Wife Told me to sell my tele!!

[geemo]

Originally Posted by getbent

Get some outside help! There are lots of smart and wise folks on the tdpri, but your situation begs for some professional counseling. This guitar thing is a symptom of much greater ills as you suggest. Many relationships go through tough times but with some help and some significant effort you can make it healthy... good luck my friend... I can't remember a thread that has disturbed me as much as this one does..... my thoughts are with you and your wife.. I hope you can work it out either way.

I agree with get bent. Try outside help, and even IF you guys can't work it out and get divorced. I think it would still be better if you could sort some things out and part from eachother without so much feelings involved.

My girlfriend has never made any suggestions like that. We have been together for 5 years now (Im 28 she's 30) and she knows how much I love my guitars and my music, although she cant play and have other interests than music (she likes animals). I buy and sell guitars anyway (while I think it's fun to try out new gear... not for the profit... cos there is none ) , but I have some guitars that I'm just not parting with and she knows how important they are for me... and repects that. Aswell as I respect how some other things are important to her. I think mutual respect is an essential part of any relation, and if you don't have that I am truly sorry for you.

I still think you should take some outside help, so that even if you decide to go seperate ways you can do that with mutual respect for eachother. At least for the kids sake.

Be strong, we are with you in spirit!

[Pete Galati]

Originally Posted by Rec79

Why do so many woman, girlfriends and wives disslike guitars??

Many woman are very threatened by guitars when they finally figure out that guitar players have a stronger bond with guitars, than with them.

Guitar player's wedding vows should include:
"My guitar will never leave me, but you probably will."

Pete

[Flashback]

Originally Posted by Pete Galati

Many woman are very threatened by guitars when they finally figure out that guitar players have a stronger bond with guitars, than with them.

Guitar player's wedding vows should include:
"My guitar will never leave me, but you probably will."

Pete

+1

I dont know what it is, I guess I am not the only one who has fought the "Guitar vs. Ladyfriend" battle. My last girlfriend loved me spending time with her eveyr waking moment. And I did! Trust me my guitars actually collected dust! But as soon as the old friends I use to jam with started calling me to jam again. She started getting on the rant about "you spend more time with that guitar than you do me!" But the thing is... she met me at one of my bands shows. Isnt that irony?

[furrfurrfurr]

Originally Posted by Flashback

+1

I dont know what it is, I guess I am not the only one who has fought the "Guitar vs. Ladyfriend" battle. My last girlfriend loved me spending time with her eveyr waking moment. And I did! Trust me my guitars actually collected dust! But as soon as the old friends I use to jam with started calling me to jam again. She started getting on the rant about "you spend more time with that guitar than you do me!" But the thing is... she met me at one of my bands shows. Isnt that irony?

My girlfriend in college used to say the same thing. In fact she actually would say "You LOVE your guitar more than me." I thought that was absolutely ridiculous how she could compare the two. Stupid in fact. Turns out, she was right.

[TG]

Originally Posted by Pete Galati

Many woman are very threatened by guitars when they finally figure out that guitar players have a stronger bond with guitars, than with them.

Guitar player's wedding vows should include:
"My guitar will never leave me, but you probably will."

Pete

I read in an interview that Jeff Beck had a girlfriend years ago who he was getting on with OK until she gave him an ultimatum...'me or the guitars'.

Take a wild guess which he chose...

[daddyopapa]

Reminds me of an interview with the great cyclist Sean Kelly. He said his wife once commented that Sean only cared about 3 things: Her, his bicycles, and his car. Sean replied: You've got the order wrong. :D

[Paul in Colorado]

In Waylon Jennings biography he talks about how two of his ex-wives couldn't handle the fact that his music was his life. One was a millionaire's daughter and her daddy offered to set him up comfortably if he'd give it up and make his little girl happy. Luckily for us, Waylon didn't go for it and luckily for him he met Jessi.

"My problem is that when I came home, I picked up the guitar rather then the girl." -Neil Young

For a lot of women, they really feel threatened by a man's passion when it isn't them or is in addition to them. I'm blessed. Laura has her outlets and supports mine. I hope your next lady is as understanding.

[StSpider]

I guess my girlfriend's actually afraid of asking me wether I prefer my guitars or her. Because she thinks she knows the answer

[BadKarma]

My fiancee used to be threatened by my guitars. But at that time she was insecure. She's much better about it now.

[nvosmeier]

Wow, sorry to hear about your dilemma. On this day of thanks, it sure makes me happy for the woman I have. After 45 guitars and a dozen amps, when I get all glassy-eyed over a nice guitar or amp, she encourages me to get them. She knows that music is a large part of me and my life and, that new equipment makes me “real happy.”

