Bandmates are WHIPPED.

[kman900]

Less people in the band . . less trouble . . went from 9 to 2 bandmenbers . . aint going back!

[Deep South]

Me and my band are all in our early 40s.
Wives are not a problem. By the time you are our age wives want you to go pracitce, or fish, or take a long walk.

Just leave the credit card.

[AirBagTester]

Originally Posted by kman900

Less people in the band . . less trouble . . went from 9 to 2 bandmenbers . . aint going back!

That's the ticket!

(I'm in a trio.)

[telequacktastic]

Bro, you're a little younger than me and I've thought the same thing before. I'd like to give you some advice... Sometimes when you're in a band you practice songs and sometimes when you're in a band you practice patience with your bandmates...

Just my $.02 from another 30 yr. old... Maybe you should be in another band too since your appetite isn't full with this project

[brookdalebill]

Wait dude, it gets worse!

[sixstringbastard]

If there is real money involved then you have a right to complain.

If this is just a hobby then suck it up.

Originally Posted by gshep92

I'm in my early 20's and three of my bandages are pushing 30. All of them are married/in a serious relationship. Their wives make choosing practice times such a pain in the ass. Guys need to man up and get their priorities straight! Sorry just kind of venting here... It's definitely hurting the band though.

[losergeek]

I play in bands with people from 25-45 years old and we generally have no issues like this - they key is having people with similar levels of dedication/interest and caring enough about your friends/bandmates to be sensitive of what's important to them. It also helps that there's no real wife/spouse conflicts since most of the couples are both involved in music and I play with as many wives as husbands (including my own wife). There was definitely a time that my wife was getting irritated with some of the time I was spending at practices so I just started a new band and taught her to play bass....that was 5 years ago and now she's in two of her own bands.

[Jakedog]

This is the difference between playing with players, and playing with hobbyists. It has nothing to do with being married or not. For players, it's always gonna be a priority, and their significant others will get that, or the relationship won't last.

For hobbyists, it's never gonna be that big a priority, whether they are married or not. It will always be something they do on the side.

Is this band trying to something serious, gig and get paid? Or is this band a hobby, something people do on the side for fun? Does everybody in the band agree on which it is? Are they being realistic with their expectations in relation to thei rother commitments, and are you?

The solution here is really simple-

If it's a hobby band, shut up and deal with hobby players and their schedules. If it's a serious band, find players, not hobbyists. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with either direction or type of musician. But you're personally gonna be miserable until you come to terms with being one or the other, and surround yourself with the right people.

[rcole_sooner]

I ain't lucky enough to have band problems, but my golf buddies got the same issue.

Now, we are all "over 40", but they either can't get away, or are on the cell phone every other hole.

My wife and I have never had the need to check-up on each other that often. Maybe 'cuz she has a career and life of her own. Maybe 'cuz we trust each other. I dunno, but we have never been ball-and-chained to each other.

[Wrong-Note Rod]

Originally Posted by gshep92

Guys need to man up and get their priorities straight!

Heh.

Dude, their priorities ARE straight.

Family first, no matter what.

Maybe you'll learn this one day.

[kelnet]

Originally Posted by Jakedog

This is the difference between playing with players, and playing with hobbyists. It has nothing to do with being married or not. For players, it's always gonna be a priority, and their significant others will get that, or the relationship won't last.

For hobbyists, it's never gonna be that big a priority, whether they are married or not. It will always be something they do on the side.

Is this band trying to something serious, gig and get paid? Or is this band a hobby, something people do on the side for fun? Does everybody in the band agree on which it is? Are they being realistic with their expectations in relation to thei rother commitments, and are you?

The solution here is really simple-

If it's a hobby band, shut up and deal with hobby players and their schedules. If it's a serious band, find players, not hobbyists. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with either direction or type of musician. But you're personally gonna be miserable until you come to terms with being one or the other, and surround yourself with the right people.

I totally agree with this.
When I was playing for a living, I had a set schedule for rehearsal. It was my full-time job, and my girlfriend (now my wife) understood that I was not available during those times, even though I was right downstairs in our basement. She also knew that I was going to be away from home for weeks at a time. That was the job.
Now that I'm a hobbyrocker, I usually check with her to make sure we don't have any commitments when I schedule rehearsals. That's just common courtesy.

[thelowerlip]

Originally Posted by Jakedog

This is the difference between playing with players, and playing with hobbyists. It has nothing to do with being married or not. For players, it's always gonna be a priority, and their significant others will get that, or the relationship won't last.

For hobbyists, it's never gonna be that big a priority, whether they are married or not. It will always be something they do on the side.

Is this band trying to something serious, gig and get paid? Or is this band a hobby, something people do on the side for fun? Does everybody in the band agree on which it is? Are they being realistic with their expectations in relation to thei rother commitments, and are you?

The solution here is really simple-

If it's a hobby band, shut up and deal with hobby players and their schedules. If it's a serious band, find players, not hobbyists. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with either direction or type of musician. But you're personally gonna be miserable until you come to terms with being one or the other, and surround yourself with the right people.

Jakedog knows stuff.
I´m married and my wife is quite supportive because she knows I will jump at any paying gig as often as I can. My bandmates are older, married, and less motivated to gig. So...no practice and few gigs.
I´m working with a couple other people who are single. They do not seem to be any more motivated. Go figure.

[purpletele]

Unless you're lucky enough to be making enough cash playing music to live on, or your living off someone else's income your going to be scheduling around something. It might be wives, girlfriends or jobs.

I don't see where whipped comes in? Not being able to do what you want, when you want isn't whipped, it's just part of being human.

I'm lucky because my wife IS in my band. We had a drummer that would call at least once a day and want to practice. he didn't understand that as the primary songwriter, it was just as important for me to take time and relax with an acoustic and write or practice my vocals. To him, me saying no to HIS practice times meant "whipped" or that i wasn't serious about the music.

You can be a non-hobby-est AND have a separate life away from the band. It's about respect for your band mates and balance though.

[Alex W]

Jakedog hit the nail on the head. You all need to be on the same page in terms of whether music is something you are pursuing as a career or an activity that you do to add joy to your life with its other responsibilities.

[Arbiter]

Originally Posted by gshep92

Guys need to man up and get their priorities straight!

"Exhibit A in this divorce proceeding, your Honor"

You'll learn. Someday.

[mal paso]

^what he said

[emu!]

Isn't EVERY married man whipped?

C'mon, lets get real...men are PWed because of the P. If it was another dude that said, "you can't practice later today because we are going to my mothers house"...no musician in HIS RIGHT MIND would listen to that drivel.

[stratomite]

In any band, the significant others of bandmates will always be more important to them than you are. Look on the bright side, if you are only 20 you are still learning that at an early age.

You're welcome.

[Ed P]

In my experience people are who they are and if it's not working with this particular group of guys you simply move on. You can beat your head against the wall and get frustrated all you want but in the end they're just not a good fit. It happens more often than not in virtually all aspects of life. Better get used to it.

[Frontier9]

Originally Posted by Wrong-Note Rod

Heh.

Dude, their priorities ARE straight.

Family first, no matter what.

Maybe you'll learn this one day.

+1

They actually aren't whipped, because they aren't letting you (the OP) whip them out of doing the responsible things in their lives.