Wife Told me to sell my tele!!

[Paul in Colorado]

I'm not in the best financial shape right now. And I have sold a guitar to help with the expenses. But it wasn't because I was asked to (or demanded to). Laura is supportive of my music, comes to gigs and encourages me. She'd like to see me working again (as would I) but she'd never ask me to sell my gear. I count my blessings daily.

Good luck with your situation.

[Twangmeister]

No offense to the TDPRI, but while this is the first place I come for advice/information on things like pickups, wiring, and the latest developments in bridge saddles, it's the last place I'd come to contemplate a serious rift in my marriage. There are professionals for that, and you owe it to yourself, your wife, and certainly your children to get the very best professional assistance available. Guitar or no guitar, your family comes first. Just my .02.

[JStella]

Originally Posted by Twangmeister

... you owe it to yourself, your wife, and certainly your children to get the very best professional assistance available. Guitar or no guitar, your family comes first. Just my .02.

+1

[emu!]

If I had to choose between a woman and a tele, I KNOW which I would choose. NO QUESTION.

I lost my virginity to a tele.

[JStella]

Originally Posted by emu!

If I had to choose between a woman and a tele, I KNOW which I would choose. NO QUESTION.

I lost my virginity to a tele.

Front loading or a through body?

[stevieboy]

The fact that he sold the guitar, and still winds up getting divorced, sums it up pretty well, I think. The fact that she was insisting he sell his only electric guitar meant that it wasn't about a guitar, it was about whether he should even be "allowed" to play the guitar. Add the the fact that it was a present from his Mom, I think you can see that she didn't much care about the guy and wanted him to be another person that better fit her. I don't see how that's something that's likely to be worked out.

Thanks for the update. Good luck man!

[jimd]

I'm sorry for the pile of s*** that you are currently wading through.

Originally Posted by telecaster69

...the next relationship I have ....she will be a guitar player as well...

I'm not sure I'd recommend this approach. My wife is also a player. It has it's own issues. But no matter who you are with there are going to be issues that have to be worked out. In the end its all about the person, not their hobbies or interests.

But just in case you are serious here's my number 1 rule: make sure she has nicer gear than you do.

[Dave Hopping]

Sounds like the professional you need is gonna be the legal type.Make sure the one you have likes to beat the opposition senseless.The reason you want the lion's share of everything is that if you get it you'll give it to the kids.If she gets the lion's share of everything she'll give it to her boyfriend.
You'll REALLY want joint custody.It gives you more legal authority to act in your kids' best interest,because she won't,and your kids will desparately need as much strength,legal and otherwise,as you can bring to bear on their behalf.
The approach you must take is one of obdurate,uncompromising intransigence.You can make nice later-after you win.
PS This'll really sound mean-spirited,but it works.Have your lawyer insist on paternity tests right up front.If there's a problem with any of the kids you need to know it.If it comes back clean,you're still ahead because the other party still looks bad.

[bglaze]

Wow, I couldn't imagine what I would...seriously...

[gtech]

I almost got divorced a few years ago, and my wife insisted that I keep the things I cared, like the music system, the guitars, etc... and that she get the things related to her.

That must be why we are still together these days, and found a way to deal with the problems we had. And that must be why I have more guitars than ever, even if she finds that I have too many.

It's not because of that that we are together. It just shows that we still cared for each other, and that is the important part.

Asking someone to sell a thing he cares is also just a sign that something is wrong, not a reason to divorce...

[tcadam]

Originally Posted by Dave Hopping

Sounds like the professional you need is gonna be the legal type.Make sure the one you have likes to beat the opposition senseless.The reason you want the lion's share of everything is that if you get it you'll give it to the kids.If she gets the lion's share of everything she'll give it to her boyfriend.
You'll REALLY want joint custody.It gives you more legal authority to act in your kids' best interest,because she won't,and your kids will desparately need as much strength,legal and otherwise,as you can bring to bear on their behalf.
The approach you must take is one of obdurate,uncompromising intransigence.You can make nice later-after you win.
PS This'll really sound mean-spirited,but it works.Have your lawyer insist on paternity tests right up front.If there's a problem with any of the kids you need to know it.If it comes back clean,you're still ahead because the other party still looks bad.

It doesn't SOUND meanspirited, it IS mean-spirited. Insisting on a paternity test would be about the most hateful thing a father could do to his children absent any compelling reason to believe it's warranted. Your assumptions about this awful situation are completely baseless.

[Dave Hopping]

Obtaining DNA for paternity purposes is painless and non-invasive,and doesn't compromise childrens' rights to support from the actual father.It is instead a completely reliable legal device to detect maternal fraud.The purpose of a legal action is to determine the facts,not how people feel.
It bears repeating that a dissolution of marriage is not sitting around the campfire holding hands and singing "Kumbaya".It's really much more like Hiroshima,and if Telecaster69 is in a dissolution,he needs not to be singing about "turning Japanese".
It also bears repeating that making nice is much more appropriately done AFTER you've won.

