Crushed, lost my drive to play guitar

[camatillo]

Well it's been 6 months since I got separated from my wife, (not my idea), and I still have no drive to pick up my Tele and play. When I was younger guitar playing soothed all wounds, now, not so much. It just doesn't seem relevant anymore. Hope this feeling goes away soon, I've purchased some nice gear to stimulate my interest but it just sits in the box waiting for inspiration to arrive,
How many of you felt this way on the road to divorce?
I know someday I will feel better but when I don't know. There was no cheating involved, so my heart is not broken in that sense. Miss living with my 12 yr. old daughter in the house, ( I'm at mom's, living in the living room, no space for myself, still employed thank god, make decent money but it all goes over to former household, as per judges order). Looking for your story so I can feel like there's someone else who has gone through this. I'm a bit bummed out about it all.

[pondcaster]

Hey camatillo, sorry to hear of your being down. Although I've never been divorced/separated (never been married), I think most of us have experienced similar feelings in our lives. Not pleasant in the least.

Do the biggest favor you could ever do for yourself and PICK UP THAT GUITAR.

Throw yourself into playing, making music, and being around positive things. It won't make those feeling go away but it will help the healing process. Time and constructive "distractions" combine to achieve the same results.

[wahscoot]

It must hurt :-(

How about writing a tune for your 12 year old daughter?

Take care :-)

[blowtorch]

Totally normal, dude. Sorry to hear of your situation.

[BobbyZ]

Been through two divorces all I can tell you is life gets better when you get over the past.
And I know that's easy to say but it is true.
You'll pick up the guitar again when your ready.

[NashvilleDeluxe]

Camatillo, divorce will knock the wind out of you emotionally and financially. Getting your breath back is often about time, and what you do with that time.

Writing about it here was a pretty big step. Six months after my divorce, I was still too winded to consider doing that.

You're meeting your obligations to your daughter, which earns you high praise in my books.

The guitar will be there when you're ready for it. Maybe now is a good opportunity to listen to more music, compile some "must learn these" lists, go see some live music, tinker with your guitar (new pickups/pickguard/different strings). If you can get out of your funk without destructive habits (booze/flings/major changes/fighting with the ex), you will come out the other side of this.

[blowtorch]

I recall that when I was going through my ****-hitting-the-fan, instrumental music helped. Didn't want to run the risk of hearing sappy love junk being sung about

[gtrguru]

Maybe try learning a new riff. If you don't have motivation to try it out by ear then find a tab online. Good luck!

[hannigan]

I know the feeling ,been there.

It does get better , takes some time.

The fact you have gotten some new gear shows the drive to play is still present just dormant .

I wish you the best.

[dan1952]

Been down that road, feel bad for you, but there's a big world still out there. Maybe check with a couple of nursing homes to see if they'd like an hour of music some morning. Those folks appreciate it more than you can imagine.

[Hiker]

That is rough, and you've no doubt imagined that some of your TDPRI brothers have been through that type of experience. Hopefully you'll be able to "talk" with your daughter, often...

Encouragement to practice sure helps, and few seem able to offer it in my world. I say, learn a song! How about finding a song that brings you joy, and making it your signature song, for now. Allow yourself to play guitar, soon! For example, my own practice list-currently includes one each of: Beatles, country, classic rock, and southern rock. Find a song you particularly like, or have enjoyed in the past.

[DrumBob]

You're experiencing emotional trauma right now and it's normal and understandable, and very unfortunate to not want to play music in that state of mind. You might find solace in playing the guitar right now if you try, and you'll definitely feel better if you have your own place to live. I wish you better days.

[Lawson]

If there ever was a time for blues playing.... It's now, friend! My parents got divorced, and a lot hate was thrown around before the dust settled quite some time after they split. It's harsh, and I can only wish you good luck with getting inspired to play again, and working stuff out with your daughter. Writing her a song is a good idea, indeed.