I would try to get her into the guitar and music. I bought my baby a baby Taylor and a Classical guitar, and am teaching her little by little. She is buying herself videos and books and is taking an active interest in guitars and music.

Hope you get through this okay.

[EasilyAmused]

I don't know what I'd do in that situation... But I wanted to say that not ALL women hate guitars...

My fiancee owns as many guitars as me! Her main guitar is a tele too ('69 thinline RI)! She's a guitar enabler I find, and at times almost dangerous to talk to about guitars. She has this way of convincing me to spend MORE on guitars.

For example, a few years ago, while searching for an acoustic in the $700-$900 range, she convinced me to go for the $2500 hand built guitar that has left me never wanting another acoustic again. I wanted a thin-line hollow body and was looking at some entry level Ibanez artcores - she convinces me to buy an actual Gibson ES-335. I wanted a small practice amp for use at home - thinking about a crate - she convinces me to go for an original 1966 fender vibrochamp... Now that we are engaged, she wants to buy me a '51 nocaster as an engagement gift...

If anything, we may get to the point where I need to hold her back with the guitar purchases!

[architele]

dude

the guitar is obviously not the problem. Too bad that's where she puts her focus.

+ having been a musician for 30+ years and a guy for even longer, I can safely say that rare indeed is the woman who "gets" why we need more than a $50 first act from sears - at least all the wimmen I've met so far. I'm totally impressed with boxelders luck - she buys him teles! where does one find such a woman?

[Pete Galati]

A lot of people saying that the guitar's not the problem. True enough. But IMO telecaster69 did the right thing by putting his gear into storage for it's protection. I don't want to say that his wife can't be trusted, but prized posesions like guitars tend to vanish, whether they're the problem or not.

Pete

[JamonHamon]

I have a friend of a friend who's wife left him and stole and sold off most of his Vintage Telecasters Stratocasters!!!...

[Sea Devil]

A friend's wife sold his red '57 Chevy for $300 while they were separated. People can be cruel.

[David LeRoy]

i'm another one for the counseling. i've got two little ones with my ole lady and things have been rough lately, which is especially hard around the holidays. she's always given me a hard time about all my teles, two of which were presents from my dad from before i could even lift them.

coincidentally enough, we started couples therapy last monday, and after only one two hour long hash-out, things have drastically improved. no more yelling and pointless arguments. i've always been one to scoff at therapy, but i can't even put into words how differently i feel. it's really fresh in my situation, but just the fact that we're both there on that couch and willing to put forth our mutual efforts towards either working it out or moving apart, whichever we decide TOGETHER, speaks volumes for the "adults" that we're supposed to be.

anyway, all the best to you. but, i guess my biggest piece of advice is, don't let anyone make you compromise yourself or who you are and what you love.

[g-Paul]

Originally Posted by Pete Galati

A lot of people saying that the guitar's not the problem. True enough. But IMO telecaster69 did the right thing by putting his gear into storage for it's protection. I don't want to say that his wife can't be trusted, but prized posesions like guitars tend to vanish, whether they're the problem or not.

Pete

For sure! A friend of mine who was having some problems with his wife came home to find the neck snapped off one of his acoustics. Apparently she had an accident while vaccuuming...

[petebradt]

As a two-time loser in the marriage game, I will tell you if any of them had said "Guitars or me" I'd be singing (like a previous poster mentioned) "I'm gonna miss her."

Furthermore, and maybe this is my own experience coloring my perception, but I could never again trust a person who laid out an ultimatum like that. I'd always have that nagging doubt in the back of my head "is my stuff gonna be there when I get home?" and I couldn't live with that.

Whle the storage idea is a good one (hope it's not COLD storage), how long can that go on? If I had to drive to a storage facility every time I wanted to pick up an axe, I'd be out of the marriage very, very quickly.

Along with every other cautionary tale, I can tell y'all this thread also makes me VERY glad I never had kids.

[fierce_carrot]

Sounds like a power play to me....


power plays in relationships ALWAYS lead to disasters...

[ludwig]

Originally Posted by fierce_carrot

Sounds like a power play to me....


power plays in relationships ALWAYS lead to disasters...

+1

[PeteMac]

(Quote:) "A guitar is not worth getting a divorce over ..."

Thing is, it's not about the guitar. It's about the attitude. There seems to be a lack of basic respect. (Maybe both ways, I don't know.)

Similar thing happened with me and my wife. We've been separated now for just over three years, and our relationship is better and more healthy than it had been for a long time.
Sometimes I think you just have to bite the bullet and realise that the two of you just aren't compatible.

Yes, we have 3 kids, and yes she once asked me to get rid of a guitar that my dad had given me for a birthday. (... and yes, it was a Tele !!!)

Good luck

[Rich Rice]

Chicks dig guitars, many women are threatened by them...

