oh, man, we'll never get a gig...

Charlie Bernstein · November 20th, 2005, 11:18 AM

been rehearsing with a band of terrific musicians, working on material written by our singer/drummer. it's starting to sound pretty good. a couple of weeks ago we posed for a group photo.

saw the print yesterday, and after looking at it for a minute i suddenly realized - six guys and:

- no shaved heads.
- no facial hair.
- no visible piercings or tats.
- no headwear (baseball, cowboy, porkpie, do-rag, bandana, or knit).
- no shirts advertising anything or anyone.
- no glares, leers, grimmaces, pouts, or scowls.
- six big, fat grins.

=O.

we're doomed.

dean · November 20th, 2005, 12:57 PM

So . . . you're a Polka Band?

Actually, with all us boomers getting ready to retire, you'll have a great audience base - you just need to pick the right venues. (And I don't mean rest homes!)

Hang in there - and maybe grow some long mustaches and buy some spandex pants - that oughta "git 'er done"!

Dean

genelovesjez · November 20th, 2005, 01:37 PM

Don't worry about any of those things - they're just superficial, and styles change all the time. As long as you're all younger than 30, you'll do just fine.

Charlie Bernstein · November 20th, 2005, 02:28 PM

- you guys have us totally pegged. lately i've been getting asked if i want the senior citizen discount. don't rush me!

but hey, around here you don't have to be young to go for the meth sales associate look. you should hear my latest tune, "old farts on motorcycles."

Charlie Bernstein · November 20th, 2005, 02:55 PM

and omigosh - no sunglasses, either!

i rest my case. doomed to darkest dorkdom.

genelovesjez · November 20th, 2005, 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Charlie Bernstein

and omigosh - no sunglasses, either!

i rest my case. doomed to darkest dorkdom.

Actually, it's the other way around. Having sunglasses on would condemn you to darkest dorkdom, not the other way around. It's mindblowing how many middle-aged bands get that one wrong.

stephent2 · November 20th, 2005, 04:13 PM

you already took a photo,..

('sa joke).

Simpleman73 · November 20th, 2005, 04:39 PM

Hey I wear a Baseball cap all the time. :evil:

stantheman · November 20th, 2005, 07:34 PM

Short sleeve shirts, pocket pals loaded with pens and a rectal thermometer (for those ultra-hip and cool and groovy baby Clear Channel "personalities" , Vitalis or Brylcreme (do they even still sell those products?) and Teles.
DON'T forget the loafers.
No dimes either - pennies.
Want me to phone "The Man" for ya.
If Ya wanna be big you know they'll need another picture right?

Paul in Colorado · November 20th, 2005, 10:54 PM

Ya gonna post the picture or what?

Joel Terry · November 21st, 2005, 01:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by genelovesjez

Don't worry about any of those things - they're just superficial, and styles change all the time. As long as you're all younger than 30, you'll do just fine.

You're scaring me, Peter...didn't you forget a

after that?

Seriously, the best stage "persona" to present is one's honest self. If all of the other commonly seen onstage habiliments aren't for you, then, by all means, don't wear them. (This includes wearing sunglasses on stage. Personally, I never wear them in my everyday life, period; why would I want to wear them onstage?

)

Joel

genelovesjez · November 21st, 2005, 09:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joel Terry

Quote:

Originally Posted by genelovesjez

Don't worry about any of those things - they're just superficial, and styles change all the time. As long as you're all younger than 30, you'll do just fine.

You're scaring me, Peter...didn't you forget a

after that?

Perhaps I should have had an optimistic

in there. I just wish there was a lot less truth in what I said than there probably is.

Charlie Bernstein · November 21st, 2005, 04:30 PM

if we could just zero in on correcting one thing, what should it be? obviously, being under 30. genelovesjez/peter nailed it, as usual. it's the only thing we have much experience with - even if we are a little rusty...

(i used to have an earring, but i got rid of it around '76 or '77 because everyone was getting 'em. i had a baseball hat in second grade. and i had a shaved head until i was about two months old.)

re posting the faux-toe: i'll ask norm to email it to me, see if i can get it on here. (sneak preview: i'm the good-looking one.)

Tim Armstrong · November 21st, 2005, 05:02 PM

Charlie, please, PLEASE tell me you at least have a brick wall in the photo!

