Too Dang Old To Gig?

[getbent]

You Might Be Too Old to Gig, If ...
* Before each gig, you find yourself warming up more parts of your body than you use to play your instrument.
* It becomes more important to find a place onstage for your box fan, than your amp.
* During the second set, you scream for the drummer to please stop hitting those annoying cymbals.
* You refuse to play out of tune.
* Your gig clothes make you look like George Burns out for a round a golf.
* Your fans have left by 10:30 p.m.
* All you want from groupies is a foot massage.
* You love shopping the dollar store because you can sing along to most of your playlist.
* You hire band members for their values instead of their talent.
* Instead of a fifth piece, your band wants to spring for a roadie with the extra money.
* You've lost the directions to the gig.
* Prepping for the gig involves plucking hair from your chin or nose.
* Most of the hair you've plucked from your chin or nose is gray.
* You need your glasses to see your amp settings.
* You've thrown out your back jumping off the stage.
* You're thrilled to have New Year's Eve off.
* The waitress is your daughter.
* You stop the set because your bottle of Ibuprofen fell behind the speakers.
* Most of your crowd just sways in their seats.
* You find your drink tokens from last month's gig in your guitar case.
* You no longer use a tip jar.
* You refuse to play without earplugs.
* You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30 p.m. instead of 9:30 p.m.
* You want an opening act.
* You check the TV schedule before booking a gig.
* High notes make you cough.
* Your gig stool has a back.
* You're related to at least one other member of the band.
* You need a nap before the gig.
* You don't let anyone "sit in."
* After the third set, you bug the club owner to let you quit early.
* During the breaks, you now go to your van to lay down.
* You prefer a music stand with a light.
* You don't recover until Tuesday afternoon.
* You can't operate without a set list.
* You say you double on bass.
* You discourage playing longer than contracted.
* You have a contract.

[swooda]

Well I must be getting old.....cause several of em sound tooo familiar. Funny stuff Bent.

[rocketrob]

Way too funny. I hate to say it, but I can relate to some of those. It hasn't stopped me yet though. Rob.

[Rich Rice]

Were you spying on me?

[mojocasterman]

Some of that stuff sure hits close to home

[unclearty]

Some of those ring WAY too true. I keep a few sets of reading glasses with me...can't see those damned little knobs without 'em!

like to add couple:
The club owner is your daughter.
Your cigarette break song..is to just sit down.
You try to convince your daughter to come see you play..so her boyfriend can
help carry equipment.

[saunders.jesse]

I'm only 26 and already 5-6 of those are true!

[Keifer]

Well, I've worn some 'different' things on stage. But this golfing George Burns make-over is really intriguing. Did he wear knickers & knee-high argyles?

[john s]

Checking TV schedule....oh dear!!!! too close too home....ha...ha!

[collinsman]

I'd say play " Blues " it looks cool to be a geezer playing blues guitar player, he$l you can even be fat and grumpy and still be cool:)

[swooda]

One thing I started doing is using dots of white out on a few of my pedals marking pre-determined adjustments. Without it I'd have to pull out my reading glasses. Not cool on stage.....

['caster oil]

Could you repeat that? I couldn't quite hear you... that's my "trick ear..."

[neocaster]

"You leave early to make sure there are no kids on your lawn"

[Vince a]

Hm-m-m-m-m-m-m, I didn't laugh at a damn one of them!!!

[jaybee001]

err.... guilty of more than I care to remember