Wife Told me to sell my tele!!

[Wildhawk]

Originally Posted by tiktok

Surely a guitar's not worth getting divorced over--

Hmmm... next month marks the six year anniversary of my divorce.

Live with me and you live with my guitars. Non-negotiable.

[caster]

Lots of interesting, informative, and funny replies here. One thing for sure, if you give in, the problem will not go away. My wife shares these insecure control issues, and I can promise you she'll just transfer the problem to something else. Then you're back at the same place, only without the Tele.
It really isn't about the guitar at all.

With me, it's either the guitars, the amps, the motorcycle, the dogs, or any other thing you can imagine. At some point you realize she'll be upset anyway, so just do what you like.

And for those who don't have to deal with this, count your blessings. We all would prefer that, but sometimes there are other considerations, like kids.

Any of us in this situation would give up guitars if that was needed to get through a real need. But not for manufactured drama.

I always say..." The problem is not too many guitars, but too many wives..."

[JohnnyCrash]

You still OK brother?

How is everything?

[Dave W]

I feel for you.

And even if it wasn't a guitar, it's a gift. Any woman who would even suggest that you should sell a gift to raise money is nobody who respects you. Divorce is hardly ever easy but you're better off without her.

[fenderfreak]

in 1975 or 1976 Except it was Motorcycle that was the object of discussion ,, keep working on her ,, you just cant have to many telecasters ,,,, I still have the motorcycle ,,,,,,,,and a few teles good luck JB

[petebradt]

Originally Posted by caster

And for those who don't have to deal with this, count your blessings. We all would prefer that, but sometimes there are other considerations, like kids.

You make a great case for not having kids.

[daddyopapa]

Remins me of the Sonny Landreth song, "All About You." Some women don't understand life isn't always about them. I think today's media and culture have created a generation of women who believe that they are the centre of everything and their "feelings" - even if they aren't based on facts or logic - have presedense simply because they believe them to be more valid than other experiences/facys/logic.

[TeleConvert]

I was gonna say something cute, or funny, but this is just sad. I hope everything works out to the good somehow.

[natsteel]

Originally Posted by TeleConvert

I was gonna say something cute, or funny, but this is just sad. I hope everything works out to the good somehow.

Yep - agree - but sometimes it's good to create a smile
=
What if the batteries are empty and she just has forgotten to replace them?

[bobthecanadian]

What happened, are you still alive?

[FrankB]

She'd be looking at my back as I carry it out the front door....I say trade her in for the latest modle or a good vintage one and keep the guitar. Women like guitars and men who play them usually because they want to be touched and caressed the same way. It's all about passion.

[ravindave_3600]

Originally Posted by allen st. john

This isn't about the guitar at all. It's about money. Or attention. Or misplaced anger. Or whatever.

+1

If you want to keep both the lady and the guitar, figure out what the real problem is.

[txspreacher]

just resonates of such a huge problem. See, I had similar issues with wife #1. She hated my music. I mean HATED it! She resented my daughter being interested in it and being able (at THREE YEARS OLD!!!) to pick up on harmony vocals in a song and sing with THAT part. The other interests I had, like training horses (this was how we met, for goodness sake) - she got to where she hated that. She hated me fishing (she grew up fishing with her dad and loved it, would never go with me). I went to the mall with her, took her to movies, always asked if she'd like to take little trips, go to a romantic dinner, etc. I finally figured out she just hated my a-- when I wanted counseling and recomended we get counseling and start making some needed changes. She said (more than once) "If you don't like things like they are, there's the door". I finally took the ol' hag up on that and when she said "You love that damn red Telecaster more than me", I said "That's exactly right".

Fast forward to the current, perfect and final Mrs. 'Spreacher. She loves a home filled with music. She recognizes that it brings me joy and that I want to share that joy with my family. She encourages all the kids to participate and learn. She sings and dances around the house while I play, with the kids, too. She loves my modding of guitars (as long as we can afford it) and really likes when I take Jacob out to the shop with me and let him help. (Hey! A 5 year old has such a nice touch when doing that light sanding). I also allow her her hobbies and make sure she knows that she is #1. Uh...it helps to find out her favorite songs and LEARN THEM! Also to write a song or two for her.