Cheers, Tim

Charlie Bernstein · November 22nd, 2005, 02:05 PM

no brick wall, no broken-down car, no train, no diner booth, no valley, no alley, no grafitti, no railroad ties, no bridge, no truck, no bottles, no sweat, no smoke, no tobacco, no caffiene, no sign language, no highway.

(= no future!)

here's the pic:

http://by24fd.bay24.hotmail.msn.com/...e39139dbd1d340

i'm the green jacket.

Charlie Bernstein · November 22nd, 2005, 02:09 PM

personally, i can't open this. i'll see if i can get a smaller image to drop in here. (as if you didn't know what you're missing...)

Phil · November 22nd, 2005, 07:28 PM

Hey Charlie,
If you're around Friday night, come down to Chicky's in Westbrook. I'm playing with my son and some other fine musicians. It's a great place to play and worth checking out.
Phil

chago04 · November 23rd, 2005, 11:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Charlie Bernstein

here's the pic:

for the love of dog

Frank Roberts · November 23rd, 2005, 12:12 PM

All I get from that link is a return to this thread.

Joel, "habiliments"? Ain't that the stuff them haberdashers sell?

I think genelovesjez is right, "As long as you're all younger than 30, you'll do just fine." The possibility of commercial success declines rapidly thereafter. Be afraid, Joel, be very afraid.

DlxNashvilleLuvr · November 24th, 2005, 10:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tim Armstrong

Charlie, please, PLEASE tell me you at least have a brick wall in the photo!

THAT is a riot! There is this one particular alley around here where every band in the county has gone to get their photo made for years. They could almost hang up a number dispenser, deli-style.

Rob Rent · November 27th, 2005, 12:34 PM

...that's one of the funnier things I've ever seen here...
EVER

bebopalula · November 30th, 2005, 12:35 AM

"no brick wall, no broken-down car, no train, no diner booth, no valley, no alley, no grafitti, no railroad ties, no bridge, no truck, no bottles, no sweat, no smoke, no tobacco, no caffiene, no sign language, no highway. "

i think i got a name for your band:

"The Seinfelds"

or depending on the vibe,
and your usual crowd,
maybe just set your sights on:

"The Costanzas" (o)(o)

November 20th, 2005, 11:18 AM	#1 (permalink)
Charlie Bernstein Friend of Leo's Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Augusta, Maine Posts: 2,357	oh, man, we'll never get a gig... been rehearsing with a band of terrific musicians, working on material written by our singer/drummer. it's starting to sound pretty good. a couple of weeks ago we posed for a group photo. saw the print yesterday, and after looking at it for a minute i suddenly realized - six guys and: - no shaved heads. - no facial hair. - no visible piercings or tats. - no headwear (baseball, cowboy, porkpie, do-rag, bandana, or knit). - no shirts advertising anything or anyone. - no glares, leers, grimmaces, pouts, or scowls. - six big, fat grins. =O. we're doomed.

November 20th, 2005, 12:57 PM	#2 (permalink)
dean Tele-Afflicted Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Twin Cities, Minnesota Age: 60 Posts: 1,974	So . . . So . . . you're a Polka Band? Actually, with all us boomers getting ready to retire, you'll have a great audience base - you just need to pick the right venues. (And I don't mean rest homes!) Hang in there - and maybe grow some long mustaches and buy some spandex pants - that oughta "git 'er done"! Dean __________________ "I used to be clueless, but I've turned that situation around 360 degrees."

November 20th, 2005, 01:37 PM	#3 (permalink)
genelovesjez Friend of Leo's Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Toronto, Canada Age: 41 Posts: 3,735	Re: oh, man, we'll never get a gig... Don't worry about any of those things - they're just superficial, and styles change all the time. As long as you're all younger than 30, you'll do just fine.

November 20th, 2005, 02:28 PM	#4 (permalink)
Charlie Bernstein Friend of Leo's Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Augusta, Maine Posts: 2,357	whew - - you guys have us totally pegged. lately i've been getting asked if i want the senior citizen discount. don't rush me! but hey, around here you don't have to be young to go for the meth sales associate look. you should hear my latest tune, "old farts on motorcycles."

November 20th, 2005, 02:55 PM	#5 (permalink)
Charlie Bernstein Friend of Leo's Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Augusta, Maine Posts: 2,357	ps and omigosh - no sunglasses, either! i rest my case. doomed to darkest dorkdom.

