When do you say stop.....to yourself?

[dented]

I am a very involved person. I work a fulltime job, a part time hobby job and I belong to numerous orgs that I actually stay active within. I belong to a fraternal organization of men, a few fundraising cause orgs which I take part in and I am building a website (first one) right now and working on two videos for work.
I am the glue of my 65 member family. I make sure everyone is talking to each other and communicating with Grandma. I will attend three family weddings this year that will take most of my vacation time because they are all out of state.

I took a week off, next week, to work Long Beach Grand Prix as a race official. The days are long and the work is tiring. I really enjoy it but when I come back to reality I am exhausted.
My girlfriend dumped me after Xmas and part of the problem was I had more things to do that did not include her. My priorities are good.
Give me some suggestions on how to reel it back in a bit. My guitar playing time suffers a bit. (does that hit a chord?)
I guess I am getting tired. I just didn't want to go out and think I wasted my time.

[kelnet]

Do drugs. That'll slow you down. Or, you could develop a fixation on guitar gear.

[trev333]

Michoacán, Michoacán,... umm yeh head down to mexico and go surfing dude...
you only have one turn about this life.... slow down... leave sometime for yourself..

I met up with an old sparky mate down the shops today.. asked if he was having time off work over Easter..
err, I'll be having a bit more time off from now on..
HuH, why's that? leaving work?.. contract finished in the mines?..

no mate, Leonie, his wife and mother of their 9 yr old daughter..and friend of mine too since before they were married... dropped dead last week from a brain anuerism at home... (hardly 50 yet),... my jaw dropped.. speechless...
just like that his whole world changed to being a single dad with a school age child...at 56...

don't let life pass you by, OP

[flyingbanana]

Stop overextending yourself.

[goonie]

You are clearly an intelligent guy so you probably know the answer -- prioritize your activities and drop the one that gives you the least fulfillment.

BTW what's a hobby job? Do you get paid?

[1955]

Priority-wise I would go:

God
Spouse & children
Family
Friends

You set your one major goal/purpose in life, and you live congruent with your values.

You say no if doing something would cause you to go against your values, or endanger your livelihood, relationship with your spouse, etc.

Learning to say No is probably the most important thing you can do to ensure that you are rested, focused, healthy, and successful. You can help people the best when you have discipline over yourself and do not allow seemingly benign externals to suck the lifeblood from you.

Draw boundaries, make time to do your job as well as possible, eat right, exercise, and get enough sleep. Balance. Have time to rest.

Unlearn guilt over "faux" emergencies certain people always seem to have that ends with you having to save the day. Save resources for real emergencies. Don't feel like the world or your family will fall apart if you don't have time to contact everybody. Some families are actually a lot more pleasant when "allowed" to drift. Think Holiday dinners with a few less drunk troublemakers, ha ha!

Don't spread yourself too thin. At the end of the day, you don't want to be a martyr or alone. Pick your battles, and go whole-hog where it really matters and has meaning. Only you will be able to define what that would be.

Doormats aren't free, so why should your life be to whoever wants it?

Good luck!

[notdave]

Originally Posted by kelnet

Do drugs. That'll slow you down..

I don't recommend cocaine or speed

Learn to be a bit selfish. Your life's about you, not (so much) other people.
Prioritise. If you were abducted by aliens tomorrow, who on your list would miss you most? Who would miss you least?

Originally Posted by 1955

Priority-wise I would go:

God
Spouse & children
Family
Friend

I'd go:

Children
Spouse
Family
Friends

But I'm an atheist who believes! that life's short to be wasting on imaginary friends in the sky. Apart from that, good advice.

[Boubou]

Originally Posted by notdave

life's short to be wasting on imaginary friends in the sky.

You mean the TDPRI?
Anyways to the OP.
Pick up fly fishing

[telepath]

I'd suggest -
Seek a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist, or equivalent - Tell them the above, and ask them to help you look at things differently.
Essentially - I guess - for you to find a way to prioritise without interpreting it as 'selfish' or 'letting anyone/anything down'

And then cut back a little.

