DIY Computer Monitor Modification

[Kojack]

For years I have been an observer in the conversations that frequently fly across the pages here at Bad Dog Cafe. I have occasionally asked questions (only to fail to understand the answers), have been the recipient of your wisdom, and in some small way have attempted to learn from you. One thing I have not done during these past few years is positively contribute new and useful information to these conversations. That ends today.

I finally have solid information that may be helpful to you as we move thru the 21st century with our guitars, amps & computers. This is information that I am prepared to share.

Perhaps you--as I--have become annoyed by the static electricity that develops on the screen of your computer monitor. This electrically charged dust obscures our view of the screen, is an unsightly mess, and makes strange buzzy noises when we try to wipe it away with our fingers. Although it provides a canvas for a quick game of tic-tac-toe, for the most part, it has been a blight upon computer usage.

If you are tired of the static electricity on your monitor, I have discovered a solution that I will share with you. To wit:

1. Clean off an area approximately 18" deep by 34" wide on the kitchen table in front of your monitor. You can accomplish most of this simply by relocating your keyboard and trackball to the top of your computer. NOTE: I assume that everyone keeps their computer on the kitchen table.
2. Take a mid-sized guitar combo amplifier (I recommend a mid 80s Peavey VT Classic--It has two 12” speakers with big honking magnets, and weighs in at a robust 60ish lbs. the importance of these attributes is described later). Place the amp on the table in the area you’ve just cleaned off directly in front of the monitor. IMPORTANT: Carefully arrange the amplifier so that the big honking magnets are right next to the monitor.
3. Take a few moments to fiddle with something on the amplifier.
4. Remove the amplifier from the work space.
5. Voila! That pesky static electricity is gone from your monitor screen!

Furthermore, are you tired of the mundane and predictable patterns that the colors on your monitor currently produce? Are you bored with flesh tones that are not enriched with vivid strips of green in them? Do you long for large splotches of blue to show up in the middle of your screen? Would you like to see images on your monitor divided into three primary colors that never compromise their integrity? Then simply follow the simple steps outlined above.

Finally, do you have a webcam? I strongly suggest that you focus it on the location where your face will be when you lift the amplifier off the table (One of the reasons that I recommend the Peavey for this application is that--in addition to the big honking magnets--the 60ish lb. weight makes you contort your face when you lift it). Make sure the camera focuses on you as you do the slow double-take. Stare slack-jawed at your modified monitor...then slowly shift your gaze to the big honking magnets on the back of the previously described Peavey amplifier. Now back to the monitor…slow realization setting in…back to the big honking magnets…now the contortion of the face and the weight of the amp starts to get uncomfortable…

I’m proud to finally take my place among you as a Contributor of Technical Knowledge. Be assured that, as my experience on this subject grows, I’ll continue to provide you with vital information of this sort.

Next installment: "Tips for De-Gaussing Your Monitor"

Cheers,
Kojack

[dagger4]

Not on the CRT front.. :D
That must have been an image bending experience.

[crawdad]

Ouch! Reminds me of the time my kids discovered that they could "draw" on the computer monitor with a magnet. Not one of the greatest moments in parenthood.