[tcadam]

Originally Posted by Dave Hopping

Obtaining DNA for paternity purposes is painless and non-invasive,and doesn't compromise childrens' rights to support from the actual father.It is instead a completely reliable legal device to detect maternal fraud.The purpose of a legal action is to determine the facts,not how people feel.
It bears repeating that a dissolution of marriage is not sitting around the campfire holding hands and singing "Kumbaya".It's really much more like Hiroshima,and if Telecaster69 is in a dissolution,he needs not to be singing about "turning Japanese".
It also bears repeating that making nice is much more appropriately done AFTER you've won.

I stand by my post 100%. You take your child to take this paternity test and all you're saying is "I never cared for you that much anyway." Who cares if the test is "painless" and "non-invasive"? You're going to do that kind of damage to a child and for what? For money? Besides, a court will look at the relationship between the father and child before the biology in making any decision anyway. A judge would most likely take the result of that test and completely disregard it.

You've set up this false choice between "Kumbaya" and "Hiroshima" while disregarding the entire continuum of other options available. Yours has to be the worst advice I've seen given in a long, long time.

[BroadMaster]

Originally Posted by telecaster69

It's not a joke at all....we could always use the money...we are not completely broke..we can pay our bills....Our relationship like some of you said is on the rocks to begin with of course...we got it a huge fight and she told me to sell it along with my Taylor acoustic...I would never ask anyone to sell something because we need the money....I work 2 jobs...We do have kids....we are not getting divorced because of my guitar...but I'm not going to sell it....she's a photographer and I would never tell her to sell her camera's..she loves them and she knows how much I love my guitars...So my next relationship won't be for a while..and it will be someone who understands the meaning of a guitar..playing guitar is in the heart and sould and if i can't play guitar...then I"m miserable...I want the person who encourages music and we have kids too....I encourage my kids to play guitar and my telecaster will be my daughters someday.... I took all my stuff and put it into a small storage facility so she can't get to it....Plus it's a birthday present from my mom!!! I mean Come on!!!! Dang...

Too bad , my friend. Sorry to hear of your troubles.
Also too bad you don't live in Texas.... you could store it at my house and have full visitation rights ,no contest. A Texas, non contested divorce is $139.95, too.

[BroadMaster]

Originally Posted by ChurchPlayer

+1

Man, I don't know the situation. I love my guitars. I love my music. But if it was to separate me from my family I'd first work like the dickens to straighten the situation out, and then if necessary have the biggest sell-off on the planet. Guitars can be replaced. Relationships, with your kids in particular, can't be fixed as easily.

I know it's an oversimplification, and I suspect that it's not just the guitars that are the problem. But I highly recommend at least trying to work things out first. It doesn't always work out, but I'm thankful (today, in particular) that me and my Mrs. didn't follow through on where we were headed 14 years ago. Even if it didn't work out I don't think I could look myself in the mirror today if I hadn't at least tried. Not saying you're not. Just tossing it out for free.

Well, arm chair psychologizing here, but I'd bet your mom and your's closeness is at the root of this particular dig at you. Some women just do not ever accept that a man and his mom are a lifelong relationship, just (hopefully) like marriage, except for the BLOOD relationship.
Yeah, go see a counselor, but leave your gear in storage. Better safe than sorry.
Prayer will help with your inner turmoil. Believe it.

[shoebox22]

You may want to get online and check your state laws about custody. TN has changed and there is no longer nice-nice custody laws. Your children are pretty much wards of the state and even tho everything is joint, you do what the state tells you to do if you don't get along with the ex. This includes going to "parenting classes" before the divorce is finalized. Its all supposed to be to take care of the kids but you need to be aware of it.

[Dave Hopping]

Originally Posted by tcadam

I stand by my post 100%. You take your child to take this paternity test and all you're saying is "I never cared for you that much anyway." Who cares if the test is "painless" and "non-invasive"? You're going to do that kind of damage to a child and for what? For money? Besides, a court will look at the relationship between the father and child before the biology in making any decision anyway. A judge would most likely take the result of that test and completely disregard it.

You've set up this false choice between "Kumbaya" and "Hiroshima" while disregarding the entire continuum of other options available. Yours has to be the worst advice I've seen given in a long, long time.

Paul,this looks like a political flame to me, with a misstatement of fact in the first paragraph and an uncalled for personal attack in the second.I'm pretty sure the terms of use have been violated and if the moderator feels I too am guilty of a terms of use violation,I'll take the consequence.

[photoweborama]

This thread is still going, huh?

[Dave Hopping]

You'd think we were discussing rosewood vs. maple.

