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| Bad Dog Cafe Hershey's Bad Dog Cafe is our Off Topic forum -- but NO POLITICS and NO FIGHTING. NOTE: Discussion of guitars other than Tele & Strat belongs in the "Other Guitars" forum and discussion of Music belongs in the "Music to Your Ears" forum. |
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December 5th, 2012, 08:35 PM
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#1 (permalink) |
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Tele-Afflicted
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Littleton, CO
Age: 50
Posts: 1,035
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Bar Jokes Only
Let's hear your favorite bar jokes!
Here are a few of mine... A cowboy walks into a bar, dressed from head to toe in paper. His hat is a paper bag, his vest is paper, his chaps are paper. Pretty soon he's arrested for rustling. Two guys walk into a bar... which is kinda funny, 'cuz you'd think the second one would've ducked. A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar. Bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?" Ba dump bump. Don't forget to tip your waitresses. I'll be here all week! |
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December 5th, 2012, 08:39 PM
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#2 (permalink) |
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Poster Extraordinaire
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A drummer walks into a bar, the bass player ducked!
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Alvin http://www.oldbluesound.com/cms/ http://www.facebook.com/cowboytwang _________________________ Originality is just undetected Plagiarism! |
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December 5th, 2012, 09:29 PM
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#3 (permalink) |
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Doctor of Teleocity
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Port Moody, BC
Age: 52
Posts: 12,283
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The bartender looks up one day as his door opens, and in comes a rabbi with a parrot on his head.
"Where did you get that?" says the bartender. "Brooklyn," says the parrot. "The place is crawling with them."
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In cyberspace, no-one can see you sneer. |
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December 5th, 2012, 09:39 PM
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#5 (permalink) |
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Poster Extraordinaire
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Greenville, North Carolina
Age: 62
Posts: 5,958
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A skeleton walks into a bar.
Bartender: "What'll you have?" Skeleton: " Give a beer and a mop."
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Dim lights, thick smoke, and loud, loud music. It's the only kind of life you'll ever understand. Dim lights, thick smoke, and loud, loud music. You'll never make a wife to a home lovin' man. |
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December 5th, 2012, 09:47 PM
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#8 (permalink) |
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Friend of Leo's
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: brisbane
Age: 56
Posts: 2,912
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A nose and a set of jumper cables walk into a bar and the barman says "Right, the both of you, out now!" But why? says the nose. "Because you're off your face and your mate looks like he's ready to start something."
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FORTUNA FAVET FORTIBUS |
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December 5th, 2012, 10:08 PM
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#11 (permalink) | |
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Tele-Afflicted
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Charm City, MD
Posts: 1,019
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Quote:
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I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. |
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December 5th, 2012, 11:04 PM
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#12 (permalink) |
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Tele-Afflicted
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Potsdam, NY
Age: 53
Posts: 1,898
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René Descartes walks into a bar and orders a beer. When he's finished it, the barman asks, "Would you like another?"
Descartes replies, "I think not." And he disappears.
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"This is not acceptable behavior in a jazz club." - Mark Gane |
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December 5th, 2012, 11:07 PM
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#13 (permalink) |
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Friend of Leo's
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Texas
Age: 52
Posts: 3,820
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A sandwich walks into a bar...
Bartender: "Sorry, we don't serve food here." A set of jumper cables walk into a bar... Bartender: "Now don't y'all be trying to start something." @ Rich... 
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Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. |
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December 5th, 2012, 11:18 PM
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#14 (permalink) | |
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Tele-Afflicted
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Littleton, CO
Age: 50
Posts: 1,035
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Quote:
Thomas Edison walks into a bar looking angry and orders a stiff drink. Bartender says " OK, I'll serve you this one, but don't get any ideas." |
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December 5th, 2012, 11:43 PM
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#15 (permalink) |
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Poster Extraordinaire
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: victoria b.c. CANADA
Age: 55
Posts: 9,318
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A guy sits down at the bar and starts sipping on a beer when he hears a small voice say "That's a really nice shirt you're wearing." He's the only person at the bar so he can't figure out who spoke. A couple minutes past and the same tiny voice says "You're a very handsome man you know." He's feeling a little concerned because he can't figure out who's talking to him. He calls the bartender over and describes what's been going on and the bartender says "Oh, that's just the peanuts in the bowl over there talking. They're complimentary."
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I am the center of the universe and so are you. 
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December 5th, 2012, 11:54 PM
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#17 (permalink) |
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Tele-Meister
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: California
Posts: 218
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I may have heard this one on this forum, but I don't recall:
Guy walks into a bar with a salamander on his shoulder. Bartender says "Nice salamander. What's it's name?" Guy says "he's named Tiny." "Hmmm, Tiny," says the bartender. "Why do you call him that?" "Because," says the guy, "he's my newt." |
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December 6th, 2012, 12:03 AM
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#19 (permalink) |
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Tele-Holic
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: The Ol' Pueblo
Posts: 743
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A rope walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey! We don't serve ropes. Get out!"
The rope goes outside and thinks, after a few moments he ties himself into big chunky knots to give himself shoulders and a head. Then he frays his top strands to look like he has hair. He goes back inside where the bartender eyes him suspiciously. The bartender glares and says "you a rope?" The rope looks at the bartender and says "fraid not"
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Ken, Ned, Les & Leo |
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December 6th, 2012, 12:23 AM
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#20 (permalink) |
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Friend of Leo's
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Seattle
Age: 43
Posts: 3,723
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Bob and Dave are sitting at the bar, nursing their beers. Dave notices that Bob is unusually quiet, and asks him if anything is wrong.
"Well," replied Bob, "I stepped out on the porch this morning to get the newspaper, and noticed my daughter's boyfriends name written in the fresh snow in urine." "Ha!" Dave replied, "that's no big deal! Guys pee their names in the snow sometimes, it's all part of being a teenager!" "It was my daughter's handwriting." |
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