Mad at my brother!

[Blazer]

Man, sometimes I could do something very nasty to him. I was just relaxing after a hard day of work when my younger brother Pieter (who's also my next door neighbor) came by and showed me his latest painting of Jimi Hendrix. All well and good but then he handed me a torn page from a magazine from which he got the picture.

Pieter: Here, I'll give you this back.
Me: But I don't remember borrowing something to you.
Pieter: I tore it from one of your magazines.
Me: WHAT DID YOU DO?
Pieter: Come on, no big deal, you can cello tape it right back.
Me: Why didn't you ask me?
Pieter: Because you were at work, I asked mom for your spare key so I could get in.
Me: Well how would you like it if I got into YOUR appartment when you're not at home and rip pages out of YOUR magazines?
Pieter: Hey, it's a clean tore you can put it right back, don't make a fuss here.
Me: THAT'S NOT THE POINT HERE! You get into my place, you rip a page out of an expensive magazine and you seriously expect me to go easy on you?
Pieter: Oh Come on (picks up the magazine and puts the page where it used to sit) Here, see it fits right back in.

Needles to say, I'm gonna change that stupid lock and tell my mom NEVER to lend my brother my spare key again. :x :evil: :x :evil: :x

[captain gorgeous]

ummm. i'm sorry for your loss?

*snigger*

sorry. couldn't help that.

yeah that might have been annoying but mate, if that's all you got to be mad about. you're one one lucky dude!

[Dillon]

I hate people messing with my stuff...but my brother and I communicate only through our attorneys. Be glad you are still talking.

[Fret Wilkes]

Originally Posted by Blazer

Man, sometimes I could do something very nasty to him.

Needles to say, I'm gonna change that stupid lock and tell my mom NEVER to lend my brother my spare key again. :x :evil: :x :evil: :x

Maybe I can help.

I'll say this:

Your brother is a jerk and most likely a self centered, obnoxious twit.

Now you say:

"Hey, that's my BROTHER YOUR TALKING ABOUT! How dare you talk about my family that way!" Etc.

Usually if some outsider says something really nasty about the family member (or close friend) that is driving you nuts that family member or close friend suddenly seems much closer to you and not nearly the pain they were just before the outsider dissed them.

There, doesn't your brother seem like not such a bad guy now that you know there are people like me out there?

I'm here for you.

[David Barnett]

Just how expensive and irreplaceable was the magazine in question?

[TJNY]

According to NY state statute.........

[GlennLewis]

like, lighten up.
It took 20 years before I could be in the same room with my brother, and now we are very good friends. And I'm sorry about those lost 20 years. Time I'll never get back, things we never got a chance to do, yadayada.

What the hey, it's just a magazine + bad judgement on your mom's part. Call the family together, have a talk with them about the principles of the matter, then give him his own subscription to the darn magazine.... a cosmic "whatever" in the grand scheme of things, ya know?

Now, let me ask you a REALLY important question. Did you ever compliment him on the painting, or just go straight to the busting his butt part of the conversation?

[olewichita]

but i gotta agree with glenn... it took my brother and i a good 20+ years to get along... it was an often violent relationship and volatile at best... after 32 years of my life we can now finally look each other into the eye with a measure of love, respect and understanding... hey, at least it wasn't a book;) tj

[RevMike]

Originally Posted by Dillon

I hate people messing with my stuff...but my brother and I communicate only through our attorneys. Be glad you are still talking.

Ditto.

[J-man]

I guess I'd be annoyed too, but umm don't you think you're over-reacting?

[eryque]

It was rude of him, but it sounds to me like you, your brother, and your mother all need to work a little bit here.

Your brother did something rude, your mother helped him, and you let this get too far under your skin. My little brother and I used to fight about things like this, but then I turned about 16 and stopped letting it bug me so much :-)

[Dave W]

I don't think you're overreacting. It's your property, and it was you space that was violated. But what's done is done.

What you need to do now is talk calmly with your mother and brother, and set limits. If your mother has the key only in case of emergency, just make that clear, and make it clear that she is not to lend it to anyone else without your permission. Make it clear to your brother that you do not mind lending him certain things, but only with your knowledge and under the conditions you choose.

And if that is not acceptable to them, then you need to quietly have the locks rekeyed.

[J-man]

Originally Posted by Dave W

And if that is not acceptable to them, then you need to quietly have the locks rekeyed.

Sorry but if there is one singular way to make everything 100x worse, that's it.

[Raymond]

I agree with Dave W here. I think you've got the right to be upset and his suggestions about setting limits are great.

Fellows, we know there are bigger problems in the world, but we all sometimes get in these irritable situations and it doesn’t mean they aren’t important just because it’s just something mundane like a magazine.

The object isn’t the point, it’s the action.

“I had a bad day at work today” – “Heck, at least you’ve got a job”
“This food looks spoiled” – “Heck, at least you’ve got bad food. Some people can’t even get that”
“I’m upset, my brother ripped out a page from my magazine” – “Heck, at least you’ve got a brother and a magazine”

JMO…

[Dave W]

Originally Posted by J-man

Sorry but if there is one singular way to make everything 100x worse, that's it.

No, if you've talked with them and they refuse to accept your limits and respect your property and privacy, then it's already "100x worse". It would be unfortunate but at that point if you don't act, then you have caved in.

[J-man]

Originally Posted by Dave W

No, if you've talked with them and they refuse to accept your limits and respect your property and privacy, then it's already "100x worse". It would be unfortunate but at that point if you don't act, then you have caved in.

Yes, and driving a huge wedge between him and his brother by changing the locks is a perfect way not to make things worse.

[Rob Rent]

c'mon.....brother or not......whyshould someone beable to come and go into and out of MY home?
....I'd just change the locks and not say a word...if it ever comes up...just admit to changing the lock...no need to mention the magazine thing....
I didn't ytalk to my brother for 3 years...I ran into his wife at a mall around Christmas and decided to give him another chance...a few months later...he came over with a cooler full of beer...got drunkand tried to hit my pet parrot....haven't seen him since......I don't really miss him much...there's a lot of people in the World...why would you want a relationship with someone who doesn't treat you with respect?...because my Mom had sex with someone 40 years ago....I should have a relationship with a person who can't act responsibly and respectfully toward me?...

[J-man]

Originally Posted by Rob Rent

c'mon.....brother or not......whyshould someone beable to come and go into and out of MY home?
....I'd just change the locks and not say a word...if it ever comes up...just admit to changing the lock...no need to mention the magazine thing....
I didn't ytalk to my brother for 3 years...I ran into his wife at a mall around Christmas and decided to give him another chance...a few months later...he came over with a cooler full of beer...got drunkand tried to hit my pet parrot....haven't seen him since......I don't really miss him much...there's a lot of people in the World...why would you want a relationship with someone who doesn't treat you with respect?...because my Mom had sex with someone 40 years ago....I should have a relationship with a person who can't act responsibly and respectfully toward me?...

Well yes, but your situation isn't necessarilly the same as Blazer's.

[Rob Rent]

Blazer let someone who shows him no respect have access to his home?

[J-man]

Originally Posted by Rob Rent

Blazer let someone who shows him no respect have access to his home?

That isn't what I meant, obviously if his brother does what he did then restrictions should be imposed, my point was that while changing the locks will solve the immediate problem, it will create many more, such as rifts in the family (not necessarily just between blazer and his brother).

I think a much more mature and sensible thing to do would be for blazer to sit down with his brother and talk about it, ok then if his brother still comes off as a jerk changing the locks is feasable, but you can't jump into something like that, it can create many more problems than it solves.