Musicians (or people with anything that they are passionate about) need to find someone who is secure and not a jealous type. Jealousy leads to one wanting to control the other and the only thing that happens then is people will resent or maybe even learn to hate each other. Jealousy leading to control issues - one of the uglier things that can happen in a relationship and can do irreversible damage. This is coming from someone who does not give up easily. For me to say "the damage is done and permanent" was a big deal for me. Not saying it's your case, but be aware it does happen and sometimes it is all one persons fault.

[telecaster69]

well to update this situation....I ended up biting the bullet and selling the guitar.....I gave in ...guess what....we are getting divorced....shouldn't of sold it....now I am left with my Taylor which I won't get rid of ...ever....i had it personally signed by G.Love... A friend of mine is giving me his 90's Fender Power chorus 2x12 amp....and I just bought another tele...not as good as the American Deluxe I had....but it's a tele...with some upgrades....it wasn't about the guitar at all...it was about...me doing what she told me...a control thing on her part...she knows how much I love guitars and music...and for her to "tell" me to sell it.....basically giving up something I love....NO WAY!! not again...the next relationship I have ....she will be a guitar player as well...i'm only 33....no hurry to get into one...that's for sure...but now I know what I want and don't want....marriage will do that to you..especially for 8 years of it...Anyways....for the cherry on top.....I went out and bought a motorcycle too.....she hated that....

[garytelecastor]

The wife of one of the cat's I play with has bought him 3 guitars and everytime she's done it, she has left it on stage for him to find when he gets to the gig. Usually it will be sitting out on the stage with a ribbon around it. Where were these women when I was dating?

[garytelecastor]

Man I am sorry for the divorce. I just went through one. They aren't fun. Hang in there. You probably don't want to hear this right now, but someday you'll miss the guitar more than the wife. I am not trying to be flippant. Hang in there.

[kp8]

That's sad.

Best of luck to you man. It is a shame you gave up that guitar your mom gave you.

Hard to fathom...

[Pete Galati]

Originally Posted by telecaster69

well to update this situation....I ended up biting the bullet and selling the guitar.....I gave in ...guess what....we are getting divorced....shouldn't of sold it.

I can't even tell you how wrong I think it is for your wife to tell you to sell a present from your Mother.

[sudancat]

Good luck.

This is not good.

I hope everything works out for the best for you.. She sounds like my first wife so I know a little of what your going through.

[tazzboy]

This why I like being single more so then being married.

[neocaster]

I gotta echo getbent's sentiment. You married her. Get some help. Sit down, try to find something positive to build on. She's obviously not the only one who's angry. It's crappy to tell you to sell that without throwing her own gear in the ring. People change all the time, and not always in ways that magically bring them closer together. It takes work but when it pays off, it's worth it. Listen to the Beach Boys' song "Caroline, No" it's about how some women grow up to be angry, hateful people.

I disagree that all, or even most, women feel this way. I'm sure it's a strong current among posters here, because guitars and music may be an obsession with many of us.

[amp boy]

i'm a "p.o.d" product of divorce kid, and it sucked.
I learned my lesson in some way, that i don't ever want to bring a kid into this world without a real loving home to be in. I think the way my parents split, and me moving away....well everything became distant, and my dad wasn't there. i figure their example is the reason in some respects why i don't date or show that i care about people. it's like i always figure everything will just go away so why get into it.

the one thing i can say is...live your life, you got only one, and be there for your kids.

the motorcycle makes me grin.
rock on.

[Trimac20]

I thought he was joking about the divorce part? But I don't know what the situation is...I would never make anyone sell a gift from my mother, it sounds like there is a problem there. We should all be free to pursue our hobbies, but there is a point when it becomes an obsession and will put a strain on a relationship. When you've got a dozen or more telecasters and its eating into the finances or whatever then I can sympathize with whoever has to live with that...But don't let her make you sell it..

[whiskeyjack]

. . . .it wasn't about the guitar at all. . . .

It never is. Education is very expensive sometimes. This whole scenario happened to me also in a slightly different way (acoustic guitars and folk music). Regardless of how I tried to reassure her that she meant the world to me, she just refused to see that, in fact, she was indeed more important than the music or the guitars. Eventually, her worst fears came to fruition and the guitars and the music actually DID become more important than her. But not until after I'd given up a career in music. It was every bit about control. . . .and I loved her too much to see it. A man can be so incredibly stupid. I've figured out my portion of the blame and resolved to correct the behavior - it's possible for people to give too much of themselves and lose their identity.