Sounds more like an insecurity and control issue to me. I hope you can find happiness, loveless life is a tough road for all.

[Scotland]

Originally Posted by PeteMac

(Quote:) "A guitar is not worth getting a divorce over ..."

It is !!

[Oskar]

Well, we haven't heard the other side of this testosterone dialog. Just being a devil's advocate here, if one thinks his guitar is more important than his spouse, partner, girlfriend, then maybe he shouldn't be in a relationship. By the same token if said spouse, partner, girlfriend feels the guitar has to go then there is something going on that's much deeper. These things are never cut and dry.

[Indiana]

This post has obviously resonated with a lot of guys here on TDPRI. I'm surprised that more ladies haven't chimed in, because there are several female TDPRI members who are serious professional guitar players.

Even though I deeply sympathize with the inherent bias that all people feel toward their own gender when a couple breaks up, I'm not too insensitive to realize that the emotional scars of divorce are not righteous in any way. Divorce is ugly and it sucks. Period. Material possesion will never be as enjoyable after a divorce. However, there is no sense in needlessly giving up your stuff if separation is going to happen no matter what.

I echo the thoughts about counseling and arbitration, even if separation is inevitable.

I taught my wife to play a little and got her infected with the guitar bug. Then I bought her a arctic white Les Paul Goddess. I'm a very domestically happy man. That being said, I love my wife and plan to stay together through anything. Lately I've seen so many Hurricane Katrina families who have lost everything and it reminds me of what is really important. In a way, I wonder if those families won't have a more loving and meaningful Christmas than most of us spoiled asses with tons of presents under the tree.

Back to the original topic, God bless you and keep you and help you and your family through this difficult time. Keep playing your guitar

[JohnnyCrash]

Just know, you've gotta lotta brothers here thinking about you.

Hope everything is OK.

You can always PM me if you need to talk... but getting some professional help may be much more usefull than talking to an alcoholic like me :)

Keep us up to date man.

[JohnnyCrash]

Hey, by the way petebradt, about your signature "To the untrained eye, it's hard to differentiate between drunk and stupid."

What if you're both, like me? HAHAHA :)

Regardless of who's "testosterone dialog" side this may or may not be. Folks need support.

You're wife probably has hers and you've got the TDPRI (as well as playing guitar).

So just know, there's a lot of folks HERE who've gone through this, a lot who sympathize, and a lot who may have been the kids in this kind of scenario...

We've got your back.

Avoid alcohol and stick with humor.

[bobthecanadian]

Women... hmmm....

I agree with getbent, get some help. Sure, it might cost some money (maybe if you seel a guitar and she sells a camera?) but it will be money, and time, very well-spent.

IMO - If you were playing the guitar before you got married it only makes sense that you will continue to play after you are married. So, what's the hassle. If you started playing after you got married and it was dipping into the 'family funds' as it has been put, that's a different story all together.

I, too, have unfortunately had to think about girlfriends and guitars. On the surface it would appear that I have chosen the guitars over the girl, but that would be superficial. I chose the guitar quite simply because the girl didn't accept me for who I was (am).

I have been playing for... oh, my goodness!... 28 years! In that time I have gone through a lot of girlfriends and an ex-wife. I am re-married and have a wife who loves me for who I am. We have a beautiful son together.

Recently, I found out that she is even more special than I originally firgured. She actually knows more about the guitar than I thought. When I say I want to buy a stompbox or tuner, she understands. She knows the difference between a strat and a tele. A gibson and a fender. A single coil and a humbucker. It's prettty cool actually.

Telecaster69, hang in there. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes right now, but with a little help the two of you can get through it.

Peace,

Bob

[xStonr]

We're in some pretty heavy debt too, but my wife wouldn't want me to sell any guitars. I did sell an amp though to raise some extra cash.

[63dot]

i agree, sell one guitar and one camera and use the money for therapy

it will most definitely be worth the money

all marriage issues you may have cannot be solved in a single session, but it can point you in the right direction, which if you were to search for it by yourself or with just your wife, would likely never find it

that's why there are therapists out there and besides their training and focus on therapy, someone who has been in the field a long time would have likely seen similar situations and different outcomes which can help you and your wife come to a win-win situtation

i hope all goes well

saving a marriage is worth way more than all the telecasters in the world

if i had to give up guitar to save a marriage, i would do it in a heartbeat...i gave up guitar (telecasters and all other stringed instruments for that matter) and songwriting back in the 1990s so i could focus and finish college and i found it totally worthwhile...i also gave up watching tv which i liked more than playing guitar

i may have to give up guitar, at least to the level i play it now, again for work training and a career change

and both these things, college and career training, are far less important than marriage

[Dr. T]

Originally Posted by getbent

Get some outside help! There are lots of smart and wise folks on the tdpri, but your situation begs for some professional counseling. This guitar thing is a symptom of much greater ills as you suggest. Many relationships go through tough times but with some help and some significant effort you can make it healthy... good luck my friend... I can't remember a thread that has disturbed me as much as this one does..... my thoughts are with you and your wife.. I hope you can work it out either way.