[telecaster69]

I just wanted to make a couple things clear, first my wife and I are not getting divorced over a guitar....it's just a symbol...and my last straw with her control issues...we've done all the counseling, medication ect....it's not a spur of the moment decision .....it's far deeper than that....and has been going on for about two years now...we've been married for almost 8 years now.... time to move on.....after all of this...I still miss my guitar...

[BroadMaster]

Originally Posted by Dave Hopping

You'd think we were discussing rosewood vs. maple.

Maple only for me please

[timgreene]

is this for real?

I dont believe it.

[TG]

I told my wife that there was one...and only one...choice of the following:
1) I can be loyal and devoted to one woman.
2) I can be loyal and devoted to one guitar.


She lets me buy guitars.


I hope you get thru this OK telecaster69. Remember that there will be more birthdays and more guitars.
I came across a saying for dealing with crap situations...'This, too, shall pass.'
It sounds a bit cheesy, but I find it does help when I'm going thru something unpleasant.

[franchelB]

Originally Posted by telecaster69

I just wanted to make a couple things clear, first my wife and I are not getting divorced over a guitar....it's just a symbol...and my last straw with her control issues...we've done all the counseling, medication ect....it's not a spur of the moment decision .....it's far deeper than that....and has been going on for about two years now...we've been married for almost 8 years now.... time to move on.....after all of this...I still miss my guitar...

My wife bought me my Telecaster...and insists that whatever happens between her and me, that I should NEVER sell my guitars!
I'll be praying for you....

[benbo]

I just went through a big messy breakup as well and I feel for you all the way bro.

We had money problems as well and yes she wanted me to sell my guitars and amps etc... the problem with our money was she spent it faster than I could make it, no way in he-- i was going to sell my stuff for her to just blow the money. We are no together any longer.

My advice is this, if you do go separate ways, please stay friends and the kids will be much better off for it. It's not so much the breaking up that effects the kids it's the fighting about everything, visitation, support etc.... If you must fight do it as far away as possible from the kids. Trust me the kids are much happier this way.

I grew up in a broken home and my mom and dad both did the whole guilt trip thing, you know, your dad is this, well your mom did this and that yada yada, it's a wonder I'm not more messed up than I already am because of it.

I do harbor hate towards my dad for leaving like he did, but he wasn't even seen for over a year when he left and then only about 1 time a year afterwards. Please for your kids sake, always be there for them and don't fight with the ex around them and try to never talk bad about her when she is not there and they are, and have a serious sit down with her and try to explain the same things to here and agree.

Didn't mean to go on and on but I been there and done that and just felt like telling a little about my experience

PS.. I will say a prayer for you both as well.

[telecaster69]

that's the kind of women I want in the far future...someone who respects my love for guitar and music....who is interested in my playing and let's me have my time. it's one of the only things I look forward to doing...the only creativity I have is playing music....If I can't have that....it's a way for me to vent....I tell you..being married for 7 years almost 8, really made me realize a few things....One ...live in the moment...don't waste time...do what you want to do....when you want to do it....with who you want to...live your life everyday like you won't wake up the next morning....my wife has been gone for a week now on vacation to a wedding....I can't tell you how much happier I've been...I'm not trying to be mean...it's just that I can smile and not walk on egg shells and play my guitar and sit around and watch all 3 Godfathers if I want to..... Don't waste anytime in your live....Live your life doing what makes you happy... PS... I bought a new telecaster! and I'm not selling it for any women ....

[backalleyblues]

Another +1 on counseling... you're going to need it...

Have a wife AND an ex... both understood from the first note that music was a huge part of my life, and always will be, and to try to take that away from me were grounds to end the relationship. Fortunately, neither has ever pushed that issue (the ex departed after a long and acrimonious dispute on her laziness, but that's another story). We've had to pawn guitars and amps over the years when money was tight, but we never lost anything (well, one amp-didn't like it anyways!) but NEVER did they tell me I had to sell a guitar, and I have one that's a gift from my father (my main telly, in fact) and another that's a gift from my wife (a Fernandes Lawsuit Strat). Now my wife limits how many guitars I can have, so it's always upgrade time when I want another guitar.

I just can't wrap my mind around someone demanding that their SO part with a gift from a relative-as pointed out, this wasn't rent money gone awry here, so it's a symptom of something far more dark and severe. 69 Telecaster, I feel for you, this is a bad place to be for anyone right now, hopefully you'll get through this intact. Remember the sun will rise tomorrow... be there to see it...

Franc Robert
Back Alley Blues Band

[Dave Hopping]

While it's true that counseling can help one gain valuable insight,Telecaster69 will be having legal issues relating to child custody and support,the division of assets acquired during the marriage,assignment of responsibility for debt,the possibility of his having to pay maintenance,plus any number of other considerations.The resource he most needs is a fathers' rights lawyer,who can argue his case to the court and help defend him from the kinds of trouble that his wife,through HER lawyer,can cause.