You must understand that you bear some of the blame for the demise of your marriage. Other than being a horse-s h i t judge of women, figuring out exactly what your portion of the blame actually is will be difficult. The important thing is that you eventually recognize at least some of what YOU did wrong before getting serious with another woman. Behavioral patterns tend to move in big, recurring circles unless you short-circuit the conduit.

Thanks for sharing your misery with the world. That takes guts. Hopefully, you've taken enough courage from these posts to learn and to understand that you're not alone.

Good luck to ya.

[blacklinefish]

Originally Posted by telecaster69

NO WAY!! not again...the next relationship I have ....she will be a guitar player as well...

Sorry to hear how the whole thing eventually went down. As you pointed out yourself, this was a control thing, not a guitar thing. Your next partner does not have to share your exact passion for guitar, in my opinion. In fact, there should have been nothing wrong with someone who has a similar passion for another art (photography) - but the personality and control thing got in the way.

On the other hand, there's nothing like a home filled with music. Having a bass player would be convenient! But remember, when you get to that phase in your life, you're choosing another person to share your life with, and not putting a garage band together!

Good luck, man.

--gh

[Cassidy]

Sorry about your marriage going to hell, but I'm a huge believer in these things being for the best. I've never seen people change and I doubt she will either... but at least now it's the next guy that can put up with her.

The sad thing to me is that my 20 year old son is dealing with the same kind of woman right now... and he doesn't see it at all. I just pray he wakes up before they wind up at the altar. Why do we all blindly think that these relationships will get better as time passes?

Cassidy

[dibber124]

[echale iii]

I got divorced a few years back (after 14 years of marriage), and it was a very gut-wrenching experience. Suffice it to say that there’s plenty of blame on both sides of the fence, the same as it is in any divorce… It does take two to tango… Sometimes, when there really is no way for the relationship to work out, it’s better to split, and try to make it as amicable as you can. It’s not an easy thing, but it’s better than staying together where both parties are miserable and end up taking it out on each other….

Anyway, I got divorced, although not without some really rough emotional hell-rides, and life went on… It was hard picking up the pieces, and a lot of the time you’ll feel like you are drowning in mud. Trust me, though, you will eventually feel like returning to the land of the living. For me, it took about a year before I was ready to face society again. Also, you’ll find out PDQ who your friends are. Most of the people I thought were my friends deserted me pronto after I’d filed for divorce. I guess the never really were my friends after all, and I’ve left them behind with the rest of the wreck of my previous life… I have a few who stuck with me through it all, and those people I consider true friends…

I’m with my forever wife now, and I’ve never looked back. I’ve been blessed with a real gem—she plays piano (she has a beautiful white grand piano at our house in VA) and upright bass and sings, and her dad plays bluegrass/gospel guitar and literally has a whole room full of acoustic guitars he’s collected over the years. She’s loving and sweet, nurturing, funny, intelligent, drop-dead gorgeous and sexy, and my guitar playing is totally cool with her, she understands it because she's that way herself, just with a different instrument. If I buy a new guitar, she gets excited about it because it makes me happy. The day I sold some old stuff on ebay, collected my money, took her to GC, and bought her an electric piano to have in the house in IN made me happy, because it made her happy. She loves Willie Nelson and John Lennon music, gospel, some country, rock, pop, etc. Pretty much if it’s music, she’ll listen to it, but she did comment that the Hawkwind I was listening to (a 3-disc set of concerts from 1971-1973) while we were painting (I was painting the dining room, she was painting the bathroom) was not particularly to her taste—the easy fix was to just turn the volume down enough so I could hear it but she couldn’t. Some of the stuff she listens to doesn’t appeal to me overmuch, either, but that’s nothing in the grand scheme of things….

Can you tell I’m as happy as a pig in mud? Eventually winding up in a relationship after this split may or may not be for you, but if it is, you'll certainly be wiser for the experience you have under your belt. I hope things all work out for the best for you!

[imwjl]

Good luck and do your best to take the high road regarding your kids.

[austintele]

good luck

[shakedancer]

Tell her no!!! It was a present from your Mother. Your wife has no respect for you or your Mother!! If there are no kids involved I'd be long gone!!

[Stuco]

What a hateful thing for your wife to do. I'm sorry but if you have to put your guitars in storage because you think your wife might sell them then somethings wrong (with her).