I have to respectfully have to differ with getbent and everybody who has agreed with him.

Counseling at this stage is b**ls**t. It's obviously way, way, way too late for that. No respect, love or even consideration left if the wife can actually say a thing like that.

My advice (as a thrice-divorced guy) is make the break as cleanly and quickly as possible. Maybe get counseling around a post-divorce relationship with regard to the kids.

You did the right thing hiding your gear.

Sorry you're going through this. On my fourth try I've finally found a woman who loves and respects my musicianship and actually insisted I buy a new mandolin when mine got broken a few months ago. They're out there, my friend; but don't be thinking about that just now. That time will come, but only if you get out of this poisoned relationship.

I'll pray for all of you.

[jaybee001]

Originally Posted by JamonHamon

Well your going to miss her!!!...

Brad Paisley

or NOT

[sneakyjapan]

Originally Posted by Pete Galati

Many woman are very threatened by guitars when they finally figure out that guitar players have a stronger bond with guitars, than with them.

Guitar player's wedding vows should include:
"My guitar will never leave me, but you probably will."

Pete

...and some women really know how to hurt a guy when he messs up...and we ALL mess up, whether we know it or not...by taking it out on his guitar. Now THAT hurts.

[bobthecanadian]

I think being given an ultimatum 'it's the Telecaster or me!' is not the same as doing what you have to do to save the marriage / relationhip. If I thought that seriously downsizing (to one guitar) my collection would make my life / marriage / family happier I think I could defintely live with it. But, there is a difference between these two situations. One is demanding and selfish and the other selfless and giving.

Well, quite simply, my Telecaster guitar playing friend, I am not you and don't understand details of what is happening. I just hope that these posts here will somehow encourage you and have a positive influence.

Go in peace, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Bob

[stratomaster]

You're better off without her! The wife I mean, not the tele.

[johnnykf]

I had a wife like that, felt like having a parrot on your shoulder that constantly takes nips out of your ear. She didn't like the guitar thing or the 2 times per week I went to the gym.
But I never said anything about the tons of dough she wasted on Beanie Babies during the craze and antique furniture we didnt need. Just glad there were no kids in the mess.
She ended up running off with another guy, I owe him a bottle of Single Barrel Bourbon for taking her off my hands. Had to sell a Custom Shop Strat to pay for the divorce but that's been replaced by a better one. And I still have my Nocaster, Harley, and a great new girlfriend!
I've never been healthier or happier, no more marriage for me.
The moral of the story is that things often work out for the better, you only have one life to live and don't live it with someone that's causing you stress.
Accept it, deal with it and move on.

[nvosmeier]

Originally Posted by johnnykf

... you only have one life to live and don't live it with someone that's causing you stress....

sounds like good advice to me.

[whiskeyjack]

Originally Posted by Pete Galati

Many woman are very threatened by guitars when they finally figure out that guitar players have a stronger bond with guitars, than with them.

Guitar player's wedding vows should include:
"My guitar will never leave me, but you probably will."

Pete

Ya. It's called "jealousy". For some reason, a lot of women feel that they have to occupy EVERY facet of a man's life. His identity and the things that makes him who he is, doesn't strike them as important. So, they keep trying to remove, one thread at a time, the fabric of who he is.

And. . . .the men are just as bad. But I've known a lot more jealous women than jealous men.

There's worse things in life than being alone with a guitar.

[groovedr]

Hey I might be the new guy here but this is horsepucky! Take a break for a few days, things should cool off and maybe you can reason it out. In the meantime hide you shi*. Good luck.

[P-Nutz]

... practicing the bassline for Blondie's "One Way Or Another."

Together 20 years, married 17, in the same band for the last two ... I guess I have it made ... she'll even come out and dance at my other band's gigs ...

Sorry to hear of y'all's troubles; I think an important part of ANY relationship is knowing beforehand where you stand as a couple on certain issues: your hobbies, raising the kids, etc.

We hashed a ton of this out before we got married, then for eight years before we had kids, and continue to do so before problems arise. I'm not saying they don't (oh, please) but we always know where the other stands before the heat of the moment ...

I have been in bands since high school; at 45, I'm not about ready to change that habit. Fortunately my wife has the same jones ... now she's doing the 'Mat's "Beer For Breakfast." Good thing we play old school punk!

And my boys are singing along!

Peace.