The last time i was down, I had fallen in love with a girl, but she seemed pretty caught up in hanging with my good drummer buddy. He's a sweet child, like me, so it was a very awkward and painfull dance.

However, I was by myself for some days, thinking about this, and I felt the need to write a song about it. Ended up getting into some really slow blues with some spice. After writing it, I felt better somehow.

Since you told us your story, I'd like to share the song I wrote, hoping that you'll get inspired:

Coffee Stained Love Letter

intro

[slow part]
Its impossible not to fall in love with you
You throw some looks back, I can tell..
But youre caught under another spell
By a friend I hold so dear..

[slow part]
This chapter has the drama essence
Lust, anger guilt and obsession.
12 step program in the classiest of fashions
oh, i don't know what to do..But to ride it out [THUNDER]
[LONG-ASS SOLO FROM HELL]

(steppin' up the tempo)

[HIGH TEMPO PART]
I got a million different things to say, but I'm lyin low
my mind can settle down, though my heart just wont let go
I just write the tales in my head, see what couldve been about
but im stuck here with myself, and its hard to make it out

[end solo drowns it out, slowing down.


(slow part)
Its impossible not to fall in love with you
You throw some looks back, I can tell..
But youre caught under another spell
By a friend I hold so dear..

outro

Copyright. Christian Andre Larsen 2012

[fuzzbender]

Man, yeah, if it weren't for people why bother?

Yet i'm glad guitars and **** are there when no one else is

whatever life throws at you, being able to express it creatively is something else

[StratBluesRock]

Everyone has the blues sometimes. I did, when my parents got divorced. Sorry to hear about your situation. Stay strong, and pick up your Tele!

[telequacktastic]

I remember being the one that moved out after me and my ex-wife split up. I too slept on a couch at a friends house. Myself, I'm a compulsive person, I hadn't really come to terms with the fact that we were over and instead of calling her after the first week with the old "let's get back together" conversation, I started practicing alot.

At work I was fine, but when I was alone I felt very alone and I would get down on myself. Whenever I felt down I would work on a song/piece of music very diligently. I'd turn my metronome on and practice to it, and I learned to practice slow and steady and concentrate on every note slowly looking away from my music more and more. By playing slowly I was able to grow more confident that, wow, I play so accurately, which made me feel good. It gave me hope and encouragement that I have value. I value that time period now as I look back, because us breaking up was a great event in that I learned to be a better player. Now I am not as compulsive as before, I learned to enjoy and pay attention to the small stuff in life more and more, and she ain't around to nag me about dishes and trash and yardwork anymore.

[reflected]

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation.

When serious relationships end people tend not to feel like doing what they usually like, playing the guitar in your case.

However, I find that music and books are the best in such cases, they help you through it. You might also consider learning something new: a new instrument perhaps? Harmonica? Piano?

When my gf left me I bought a Tele, a Martin acoustic, and an electric piano, and now I wouldn't trade these to get her back

[z_artguy]

I understand. I was kind of going through the same thing last year. After 25 years my wife decided she wasn't happy with me anymore and started divorce proceedings. If you associate music with your marriage, It's going to bring up memories you don't want to relive right now. I actually picked up the guitar after not playing for almost 20 years. Playing and songwriting became my therapy. For me, the pain became my inspiration and helped me work through some of it. (...and the pearls of my pain, became the poetry of my soul) Maybe there's a different kind of music you want to explore. You have to do what you have to do to get through this chapter in your life and I know music can play a part.
To paraphrase what a friend wrote to me once: Although divorce is difficult at best, you will survive. Keep your sense of humor, be happy despite the situation. I wish you the best and that you use that music to help you through it.

[krowbot]

Very sorry to hear that. Take care of yourself. Music will always be there waiting if you decide to return.

[TC6969]

There are two things that will get you more women than you can handle.

1. A Harley.

B. A guitar.

There is ONE thing that will make you forget about a woman.

Another woman.

Go get em!