[photoweborama]

My wife thought I NEEDED one and went out and bought me an AmSer Tele a few years ago. Brand new with hang tags and case candy... She tried to tell me she got it at a yard sale... yea, right...

[Stuco]

Ok, I just read your update. Sounds like you are better off now. Congratulations.

[thekillingjoke]

Originally Posted by telecaster69

well to update this situation....I ended up biting the bullet and selling the guitar.....I gave in ...guess what....we are getting divorced....shouldn't of sold it....now I am left with my Taylor which I won't get rid of ...ever....i had it personally signed by G.Love... A friend of mine is giving me his 90's Fender Power chorus 2x12 amp....and I just bought another tele...not as good as the American Deluxe I had....but it's a tele...with some upgrades....it wasn't about the guitar at all...it was about...me doing what she told me...a control thing on her part...she knows how much I love guitars and music...and for her to "tell" me to sell it.....basically giving up something I love....NO WAY!! not again...the next relationship I have ....she will be a guitar player as well...i'm only 33....no hurry to get into one...that's for sure...but now I know what I want and don't want....marriage will do that to you..especially for 8 years of it...Anyways....for the cherry on top.....I went out and bought a motorcycle too.....she hated that....

I'm more than a little disappointed that you sold a beautiful gift from your mother for that witch. IMO, the only way you can redeem yourself is by getting a really great Tele and naming it after your mom.

On another note, if I ever had a woman who told me to sell one of my beloved guitars, especially my #1 Strat or the Tele I named after my granny, she'd be outta there. I honestly love my guitars more than I do any person, and any woman that tells me to part with my babies or part with her is gonna find herself suffering the cold Michigan weather.

[swooda]

Sounds like you've got the basics of a good country tear jerking hit in the making......

[JStella]

Originally Posted by swooda

Sounds like you've got the basics of a good country tear jerking hit in the making......

+1

My wife and I have had some close calls on keeping things together. During a good period, I said to her that I felt odd singing all these blues songs about breakups since I've been with her since 18 years of age. She suggested I write some songs about the difficulties of being in a relationship.

Deep. F#$%ing. Well.

She doesn't mind when I sing them, and that's exactly what I do when things get rough. It somehow takes the mental pressure off to put it into a blues song and play it hard.

Here's one (copyright me in '06):

============================
-I don't know how to love you-
Slow blues in E minor

You knock me down
And you feel bad
You hurt my heart baby
I get blue because you're sad

I don't know how to love you
Feels like a hurricane
I never know when I'll come home
And you're gonna hate me again

Time keeps on passing
and work keeps getting done
One little snap of your fingers
We're right back at square one

I don't know how to love you
It's a crying shame
I never know when I'll wake up
And you're gonna hate me again

I must have done something sometime
To get these blues today
Hope I don't make the same mistake again
That I must have yesterday

I don't know how to love you
Feels like a wicked game
I never know when I'll kiss your lips
And you're gonna hate me again

I know I've got it coming
So I really can't complain
These blues just keep on going
So I'll smile and bear the pain

I don't know how to love you
I've done whatever I can
I never know when I'll just take a breath
And you'll hate me again

==================================

- Josh

[photoweborama]

Every time I tell my wife I'm going to sell one of my guitars, she tells me not to do it. She says that if I sell it, I'm just going to go out and buy another one later, and it is going to cost even more for new replacement...

[shoebox22]

OK, step back and take a deep breath.

Regardless of things said in anger by either of you, and I'm sure there were, and probably will be more of the same, calm down and listen.

Start thinking clearly about protecting yourself and anything that means anything to you. This also means that you will ultimately have to compromise eventually to save those things that you want to keep. Make a list of what you want and don't want, put values to them, take pictures, if you can, and think about the things that she values as you may have to do some injun bargaining in the end.

When it gets down to it, try to keep your fights and bartering between yourselves and out of court/attorney hands. Its cheaper for both of you to make it a fait accompli when you go to the lawyer with the divided property list that you both have agreed upon.

People change when the word divorce rolls around. Nobody wins but attorneys. (Been there, done that.) I'm sorry you're hurting.

Hugs, C.

[jonzer]

I think this is too heavy to be trolling for advice on an internet forum. I'm not going to suggest anything other than getting professional counsel...whether it's lawyers or marriage counselors, or both.