And like most parents, you quickly find that's your daughter. And you'll find ways to put a little bit of your personality into your daughter's way of thinking. Maybe even subliminally. Often subliminally. just by being you. You see, after she enters your world, your identity actually expanded rather than contracted. Cheers, Geoff

January 3rd, 2008, 02:19 AM	#20 (permalink)
garytelecastor Friend of Leo's Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Minnesota Posts: 3,084 18 Photos	+1 __________________ éí 'aaníígÓÓ 'áhoot'é Redd Volkaert is a Jedi Knight at one with the Force!!!

January 3rd, 2008, 03:04 AM	#21 (permalink)
jcayer Tele-Meister Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Quebec Age: 46 Posts: 264	Congratulation to both of you !!! My kids are 18 and 23 now. I always said that I learned to know and love, even more, my parents by raising my kids. You will realize all the small gestures that your parents were doing to make your life easier as a kid (and older). Don't worry, when you'll hold her in your arms, minutes after she is born, you will see how you are vulnerable but this very moment, you will make a commitment to her. To love and protect. An old lady once told me : "Don't worry, do your best and f%?k the rest..." This resumes pretty well the job you'll have to do Will you assist at the childbirth? I shure hope for you ! Assisting at your own child birth is by far the greatest show you'll ever see. You think you love your wife/girlfriend now, wait after this... Anyway, I'm very happy for you, and don't forget the cigars Oh! One last advice: Don't ask the doctor where is the instruction manual __________________ Jean www.jcayer.com CC Rider pickup installation: http://www.jcayer.com/bricolages/ccriderpups.htm Luke, may the twang be with you

January 3rd, 2008, 05:47 AM	#22 (permalink)
6942 Tele-Afflicted Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Western Maryland Posts: 1,362	Congrats!! I have three children: 28, 25, & 17. All three TOTALLY different from each other! I learned the hard way...NEVER...make assumptions with kids. You have to give them rules & guidelines...but be prepared to be FLEXIBLE (but NOT a chump for them). Don't PUSH music on them. My youngest (17) is a VERY talented guitarist....the other two couldn't hold a tune with both hands!? It's a lot of work raising kids.....but with a GREAT UPSIDE!!! Good luck!!! Steve

January 3rd, 2008, 10:31 AM	#23 (permalink)
RevMike Tele-Afflicted Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Staten Island NY Posts: 1,019	Congratulations!!!! My wife and I are expecting number 4 in about 3 weeks, and I turn 40 in about 5 weeks..Yikes! Seriously, nothing like being a parent. Its the most fun and fulfilling thing you can do. And don't worry about the 40 factor. Just try to lead a healthy lifestyle. 40 is the 25!