Are there some things a person never does "get over"?

[blowtorch]

In your opinion. Thank you.

[mal paso]

I would say so, of course it depends on the individual.

[umasstele]

Yes. The type of "thing" depends on the person's personality.

I'd add as well, that there are some things which a person gets over...but never forgets.

[uriah1]

Loss

Time may heal, but, you dont forget

[ce24]

Girl of the North Country Dylan

Old Love Clapton

These two are easy for me to sing with emotion every time!
For me time doesn't heal completely but it's not a bad thing. True love is too precious to forget...

[Freejack]

Sure.

[Brad Pittiful]

some kid borrowed a dime from me in grade school...never paid me back...that still irks me

[Arbiter]

Are there some things a person never does "get over"?

Death of a child. Betrayal. Gross violations of trust. Being sexually abused by a parent or other authority figure. Grave bodily injury.

My father described it once, after his favorite dog died, as a "black mark on your heart that never goes away".

"Time heals all wounds" is one of the most vicious lies ever promulgated. It doesn't.

[creading]

Originally Posted by Arbiter

Death of a child. Betrayal. Gross violations of trust. Being sexually abused by a parent or other authority figure. Grave bodily injury.

My father described it once, after his favorite dog died, as a "black mark on your heart that never goes away".

"Time heals all wounds" is one of the most vicious lies ever promulgated. It doesn't.

I second this! 100% right on

[Mjark]

What does get over mean? Some people can't get over anything, including stuff that never even happened. A relatively emotionally healthy person moves on, even after catastrophic loss like losing a child. You don't forget but you can't dwell on what can't be fixed.

[superbadj]

Time changes wounds, but it doesn't necessarily "heal" them in the way people think.

For example, my father passed away unexpectedly a few years ago, in large part because of mistakes made by hospital staff. It was tragic, and avoidable.

He was far too young. And while time has helped ease the sharpness of the pain, there's a hole there that'll never be filled.

The way I put it to people is that you develop a "new normal". It'll never be like it was before, but that doesn't mean you can't still enjoy life. I love my life, but miss my dad dearly.

So I've never gotten over it, in a sense. But I have continued to live.

[Red Square]

"Time heals all wounds" is one of the most vicious lies ever promulgated. It doesn't.

Very true....but....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_XiffXlDao&feature=fvst

[Andy Summers]

My ex wife cheated on me 2 and a half years ago..she is my ex wife because of it..and Im not over it at all..still feel the pain of losing her..it broke apart my family (3 kids), and I miss a lot of things about my old life.

That being said..I try not to dwell on it, we have to move forward. But at night when its me and my thoughts..I get extremely sad and angry all over again, and the being alone, ie. without an an adult female, gets excruciating..but Im nowhere near ready for a relationship....dont mean to sound so dramatic..just responding to the OP...

[64Strat]

Originally Posted by Arbiter

Death of a child.

I unfortunately experienced this.... and it still affects me 8 yrs later. I feel it won't ever go away.

[blowtorch]

64Strat, I am sincerely sorry to hear that. I am sure I cannot even begin to imagine what that must be like.

[Andy Summers]

Originally Posted by 64Strat

I unfortunately experienced this.... and it still affects me 8 yrs later. I feel it won't ever go away.

Very sorry to hear, 64strat. I lost an aunt, she was 16, about 35 years ago..and my grandmother still isnt overit..she says you just learn to accept it. I wish you the best.

[Andy Summers]

Double Post...sorry.

[chabby]

Absolutely - There are some traumas that one just can't completely recover from.
No matter what, you will not be the same as before it happened. You may function and get better than you were intitally, but you will never be as before - never.

I've witnessed some traumatic events that have effected me at the body chemistry level (visceral) they were so atrocious. All you can do is reason you're way through it and deal with the symptoms you have - that is if you are aware enough of them to understand you aren't quite right, or what is considered normal.

For example, my flinch reflex is highly refined even though I maybe totally relaxed.
And it's autonomous, it's not something I consciously can control. It wasn't like that before the traumas, nor was the nightmares I sweat through on a regular basis.
Many of the symptoms of trauma you experience, you aren't even aware of post-trauma until long afterward. You don't have the ability to see that there's anything different about you. Its because learning a highly adpated ability to survive as in war, just doesn't go away when you return to the normal world. Your autonomic nerve centers have been groomed to a heightened sense of operation in order to ensure your survival.

There isn't a switch you can just the "on-off" lever on and change back.
Does it get beter with time? Yes it does almost always, but the damage that results from your life immediately aft6erward, causes a new bunch of cause and effect problems in life and relationships. So healing is a two phase deal. First there's just getting away from the trauma and transitioning to a more normal life and the time it takes to react to things properly. Then you have to become aware whether or not you are even different than normal which isn't always as easy as you might think. People always have tendency to believe we're each okay, its called a defense mechanism.

Depedning on each individual. it could take anywhere from months to many years to even realize there's something wrong. The longer it takes, the more damage potential is there to be compunded onto what was initially wrong with you anyway.

So the old post trauma ways you dealt with life create a completely new set of problems.
That's why it's often two phases. There's the way it changes you, how it effects you life, then dealing with the fall out. Finally, while there maybe some healing, or at least acceptance of why you've left a flaming trail of fire in your wake, then you have to do something about it.

But try as we might, you never can get over it all completely - never.
So yes, there's certain things you may trick yourself into believing you got over them but you don't really. That's another defense mechanism - believing you actually "got over something". I can't tell you the amount of times I've heard a mentally ill person say that they were "over something" they hadn't even accepted about themselves.

It's classic.....to believe you are over something completely.
Like I've been married twice and I've accepted that those relationships are no longer part of my life -sure. But am I completely over them? No way, I think about them both every day randomly. It's changed the way I look at everything.

Thats just the dichotomy that is "Life" - it's a series of happenings and experiences from those happenings that make it what it is. It has both good and bad, realities and myths and all sorts of things in between. It may even come down to anindividuals interpretation of what "getting over it" really means. You are the to a degree, the sum total of your experiences and how you deal with them. That is "you".

We all like to believe we are in control, to do otherwise isn't acceptable to us as human beings, it's what drives us. If we didn't believe we were in control we'd all go crazy.
So at least do the best you can at pretending to bge in control-lol

[dngrsdave]

Large amounts of Time, Alcohol and even Drug's may help you to forget for awhile. But some thing's you will never get over.

Loss of Love.

Loss of Life.

These things are not easily Overcome .

[blowtorch]

chabby I think you put all of that very well.

edited to add, i don't go for that famous nitsche quote either, some things that don't kill you can still **** you right up