[MrCairo46]

God
My Work (explain below)
My family
Everything else
I own a restaurant that serves about 50,000 people a month and believe I am to use that business to also minister to folks, my staff and guests. No , you'll never hear me preaching in my dinning room or kitchen, , just listening smiling, offering encouragement and occastionally prayer with those who ask.
I did learn a powerful word years ago that when when stressed or cramper for time serves me well. It is "no". And I use it frequesntly with my work and everything else to make sure my family remains in spot 3.

[Bones]

get busy living or get busy dying. Sounds like now that you are solo again, you have some time for a new hobby.

[daveandshelle]

Geez boy you are busy..I have alot on my plate as well..I have been described at times as a workoholic..I don't feel that way though..I will tell ya what keep, doing what ya enjoy I guess but you may have to sacrifice sometimes in order to accomodate wife,girlfriend, kids if ya got em..I have a wife and four kids between the ages of 3 and 10..And work fulltime, rental property, repair everything that I own when it needs it (from rebuilding a car engine to gluing together a cup handle) Play in a band,do the gym thing and work on my hot rods..yup plural..plus maintain a boat and well you get my drift.. I try to include my family in some of those activities as much as possible but sometimes you have to say to hell with it..and chill out or you will end up alone..Taking time to smell the roses..even just playing some scales in front of the television has value in my opinion..the older I get (39 right now) the more my down time and time with my family becomes more important..One of the nice things is that this also means more time for the geetar watching movies and stuff like that get me doing more picking and we are all together..it doesn't take to much to make most women happy and you will probably be happier for it as well..

[studio1087]

Sounds to me like you're the nervous type who has to have his hands in everything all the time.

Doesn't sound healthy.

Slow down. Be more selective. Do a great job in fewer activities.

I focus on family and work. My free time is for my kids, wife, family and lastly me.

I'll gladly spend a day helping a friend but I covet my time for family.

These are priorities that I hold dear.

Respectfully, maybe you should talk to a doctor about ways to relax/ slow down a little.

[jkingma]

Just say "NO".

Works pretty well for me.

[Tommy Biggs]

Read some of the "Life" literature.
First things First
The art of Happiness (Dalai Lama)

Big concepts include:
Take time to prioritize, Learn to say no, take time out to "sharpen the saw", stuff like that.

From my perspective - Life is really busy as we get older - it doesn't slow down.
This is especially true if you try to keep a band going when you have a job and a family.
Cut back a little and make time for yourself.

[telleutelleme]

As said before, prioritize. If your efforts are to please you that's a list. If your efforts are to please others that's a different list. Either way, something has to be used to organize your activities if they are over complicating your life. Good luck.

[Jupiter]

Quit 3 things that you're doing and see if the world ends.

[forgivenick]

1955 hit the nail straight on the head.

I would add my 2 cents, but really you should just read his post again. He really gets it.

[Deeve]

OP - while I'm not the paragon of activity you are, I've found myself pulled in various directions (family glue, church/community service, etc) and tired, tired, tired.
Felt "things were wrong" and got a medical diagnosis about part of it. The same thing happened w/ a dear friend - a brother equivalent, w/ a neuro diagnosis,
In addition to paying closer attention to health, we're trying to apply the
"hell, yeah!" rule - which means, when a "new opportunity" presents itself, I ask myself if I want to add that activity. If my response is "hell, yeah!" then I'm in.
Otherwise, I let it pass or negotiate what else to give up to take this on,

Other guys have used the analogy of living on a boat - you have limited space - adding something means subtracting something else.

One of the other suggestions above hit a note w/me - drop one or two of the activities and see if the world ends. While I really like my service w/ the hospice, the probate/guardianship calendar and the peacemaking project, would the world end if I stopped?

Please post again.
Peace - Deeve

[stephent2]

When you've had enough.