November 20th, 2005, 04:13 PM	#7 (permalink)
stephent2 Friend of Leo's Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Atlanta, GA. Age: 57 Posts: 2,215 20 Photos	you are doomed,... you already took a photo,.. ('sa joke). __________________ 3. If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about answers. - - Thomas Pynchon

November 20th, 2005, 04:39 PM	#8 (permalink)
Simpleman73 Tele-Meister Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: NLR, Arkansas Age: 35 Posts: 217	Hey I wear a Baseball cap all the time. :evil:

November 20th, 2005, 07:34 PM	#9 (permalink)
stantheman Friend of Leo's Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: White Mountains Posts: 4,770	Charlie You've got "it". Short sleeve shirts, pocket pals loaded with pens and a rectal thermometer (for those ultra-hip and cool and groovy baby Clear Channel "personalities" , Vitalis or Brylcreme (do they even still sell those products?) and Teles. DON'T forget the loafers. No dimes either - pennies. Want me to phone "The Man" for ya. If Ya wanna be big you know they'll need another picture right? __________________ Somebody Loan Me A Dime

November 20th, 2005, 10:54 PM	#10 (permalink)
Paul in Colorado Friend of Leo's Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Fort Collins, CO Age: 55 Posts: 4,085 3 Photos	Ya gonna post the picture or what?

November 21st, 2005, 04:30 PM	#13 (permalink)
Charlie Bernstein Friend of Leo's Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Augusta, Maine Posts: 2,357	okay, so i guess the secret is focus - if we could just zero in on correcting one thing, what should it be? obviously, being under 30. genelovesjez/peter nailed it, as usual. it's the only thing we have much experience with - even if we are a little rusty... (i used to have an earring, but i got rid of it around '76 or '77 because everyone was getting 'em. i had a baseball hat in second grade. and i had a shaved head until i was about two months old.) re posting the faux-toe: i'll ask norm to email it to me, see if i can get it on here. (sneak preview: i'm the good-looking one.)

November 21st, 2005, 05:02 PM	#14 (permalink)
Tim Armstrong Moderator Poster Extraordinaire Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Berlin, Maryland, USA Age: 49 Posts: 8,095	Charlie, please, PLEASE tell me you at least have a brick wall in the photo! Cheers, Tim __________________ http://www.moodswingers.org

November 22nd, 2005, 02:05 PM	#15 (permalink)
Charlie Bernstein Friend of Leo's Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Augusta, Maine Posts: 2,357	no, tim. no brick wall, no broken-down car, no train, no diner booth, no valley, no alley, no grafitti, no railroad ties, no bridge, no truck, no bottles, no sweat, no smoke, no tobacco, no caffiene, no sign language, no highway. (= no future!) here's the pic: http://by24fd.bay24.hotmail.msn.com/...e39139dbd1d340 i'm the green jacket.

November 22nd, 2005, 02:09 PM	#16 (permalink)
Charlie Bernstein Friend of Leo's Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Augusta, Maine Posts: 2,357	ps personally, i can't open this. i'll see if i can get a smaller image to drop in here. (as if you didn't know what you're missing...)

November 22nd, 2005, 07:28 PM	#17 (permalink)
Phil Tele-Meister Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 133	gig possibility Hey Charlie, If you're around Friday night, come down to Chicky's in Westbrook. I'm playing with my son and some other fine musicians. It's a great place to play and worth checking out. Phil

November 23rd, 2005, 12:12 PM	#19 (permalink)
Frank Roberts Tele-Meister Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 242	All I get from that link is a return to this thread. Joel, "habiliments"? Ain't that the stuff them haberdashers sell? I think genelovesjez is right, "As long as you're all younger than 30, you'll do just fine." The possibility of commercial success declines rapidly thereafter. Be afraid, Joel, be very afraid.

November 27th, 2005, 12:34 PM	#21 (permalink)
Rob Rent Tele-Meister Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Baltimore Maryland Posts: 393	very funny Tim ...that's one of the funnier things I've ever seen here... EVER __________________ A lot of what these guys play might not be blues........but it sure makes me sad to listen to it.

November 30th, 2005, 12:35 AM	#22 (permalink)
bebopalula Tele-Meister Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: USA Posts: 324 48 Photos	hey Charlie.... "no brick wall, no broken-down car, no train, no diner booth, no valley, no alley, no grafitti, no railroad ties, no bridge, no truck, no bottles, no sweat, no smoke, no tobacco, no caffiene, no sign language, no highway. " i think i got a name for your band: "The Seinfelds" or depending on the vibe, and your usual crowd, maybe just set your sights on: "The Costanzas" (o)(o)